Trigger warning-********** This chapter is very...Um...Depressing and I am sorry for the readers who requested I didn't make any more chapters like this. I swear this is the last one. But, this is the turning point for everyone in the story. After this everything changes in a positive way. I promise and I hope this chapter doesn't offend anyone because it wasn't made to offend. I first hand understand how depression is because I suffer from it. I don't want anyone to think I'm making a joke or I'm not taking it seriously, because trust me I am. I just want the story to be realistic. So please, bare with me. The next chapter won't be like this. <3

 

Dear Diary, 

My second day without a cast wasn't quite what I expected. Yes, the student body stopped calling me wheels, but the hazing didn't stop. It only became increasingly worse. I was thrown into a trash can, covered in food, and called a hooker. I just wanted to be invisible to everyone. I wanted to escape this horror my life became. I had three wonderful supporting friends ( Leo, Hongbin, and Nari). They seemed to be all I needed. But, even with them in my life I still felt as if I were barely hanging on. You would think I'd be use to the names, the bruises Bora and her cheerleader firends left on my body, the rumours, but I wasn't. It broke down my self esteem. Crazy, right? Sujin the indestructable, strong, tough girl, who stood up for the victims, who were constantly bullied. Getting revenge seemed pointless, but if I could make them hurt as much as they hurt me even a little bit, I thought maybe, just maybe it would teach them lesson and they would let me be. Well, let's see how today goes.

Today was just like any other ordinar day for me except, today marked my 18th birthday on the calendar as well as the Fall Fling Dance.  Not only was there an importance of this day because of my birth, but it was also important because today would be the biggest revenge I've ever seeked on them. Today, was the day for my victory. 

"Sujin-ah! Wake up! Ireona! Wake up! Ireona! It's your birthday!" Nari jumped on my bed while singing and I smiled while hiding my face with a pillow.

"Come on! Our family has a surprise for you!" Nari practically dragged me out of bed while I still clung onto my covers like a Kaola bear hugging a tree. I was shocked to see my family members gathered around the table including my dad, who for once had a smile on his face. My auntie took my hand as my bare feet met the bottom of the stair case. My mother passed the slippers in my direction waiting for my feet to slide inside of them. 

"Happy Birthday!" They all moved out of my path slowly before revealing a buttercream frosted cake with candles scattered on it's surface. The corners of my mouth perked upwards as I hugged my aunt. This was what I least expected. Last year, my family had even forgotten my birthday. Maybe, that's why they did this. To make up for their lack. I covered my mouth.

"Wow....Guys, you didn't have to--" 

"Of course we did, baby doll. It's your eighteenth birthday. It only comes once in a lifetime. You are a woman now in the eyes of the world." my aunt smoothed down my straight hair and I smiled. It was when I heard a honking horn outside that I ran immediately. 

"Guess, he made it." My father said aloud in a playful voice. 

In the driveway was a beautiful yellow jeep with a giant ribbon taped on the top. Hongbin and Leo in the front seat. 

"Happy Birthday!!!" They both exclaimed simultaneously and I squeezed them with all of the strength in my bones when they stepped out of the vehicle. 

"Wait!! This is mine? Seriously, my own car?" I spazzed and my mother nodded.

"It was your aunt's idea. Thank her." 

"I'm really appreciative...I've wanted this for a while. Thanks, all of you." I spoke sincerely before everyone smothered me with a group hug. The day was already starting great and I hoped it would end that way. 

"Now, go to school." Sorin pushed me torwards the driver's side of the car gently and I nodded with a smile. Nari decided to catch a ride to school with Leo whilst Hongbin drove with me. There was an awkward silence the entire ride there and I wondered if he were okay. 

"Binah..."

"Ne." He replied with a slight smile tugging his lips.

"Why are you so quiet? You're usually chatting up a storm." We were now at a red light and I decided to face him. A shade of pink sweeping over his cheeks.

"I'm just excited for tonight."He chuckled nervously.

"Me too." I replied, smiling back at him.

I wondered if today would be the day our friendship would be taken to the next level. Multiple people have told me that we would make a good couple and we were so similar and I wondered how we would be as a couple. Hongbin never confessed to me or made it clear of his interest. It was always just friendly flirting...That does exist, right?

"I can't wait to take the princess to the ball." He teased and I pushed his shoulder slightly while smiling.

"Whoa we have an aggressive driver, Sujin you better be careful you might kill someone!" He continued and I couldn't help but smile. He always brought me joy.

As we pulled into the school parking lot an uneasy feeling rained down on me and of course Bora, her cheerleaders, and BTS were waiting out front. I unbuckled my seatbelt hesitantly while staring at them through the windshield.  Hongbin looked back at me instantly seeing the sudden fear in my expression. 

"Don't give them the attention their looking for, Sujin." He said to me in a calm tone and I nodded whilst gulping. Either my plan would completely settle the score between us or make things increasingly worse which ever I was prepared to fight. I swung my backpack over my shoulder before closing and locking the car door behind me. I avoided eye contact with them and decided to let my hair cover one eye as I stared at the pavement now making my way to the school's glassdoor entrance. Hongbin stood beside me as if he were my body guard. 

"Sujin? Is that Sujin and Hongbin? Hey! Sujin! Come here!" Bora shouted and I continued to walk away quickening my pace. It wasn't until her hand met the strap of my backpack that I was pulled backwards onto the ground. I groaned at the sudden impact my back made with the cement. Luckily, my backpack had cushioned my head during landing. My mouth fell agape as I caught sight of her standing over my body. 

"It's not nice to ignore people when they're talking to you. Didn't your mom teach you manners?" She grinned mockingly.

"Mine did, but yours surely didn't." I spat earning a giggle from Hope, who quickly covered it back up. Hongbin was held back by the rest of BTS when Bora squeezed my face and lift me up from the ground.

"You think you're so damn smart, don't you? Well, I like to keep things cordial, Sujin. I like to play my games fair and square. So, are you going to Fall fling?"

"Why do you care?" I talked in between my squeezed cheeks and she made a tiny snicker.

"I care because Principal Nu has been on my lately. I don't want any trouble, any pranks, and fights. I just wanna dance, get a little drunk, and have sloppy with my boyfriend." She turned around winking at Namjoon and I rolled my eyes. 

"I don't care what you wanna do. That's your business. I intend to have fun with my friends and stay the hell away from you and your fake posse." I pushed her hand off of my face and she scoffed. I took Hongbin by the hand and rushed through the glassdoors before she called my name again stopping me in my tracks.

"I see you have a new car. It's nice. I hope you locked it, you wouldn't want anything to go missing, would you?" She smiled and I exhaled before continuing my walk with Hongbin.

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Lunch time is when a huge announcement was held in the cafeteria. Principal Nu walked onto the a megaphone gripped tightly into his hands.

"Good morning and good afternoon, students. You are probably wondering what is Principal Nu doing here? Did he finally agree to resign from his position? Well, bad news for you, I didn't! Good thing too! This school has become a complete disaster! The bullying needs to be put to an end! I'm sick of it! The Fall Fling is tonight and I don't want any chaos! So, please listen up and listen well! Bullies, you know who you are." Principal Nu stared at Namjoon and the rest of BTS along with Bora who sat on Namjoon's lap while ruffling his hair. Namjoon smirked before lighting a cigarette, puffing out the smoke.

"Bullying will not be tolerated, not anymore. I'm tired of parents complaining about their kids coming home in bruises. You are young adults, act like it! Now, everyone take a whistle. These whistles will be blown if you run into any trouble. If you are being bullied or harrassed. Someone will hear it, and we will come and help you. The predator will be suspended if not expelled and you will be taken to safety. This is the new way of how our school functions...That is all." He walked off the stage before adjusting his jacket and leaving the caferteria. 

Hongbin nudged me in the shoulder happily as me and Namjoon had a stare off from across the room. 

"This is great! This is exactly what this school needed! Sujin, things are changing because of you. This is like another birthday gift for you!" Hongbin said enthusiastically and I gulped.

"Yeah, or this is a complete disaster."

"That means we're not going through with the plan anymore, right?" Hongbin asked in a serious tone. The question felt rhetorical. I wanted nothing more than to see my bullies crushed. Maybe this was punishment enough. I knew if I went through with the stunt, I would be the one paying the price. It would get me suspended if not expelled on my own birthday. The thought was completely horrifying. But something in me still wanted to take the risk.  As if Hongbin read my mind he grabbed my arm pulling my attention away from Namjoon, who didn't dare to take his eyes away from me.

"You don't need to stoop so low and get on their level, Sujin! You're better than them. It's time to put these revenge days behind you." He forced me to look him in the eyes and I could tell he were genuinely concerned with my change of attitude, my thirst for revenge, the pain in my heart. I turned my head away from him slightly to see Namjoon and BTS laughing while staring at me as if there was something so hilarious about my existence. Hope of course remained silent while staring at the both of us. He even knew I were planning something.

"Sujin, look at me." Hongbin whispered softly and I complied with his request. I gasped slightly when his cold thumb touched the surface of my cheek.

"Why do you think I want to go to the dance with you?" He began and I shrugged.

"I want us to go together because....Because, I---"

"FIRE! There's a fire!" A girl screamed and we all looked back to see the trash can near BTS table in flames. Namjoon probably did this on purpose. Hongbin instantly grabbed my hand leading me out of the cafeteria and out into the courtyard. His hand not leaving mine even when we were in clear sight from the flames. Firefighters came almost five minutes later extinguishing the hungry fire. Luckily, only the trashcan was damaged so the dance would still go on. 

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Hongbin never finished telling me what he wanted to, but I believed he would finish his sentence at the dance. Nari and me pranced around our rooms in our beautiful dresses. Hers a long, sparkly, and flowing dress that dragged on the ground. It compliment her skin tone so well. Mine however was a ravishing red dress that was flowing down to my knee and Nari made sure to apply a bold red lip, black eye liner, blush, and mascara to my face, paired with dangiling diamond earrings. I looked like a completely different person. As for our dates everything worked out in our favor. Hongbin and I were going together. Leo and Nari decided to go together as well. It was perfect. 

I decided to meet the boys their with Nari. We drove to school in my beautiful yellow jeep and I couldn't be more happy.  They both stood out front in their tuxedos. Hongbin wore a brown suit with a black tie and white dress shirt. He looked amazing. The dimples prominent in his cheeks as the corners of his mouth slowly turned upwards. I walked to him as quickly as possible before wrapping my arms around him and inhaling his sweet scent. He brushed my straight hair back softly.

"You look gorgeous, Sujin....Well, you always do." He complimented nervously and I chuckled while looking down at my feet. The warmth finding my cheeks. Leo nodded in agreement.

"Both of you look stunning." He acknowledged. 

"We should take pics now for our parents before we go inside." Nari held up her camera for a group photo and we all smiled. There were a dozen more pictures including Hongbin setting up his tripod before we actually went inside with the others to join them for the event. Bts, Bora, and Namjoon were no where to be found and I was grateful as we all danced together in the crowd. We were two hours into the party already and I was beginning to get tired with all of the dancing and socializing. 

"Do you want me to get you a drink?" Hongbin asked politely and I declined.

"I think I'm gonna just go to the bathroom for a second."

"Okay, but hurry back...A slow dance is coming up." Hongbin teased and I nudged his shoulder playfully whilst smiling before losing his face in the crowd. The music was loud, everyone was sweating, and the talking only got louder I just needed a break and apparently I wasn't the only one. 

The hallways were dim lighted but the voices were recognizable. 

"What do you mean you want to stop?" Bora shouted.

"I can't keep treating her like that. She goes through enough, okay? I've done enough to her! I've done too much!" Namjoon argued.

"You have a thing for that little , don't you? You try to act all big and bad but you're heart is eating you out because you've fallen for the damsel in distress!" 

"What do you have against her anyway? She's a done nothing to you!" 

"I'm against her whole existence. You may have been the one to start this, but I'm gonna be the one to finish it. I don't care if I get expelled or suspended. This is what she deserves! You can play with your food before you eat it. I'm done with you." Bora dismissed him and Namjoon grabbed her by the arm.

"Leave her alone!" He begged.

"Aww, you're even begging. I guess she ed you real good. Enjoy the show, Joonie!" She ruffled his hair in a mocking manner before bursting into a fits of giggles.  Namjoon's eyes somehow found mine before he walked torwards me.  My body paralyzed as my back encountered the cold wall behind me. I placed my hands on the wall helplessly. My body shaking as he continued to approach me at a lingering pace. I shouldn't feel frightened. I shouldn't be afraid especially after hearing his confession, but something in me triggered. A part of me couldn't believe that he actually stood up for me against Bora. 

"Why did you say all of those things?" My voice were so soft I wondered if he actually heard my voice. He ignored my question and continued to walk torwards me very slowly and I began to pant. The back of my heels now colliding with the wall. My heart rate was out the roof when his cold hands wrapped around my waist.

"At first, it was lust. Then, it was jealousy. I hated seeing the way you stared at Hongbin. I hated how close your bond was with him. I hated that he always had his hands on you. I hated that you always saw him as your knight in shining armor and me the beast. I hated him...That's when I realized..." He paused during his last sentence. His hand now carressing my cheek. I gasped slightly. He brought his lower lip in between his teeth while staring at my lips then my eyes. He leaned in slowly and I pushed him away. Despite, my crush on him. I couldn't believe a single word he spat.

"You're a liar. This is another one of your traps. I've already stayed too long. Whatever your plan is it worked. I hope youre happy."

I ran back into the dance immediately trying to find Hongbin.

"Binah!" I finally grabbed hold of him through the crowd. I was a panting mess.

"What's wrong?" 

"It's Bora, she's here and she's planning something to destroy me." I panicked while holding onto his shirt tightly.

"What?"

"I'll warn Principal Nu, stay here!" Hongbin demanded before running in the direction of the office. Nari approached me immediately putting her hand on my shoulder sympathetically.

"Sujinah, you don't look good what's going on?" She asked in a panicked tone before I could answer her question the sound of the microphone feed hit our eardrums. Namjoon was on stage with the rest of BTS. A song began to play and I was surprised to see Namjoon grooving with the others to it before rapping as the others sang. I saw Namjoon look me in the eyes directly. Their little song was put to an end quickly when our student president came to the stage.

"Hello, everyone. I hope you're having a great time tonight. I just wanted to make a quick announcement. As you may know a King and Queen is always elected every Fall Fling." Before she could finish her sentence the crowd began to cheer and applaud her. She put her hand on her chest in admiration whilst smiling.

"Thank you! Thank you! I know we're all very excited.  The King and Queen will share a toast and a slow dance. So, without further or do. I will announce your king and queen. According to the multiple votes which we've counted a numerous amount of times. Your King is...Kim Namjoon! No shocker there folks!" She smiled and he did a cocky strut before joining her on the stage where he was crowned with a golden crown. He gave a bow while grinning before winking at a few shrieking fan girls in the crowd.

"He's such a douchebag." Nari frowned while whispering in my air and I nodded in agreement trying to forget the conversation me and him had shared recently.

"And now for the Queen. Drum roll please." The crowd made a drum roll sound while everyone anticipated nervously hoping to be the one to dance with joon. I rolled my eyes already knowing the winner would be Bora.

"......Lee Sujin? I mean yes, Lee Sujin is the Queen of Fall Fling." She announced and I stood there in shock as everyone's heads turned in my direction. It happened again. They made snide remarks and gave me dirty looks. Nari put her hand on my shoulder.

"You don't have to do this, Sujin. You can decline. This is just some lame practical joke." She spoke with fear.

"No, I'll do it. I have to show them that they can't break me." I stood up straight with my head high lifting my dress slightly as I walked up the stairs in my heels. Our medieval cups were handed to the both of us as me and Namjoon stood side by side. There was no applause for me. Nothing but crickets, dirty words and looks. But, I still didn't let them get to me...It's my ing birthday and I'll act the way I want.  

"Is there anything the King and Queen would like to say before taking their first sip together?" She asked putting the microphone in between us. 

"Yeah, I do." I was first to volunteer practically snatching the mic from her hand as I began my speech.

"Thanks for everyone who voted for me. This is a nice birthday gift. It's been my dream to be elected up here to take a sip of this disgusting concoction and slow dance with the school's man . Thank you all! You are sooo kind! I know you did this to try and break me, but it won't work not tonight!"

"Maybe this will break you!" A person shouted in the crowd before I heard my voice coming from the speakers.

 "Leo, stop! Leo, stop! Let me explain!" My body was put on full display through the monitor. The footage of me falling to the floor in my blanket with my showing at the camping trip played on the screen. It didn't take long for all eyes to land on me. When, I thought it couldn't get any worse the sound of a breaking window met all of our ears. The students ran outside to the parking lot and I followed. 

 

one way or another- until the ribbon breaks

That was when I completely lost it. There were more than several students vandalizing my car. "NAMJOON'S " was sprayed on the side of my once beautiful yellow jeep in big bold red letters. Cake, condiments, toilet paper, confetti string, eggs, flour...My car was covered in it. Windows were shattered. My windshield was cracked majorly, but that didn't stop them as the tears welled in my eyes. My voice was a squeak as I begged them to stop.  Only finding eggs thrown at my head followed by flour. Nari ran torwards me along with Leo and Hongbin. My feet were cemented to the ground as I stood there and took their abuse. I was in no shape to drive...To even speak. I was completely lost and confused. All I could do was cry as my body shook violently. 

"Happy birthday, !" A guy shouted throwing another egg at my head. They laughed. They filmed me. They threw toilet paper at me and all Nari could do was tell them to stop while trying to drag me away from the scene. Leo and Hongbin shoved a few people away from me as Nari placed me into the backseat adjusting my seatbelt and closing the doors. She took the keys from my purse and started the now destroyed car. My only guess is that we were going home, that was the only place I wanted to be right now.

When Nari pulled into the driveway she asked me if I were okay repeatedly. But, I was too numb to answer as I dragged my shocked body out of the car. My mother, aunt, and father instantly gasping at the sight of me covered in flour. 

"Who did this to you? Who did this, Sujin?" They ambushed me with questions as I walked up the stairs heading straight for the bathroom. They were making alot of ruckus downstairs asking how this happened, who did it to me, why did they do it to me...My answer was simple.

People are cruel. 

I scrubbed the eggs and flour off of my arm in the sink while looking at myself in the mirror. My mascara had ran from all of the crying. My eyes were bloodshot red. I'd had enough. I sat inside of the empty  tub fully clothed before digging into my purse for my diary.

Dear Diary, 

The world isn't as beautiful as it seems. There are dozens of exotic countries, dozens of exotic people, dozens of exciting things to do. But, something always goes wrong. You think your happiness is somewhere else when, in reality you never could've been happy to begin with. Happiness is really a privillege and I've learned that these past few months...Years. I can't go through with life anymore if this is my reality. Fighting everyday of my life. Fighting to make myself happy but others always ruin it. Maybe, where I go I'll find it.

 

                                                                                 ~Sujin~

I ran the bath water while laying inside. I shut my eyes before exhaling. I wasn't ready to go but it felt like it was better than staying here on planet hell. I tapped my nails on the edge of tub waiting for my impending doom. Water wasn't enough. I used the scissors from the cabinet to cut up my wrist. I watched the red liquid pour out of me slowly. It was like watching all of my troubles come out. It was like the beginning of my end. The water was only up to my chest now and I felt the pressure weighing down on me. The tears left my eyes as I thought of my selfish plan to end myself. Not only would the be the day of my birth, but also my death... I grasped the palms of my hands around the cold tub tightly as it reached my neck. More. Give me more. End my pain and suffering. When the water reached my chin I buried myself deeper into the liquid allowing it to completely devour me. I began to choke slightly as the water bombarded my throat . Panick rushing through my body. Adrenaline through my veins. I was killing myself. My arms and legs flailed as my oxygen became deplete. That was when I heard several knocks on the bathroom door. Whoever it was they were too late. I felt myself fading away. The water filled with blood. My skin pale as white paper. It was almost over, but then he saved me. 

I saw Hongbin's distraught face lift me up from the tub after he knocked the door down. He carried me in his arms bridal style before yelling

"She needs help! She needs help! She's bleeding! Call 911!" There were tears in his eyes as he shout frantically. He traced the shape of my face with his index finger.

"Sujinah, why would you do this to me? I...I love you! Please, don't leave me. Please, don't go." He placed my wet hand on his cheek.

I smiled weakly before it all went black.