Dear Diary,

I'm a shaking mess. Just being behind these bars made me feel like a wild animal. The hot tears were b my eyes once again as Namjoon's texts messages popped into my mind. Now we'll both have a record, was the most memorable. A record wasn't something I imagined myself having especially over something like this. I was suppose to have a clean slate, get into a great college, have an amazing job, and live a beautiful life. Those plans were plumetting quickly. I blamed him, but I blamed myself more. How could a person be so gullible to believe in Satanjoon's words? Who could be so oblivious? Only me, right?  I fell into his trap like an obese rat looking for cheese. One text message. Just one and I could've deleted it, gone back to sleep and avoided this asylum. 

It didn't take long for my parents to come to the station and approach my cage. My father shook his head in disapproval while my mother's lips trembled in between her teeth. Her attempt at holding back the tears, which, of course failed terribly, because she began to sob hysterically shortly after. She wiped the tears from her red blotchy face before reaching her hand out to touch mine in between the bars. My father slapped her hand instantly indicating he wanted her to stop. She held her head down sheepishly then, backed away from my cage allowing my father to gain access.  The fat tears continued to swell in her eyes and for once in a while I felt like a complete failure to my parents and I just knew my father was going to tell me any minute how he wished I never existed. That's when it all started to feel like a movie except, this time I wasn't watching it with a bowl of popcorn...I was the star.

"So, this is what you wanted, to be locked up in prison like a wild animal?" He began his lecture and I frowned as the tears flowed from my eyes. If only he were in my shoes to understand the situation.

"Appa----"

"You did this to rebel, not thinking about your future what so ever. I'm tired of you constantly playing the victim. I'm tired of you starting trouble. You've brought great dishonor to us and our family name. What will people think? What will they say?" He continued to bash me as I wept. Everytime I tried to get a word in, it was immediately interuppted. Once again he was making this all about himself instead of considering my feelings. I wanted to scream, but that wouldn't help my situation.

"I'm not getting you out of here, this is where you belong. Let this be a big lesson to you." He finished his last sentence whilst staring into the cage at me with a stern expression. I grabbed onto the bars immediately and panic erupt through my veins. I begged for him to save me, but he turned his back and walked away as if he didn't hear a word.

"Appa! Appa! Jebal! Teonajima!" I wept whilst holding onto the bars tightly until my knuckles were white knuckled. My mother apologized, her face red and blotchy from the constant tears that left her eyes before turning her back as well. Other days I've felt alone, but today I don't think I've ever been more lonely.  I truly had no one not family, not friends...No one. I was abandoned.

I dug at the walls with my nails as if there were a way out before falling to my knees and banging on the floor while screaming. It wasn't until the guards yelled at me that I became somewhat civilized again. There was nothing I could do or say so, I laid there on the cold hard floor with a pillow made of paper and tried to sleep like a dog. Not only was my privacy invaded when they stripped me of my clothes, but so was my diary, which the guards made sure to read aloud. Their favorite part was reading about my break up. They did it over and over again. They even confiscated my camera, that I wish I never brought. 

In the morning, I pulled at my hair not being able to keep my sanity in this hell hole. How long would I stay here before my knight in shining armor saved me? I felt grimy sleeping in a place like this, brushing my teeth in a place like this, and showering...Forget about it. Eating was the hardest part when the guard pushed me into the "cafeteria" which reminded me of a zoo. The room was filled with confused, scared, and rebelious teenage girls from ages thirteen and up. Seeing no other good place to sit, I decided to sit at an empty table in the back only to be targeted instantly. Three girls walking by took every piece of food away from me whilst snickering. I felt my eye twitching not only could I not sleep here, but now they wouldn't allow me to eat? This was preposterous. The blood in my veins boiled like hot lava as I tapped my knife and fork on the table several times then cleared my throat.

"Give me back my food." I struggled to push out the words as the anger consumed my being. The leader of the pack smiled smugly then, turned to me with her squad.

"What was that? You want your food back?" She took taunting steps towards me.

"Yes, please."

"Manners won't get you in this place. If you want something you have to fight for it , newbie." The girl continued to chuckle.

"Maybe, we should give it back. It's her first week after all." the other girl said playfully.

"Awww, you're so sweet. You're right let's give it back to her." The leader agreed before taking the muffin and smashing it against my face making it crumble to pieces instantly. I watched the crushed food fall to my lap before hitting the floor. Everything flashed red. I was tired. Tired of being the target, tired of being walked all over, tired of being the "push-over", tired of people like her who made people become monsters or suicidal. I was done. I wanted to show them, show everyone that I couldn't be bullied anymore and that I wouldn't stand for it. 

My hands shook violently as I stood up from my chair and wiped the crumbs from my face. It was as if I were possessed when my legs forced my body to run over and tackle the girl before climbing on top and pummeling her face. All of my pent up anger and frustration was being released at once. I found myself panting like an animal with each blow to her face. The other girls in the cafeteria cheered. As I cursed and punched her repeatedly. I thought of how I met Namjoon, how he made me become the target and even turned my cousin against me. I thought of how I ended up in this place and how Bora fooled Principal Nu into giving me detention, the look on my mother's face when she saw me in the cage, the day my brother got kicked out of the house for being gay and how I didn't say a word about it. I was filled with anger, regret, and frustration. I didn't realize the damage I'd caused until a guard pulled me away from the girl dragging my heated body. Her face was covered in blood and bruises as were my hands. That's when I broke down into tears. I lost control.

My parents didn't bail me out until three days later of hell. I could've been bailed out sooner, but he chose otherwise. Sadly, it would be on my record for life. Community service was also in order. Twenty hours exactly, only because my father was a sheriff and was able to work something out, the first nice thing he's done for me in my entire life. My parents wouldn't say a word the whole ride home, which was great, because I didn't want to explain the bruises and scars on my knuckles. Everything was returned to me, including my diary and school was the very next morning where I was instantly spotted by Hongbin.

Lee Hi- Breathe

"Sujinah, where have you been? I tried calling you several times!" He attended to me as if I were a child and I opened my locker to grab my books. 

"Its a long story." I said lowly in a weak tone. It was great to see Hongbin again, he always made me smile and burst with happiness, but today I couldn't hold a conversation not without thinking of what I did in juvie to that girl.

"I have plenty of time." He chirped before clutching onto my arm and dragging me down the hall it was when he reached for my tender hand he discovered something was wrong. I winced at his cold finger tips on my delicate sore skin. He stopped walking immediately and released his grip from me. 

"Sujin, your knuckles are bruised." Hongbin acknowledged with a sympathetic face. Tears brimmed my eyes and I looked down at my knuckles. It was true, they were purple and blue with scars spread all over the surface. I looked back up at him only to find a crowd slowly forming around me again in the hallway.

"Did you fight someone?" He continued to interrogate me and I froze. I suddenly felt cornered by the excess amount of people crowding together around me. They all stared at me as if I were a wild animal. I had to admitt, I probably looked insane right now. My hair a wild mess like a jungle, the dark circles, and bags under my eyes. In that very moment the memory came to my mind of the girl's face covered in blood by the time I was yanked away from her body....I lost control of my temper. Maybe, I was an animal. 

Namjoon and his disciples entered the hallway shortly after where a small space was made in the crowd to let them through. The sympathy I felt for the girl in juvie was now replaced with anger and hatred. It was people like her and Namjoon who created monsters. Namjoon smirked in a mocking manner before I ran over to him and grabbed him by the collar pushing him out of the door that led to the courtyard. He fell into the ground before I got on top of him and grabbed his shirt, raising my fist into the air waiting for my sore knuckles to collide with his smug face. That was when V grabbed my fist holding it back.

"No, it's okay. Let her do it. Let her get a quick swing. She needs it." Namjoon continued to taunt me now pointing at his jaw telling me to punch him. 

"Do it, Sujin. Give me your best shot. It will never be enough. When you have your first fight, it's addicting. To know that you can make someone hurt just as much as you do on the inside feels great, doesn't it?" He elaborated and tears fell from my eyes, because everything he was saying was true. 

"To see them struggle underneath you knowing they have no chance  to beat you feels nice, huh? You beat that girl until she was covered in blood. You felt superior for once in a long time and it felt good, didn't it, Sujin?" He continued and I painted as the tears rolled down my cheeks. He pushed me off of his body allowing me to fall on the side of him in the grass. The crowd was still circled around us.

"Me and you are just alike. Don't think I pity you. I have no sympathy and this is only the beginning of what I will do to you. You took away something I cared about, I'll take something of yours. It's tit for tat, Sujin and I always win. Stay out of trouble, ne?" He rises from the grass dusting his clothes off before spitting at me. The rest of BTS smiled as they following. Everyone except Jhope, who seemed genuinely concerned for me. The crowd continued to stare at me as well until I left. Hongbin trailed behind me immediately as I opened my locker angrily to retrieve my backpack. I needed to leave school. 

"Sujin, what is going on? Is what Namjoon said true? Did you beat someone?" He asked in a surprised tone. I slammed my locker then slid my backpack straps onto my shoulders.

"I lost control, Bin. I lost control." I sobbed and he pulled me into his embrace while smoothing my hair back.

"It's not your fault. It's not your fault." He repeated in a soothing tone as I cried onto his shoulder.

__________________

I was getting ready to catch the bus when I passed an empty classroon. Leo and Namjoon were standing inside with serious expressions spread across their face. The words were in audible and the curiousity inside me begged to crack open the door to eavesdrop. I turned the door knob slowly before cracking it open to listen to their conversation.

"You need to leave her alone." Leo said angrily.

"Awww someone is trying to be her knight in shining armor. Sorry, bro, but that's not the way you're going to earn her ." Namjoon spat in a mocking manner before Leo punched him in the cheek. I gasped by the sudden action. Namjoon wiped the blood away from the corner of his mouth while smiling.

"Or maybe she already gave you some. Damn, I didn't think she was that easy. Maybe, I should've ed her before starting so much trouble. She is pretty y." He laughed hysterically before getting punched again this time making him collapse to the wood floor.

"You're an , Namjoon. I'm tired of you playing games with innocent people." Leo now had his foot pressed against Namjoon's chest and the bully continued to smile not daring to show any weakness. 

"Really? Then, why didn't you help Suna? She was innocent,sweet, beautiful. You let the seniors walk all over her. Why help now when you didn't help then?"

"Just leave Sujin alone, okay?" Leo removed his foot before walking towards the door his expression drained. I backed away quickly hoping neither one of them spot me. 

"Nah, I like this game. I think I'll play some more." Namjoon said slyly.

"This is not a game, Namjoon! This is her life! You ruined her chances of dreams and hopes for the future are gone because of you!"

"And if you don't stay out of this the same will happen to you." He threatened and Leo froze before backing away towards the door again.

"One of these days all of this is going to come back and bite you in the ."

"It already is." He laughed bittersweetly. Leo opened the door now bumping into my body and I looked at him with sympathy. He was now tied into my mess. He gazed into my sad eyes before asking

"Do you want me to take you home?" I nodded and followed him into the parking lot.