Dear Diary,

Nothing feels real anymore. The only senstation in my body was numbness. The only thing in my heart was pain. The taste in my mouth mettalic. Why did he have to save me? Why didn't he let me sink, like I should've? I grasped onto the sheets covering my legs. The bright light above my head blinding me for a few seconds as it reflect from the white walls and ceiling. Beeping sound in my ears. This was a hospital no doubt. I gasped for air instantly pulling at the oxygen tube planted in my nose, yanking it out ferociously. It was at that very moment I noticed the IV pumping fluids into my right arm. Meanwhile, my left arm was wrapped in a bandage most likely from the cut I inflicted on myself. I was seconds away from trying to rip the tape off of my arm before going straight for the needle in my IV when I heard a voice in the right corner of the room.

"Hajima! Hajima!" The voice gentle at first until the tone became stern with me. Somehow it still didn't compute with my brain and I tugged at the tape. Loud footsteps approached before I was pushed back down onto my back where my arms and legs flailed. My chest moving up and down rapidly as I panted and cried tears of frustration. Hongbin held me down making hushing sounds while rubbing my hair backwards.

"Stop, just stop." His voice wasn't steady as he stared into my tearing eyes and his expression displayed his disapproval for my behaviour and I couldn't explain it myself. Everything drove me insane. To be in this room, and have no choice but to listen to the horrid monitor behind me that constantly beeped. To e trapped in this small white room like an asylum. Being restricted only to this bed. I wanted to go home, but home didn't even exist to me. Korea isn't home. California isn't home. So, where do I belong?  

The hot tears continued to slide down my cheeks as he made hushing sounds to calm my soul. 

"It's giving you nourishment...You're dehydrated, Sujin. You lost a lot of blood. The wound was too deep." He explained trying to maintain a strong voice, but it was clear my actions had left him in a miserable state. 

"How many stitches?" I asked my voice faint due to the dryness in my throat.

"Seven...Sujin, we really need to talk about what happened. What you did---"

"Was cowardly, right? I already know...Everyone thinks I'm this strong person, they act like I can handle anything, but I'm made of glass, Binah. I shatter so easily." My eyes now fixated on the white wall on my left side. 

"That's not what I was going to say...It was reckless. What if there was no one to save you? You would've died!" He shouted his last sentence in fear. There were now tears b his eyes as he released his grip from me and walked torwards the window on the right side of the room. His back now facing me, he ran his hands through his hair in distress. I heard a long exhale then, a thudding sound. That was when I recalled of his confession to me.  I sat up slowly turning my head to stare at him. He was now leaning his head against the cold white wall while hitting it lightly with a balled up fists as if he were cursing himself. I bit my bottom lip before swinging my legs over the right side of my bed careful to watch all of my chords and wires that were hooked up to the machine. 

My attire had been changed. My new outfit a hospital gown with a floral design, yellow hospital socks with grips at the bottom, my hair was even clean and I wondered how this was possible. How long had I been out? My footsteps towards him were slow paced. I placed a hand on his shoulder lightly watching his shoulders tense up. There was another exhale leaving his mouth followed by him sniffling and gasping for air. Most likely from crying. 

"Binah---"

"Did you even think about how your actions would affect others? Did you think about how your friends would feel? Did those things matter to you when you dragged those scissors across your skin?" He continued to vent. My heart tightened. It was selfish, careless, reckless, cowardly, and a million more adjectives, but at the time it felt like my only way out. The constant feeling of suffocation, deprivation, and desolation. There comes a time when enough is enough and then you just collapse like a house of cards.  

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." My voice was nothing but a hopeless whisper now. He turned around slowly to face me. His eyes puffy and slightly red when our eyes locked for a few seconds. That ended quickly when he embraced me in his arms. I closed my eyes shut tightly allowing the remaining tears to fall onto his black hoodie. His touch calming, loving, caring. I felt safe again. 

"No, I'm sorry. You're going through so much. You don't deserve any of this." He said against my hair. Our moment was destoryed when I heard my parents suddenly arguing outside of the my room's door. This pulled our bodies apart from each other. 

"Sujin is losing her mind! I think it's time that she received real help. She tried to kill herself! Kill! Does that sound stable to you?" My father's tone loud as he shouted at my mother. Hongbin reached for the door knob to shut the door tight before I grabbed his sleeve gently. 

"Don't. I want to hear what they have to say."

"She's been bullied! How do you expect a teen to react who has been pushed over the limit?" My mother defended I could hear her gasping for air in between her tears.

"No child of mine would commit suicide. We both know it started with that stupid diary, then it was the camera now, it's this!"

"So, you're suggesting that we put our daugther in a mental facility? Have you lost your mind? I would never do that to my daughter! We almost lost her! There is no way I'm going to lose her again!" She continued to plead her case.

"It wouldn't have been the first child we lost." There was a sound of footsteps moving further and further away it wasn't until my mother called my father's name repeatedly that I realized he'd left us as usual. The rushing footsteps after that told me my mother went after him, probably to argue in the parking lot. Hongbin and I exchanged looks but remained silent already understanding how one another felt. For about five more hours it was just me and him. My aunt sorin never came. My parents never came back and Nari, texts me from home. Leo was busy with his family, but called and even facetimed me to make sure I was well. It was Hongbin, who remained by my side the entire time. He even fell asleep in the hospital bed with me where I had the chance to play with his soft & silky hair. We were both woken up by the sound of the door creaking open slowly.

"Ms.Lee. Ms. Lee." The deep voice repeated and my eyes blinked open catching sight of a tall, chizled guy wearing a white jacket. This had to be my doctor. A slight smile tugged at his face in amusement.

"Sorry to wake you up, but your parents are here to discharge you. Your nice cousin, brought you a change of new clothes to wear." He continued and I rubbed my eyes sleepily as did Hongbin who quickly removed himself from the bed.

"How are you feeling?" The man began his interrogation.

"I feel fine." My tone was numb and he nodded before doing a hand gesture allowing a nurse to join us in the room.

"I'm here to remove your IV. I'll make sure to be quick and gentle." The sweet lady smiled and I nodded letting her do so. It only took a minute to complete that process after going over prescriptions with my doctor several times. Pain killers were necessary yet again with a wound like this which, didn't surprise me one bit. It was a deep wound after all. My parents arrived with a relieved Nari who wouldn't stop carressing me in her arms and calling me stupid (in a playful way of course). My parents however, didn't say a thing. My mother hugged me and told me her relief, but my father was a statue. 

"I would like to have a word with your parents, I think it would be best for you to leave the room and change into your new clothes." The doctor informed and I nodded exiting the room with Hongbin and Nari.

"That was weird...Why do you think he wants to talk to them alone?" Nari tagged along next to me on my left side. 

"He's probably going over the prescription drugs with them." Hongbin answered for me knowing I wasn't in the chatting mood. 

"Do you want me to eavesdrop?" She offered stopping me in my tracks now remembering why I were in the hallway to begin with.

"No, don't worry about it. I'm sure mom will fill me in on all of the great details later...I need to find a restroom." My tone dull and Nari pointed me in the right direction I bowed slightly not wanting to voice my appreciation. In the bathroom I stared at my reflection for what felt like thirty minutes. My skin pale. Cheeks and nose red from the constant crying. Eyes slightly swollen. I didn't only feel a wreck, but looked it as well. I splashed cold water on my face trying to breathe before drying with the provided paper towels. What would my life be back now? Would I have to go back and face my nightmares at school? Would we move? Would I transfer to a new place? Would I be homeschooled? There were a thousand questions floating around in my head, but it ended when I heard a knocking on the bathroom door. I sighed placing my elbows on the edge of the sink while leaning my body over and tucking the long strands of hair behind my ears.

"I'll be out in a minute." I replied. After a few more breaths I pulled myself together and headed back to the hallway. The ride home was silent no one said anything to eachother. Hongbin was dropped off home before we pulled into our own driveway. My heart sunk as I caught glimpse of my destroyed yellow jeep. I quickly looked away not wanting to be reminded of the event. 

Feels like the end- Mikky Ekko

"I thought you called the tow company." My mom said aggravatedly worried about my fragile state. My father ignored her completely and exit the car. When the garge door lifted that was when I noticed the recycling bin filled with empty beer bottles. Nari placed her hand on my back gently guiding me into the house.

"Sujinah,  please come to my room." My mother led me to the bedroom prompting me to sit down. 

"Why did you call me in here? What did the doctor say to you?" I asked in a defensive tone.

"Your doctor is worried about your mental health and so are we."She began rubbing her hands down her thighs in attempt to comfort herself.

"What is that suppose to mean? I'm fine. I just had a panic attack." Even to me the statement wasn't convincing it all sound like a lie, but somehow I believed if I kept repeating it aloud maybe, just maybe I'd actually believe it.

"Panic attack? Sweetie, you tried to kill yourself. You would have if Hongbin didn't knock down the door." Her eyes began to tear.

"Get to the point? Where are you shipping me off too? Anywhere is better than here." I spat. 

"You're not moving. You're still gonna go to school. You're still gonna live in Korea, but we think it would be best if you joined a therapy group." There was the big plan.

"Therapy group?" I repeated aloud hoping it would sound less ridiculous, it didn't.

"Yes, it would be very helpful to you. You would be able to express yourself in a way that isn't harmful." She continued to persuade me and I shook my head in disapproval. 

"So, you want me to share my thoughts with people that I don't know? You want me to let people in?"

"They would be able to understand what you're going through. They've experienced your pain too. It would be a bonding experience." 

"No, you can't make me do something I don't want to do. I refuse to!"

"But, we've already signed you up. Come on, Sujin just give it a chance. Who knows you might enjoy it." 

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"A therapy group? Is your mom serious?" Hongbin asked on the other side of the line. 

"Apparently so, because I start tomorrow." I sighed now putting his voice on speaker. 

"Does this little therapy group have a name?" 

"Supposedly, it's the open your heart foundation. Which, makes it so much worse..."

"I'm sorry, Sujin. That's a pretty bad punishment." He chuckled slightly.

"Yah! Are you laughing at my misery?" I whined which only made him chuckle more.

"How could I make a mockery of the princess?" He teased and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, it's getting late. I won't be at school tomorrow my mom already handled all of the paperwork. I'll be back in two days."

"Are you sure that's not too soon? You need to take time to recover." His voice now worried on the other end.

"I'll be fine...I'll keep you posted, Binah. Good night."

"Good night, princess." He hung up and I sighed before plopping down onto my bed.

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"We'll pick you up after the session is over. Promise to be good." My mom said with the window rolled down as I stood outside of the car door. 

"I won't make any promises. Bye!" I waved her off rushing for her to leave and not embarrass me further. 

"Here goes nothing." I exhaled.

The building circular with a sign written with big bold black letters "Open Your Heart Foundation". It's paint job gray with a few long rectangular glass windows. I pushed open the glass doors now walking to the front desk. A lady with blone hair greeted me while typing on the computer vigorously. I approached her slowly before tucking strands of hair behind my ear.

"How can I help you?" She asked with a polite smile.

"Uhh. My mom signed me up for a therapy group session." 

"Okay. Can I please have your full name?" 

"Lee Sujin." I annunciated. The lady typed my name before making multiple searches to retrieve my information.

"Ah, perfect. There you are Ms. Lee. Take this blue sheet of paper and walk straight down the hall on your left before making a right. The first door is the room you need."

"Oh...Ok thank you." I replied awkwardly making my way down the hall in the direction she told me. When I turned the knod to the door and pushed it open slightly I automatically felt a weight fall onto my chest and regretted coming here. 

There was a group of about ten people lined up in a circle. There were two empty chairs sitting across from each other and I knew one of those were reserved for me.

"I have an announcement. We will have a new person joining us today. I want you to make her feel welcomed and accepted. Do you understand me?" Just as the lady finished her sentence the door made a creaking sound and I shut my eyes tightly and bit my bottom lip. 

"In fact, i think that's her now. Don't be shy, come on in. Everyone is welcome. This foundation is about the healing of the heart, body, and soul." She continued to talk her weird hippee giberrish. 

"Well, come on everyone is waiting for you." She continued and I complied with her request allowing myself in. 

"Please, have a seat and introduce yourself." I did as told while exchanging looks from every person in the room.

"Ummm...My name is Lee Sujin." I stuttered.

"Hi Sujin." the whole group replied making me jump slightly.

"Tell them why you're here." My therapist told me. I parted my lips preparing to speak before the door opened.

"Sorry, I'm late. School was a !" The person announced cockily before throwing their backpack onto the floor carelessly. I looked up slowly recognizing the voice. The goosebumps on my skin rising to the surface. The hairs on the back of my neck standing, and the weight on my shoulders getting heavier. 

"Kim Namjoon! You are late, again! You know how I feel about tardiness!" The therapists scold him and he chuckled. My heart skipping a beat when his name left .

"And you know I can't help that I get mobbed by a group of girls after school everyday." He retorted with his arms across his chest with his legs wide open the stupid grin across his face.

"It's unacceptable, next time I'll call your uncle. Now, we have a new visitor. Say hi to her." 

That was when our gaze met eachother's and I knew this was only the beginning of another nightmare.