Dear Diary, 

Several days had passed and the game was finally approaching. Today, was the big day. The day that would change my life. This wasn't just some game with neighbors at a local park. This was my future. This was my one and only chance to prove I belonged on the team, again. As far as my relationship with Leo, things are pretty normal between us. He's accepted and believed in my story about that night and promised to help me find the dirtbag who tried to me. In fact, he even wanted to file a police report, but I refused. It wasn't possible with my dad being a sherrif and I did not want him on my back again after things have been somewhat calm in the house since he found out I would play at the game tonight. 

"Yah! Sujin-ah!" Leo waved at me from across the cafeteria and I smiled before making my way to him when the evil cheerleader bumped into me. My tray hitting the cafeteria floor instantly. I watched my juice box burst open, the liquid splattering onto the floor along with the rest of my meal. For some reason, my heart tightened. It was a while since I'd come face to face with the beast and quite a bit of time since someone has tried to bully me. Yes, there were rumours. That's unescapable, but being pushed, shoved, kicked, punched in an intentional manner...That didn't happen to me for a while with Leo sticking up for me and Namjoon pulling me away to practice. There was an anxiety inside of me as I turned around to face the blonde cheerleader. 

"Going somewhere?" She chuckled with Krystal and Sulli. 

I should be able to say something, but for some reason I stood there speechless like a vegetable. All I could do was stare at the busted juice box and wonder what else would she do to humiliate me. My feet were cemented to the floor, there was a lump growing thicker into my throat by the second, and what felt like the beginning of tears swelling into my eyes. Fight it. Fight back, you're stronger than this. I know you can think of a comeback. The voice in my head encouraged, but I was nothing. I was blank like a note that's been erased. There was nothing floating around in my mind except there was never going to be a break for me. When things became good, they went bad again. Always...The overwhelming pressure and feeling of the whole cafeteria staring at me is what left me catatonic. I became mute. Me, the person who never shuts up and always stands up for herself. Mute, as if my tongue were cut out of my mouth. I couldn't even move my limbs.  

"Guys, do you hear anything cause it sounds like she's not talking. Why isn't she talking? Do you think she learned her lesson from before?" Bora continued with her hands on her hips anticipating my response. 

"Nope. She's still a y little . Sleeping with everyone's boyfriends." Sulli joined in while smiling in a teasing manner.

"Oh yeah, that's right. I heard you got a little too close with my boyfriend while I was away." Bora twirled the end of my ponytail,

"Oh Sujin, trying to fit in. She thinks sleeping with the enemy will get him to leave her alone. How pathetic. You are so worthless. Why are you taking up space when you're clearly not needed on this planet. I mean, why didn't your mom abort you? I would've and I think everyone else in this cafeteria agrees considering the fact no one jumped in to save you. Where are your friends, Sujin? Where is your clique? Oh, that's right no one wants to be friends with a . So, why don't you take your stripper to a corner where you belong. At least you'll be doing what you love, ing for money." Bora continued to spat and the tears were slipping away from my eyes.

"Oh no, maybe we should stop harrassing her. She's crying." Krystal acknowledged and Bora scowled at the other.

"Shut up, Krystal! You think I give a flying whether she cries. She slept with my man and I'm going to get even...Ciao, ."  Bora made sure to push me to the floor before leaving with her 'clique'. Leo ran instantly offering to lift me off the floor, but I declined. Instead, I laid there for a good five minutes soaking in my irony. . . Do they even know the meaning of those terms, because if they did they would know how demeaning and derrogatory it is. I was in no way, shape, or form a or . I've only had one ual partner and last time I checked I wasn't a e. Whatever, brush it off, right? Their words do hurt, but nothing stings more like a than having a knife stabbed into your back. At least I'm alive, right?

"Sujin, I'm sorry. I should've said something. I should've stood up for you." Leo apologized as I sat on the bleachers and looked into the field. 

"No, you shouldn;t have. It's not your job to fight my battles. I don't know why, but when I saw her...My mind went blank. Every thing that I learned from my troubled past, everything I could've said to break her down as much as she does me, was gone. I had nothing." I said now watching the trees' branches blow with the wind. Leo sat down next to me exhaling.

"Sujin---"

"I just want it all to go away. I'm not gonna let them win. I won't let them hurt me. I can't afford it. The game is my last chance to prove myself to you and the team. I'm not going to risk it all over some stupid things she said, that aren't true. I know who I am, who I was, and I may not know who I'll be, but right now this game is all I have." My tone was emotional. Honestly, there was a train wreck inside, but I didn't dare to unleash it. I needed to be tame and stable for these last couple of hours then, all hell would be allowed to break loose.

"I'm proud of you. I really am. You're a great person, Sujin. Don't you ever forget that." Leo ruffled my hair with a smile on his face.

"Do you think Hongbin, will show up tonight?" 

"I hope so...He needs to know the truth." 

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There were only two hours before the game started and my aunt Sorin decided to prep me a nutritious snack to eat before the event. It consisted of green grapes, sliced strawberries, apples, peaches, and a pinch of blueberries. This was something I would've never imagined her doing for me since we didn't have the best first impressions of each other earlier this year. She smiled  with satisfaction while snapping the lid onto the container.

"Ya know I've always wanted to do this for Nari, but she prefers to eat out with her friends. You have no idea how happy it makes me to finally put these containers to use." She chirped before handing the snack over to me. I grabbed the item with both of my hands whilst bowing my head down slightly to show appreciation. I slid the food into my backpack, zipped up the bag, then, decided to fix my hair into a ponytail for the game. Sorin approached behind me with a blue ribbon and brush, making gestures for me to take a seat while she became my hairstylist.  She brushed my hair back gently into a neat ponytail before securing it with the blue ribbon, which she shaped into a bow.  I smiled slightly.

"You'll do great tonight, darling. You'll do great." She pat my shoulder now allowing me to stand up from the chair. We shared a brief hug until Leo honked his horn outside.

"Thanks, Auntie."

"Knock them dead, I'll see you on the field." She kissed my forehead and I ran to the car. 

"Are you ready to kill this thing?" Leo asked as I shut my door tightly and I nodded.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." 

It wasn't until we made it to our school and locker room that the nerves consumed me. I walked down the halls with Leo next to me slowly. We both stopped when we made it to our destination, the locker room. The boys and girls on the opposite side as it should be. I exhaled and he rubbed my right shoulder.

"This is it, Sujin." He announced. 

"Yeah."

"Stop being nervous. You've got this. Trust me." He reassured before entering his designated locker room. Meanwhile I continued to stare in to the hall. There was this uneasy feeling that repeatedly jabbed at my heart and stomach. This wasn't my usual nerves. I would know because of my previous history with soccer. Maybe, it was because deep down I knew if I couldn't score at least one point tonight that my chances of staying on the team were over or maybe it was because something bad would happen. I pushed my back against the cold wall whilst exhaling. There were a million scenarios playing in my head. I wanted it to go away. I wanted it to end. I needed a distraction and that is exactly what I got when I overheard a conversation in an empty classroom not too far away from me. I followed the voices hesitantly making sure to remain silent. It was detective time. 

I peeked into the classroom to find V aka Tae-douche-hyung having a little chat with Choi--Bora. There conversation appeared to be serious and the first thing that popped into my head was, were they having an affair behind Namjoon's back. No, that couldn't be right. Taehyung is Namjoon's best friend out of the whole group it couldn't be possible for him to betray such a good friend, right? I held onto the wall to support my weight, biting my lower lip slightly while staring at my two enemies. Bora was sitting on top of a desk with her womanhood basically popping out through her skirt. Didn't she hear of a thing called investing in underwear. Taehyung of course didn't seem to mind as he moved in closer to her.

"How many times do I have to tell you what to do? It's simple. We both would be getting what we want." Bora raised her voice.

"So, you still want to go through with this?" He asked with a somewhat guilty tone.

"Why wouldn't I," She folded her arms across her chest now failing to close her legs, "You can't tell me it wouldn't be one of your biggest dreams come true." V remained silent as she walked up to him her high heels clacking on the wood floor. She had a seductive expression now as she her lips slowly.

"You do this for me and I'll do something for you." She tried to negotiate. 

"You know that 'y' act of yours doesn't work on me considering the fact I like boys." V scoffed and she pouted slightly.

"What if I promised you...." the last part of her sentence was inaudible as she whispered into his ear. His eyes widened as she pulled away from his ear with a slight giggle.

"Your cousin???....Well, are you sure?"

"Positive." Her voice was mischivieous as she grinned and he nodded.

"Fine, let's do this."

I quickly ducked into a janitor's closet to hide from them as they left the room and was surprised to find Hongbin inside. He was panting like crazy as if he ran a mile.

"Hongbin-ah?" I asked.

"Sujin-ah." He pulled me into his embrace while carressing my hair. My chin now resting onto his shoulder as I held him tightly. It had been so long since I received his touch or hug and I'd forgotten how good they felt and how much I'd missed it. His vanilla like scent filling my nose. 

"What are you doing in the closet?"

"I could ask you the same thing Lee Sujin." He teased and I chuckled inwardly.

"I've missed you...You were gone for so long after the camping trip---"

"I overreacted about everything, Sujin. I should've talked things out with you. I should've just been honest with you." He rambled.

"It's okay. You're here now that's all that matters to me." I assured him while holding his hands now. The dimples in his cheeks became prominent as the corners of his lips tugged upwards.

"I came to cheer you on tonight. Leo told me everything. I should've known you'd never fall for a person like Namjoon let alone sleep with him." Hongbin laughed at the thought and I smiled slightly whilst nodding. 

"Well, I have to go to the locker room...Change into my uniform."

"Good luck, Sujin-ah!" He squeezed me one last time before joining the others on the bleachers.

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Before we entered the field full of screaming fans on the bleachers we decided to have a little pep talk. We all huddled up together as Namjoon and Leo gave their motivational speeches.

"I'm a firm believer of us winning this thing. Just stick to our plan. Everyone knows their positions, right? All we have to do is follow through. We've got this and we'll take their asses down. Who's ready to win?" Namjoon shouted.

"We are!" They all said simultaneously. 

"That's what I wanna hear. Let's go!" Namjoon smiled as the team members left the auditorium doors to enter the field that was when Namjoon pulled me aside for a little pep talk. 

"Why the long face? I noticed you didn't say any of our chants, is there a problem?" He asked with his hand pressed against the wall above my head. Besides the knotting sensation in the pit of my stomach and the feeling of something going wrong consuming my soul, everything was just peaches and rainbows. I nodded while avoiding his eyes.

"I'm just nervous." the anxiety was evident in my voice. I felt the snack Aunt Sorin made for me trying to break loose from my stomach. I felt like hiding into a ditch until the game was over. Something mischivieous was going on between V and Bora. I just couldn't seem to erase it from my head. It wouldn't go away no matter how many times I scrubbed at the thought. It was like a tattoo on my brain.

"Well, snap out of it. You're one of the strongest players on this team. We need your help tonight....I need you." His last sentence caught my attention. No one would ever expect those words to leave a bully's mouth. Telling their victim that they somehow needed them. It was unheard of. I, myself didn't think Kim Namjoon was capable of needing anyone. All he's ever needed was bts, Bora, popularity, , cigarettes, soccer, and music. With those seven things he ruled the world, the world he created for himself. 

I gazed into those heavenly chocolate orbs of his with desire. There was a feeling inside of me burning. I wanted to hug him, because without him this night, this event wouldn't have been possible for me to experience. I wanted to hug him, because for once it seemed like the bad blood between us was coming to an end. I liked this Namjoon...No, I loved this Namjoon and I hoped to see more of this version of him in the future. He began to lean his head torward me again and this time it wasn't to tease me. It was because, he yearned to. We were only centimeters away our lips trembling with anticipation. It was going to happen. I exhaled slightly as he wrapped his arm around my waist carressing my body. I placed my hands on his broad shoulders waiting for the moment our lips would collide, but he stopped. He bent down slightly pressing his forehead against mine while biting his lower lip. He furrowed his eyebrows as if he were cursing himself in his mind before letting me go. 

"We need to get out there...They're waiting." He spoke in such a soft tone that I had to question myself if thats what he said and of course he answered this question by opening the doors that led to the field. I quickly followed behind him to see the cheerleaders doing their routine. I scowled at Bora as she did her routine swaying her hips side to side while lip syncing the lyrics to the song. Once their routine was over we all clapped (excluding me) and walked up to the referee. 

"Enjoy losing the game." Bora spat at me as she brushed past me with the rest of the cheerleaders. I continued to watch her strut away from me, now walking torwards a resisting Namjoon. She tried to kiss his lips and I was surprised to see him snap the other way. Did he also suspect something as I did? No time for that the kick off was beginning and the referee asked Leo which side did he choose for the coin flipping.

"Heads." Leo replied whilst staring at the captain on the other team. 

Those were the longest five seconds of our lives when the referee threw the coin into the air. All of us anticipating the result. Who would start off the game? Our hearts were pounding into our chests. The captain on the other team smiled cockily.

"It doesn't matter whether it's heads or tails. My team will be the winning team in the end. We already bought a bigger shelf to fit this trophy along with our others. We've never lost a game." He bragged and Namjoon couldn't resist the temptation of making the other guy feel like absolute crap.

"Oh yeah? Well, I hope you're prepared tonight then. It's gonna be the first time you have your asses whooped on television. It will be hard to cover such a big loss when people have high expectations of you." He grinned. 

"Heads." The referee said in an unamused tone. Namjoon backed away from the other captain with a smug smile. It was then, that the kick off began. Leo kicked the ball into the air and we all watched from our positions before going in for the kill. We weren't even two minutes into the game and Jungkook already managed to get full control of the ball while dodging other players effortlessly. He continued to kick the ball across the field until it reached our goal, where the goalee failed to catch it. We screamed, jumped up and down, and cheered when the ball hit the back of the net.  The supporting crowd standing up and shouting triumphantly at our first point.

I looked up at the score board to calculate. Home 1. Guest 0. So far we were leading and I wondered how long that would be.

My suspicions of the other team catching up to us was accurate. There were ten more minutes until the first half ended the score board wasn't the best. Home 3. Guest 7. They managed to score four points higher than us. I still didn't have the ball passed to me. V was hogging the ball and everytime Namjoon yelled "Pass it to Sujin." he ignored. He kept kicking the ball and it would eventually get stolen by the opposite team members. He wasn't following the plan anymore and the game was becoming a disaster. During our fifteen minute break Namjoon made sure to scold him.

"What the hell are you doing? Didn't I say stick to the plan?" Namjoon shouted angrily with a damp towel wrapped around the back of his neck. 

"Someone's mad because I didn't give his little girlfriend the ball." V remarked with a smirk on his face as he drank a tiny cup of gatorade. Namjoon grabbed his friend by the shirt causing the other team members to be startled. 

"This is not a game, we need to win. We are four points behind. This team that we're competing against isn't just good, they're amazing and the strategy that we made together will help us beat them, don't you get it?" He spat with frustration.

"We didn't make any strategy. It was all you. Everything is about you and Sujin. You're obsessive over her! You didn't even take the team to realize Chanyeol's ankle is sprained, and you're still making him play the game. You're never around anymore." V yelled back and I rubbed my arm awkwardly as the rest of the team players stared at me. Namjoon released his friend before backing up slowly.

"Stick to the plan...Chanyeol stay on the bench...We don't have time for fights. We're a team...Stop hogging the ball and play the way we've practiced." Namjoon said weakly now walking away from everyone.

"Please, guys. Tonight is our only chance." Leo added. The members returned to the field when the break was over. I could feel the tension between me and my teammates thickening. What V said didn't help. But, there was no time to dwell on those things as we entered the second half. We were tired, sweaty, sore, but that didn't mean we weren't going to give this last round our best. We dodged the other players making goals repeatedly as we followed through with our strategy. It was working and we found ourselves in the lead again by three points. Home 10. Guest 7. We were killing the game as planned. When the clock got down to three minutes I realized I hadn't scored a single point and needed to do so in order to stay on the team, that was the negotiation. 

I pushed through the sweaty team members on both my team and the opposite. I needed this. There was no choice about it. My entire future was based on this moment. My heart was racing and I was panting. The beads of sweat dripping from my face like a rain cloud. I was so close to the finish line I could taste it. Run! Run! Run! My concious yelled at me. My legs were sore, but I pushed them to run as fast as they would allow. I put my lower lip in between my teeth ( my concentrated face) as the ball met the sole of my sneaker. I kicked the ball around the field with strength and energy. This was the only way. There was no other way. Do it. You can do it. A player on the opposite team stayed head to head with me trying their best to steal the ball, but I refused to be a failure. I heard the other teammates cheering me on and they were my motivation. Bora telling me I would lose was my motivation, because I knew I could prove her wrong. The goal wasn't far away now and I decided now was the perfect time to kick the ball into the back of the white net. There were jingle bells playing in my ear as the shot was made. I scored a point...My spot on the team is permanent.  I made it! A smile stretched across my face slowly in relief as the time on the clock ran out. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5 . 4. 3. 2 .1 . We won the game and I got everything I could ever want. 

"Sujin!" V called my name and I snapped my head around to see him motioning for me to come torwards him on the field. I was so happy about our victory that the fact V was rude earlier wasn't a thought on my mind. I ran torwards him before noticing him signal to Bora, who was now on the field not too far from me. She threw her megaphone across the field where it landed perfectly by my foot. It was too late for me to avoid it and I found my foot slipping and twisting. I heard a cracking sound followed by an excruciating pain that made me fall to the ground. I screamed in agony as the other members ran to me kneeling down to help. I couldn't get up. I couldn't put pressure on my leg. I couldn't walk. I looked down and cried at the sight of my foot. It had twisted around 90 degreees.