Dear Diary,

The entire day was slow. Once again I felt like a ghost walking down the hallways of my school. Why did that make me feel so irritable? Wasn't this a blessing compared to how I use to be treated? For some reason, it still didn't settle well with me. I stared at his graffitti covered locker. The only locker in the hall that stood out. I hated him. I liked him. I wanted him to talk to me. But, this whole situation was highly inappropriate. Maybe it was time to be the bigger person and tell him it couldn't happen again. But, if me and him were to talk to each other alone would I be able to resist him? Would I fall under his charms again? What if he didn't want anything to do with me anymore? What if he just used me? Involuntarily I clashed my fist with his locker, tears falling down my cheeks. Pull yourself together, Sujin. You're just a one-night stand to him. You never mattered. You were just an easy target. This was probably what you were marked for all along. The demon in my head continued to bash me. I needed to put my feelings aside as I entered the canteen. My eyes instantly landed on Hongbin as he waved at me, the dimples prominent in his cheeks. He were sitting alone as usual, but it didn't seem to bother him as he now sorted through the scattered pictures on the table whilst sipping his strawberry milk carton. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before sitting down next to him. A half smile on my face.

"What are these pictures for?" I asked before picking one up to look at it.

"It's a project we have in the photography club right now. Whoever has the most voted picture will have their art displayed at the fundraiser and then someone will hopefully buy it." He enthused. It was cute to see Hongbin so passionate about his art. 

"Fundraiser?" I sipped my orange juice out of the straw.

"Ne, it's at the end of this week. There have been posters everywhere. See?" He slid a flyer across the table in my direction. 

My blood boiled instantly when I read the name "Open Your Heart Foundation". Apparently, my therapy center was hosting a fundraiser to raise money for research purposes and we, the patients, would be the monkeys in a talent show. I bit my lip whilst balling up my fist. My fingernails digged into the palm of my hand.

"Sujin-ah, what's wrong?" He attended to me quickly, taking my balled up fist into his hand. 

"What's wrong is I only agreed to a therapy session, not a circus show. I'll be back. I really have to go." I stalked out of the canteen feeling nauseous. There was a split second where me and Namjoon made eye contact but it was short lived when I ran out of there with my hand covering my mouth.   It felt like there was constantly one thing after the other. I was becoming emotionally drained at this point as I slid down the wall in the hallway. My knees pressing against my chest as I exhaled.  Apparently, I wasn't in the hall alone. Footsteps were approaching from beside me slowly. 

"Gwenchana?" The deep voice asked. I turned my head in his direction slowly, finding Hope with a milk carton in his hand. 

It was peculiar to see him skip lunch since he is always sitting at the table with his friends/gang. I wondered what he were doing wandering these halls alone. 

I quickly gained my composure wiping away remaining tears. One last sniffle as I nodded.

"Why are you here?" My voice was still a little scratchy. 

"Well, I could ask you the same question. Shouldn't you be sitting with your boyfriend?" He teased. My shoulders tensed instantly. Of course Hope knew what happened between me and Namjoon. He was one of Satanjoon's best friends. What did I expect? The nauseating sensation in my stomach quickly flowed up to my throat. Who else knew and how much time did I have before Hongbin found out? I would really lose him as a friend if he knew. How would Nari look at me? Yes, her and Hope have been hooking up for God knows how long. That doesn't change the hypocrisy! My family would always see her as an angel. The whole school would always perceive her as an angel. Me....I would just be another on his list. My heart began to have palpitations and I ran to the nearest trash can releasing everything I ate for the past few days. A burning sensation in my throat as I mentally begged for it to stop. Hope ran by my side patting me on the back while asking if I were okay.  I put my hand up in response as if I were telling him to leave me alone. Of course he didn't comply with my request. Supposedly this little birdy had a message for me from the devil himself. 

"Can't you just leave me alone?" I shouted at him after wiping the corners of my mouth with my sleeve. He put his hands up and backed away slightly as if he were surrendering. 

"I'm just trying to be friendly. I didn't think my joke would have that type of effect on you." 

"Joke? You call that a joke? Are you not aware of the regret I have in my heart after what happened? Do you think I like being another girl he can check off of his long list? None of this was suppose to happen. So, whatever he has to say tell him forget it. I have no interest in any thing he has to say." I argued. 

"Sujin! Are you okay?" Hongbin ran down the hall as soon as he caught sight of Hope. He stood in between the two of us like a barrier making Hope squint his eyes. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's nothing." I stared at Hope mentally pleading him not to say anything to Hongbin. He nodded before readjusting his hoodie and tossing the milk in the trash can.

"You know where to find me, when you want to talk." He spat before walking in the opposite direction around the corner.

"What was that about? Since, when did the mute talk to you? He talks to no one." Hongbin asked curiously.

Since I started to fall for Namjoon.

 I shrugged.

"It's nothing." 

Without warning,  Hongbin pinned me against the wall whilst looking me directly in the eyes. My heart skipped a beat as I got lost in his brown puppy like eyes. There was a look in them that words couldn't describe. It wasn't lust. It wasn't yearning. It was different. 

"Don't tell me it's nothing...Sujin, if someone is bothering you---"

"No one is bothering me." I lied and he nodded in disbelief before exhaling.

"You can't keep lying to me...I won't allow that Sujin. I almost lost you, I can't let that happen again. I'll never let it happen again! You need to be honest. Let me help you." He said softly. 

"If there is something wrong. I promise I'll tell you." I half smiled making him release a sigh of relief.

"Great, cause tonight is the carnival and I just want to focus on us." He whispered, our eyes locking for a minute as he leaned in to kiss me. I quickly turned my head away allowing him to plant a kiss on my cheek. He backed away, nodding his head awkwardly as he stuffed his hands in his jean pockets. A disappointed expression on his face.

"Hongbin-ah!" 

"Nah...It's okay. Don't worry. I'll see you tonight." He said before sprinting back to the canteen and I facepalmed myself. If only he knew I had just puked.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

At home Nari was rading her closet for a cute outfit to wear for the event.  The entire floor was covered with scattered clothes. She groaned with each outfit she threw across the room.

"Having a bad day?" I teased before throwing my backpack down onto my bed and sitting next to it. 

"You have no idea!" She groaned again before flipping her hair back and falling down onto the mattress. I stood up from my bed now moving to hers. I sat next to the cry baby while patting her head. 

"Why are guys so difficult?" She blubbered into the pillow making me roll my eyes. She didn't know the half of boy drama. 

"What happened now?" This question made her sit up and wipe the smudge mascara under her eyes before facing me.

"You were right. Me and Hope. We had a thing...We have a thing. At the beginning it seemed like a good idea. We were happy. I felt loved. He treated me like the princess I am, but now he's telling me we need to take a break! Why now? What did I do? I'm not clingy! I'm not jealous! I'm easy going! Now, I'm going to be home alone while even my loser cousin has a date to the carnival." She blew her nose into the tissue while crying dramatically. I rubbed big circles on her back with the palm of my hands. Even though she just insulted me, I still wanted to be there for her. I knew how it felt to get stomped on by someone you cared for...Multiple times.

"Did you ask him why?" I dug for the reason behind his actions. Since there are always two sides to every story. 

"Yeah. He said I'm a smart, beautiful, and kind girl. I deserve better. Then I asked why are you doing this to me and he said because he'd want someone to do it for him." She continued to cry. Her last sentence repeated in my head as I automatically had a flashback.

It was the night of our school camping trip. Me and Namjoon on were alone at the 'Fountain of Truth'.

"What do you want, Sujin? I don't like being in debt so, if you want something you better say it right now before I change my mind." His voice was sturn now. 

"Get in the water." I smiled and his expression became perplexed.

"What? Are you insane? It's freezing outside and you want me to get into the water? If you wanted to kill me, why didn't you just let me die back there instead of saving me?" He refused his eyebrows now furrowed. 

"Well then, I guess when we go back to school I'll just have to do something about it." I teased.

"And now you're blackmailing me? Wow, Sujin. I should've known nothing good would come from you helping me. Everyone has a price tag, right?" He nodded before standing up.

"That's not what I'm trying to do! Listen, this camping trip so far has been an absolute disaster for pretty much everyone...I just wanted us to escape all of that for a minute and do something fun. We deserve it." 

"Why would you care if I have fun or not?"

"Because, I would want someone to do it for me." I shrugged whilst smiling and his eyes became wide. 

-------------------------------

Was Hope trying to send me a message through Nari's heartbreak? I was completely and utterly confused. Nari was my snap back to reality when she hit me in the back of my head with a pillow. 

"Are you even listening?" She yelled. I looked out the window of our sliding patio door. My mind dazed.

"Yeah, listen I'm really sorry Nari, but I honestly think things will workout. I can talk to him for you if you want."

"Please please please. Tell him I want to know why he's being a jerk." She was on her knees at this point and of course I couldn't neglect her. I nodded. 

"If only you'll help me be the hottest girl at this event." I negotiated and her tears instantly faded as she grabbed makeup brushes, palettes, lipsticks, blush, and hair styling tools. I sat down in front of the vanity mirror with a smile on my face. It's time to show Namjoon who's the real mvp.

---------------------

It took Nari an hour and thirty minutes to complete my look. I wore a royal blue strapless dress with high heels. My hair was parted down the middle and curled slightly at the ends. A blue diamond headband and dangling earings accessorized my attire. My makeup was completed with a y red lip, slight smokey eye and loads of mascara. Nari was a complete miracle worker despite my hate for makeup. I felt hot and looked the part as well.  Everything was running on time as Hongbin pulled into our driveway  before ringing the doorbell. I made my entrance down the stairs. My hair bouncing with each step I took. 

Hongbin stood downstairs his hands crossed in front of him as his mouth slightly fell agape at the sight of me. I stopped at the middle of the staircase before smiling at him. The warmth taking over my cheeks. Of course the whole moment was ruined by my annoying family. 

"Omo! Nari, why aren't you dressed and why are your eyes puffy? Did you not get enough rest?" My mother completely ignored my makeover. 

"Oh no, Im not feeling well. I need to stay home tonight and rest." She rubbed her left forearm awkwardly. 

"Nari-ah, you've never missed a single carnival, party, or charity event. This must be serious!! Do you need to go to the hospital?" My father exaggerated causing me to roll my eyes.

"Yah! Don't be rude we have a guest coming to pick up your lovely daughter!! As for you Nari, lay down I will come upstairs with some herbal tea." My aunt Sorin pitched in. I sneered at my parents. At least someone listened and noticed me. 

"You look beautiful as always, Sujin." Hongbin took my hand in his before planting a kiss on the top of my hand. He even bought me a bouquet of roses. 

"Alright love birds get close together." Aunt Sorin exclaimed as she took several pictures of us. After the pictures were done my father and Hongbin sat down talking about God knows what and my aunt pulled me aside. 

"Sujin-ah we really need to talk." She announced while preparing the herbal tea for Nari. I sat down at the counter waiting for a lecture about the birds and bees. 

"Is this about me and Hongbin? I swear we are just friends so, please don't give me a lecture."  I groaned and she shook her head now putting the water pot on the stove.

"You haven't been home lately. You're either running around or staying in your room. I wanted to make sure you were okay." Her voice was filled with concern.

"I'm absolutely fine. I've just been caught up in after school activities and social life." I acted nonchalant.

"Social life? How is that by the way?" She looked out the corner of her eyes at me while turing on the stove. I gulped whilst looking down at my heels. Keep it simple, Sujin. No one has to know.

"Well, it's life and it's social. Listen, I really have to go. I promised some other friends me and Hongbin would be early." I lied before getting up ,walking away from the counter, and grabbing Hongbin by the wrist.

"Um, okay. We can talk later!" She shouted before the front door slammed behind us.

"What's the rush?" Hongbin asked playfully.

"I just felt so suffocated in there." We both chuckled.

"Well, you really look beautiful Sujin. I don't know why your parents don't acknowledge it." Hongbin complimented and I shrugged. 

"Well it doesn't matter, because I'm going to a carnival with the most handsome boy in school." I flirted playfully and he blushed before opening the car door for me. 

"After you, my princess." He teased and I faked a bow.

"Wow, your highness. You're too kind."

The carnival was just as I imagined . Games, food, loud music, couples kissing, and lots of wild rides to make you hurl. Puking was definitely not on my bucket list tonight after vomiting my guts out this afternoon. But, dancing  seemed like the perfect distraction for me even if I wasn't the best. I looked at the Dj playing Electronica music on the stage and was instantly hypnotized. As if Hongbin read my mind he led me into the sweaty crowd of hyped people. Soon enough we were jumping up and down with the flow of the crowd while laughing out butts off. That died quickly when I noticed the blonde haired demon dancing with a purple haired girl. They were the only couple bumping and grinding on the dance floor. I watched the girl he danced with. Her hips moved slowly to the fast tempo music. Namjoon didn't seem to mind as his hands  had a tight grip around her waist. I scoffed. My temples in pain and a sharp pain striking my chest. My heart beat fast as anger boiled in my veins. It was just then that he turned around and looked me in the eyes a smirk on his face as he purposely grabbed her small . What the hell does he want from me?