Seokmin, Wonwoo and Sena asked what was wrong with Jin, and why she was frantically writing in her diary after speaking to Vernon. She refused to tell them. She was so ashamed of herself, and she didn’t want them to know that her stupidity had caused all of this.

They pressed for answers, especially Seokmin. He seemed to think that Vernon was bullying Jin.

“What did he say?” he asked her

“It’s nothing,” she repeated.

“Clearly it’s not. It’s making you write in your diary, which means it must be making you anxious. What is it?”

“Really, Seokmin. Don’t concern yourself over it.”

“If he’s being a douche to you, just tell me. I’ll cut his face off,” he threatened.

Jin brushed him off, though she was grateful he was so determined to protect her like that. It was flattering when the person you like appeared to care for you so much...

-

“Jin,” Sena called out to her softly as Jin was falling asleep in their dorm room.

“Yeah?” Jin responded tiredly from her bed, shifting slightly to face her.

“What’s happening between us?” Sena asked, with a sad look in her eyes.

Jin froze. She always knew that the talk was coming, but she never thought it would come so soon. She knew she would have to face this fading friendship sooner or later. Jin dreaded it. She dreaded it because she knew it would end in both of them feeling obliged to apologize and make up. They would say ‘let’s put it all behind us,’ hug, and then pretend to be best friends again. It would be so fake, and so the real issues between them would not be confronted.

Jin would not want to come clean about the real issues either. The jealousy, the hopeless, unrequited feelings for Seokmin, the way Sena had forgotten her birthday, the way Sena was spending so much time with other friends besides her…

Jin sat up from her bed, feeling rude laying down when talking about something like.

“I don’t know,” Jin lied. She didn’t know what else to say.

“We’re not telling each other things,” Sena said as she made her way to Jin’s bed and sat beside her.

Now’s the time we pretend to make up and pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t, Jin thought.

“It’s my fault,” Sena said sadly avoiding eye contact with Jin. “I know it’s my fault.”

“No it’s not,” Jin responded, narrowing her eyes, but honestly curious as to why Sena would possibly think that. Jin was the jealous one. Jin was the one that was avoiding Sena. Jin was the one that stopped telling Sena things…

Sena’s lower lip began to tremble, which surprised Jin a lot. Sena was one of the strongest people Jin had ever known, and to see her start crying out of nowhere was unexpected.

“Sena, what’s wrong?” Jin asked, shifting in her bed to face Sena more directly, and putting a comforting hand on her arm.

Sena wiped away the tears and forced a smile, “nothing. I’m just… so sorry. For everything.”

“For what?” Jin asked, really not understanding what this apology was for.

Sena shook her head, brushing the question off with a sniffles and another forced smile, “we’ll talk tomorrow. Go to sleep now. You look tired.” Sena kissed Jin’s forehead and went back to her own bed.

“It’s my fault, not yours,” Jin said to Sena after a pause.

“We’ll talk later,” Sena repeated, “sleep now.”

“But…”

“Shh,” Sena said, “sleep.”

Jin fell silent, going back under her covers. She was confused, curious, sad, and guilty.

Sena was crying because of her?

-

When Jin woke up that morning, Sena was still asleep. Jin had been thinking about their conversation for a long time that night, wondering why Sena was so sad and what Sena had wanted to talk to her about. It was hard resisting the urge to wake her so that they could have that conversation.

She had to go pick up Wonwoo so that they can go to class together, and so she figured it would be best to have the conversation later. She changed and shuffled out of her dorm room quietly, heading towards Wonwoo’s residence hall.

On the way, she made sure to buy him food. She knew she had financial issues, and so she wanted to help by gifting him with at least a week’s supply of ramen noodles.

She realized after she first visited his small and modest dorm (compared to Seokmin’s), and after seeing how he could not buy lunch because he had to pay twice the rent, that Wonwoo was not of high or even middle class. He was not as well-off as Seokmin or Sena or herself.

Jin felt guilty for not knowing before. Had she known, she would not have let him pay for all the times he offered when all four had gone out. All of them had paid an equal number of times, but it must have been especially difficult for him.

Why had she not known about it before? Wonwoo never complained (until now), and he never showed any indication of financial difficulty ever. She realized that he probably never wanted people know, because he never invited any of them over to his dorm before. He had never even told them where it was.

When she arrived and gave him the food, he took it, bowing his head in thanks.

“I’ll pay you back,” he promised.

“That’s not necessary,” Jin said, “and if you need any help with paying the rent, just ask.”

He looked slightly embarrassed. “Thanks. Hopefully it never comes to that. I’m looking for a job. But the fact I’m a theology major is throwing employers off. They want accounting or science or math majors. Like what use is knowing verses from the Bible by heart at a cash register job? It probably throws employers off. They probably think the only reason I study theology is because I was too lazy in high school to get the grades for the other majors…”

“I’ll help you find a job. Don’t worry. Someone is bound to say yes.” Wonwoo nodded, but he didn’t look convinced.

“I think I chose the wrong major,” he sulked.

“You’re interested in it though,” Jin defended, “it’s not wrong for you. Even if you hate religion, you are passionate learning about it…”

“But I don’t have the luxury of studying something I am passionate about,” he whined. “Jin, I’m thinking of dropping out.”

“What? No!” she replied quickly.

Seeing Wonwoo in such a frenzied state made her fell guiltier about being the channel through which his secret was revealed. There he was, financially troubled, getting harassed by classmates, struggling to look for a job, wanting to drop out of college, wanting to let go of studying something he was clearly passionate about. He was going through such a hard time because of her stupid diary, and she felt so useless for not being able to do anything besides buy him ramen and walk him to class.

“Wonwoo, you’re not dropping out,” she told him.

“If I get a decent job, then I won’t,” he said, “but for now, I have to consider it.”

Jin felt obliged to tell him what she found out about Vernon, about how his secret got out. He deserved to know why his world was crashing down around him, and she felt like she deserved to be hated for it.

“Vernon was the one who told everyone,” she told him immediately, without warning.

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes, “Vernon? What does Vernon have to do with this?”

“He read my diary,” Jin revealed with a shrug. She was so ashamed of herself, and she couldn’t not even look him in the eye. “He knew you were gay, and he decided to reveal it to annoy me or something.”

Wonwoo blinked a couple of times, and then looked out pensively.

“I’m so sorry,” Jin apologized, her eyes starting to tear up, “it’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

“That’s why you were so angry with him yesterday?” Wonwoo said kindly, smiling at Jin, pretending that everything was all right.

When he noticed that she was crying, he looked like unsettled.

“Oh Jin, please don’t cry,” he requested gently, “please. I with comforting people and I feel so nervous when people cry. Plus, it’s really not your fault. I don’t blame you at all.”

She wiped her tears, and sniffled. She held back her tears so that he is not fazed by it. “It is my fault.”

“It’s that ’s fault,” Wonwoo said, reaching out for Jin’s shoulder in a gesture of support, “not yours. Don’t blame yourself or else I’ll feel guilty.”

Jin nodded, but she couldn’t help the tear that fell from her eye, which Wonwoo wiped with the thumb of the hand that was on her shoulder.

“If one more tear comes out, I’m dropping out,” Wonwoo threatened jokingly.

She took a deep breath and stopped herself from crying.

“Now smile,” he requested. She obliged and pretended to smile. The smile must have looked weird, because it caused him to laugh, and genuinely laugh. She started to laughed because he laughed.

“Let’s go to class,” he told her with a smile when the laugh died out.

She nodded. He reached for her hand and held it in his.

“It really does feel good to hold your hand,” he told her as they started walking out the door, “not in a romantic way, of course. But it just feels like I have someone there to support me, to help me keep walking and get up if I fall. I know that sounds lame and all, but that's how it feels when I hold your hand.”

Jin shook her head. I did not sound lame, not to Jin. It actually made her so happy to know that he viewed her in that way.

She had been so worried he thought of her as a stupid little burden that was the reason for everything going wrong in his life right now, but that was not the case, and it made her so happy.

-

Lunch time finally came, and so it was the first time since last night that Jin had seen Sena. She was anxious to have that talk, to get it over with. The uncertainty had been making her uncomfortable all day. They would be with both Seokmin and Wonwoo though, and Jin wasn’t sure if Sena wanted to have that talk in front of them.

Sena had, of course, bought Wonwoo’s lunch again that day, and insisted that he eat it. Wonwoo begrudgingly conceded, muttering that he would pay her back in full and that he would keep track of all the lunches she bought him.

“I have a confession to make,” she said a few minutes in as they were eating. Whatever this confession was, it appeared quite serious given how somber Sena appeared.

Seokmin looked around, as if seeing if there were people around to hear. They were sitting in the empty outside patio again, and so there was no one around. What surprised Jin was that Seokmin seemed to know what Sena was about to say. Not only did he look around, but he also gave her an encouraging look that made her take a deep breath and say it.

“I think it was me who started the rumor,” Sena admitted, closing her eyes in shame.

Both Jin and Wonwoo seemed to not understand what “rumor” she was talking about at first…

“The rumor that you’re gay,” Sena explained to Wonwoo.

Wonwoo blinked, looking confused. He turned to Jin curiously, who was also confused. It was Vernon that spread the rumor, wasn’t it?

“I was just drunk the night of the party. I think I made have said something to the girls you refused to dance with. I’m not sure though…” Sena said with a shrug, “but I think I’m the only one who could have possibly spread it. So it’s probably me.” She looked ashamed. "I'm probably the reason for everything you're going through right now." She avoided eye contact with everyone and put her face in her hands. She was probably crying. Seokmin, who was sitting besides her, began to pat her back.

“Sena,” Wonwoo called softly to her, again seeming unsettled by her tears. “I know who it is that spread the rumor, and it’s not you. Don’t worry.”

Sena lightened up. “It isn’t?” she asked, looking extremely relieved.

“No. Now please don’t cry anymore,” Wonwoo told her, "I feel anxious when people cry in front of me."

Sena looked so relieved. She smiled and thanked God, and promised she would never drink ever again.

“Who was it, then?” Seokmin asked curiously.

“I don’t want to say,” Wonwoo replied, for which Jin was thankful.

Of course Sena and Seokmin pried him for the answer, but Wonwoo insisted he’d rather not reveal it, much to their dissatisfaction.

As Jin was walking Wonwoo to his next class, Wonwoo turned and asked her, “are you sure that it was Vernon?”

Jin blinked. He said that it was him. He admitted it. He could be lying, Jin thought. But he did say it. She didn’t quite recall the conversation, but she was sure he admitted to it fully.

“I think so,” Jin said with a shrug.

“You think?”

“I think it’s more likely him than it is Sena,” Jin told Wonwoo.

Wonwoo nodded, “okay. I’m just going to assume it was him.”

But Jin could not help but consider the likely possibility that it was actually not him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

Sena has been strange lately. She hasn’t been speaking to me as often, and she seems like she’s in her own world.

Now that I think about it, she spends so much time outside of the dorm. She seems to be drinking a lot as well.

Yesterday night, she cried and told me that our failing friendship is her fault. She would not elaborate on that, but she said she would. I wonder what she meant.

I feel like I have failed her as a friend as well. I think she’s going through something difficult. I could tell from the way she is smiling so much less.

Today, she also said that she might have been the one to let Wonwoo’s secret out. She said she was drunk and she may have said something, but she did not remember.

Whether or not it was her, I don’t know. All I know is that Vernon said that he was the one who did it. It may have been both of them. Or maybe Vernon lied about spreading it just to irk me? I don’t know what his deal was.

But if it wasn’t him, that means I slapped him for no reason. I kind of feel guilty now. What if ???

Actually, I take that back. If it wasn’t him, but he still wanted to make me think it was him, then he deserved that slap. What else did he expect? He was teasing me and insulting a friend. He deserved it.

A/N: I have been neglecting this story a lot lately, sorry!

I will update more regularly soon enough. But lately, life has been giving me a lot of lemons and so I might be a few more days before the next chapter is out. Thank you for the patience ^^