You okay? Wonwoo’s text read. She was still in that bus, going in rounds, not wanting to leave it at all.

I’m fine, Jin replied.

W: I have an extra bed in my room, in case you don’t want to go back to your own. My building doesn’t allow for girls to sleep over, but I’m sure we can get you in unnoticed somehow.

J: Thank you so much. And yes, I want to take you up on that offer.

W: ok :) just text me when you’re outside the building. I can bring a large hoodie and you can pretend you’re a guy and we’ll get you in.

J: thank you.

W: fighting!

It was a relief to know that she had somewhere to stay now. She didn’t want to see Sena or talk to her or face her after declaring the end of their friendship like that. It would just be so awkward and painful in every way.

When she felt a little better, she finally got off the bus and waited for the one that would take her back to campus.

She arrived outside at Wonwoo’s building and found him waiting outside for her with the hoodie in his hand. He gave it to her to put on, and she slipped into it, pulling the hat over her head so that the security guard does not spot her.

It was surprisingly easy to get in. The security at the front desk did not even look up as Jin trailed across the lobby and then up into Wonwoo’s room. Wonwoo kept looking around to see if anyone had spotted them though, and when he got to his door, he quickly motioned Jin inside.

As Jin entered, she felt this uncomfortable knot in her stomach. This was the second night in a row in which she did not sleep in her own room, and she just felt like everything was chaotic for her. She just felt displaced and uncomfortable about everything that was happening.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Wonwoo told her, “there’s ramen in the cabinet, if you’re hungry. I also changed my old roommate’s sheets for you, so it’s all clean. You can stay for as long as you need.”

“Thank you,” she said to him.

“I’m going to tell Seokmin and Sena that you’re here though, so they don’t worry. Is that okay?”

Jin nodded.

“For the record: sometimes I snore,” Wonwoo admitted lightheartedly, “just a warning.”

She smiled, and they fell silent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Wonwoo asked after the awkward silence. He looked towards her expectantly with a concerned look on his face.

“Can we not?” Jin asked. She really didn’t want to talk about it now. She knew if she talked about it, she would just feel terrible and start crying. She did not want to cry tonight, not when she had expended all her tears the previous night.

“Okay,” Wonwoo said, “but I’m always here for you if you need.”

“I know,” she smiled at him.

She woke up the following morning, right before she knew Sena had her early morning class. She decided to go back to her own dorm and pack a few things now that Sena was out. She wasn’t planning on moving back anytime soon.

When she arrived at her room, she saw many cans of beer everywhere on the floor. There were also tissues spread out, wet with what were probably Sena’s tears. She could tell from the eyeliner stains that were on them.

Jin remembered that Sena had drinking problems now. This conflict that they were now having was probably not making it easy for her, and  Jin felt guilty. It must have been hard for her last night, Jin thought as she inspected the empty beer cans and the tear-stained tissues.

She realized that maybe she was too preoccupied with her own self to realize the harm she was doing to Sena. Sena was clearly going through a dark period in her life, and Jin’s anger won’t help that at all.

Maybe I should forgive her, Jin thought as she tried to imagine how her former friend must have been feeling. She decided to consider it later. As much as she currently disliked Sena, the thought of Sena being depressed because of her made Jin feel terrible.

When she was back at Wonwoo’s dorm, she received a text from Seokmin.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. You have every right to be angry.

Jin read it and ignored it, mostly because she was unsure of how to reply. It wasn’t like she made the conscious decision to stop talking to him like she did with Sena. And even though she was angry with him, she didn’t want to avoid him.

Can we talk? was the next message from him.

Jin wondered if he had any idea about her feelings for him. Sena said she didn’t tell him, but Jin guessed that he probably had an idea from Jin's reaction to the revelation last night. But she didn’t ask. She ignored that message too.

-

Jin was hungry during lunchtime, but now that there was a conflict with the crew, she wouldn’t really eat with them like she usually did. She decided to just buy a sandwich and eat it outside under a tree or something.

As she was walking to buy it, her eyes spotted something that should not have bothered her, but for some reason, it did.

It was Vernon. He was talking to two girls, and Jin recognized them as some of Sena’s pretty friends. He was clearly flirting with them, and they were flirting back. At one point, Vernon even pointed to his cheek, and one of them kissed it.

Jin looked away and kept walking, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She didn’t know why. It was not like she was jealous or anything, but for some reason it really bothered her so much. And it bothered her even more that she couldn’t really articulate why it bothered her.

Maybe she had been so caught up with how he helped her that night, and how vulnerable he was when she saw him with his mother that she had forgotten the Casanova side of him that asked every girl to kiss him. Maybe she thought she was special to him because of how much they inadvertently knew about each other. Maybe she hoped he was not who she had thought he was. Whatever it was, it just put her in a very bad mood.

Her mood did not get any better, because the next thing she sighted somehow felt even more painful. Sena was seated in the table with Seokmin, Wonwoo and Mingyu. She liked Mingyu, but it just felt like Mingyu had taken her place for some reason.

If that wasn’t hurtful enough, Mingyu was clearly flirting with Sena. He was telling her jokes, touching her shoulder, and she was laughing with him…

For someone whose best friend for life had declared the end of their friendship, Sena looked awfully happy, and for some reason it just hurt; it hurt a lot.

It also hurt that Mingyu finally realized the beauty that Sena was. He got over Jin so fast, and Jin just felt so ugly and so… less than Sena. That searing jealousy came back to her again. That resentment built up inside of her, and she just felt like she wanted to burst into tears.

Wonwoo noticed her standing there from far away. Jin turned around and started to walk away. She didn’t want him to spot her crying. She didn’t want him to see just how petty she was with this jealousy. She tried to walk quickly and hoped that he wouldn’t follow her, but he did.

“Jin,” Wonwoo called out. Jin didn’t stop walking or turn around to acknowledge him.

He rushed forward to see her face and saw her tears.

“Come on, let’s go to my room,” he suggested sympathetically. He took her hand and they walked silently back to his room. She tried to stop crying, but she couldn’t.

When they arrived, Wonwoo asked her if she wanted to talk about it again. She shook her head. “I want to write in my diary,” she told him. But he did not take that as an answer.

“No, you can write about it later,” Wonwoo told, her pulling her to sit on his bed, “Now you’re going to talk about it. What’s wrong?”

Jin didn’t answer, but Wonwoo let the silence linger between them as he held her hand and waited expectantly for the answer. Jin took a moment to just collect her thoughts before she decided to tell Wonwoo.

“I don’t know how I feel, Wonwoo,” Jin said, “I just… I don’t like her but at the same time I feel like I have no right to dislike her. I’m also so jealous of her. Everyone loves her, and I just feel like nothing right now. I don’t know how to explain it. And when I went to our room, and I realized she was drinking and crying last night. But now I see her laughing with Mingyu like nothing happened, and I just don’t know how to feel about her. Should I hate her or forgive her or avoid her… I don’t know.”

She let the tears fall, and Wonwoo reached out to wipe them.

“I’ll tell you what to do,” Wonwoo said. “Forgive her.”

“I can’t though. She betrayed me and I also can’t help but feel jealous of her. Everyone loves her. Everyone. And I just feel so unloveable…”

“You’re not,” Wonwoo assured her, he lifted up her face with his fingers, forcing her to make eye contact with him, “don’t believe that for one moment, okay?”

Jin sniffled, and Wonwoo leaned to kiss her forehead. She smiled meekly at the intimate gesture.

“Stop crying, okay?” Wonwoo asked softly, caressing her face, “it really hurts to see you cry.”

He leaned in again and kissed her wet cheek. Jin blushed; this whole conversation with Wonwoo was now giving her chills. This was really the most intimate she had probably ever been with him, and it was kind of flustering.

“Are you going to stop crying?” Wonwoo asked when he pulled away a little bit.

When another tear strolled down her cheek, Jin was surprised when he leaned in again to kiss the edge of her lip. The blood in her body froze. This was strange, so strange.

And even stranger that he leaned in again, this time his lips pressed right against hers and stayed that way for a few seconds.

“W…what are y…you… doing?” Jin stuttered, when he pulled back from the kiss.

He looked just as confused as she was.

“I don’t know,” Wonwoo said, shaking his head. He stood up and paced around for a while, as Jin just stood there too shocked to understand what was happening and why he did it.

She touched her lips and waited for an answer from him. Her tears had now stopped, as she tried to arrange her jumbled thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said to her, not even sparing her a second glance when he stormed out of the room.

Jin sat there frozen for at least a minute before she quickly looked around to search for her diary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I just had my first kiss, and it was so unexpected. I’m also so confused right now. Everything is such a mess, and I don’t even feel like writing about this mess because all it does is make me feel like crap.

Wonwoo was supposed to help me with the mess, but instead he messed it up again when he kissed me. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I don’t know why he did it. He didn’t even give me an explanation; he just stormed off leaving me here without any sense of closure whatsoever.

This is not what I imagined my first kiss to be like. It was supposed to be romantic and it was supposed to be with someone I have feelings for, not this random thing that came out of nowhere with no warning that happened while I was crying over my failing friendship.

A/N: SURPRISE. ok so bet you didn’t see that coming! (neither did I tbh). JinWoo shippers rejoice (for now). I am actually really curious as to how you guys would react to this!

Okay it also took like 40 chapters for the protagonist to get her first kiss and it also happened to be with someone that none of you expected. Damn, this story moves slow doesn’t it? :P

Vernon in the next chapter!!