Jin could not refuse, even though the prospect of spending an extended period of time with him haunted her. His mother was expecting her, and she did not want to sadden the sick woman with her absence, especially since Vernon had promised that she would be there.

Jin made it very clear in her text to him that she was only going for his mother and not for him. He did not reply to that.

They left the following morning in a bus. No words were exchanged between them at all at the bus station. Jin did not even look at him. She just climbed into the bus and chose an empty row. Vernon sat in another empty row a few seats behind her.

The trip was eight hours, eight hours that passed fairly quickly as she used them to catch up on all of the work she had missed because of the trip.

It was only when they arrived that Jin had to follow him and talk to him. He told her he had rented a room in a hostel.

“I rented one room with two beds, but if you insist on sleeping in separate rooms, I can rent another,” he told her.

“It doesn’t matter,” she answered.

“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly to her, holding her arm and making eye contact with her, thus forcing her to respond to his apology. She pulled her arm away and told him to lead the way to the hostel.

When they arrived at the room, Vernon apologized again.

She wished he would make clear what it was that he was apologizing for exactly, because he had committed many different offenses the day before. Maybe he was apologizing for all of them, but Jin couldn’t find it in herself to even think about forgiving all of them. Just looking at him brought back the flashback of all the insults he called Sena.

When they arrived at the hospital, he apologized a third time.

Jin did not doubt the sincerity of his apologies; he truly regretted the whole encounter yesterday, and she knew it. However, it was not what he did that kept her from accepting his apology; it was more that he was capable of doing it...

When Vernon met his mother, Jin stood back and watched at the woman embraced him as tears filled her eyes. Vernon, too, looked as if he was about to cry too, but he successfully held back.

Jin was not really used to seeing this side of Vernon, the “mama’s boy” side. She meant a lot to him, and when he was with her, he would completely change. He would go from cocky to humble, from sarcastic to serious, from calm and collected to this emotional mess. Already, Vernon was telling her how much he missed her and was kissing her forehead lovingly.

It was Sofia’s turn to greet her mother, and Jin did that to the best of her ability, showing Mrs. Choi the same kind of love she would show her own mother.

Mrs. Choi asked about the family and about school and college. Jin noticed that she had started stutter more, and the words came out of her lips in a mumble sometimes. Some of the things that Mrs. Choi said did not even make sense. The progression of her disease was quite evident. Vernon noticed, and Jin could sense how every time his mother stuttered or said something nonsensical, he would look struck with sadness.

Eventually, Vernon revealed what he knew about Seungcheol. Mrs. Choi seemed shocked to hear it at first, but was eventually less concerned for Seungcheol and more for how it would affect Vernon.

“Are you okay, darling?” she asked him.

“Not really,” Vernon responded, “finding out that the person you confided in for over a year now is capable of doing something like that to another person isn't pleasant. I feel shocked and I was in denial for the longest time, but now I know he did it. I feel like I lost someone special to me, you know? I’m losing a lot of special people nowadays, mom…”

“Oh darling…”

“You’re one of those people,” he said to his mother, “how can you agree to treatment in the USA when I’m here?”

“Darling, you know I’m always there for you. But I can’t live here anymore and not be useful to the world. At least in the USA, I’ll be of use to the researchers…”

“What if you get worse?”

“I probably will. I know I already am. I can feel myself losing my sanity,” she said to him. “And so you need to accept that I’m going to leave you forever soon.”

“Don’t say that…”

“It’s true, my darling. People will leave you, and you need to stay strong when that happens. Start living without me for a while, okay? And when I’ve completely lost myself, don’t bother with me anymore,” she started to cry at this point, and could no longer articulate any words. Vernon put his arms around her comfortingly. He looked like he was in so much pain to hear his mother say that. Jin could not imagine how she would feel if her mother told her that she would eventually leave her forever.

It was only many minutes later, after some mumbling and jumbled words that Mrs. Choi started making sense again. She asked him about the girl he was dating.

Vernon glanced at Jin and then told his mother, “I think that’s over now.”

“But why? You really liked her…”

“And I still do. But I feel like she hates me now.” He glanced at her again, and she looked to the floor.

“Oh. I don’t know what to say then,” she replied. “I hope you’re not too sad about it.”

“I’ll be okay,” Vernon answered his mother.

Mrs. Choi went on to talk to Sofia. Jin told her that she had made up with her friends, and that she no longer felt lonely, making Mrs. Choi happy.

Jin pretended to be happy, because what she was saying to Mrs. Choi implied that she was happy. But there were a lot of things that were taking place that were keeping her from fully embracing that happiness. She no longer felt lonely, but at the same time, she felt even lonelier than before. She knew it had to do with Vernon.

In the same way that Vernon felt like he lost someone special to him with Seungcheol, she also felt like she lost someone special to her with Vernon.

When Mrs. Choi needed to go the bathroom and the nurses came in and took her, Vernon turned to Jin and asked: “will it be futile to say that I’m sorry again?”

This time, Jin wanted to respond to his apology. She knew it was hurting him, and she did not want to make him sadder than he already was.

“What are you apologizing for, exactly?” she asked him.

“Is that a trick question?” Vernon responded with a hesitant smirk. Jin was glad to see a part of his old self was starting to show, because lately, she had only been seeing anger and sadness from him.

“Not really,” she answered.

“I’m sorry about what Seugcheol did to you. I’m sorry for not believing you. I’m sorry for not letting you leave when you wanted to leave. And I’m sorry about what I said about Sena.”

“Thank you for apologizing. You don’t have to apologize for Seungcheol. And I can fully forgive you for not believing me. I can even fully forgive you for forcing me to talk to you as if you owned me. But I really cannot fully forgive what you said about Sena…”

“You have to understand my point of view though,” Vernon defended himself quickly, “I actually believed she falsely accused a friend of mine of her. I believed she ruined his life…”

“Even if that were true; you knew she was my friend, and you knew I believed in her. How you spoke those insults with such confidence… if you’re capable of doing that then I just don’t feel very comfortable with you anymore…”

Vernon looked like he wanted to say something, but held and back and nodded his head to accept her verdict.

“But I do forgive you, Vernon,” she added, “I don’t dislike or hate you like you think. I just don’t want to date you anymore.”

Vernon pursed his lips and nodded, “I get it.”

“I’m sorry if that disappoints you.”

“You already know that it does,” Vernon told her with what was supposed to be a smirk but come out as a weak and sad smile. “You already know how I feel about you…”

Jin felt herself blush at those words. She knew how he felt. He told her; Nayoung told her; she felt it from the way he treated her. And whenever she is reminded of it, she never dwelt on it long enough, because it was so unbelievable to think that someone like him wanted her in that way. Now the implication was making itself ever so clear in what he was saying and how he was saying it. The implication being: I like you. I like you a lot. It disappoints me so much that you want to end the short-lasting relationship that we had…

“Is there no way for me to redeem myself?” Vernon asked her. It again surprised her that he was so insistent about it. Just a few days ago he was pushing her way from him towards Seokmin, and now he was apologizing  and asking for ways to redeem himself.

“I’m sorry,” she replied.

Vernon’s expectant face fell and he nodded in acceptance. “Well, at least you don’t hate me,” Vernon said with a shrug and a pseudo-smirk that seemed to be hiding pain. Jin knew that Vernon was going through much pain besides the pain she was bringing him by ending their relationship: his mother was leaving him, and he lost Seungcheol. So many blows in so little time.

Mrs. Choi arrived, and Vernon took a deep breath and tried to revert to his original self for her. Jin could feel the fakeness of his small talk with her, and his mother did too. When she asked him what was the matter, he only told her that he was feeling quite overwhelmed.

Eventually, he excused himself from the room. Jin wanted to follow him. She was aching to say something to him that would help him cope with all the bad things that were happening to him all at once, but she figured she needed to stay with his mother for now.

“Is Vernon gone?” Mrs. Choi asked when Vernon left the room.

“Yes,” she said, “I don’t know where he went.”

“Come here, my darling,” Mrs. Choi patted at her bedside, and Jin climbed up beside her.

Mrs. Choi reached out and grabbed Jin’s hand with both of hers. “Can I know your name, my darling?”

Jin was taken aback by that question. Why was Mrs. Choi asking who she thought was her daughter for her name? Jin thought that perhaps this was one of her irrational episodes, but something about the way Mrs. Choi said it told Jin that she knew exactly what she was saying.

“Sofia,” Jin responded hesitantly.

“Oh darling, I know you’re not my Sofia,” Mrs. Choi replied, making Jin’s jaw drop.

“What?”

“I’ve known for a long time. I’ve known since the beginning actually. You’re much too mature to be my Sofia. But I told myself to pretend that you are for my own sake and for Vernon’s sake. I know he’d been trying to get Sofia to see me for a long time. I didn’t want to trouble him anymore, and so I just pretended to think that you were Sofia...”

Jin did not know what to say.

“Don’t tell him that I know. He’s already going through a difficult time. I don’t want him to feel any worse…”

“I won’t,” Jin replied softly, still in shock. She was also feeling so guilty and embarrassed all of the sudden, realizing that this woman knew that she had been impersonating her daughter all this time. Jin had tried to deceive a sick woman...

“What’s your name, darling?”

“Jin,” Jin replied hesitantly, suddenly feeling like a stranger to her.

“And you’re the one he’s crazy about?” she asked.

Jin blushed and hesitated to answer that question. She didn’t need to answer it though, for Mrs. Choi seemed to know the answer already.

“I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out between the two of you,” Mrs. Choi said. “I’m not going to ask you to forgive him or go easy on him or anything like that, but I am going to ask you to stay happy, my darling Jin. You have been a wonderful daughter, and I can see what it is about you that made Vernon adore you like he does.”

Jin nodded, feeling like she wanted to cry for all the overwhelming emotions she was experiencing. She was touched and guilty and sad all at the same time.

“Mom…” the word slipped from out of habit. She realized her mistake as soon as she said it, and quickly corrected herself. “Mrs. Choi…”

“I like ‘mom’ better,” Mrs. Choi replied with a smile. She wrapped her arms around Jin and kissed her head. Jin felt so unworthy of that affection from her. Not only had she lied to her the past few weeks, but she was also partly responsible for the way that Vernon was now feeling.

Vernon came back an hour later with food for the both of them. Jin pretended to be Sofia, but not for Mrs. Choi this time, but for Vernon. She could tell that all of the positive energy had been drained out of him the past few days, and she did not want to drain anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

Vernon told me that he felt like he lost three people in the course of only one day: he lost Seungcheol, who was not who he had thought he was; he lost his mother, who was moving far away from him; he lost me, who told him I didn’t want to go out with him anymore.

I stand by that decision. To be honest, sometimes I hesitate, and the feelings I had for him come running back to me. Sometimes I feel like I just want to hug him and tell him I have these feelings for him. I want to kiss him like that one time in his room where he made me feel so happy for so long. But then I remember that frown on his face and the conviction with which he insulted Sena, and I recoil and shudder at the prospect of ever going back to him.

It’s funny how one thing that a person does can change so much about his character. Seungcheol probably would have been such an interesting person, but knowing what he did to Sena makes him a criminal. Vernon would have been the person I gave my heart to, but the way he used those slurs against Sena made me stop wanting to do so anymore.

And I know he’s sorry for it, and I accept that apology, but I also know that he’s only sorry for it because it turned out untrue that Sena falsely accused Seungcheol, and not because he was wrong to insult any girl like that to begin with, let alone my best friend.

But as much as I tell myself that I don’t want anything to do with him, as much as I know he messed up, and as much I cringe when I think about the insults, I can’t help but like him. I’m sorry. I can’t help but wish that he would stop feeling as bad as he does. I wish him happiness, and I wish that he would go back to the arrogant and cheeky Vernon that I fell for.

It’s been such a long time since he called me Frostbite. I don’t like it. I guess he feels like the atmosphere is not conducive to this affectionate name-calling. And it . I want to hear him call me Frostbite again...

And as it turned out, his mother knew that I was not Sofia. She didn’t pressure me to go back to him, but she wished me happiness. I don’t feel happy anymore, unfortunately, and I know that this lack of happiness has to do with where I stand with Vernon.

He always does this to me. He always makes me dislike him and then confuses me so much after that. There’s something so alluring about him to me. Vernon, you are the most confusing person I have ever met. I don’t know what I want from you. But there’s one thing that I do know for sure, and that is that I wish you would be happy again very soon.

A/N: So I’m finding it difficult to sit down and write this story, which is a sign telling me I need to end it soon. So yeah, I’m gonna really try to tie all the knots and stuff now lol. I’m not sure how many chapters that will take, but like I have an idea of where the story will go. Quite a few things need to happen before it ends though, so stick with me until the end juseyo~