It was a good day that day. Sitting in a circle in the living room, they let out all of the secrets that had been plaguing their friendship for so long.

Wonwoo and Jin started by telling Seokmin and Sena about the little thing that happened between them: the kiss and Wonwoo’s subsequent confusion and how the two of them almost ended up together. When Wonwoo was asked if he were still confused about his feelings for Jin, Wonwoo shook his head.

“I love Jin, but not like that,” he said to them.

Seokmin was next to volunteer to say something, and he told them about Jiwoo, his late girlfriend that never left his mind. Jin had heard most of this story, and Wonwoo had been there to experience it. Seokmin was telling the story to Sena, who was the only one who did not really know about her. Unlike the time Seokmin told it to Jin, he was not as emotional this time; he sound a lot more confident and fluid.

“I’m slowly starting to move on from losing her, and I have all three of you to thank for that,” he told them.

Sena was next to reveal how she had an alcohol problem after the first time Seungcheol violated her, a problem that she had to seek rehabilitation for so that she could start focusing on her classes. She talked about her counseling sessions, and how she had come clean about the to a woman in that center.

"She helped me so much. Without her, I think would have killed myself,” Sena revealed. “She was the one who helped me get a diagnosis for anti-depressants, and she also talked me out of so much misery."

It made Jin feel so guilty to be reminded of that time when Sena was going through the worst kind of darkness, and Jin had not been there for her. Instead, Jin was writing in her diary about how jealous she was of her, and later made a conscious effort to ignore her...

Wonwoo seemed especially moved by what Sena was saying. From the way he looked at Sena, Jin could tell that it struck a chord with him.

And Sena seemed to be aware that it would, for she glanced at him when she was done. There was something that both of them seemed to know that Jin and Seokmin did not. That did not last very long though, for Wonwoo then started telling them about his own past experiences with depression that even Seokmin was surprised to hear about.

That story naturally led him to reveal something else: that phone call with his parents that Jin had been meaning to ask him about.

Wonwoo was clearly shaken by the experience. Jin did not think she had ever seen Wonwoo so vulnerable. It was something he was evidently sensitive about, for he looked as if he were about to cry as he recounted it.

"I lied and told them Jin was my girlfriend," Wonwoo finally revealed, looking towards Jin. “Sorry about that…”

"If you want me to, I'll be more than happy to pretend for you," Jin replied.

Wonwoo nodded, though he seemed uncertain about what he wanted exactly. Jin felt so bad for him, and she didn't know what to say to him. It was his parents' marriage that at was at stake for him, and so she felt she had no right to advise him.

"I don't know what to do," he said as he rubbed his forehead.

"You're not responsible for your parents," Sena said. “If they divorce, it’s because of them and not you. Don’t let them ruin your chances at happiness.”

“A part of my happiness is that they stay together though,” Wonwoo told her. “They’re my parents,” a tear fell from his eyes as he said it. It must have been the first time that Jin had ever seen Wonwoo cry.

“I’ll talk to them, Wonwoo,” Seokmin promised. “I’ll try to get through to them.”

“They won’t listen,” Wonwoo responded. “They won’t listen to anyone.”

Jin felt in that moment that she understood so much more about him: his hatred of religion, his desires to learn more about it, his financial troubles, his attachment to the ual orientation part of his identity. While before, Jin had been unsettled by Wonwoo’s hatred of something she held dear, she now understood him completely. She probably would have been the same had she been in his shoes. If her parents had psychologically tortured her and verbally abused her because of her deviance from religious tenets, then she would have hated religion too.

They all fell silent after Wonwoo had finished talking to give him time to collect himself.

After that, Seokmin said: “Wonwoo, I think that it’s time me and you came clean to the girls about our secret.” He had a little grin on his face, and Jin could just tell that Seokmin only brought up this “secret” to lighten the heavy atmosphere that had now surrounded them.

Wonwoo cringed and shook his head, “oh God, why do you have to bring it up again?”

Seokmin laughed and looked towards Sena and Jin’s expectant faces. “So… me and Wonwoo want to tell you about our first kiss… one kiss. Our first kiss was with each other.” Seokmin was laughing as he said it, but Wonwoo did not seem too amused. He covered his face in shame and Jin and Sena looked both entertained and confused by the confession.

“We were in like fourth grade,” Wonwoo said before Sena and Jin could imagine things.

“Let me tell them the story. So there was this really annoying guy in our class named Dongho, who we both hated so much. He was telling everyone about his first kiss with such gross detail and started making fun of the people who didn’t have it yet, including me and Wonwoo. We both started looking for girls to kiss, but they all thought we had cooties or whatever. And so we did what any other rational 9-year-olds would do: we kissed each other in class right in front of that Dongho jerk. Then we got detention and the teacher yelled at us.”

Seokmin told it in such an entertaining way, making both Sena and Jin to burst out laughing. Wonwoo was covering his face in embarrassment, but also he himself couldn’t help but laugh at himself.

“That kiss was what changed Wonwoo’s ual orientation, by the way,” Seokmin joked. “I was so hot as a 9-year-old, that Wonwoo started to realize that boys were the ones for him. All because of me.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and pushed Seokmin playfully, “so you’re the source of all the misery in my life,” he joked.

“Can’t help being hot, sorry,” Seokmin joked again, making Wonwoo laugh.

“I really can’t imagine you two kissing,” Sena said still laughing.

“Oh no, please don’t imagine it,” Wonwoo cringed and shook his head.

“Hey, you have to admit I was a good kisser in fourth grade,” Seokmin said with a mischievous grin, causing Wonwoo to shudder.

“Can we move on from this subject, please?” Wonwoo asked looking to Jin and Sena to save him from the embarrassing memory.

The conversation that followed naturally led up to Sena talking about Seungcheol again.

"He had a way with words," Sena revealed them. "It was weird. He called me beautiful in very creepy but poetic ways. The first time, he cajoled me as he did it; he was softer, and it was easier to deal with afterwards. The second time, he was different: crazy, violent and terrible. He called it a punishment for dating someone else. He told me he was obsessed with me, and he didn't want to 'share' my body with anyone else. He hurt me so much more, and I don't think I'll ever be able to get over that trauma." She couldn't speak anymore at this point; her body was trembling and her words had transformed into stutters.

"Can we know his name?" Seokmin asked her softly. He seemed calm, but somehow Jin knew that he was containing an overwhelming kind of anger. Maybe it was that the warmth that was characteristic of his eyes was somehow extinguished.

Sena hesitated, but she glanced up at him and said: "Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol."

Wonwoo did not know who it was, but Seokmin recognized the name from the time when he was trying to help Jin find someone to date.

"He was on your list," Seokmin said looking at Jin. "We looked at his Facebook, I remember."

Jin hated to be reminded of that fact, but it was true. Seungcheol was a name on that list…

"What list?"

And so it was Jin's turn to come clean. She told Sena (and Seokmin and Wonwoo) everything that she had kept to herself past few months: the list, Vernon reading her diary, hating him at first, the encounter with his mother, how she was the drunk girl in all the rumors about him, and how she eventually came to date him.

“Do you… have feelings for him?” Wonwoo asked Jin curiously.

It was hard to answer that question. Everything inside of her screamed yes as an immediate response to that, but glancing at Seokmin made her hold back a little.

It was really in that moment as she looked at him that things started to become a little clearer. When she looked at Seokmin, she felt a bittersweet kind of longing, a longing that one would always feel with their first love. When she looked at Vernon, the feelings were much different. There was nothing bittersweet about her feelings for Vernon; there was only sweetness. An exciting, adrenaline-rush kind of sweetness. There was this desire in her to spend time with Vernon, to just look at him, to make him happy and for him to make her happy.

Vernon had asked her to really confront her feelings for Seokmin, and in that moment, she did. The feelings you have for your first love don’t easily fade, but they do lose the excitement that such feelings often contain. Although she still liked her first love, and perhaps had this innate desire to be with him, that desire is now so overtly superseded the exhilaration she felt with Vernon.

Yes, she had feelings for Vernon. That does not cancel out completely what she felt for Seokmin, but it did undermine it to the point that it no longer mattered. Vernon was the one to whom she now wished the commit, the one who excited her and made her feel happy.

“I do,” Jin finally answered Wonwoo, “I do have feelings for Vernon.”

Jin avoided Seokmin’s eyes when she made the confession, but from the way he remained silent in response to it, Jin could tell that it was not something he took lightly. It was not something he wanted to joke or to about, as he probably would have if he did not actually like her. She glanced at him slightly to see that he was looking at the floor.

Sena and Wonwoo, however, looked happy to hear what Jin was saying.

“Speaking of feelings,” Sena turned to Wonwoo and eyed him curiously, “you promised me you were going to talk about Mingyu.”

Wonwoo scratched the back of his neck and looked away shyly.

“I’m sure we all already know it,” Seokmin joked, looking up from the floor and reverting back to his original, playful self.

“Do you?” Wonwoo asked him. “Do you really?”

“A gay boy moves into a room with a tall, handsome model who likes skinship. Everybody knows,” Seokmin said matter-of-factly.

“When you put it like that, I guess it’s obvious,” Wonwoo said with a shrug. “But, he’s as straight as they come,” he added, “and I don’t have a chance.”

“Don’t say that. Anything’s possible,” Sena encouraged him.

“No, it’s not possible. But you and him on the other hand…”

“God no,” Sena said quickly, “last time I dated a guy that a friend of mine liked, that did not end too well for me.”

“But...”

“No Wonwoo. I would never agree to date Mingyu. Ever.”

“Never ever?”

“Never,” Sena asserted.

“In that case,” Wonwoo mouthed nervously, “I have another secret to reveal to you all.”

All three of them waited expectantly for Wonwoo to say what he wanted to say. He seemed hesitant to say it, as it took a moment to finally come out of his mouth

“I think I’m falling in love with him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

All four of us had a long conversation just now in which we let everything out. I learned a lot about them all through this conversation, and I even learned about myself. I did confront my feelings for Seokmin, and I came to the conclusion that those feelings have been buried in then bliss of my experiences with Vernon.

I also learned more about Wonwoo, who I understand a lot better now. His parents have used religion as a way to discipline him, a way to shape him to their desires. And now, they are threatening the end of their marriage, making Wonwoo lie to them. He’s in so much pain because of it.

There’s one more thing that Wonwoo confessed: he’s falling in love with Mingyu. When he said it, there was this longing in his eyes that told me he was not joking or exaggerating. I feel sad for him, because even I could tell that this love would be unrequited. It must be hard for him to live under the same roof as the person with whom he is vainly in love.

A/N: @ mingyu pls love wonwoo too ok thanks

(also get married and have babies and stay together forever and ever UGH)
^ LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE im dying