Seokmin had stopped trying to set Jin up with someone, but they remained close. Seokmin texted Jin regularly, sending her picture of Vernon flicking his hair and pretending to swoon over it. Their inside jokes persisted. They regularly met without Wonwoo and Sena, just to talk.

Although they maintained their closeness, Seokmin didn’t show it when Sena was around. He didn’t really joke around with Jin, even when Vernon walked right past them and flicked his hair. Jin understood that this was damage control. She didn’t mind that Seokmin did not pay attention to her when Sena was around, because she knew it was an act to show Sena that there was nothing going one between the two of them.

When Seokmin and Jin met, they also made sure to do so without Sena knowing. Their meetings were quite clandestine in that regard, going to some random coffee shop Sena would never run into. When Jin went to Seokmin's dorm, she would always look around to make sure Sena did not spot her. Seokmin made sure that Jun was not around either, because Jun and Sena had become friends.

Seokmin and Jin did not really talk about this plan to pretend not to be close in front of Sena. They just kind of knew it was happening, they both understood it without talking about it. It was this kind of special bond they had where they understood one another's intentions without ever talking about them.

Sena was completely oblivious to the kind of relationship Seokmin and Jin had. She didn’t know they texted so much, or that they met alone, or that she was the only reason they were keeping it secret. Actually, she was starting to be convinced that there really wasn’t anything going on between them, and that Jin did not like Seokmin at all.

But Jin did like him, more and more every day. The more she learned about him, the more she wanted him. The more he paid attention to her, the more she wished he would get over Sena.

He did not get over Sena. Jin could see that he still wanted her, and that he was waiting for an opportunity to win her over. He told Jin that he was thinking of directly confessing to her, and Jin encouraged him (much to the pain in her chest).

Sena was asked out a couple of times by plenty of guys, but she rejected them all. She told Jin about them.

“Why did you reject them?” Jin asked, “don’t you want to date?”

“Yes, I do. But I’m waiting for someone in particular…”

“Who?”

“I’ll tell you later, promise,” Sena said.

Jin had a feeling that it was Seokmin that Sena was waiting for. Somehow, Jin was actually sure that it was. When she told Seokmin about this conversation, he was so delighted.

A few weeks passed. Jin developed more little crushes. Apart from the eight guys she already had on there, four others made their way into that list.

The first was Joshua, a really good-looking American. He plays guitar at university events, and he’s so polite to everyone around him. Jin was once running late to class with a lot of books in her hand, and he noticed this and rushed to open the door for her. Jin was really touched, and, like any girl when a cute guy with a kind smile that plays guitar goes out of his way to open the door for her, she fell for him. He was a phase for Jin for a good two weeks.

The other one that made his way onto the list is someone who calls himself Woozi. This one is so multi-talented, able to compose great songs. He’s also short and cute, and just impossible to not love. Jin instantly fell for him when she met him at a college event

The other one was named Lee Chan. He was majoring in dance, apparently on scholarship because of his talent. She ran into him while walking around the university building, lost in the arts department. She wandered into the dance room, and she saw him dance. Instantly, she knew she had a crush on him. This crush was amplified when he kindly escorted her through the arts department to where she wanted to go.

The last one she added was Mingyu, the one that Wonwoo still stalked every morning. She couldn’t help it. He was really the most attractive of people in the university. Tall, slick smile, deep eyes you could easily drown in. Sometimes, Jin would go to university early just so that she could sit beside Wonwoo and take in the eye candy.

“You better not be falling for him too,” Wonwoo warned her gravely one day.

“What if I am?” Jin asked with a sly smile.

Wonwoo glared at her and pushed her lightly, “you’re mean,” he whined.

“Don’t worry,” Jin laughed, “I think he’s attractive as hell, but I have feelings for someone else…”

“Oh,” Wonwoo perked, his eyes widening with interest. He turned his body to face Jin and his attention was fully averted from Mingyu to her, “do tell.”

“I’m not telling,” Jin insisted, “it’s none of your business.”

“Pleeeeaseee,” Wonwoo begged with a pout on his face and with annoying aegyo, aegyo that just did not suit Wonwoo in the least bit.

“Stop,” Jin said, cringing at the cute face Wonwoo was making.

“I told you about Mingyu. You owe me one.”

Jin thought about telling Wonwoo about her feelings for Seokmin. She trusted him not to tell anyone, and she knew it would be nice to get it off her back. It would be nice to tell someone about it given that she can’t tell Sena or Seokmin. But she was not entirely comfortable with revealing it. Yet. “I’ll think about it,” Jin promised Wonwoo.

-

Today was Jin’s birthday. She hadn’t told Wonwoo or Seokmin (nor anyone in college for that matter). She wasn’t one to advertise the day to people, because she did not like being the center of attention. She hated when people sung her happy birthday, or when everyone pays attention to her just this one day and ignore her the rest of the year. She hated the whole concept of birthdays, actually.

Sena is the only one in college who knew about her birthday. She expected Sena to do something about it, to acknowledge it somehow. With a gift perhaps. Or maybe a small little surprise party with only the four of them. Sena knew that Jin hated being with a large group of people, and Jin trusted that Sena would therefore keep her birthday on the down low. She would have probably told Seokmin and Wonwoo though. At least.

Jin came to college expecting that they would at least wish her a happy birthday. But no. They acted like it was the most normal of days. Sena did not even bring it up. She did not give Jin an ounce of extra attention.

Jin acknowledged that perhaps they were just pretending so that they surprise her with something later, but Sena at pretending. Jin would have noticed if Sena was pretending to forget. This time, Sena actually forgot...

What made it worse was that it turned out that Minghao’s birthday was on the same day, and while Jun and other Chinese exchange students were celebrating Minghao’s birthday during lunch, the four of them were just eating lunch as usual. The birthday balloons from the Chinese clique should have at least sparked some kind of recognition from Sena. But nothing.

Jin hated birthdays, but she also hated being forgotten. She couldn’t help but be hurt. She tried to forget about it, but she couldn’t. It was this gloomy cloud in her heart that made her feel like she just was not as loved as everyone else who had their birthdays celebrated by their close friends.

It’s probably a mistake. Sena didn’t mean to forget. She’s just tired and stressed from college. She’ll remember eventually… she tried to stay positive throughout the day, and she tried not to think negatively about Sena because of it. It’s hard to control the heart though.

Her World Religions class did not make her day any better.

They were talking about Islam, a topic that Jin knew a lot about because she lived in Jordan. She realized in that class just how ignorant some people are.

She usually did not talk in class. She never raised her hand or participated in class discussions; she was too shy to do so. Although she had a view about the topic they were talking about, she didn’t think she would express it.

“In Islam, women are asked to cover their head," the professor explained, "a lot of outsiders take that to be oppression of women. Muslims claim that is it not oppression, because these women cover their head as a sign of their devotion to God. What do you guys think?”

Wonwoo was the first who raised his hand: “I think it’s oppression because men are not asked to do so. And so if this God of theirs is real, then even He is oppressing women.”

Jin was used to Wonwoo’s blows against God by now. She didn’t agree with him, but she understood that his motivation and his antipathy towards religion.

More and more people raised their hands, each and every single one of them said they thought the women in headscarves and veils were being oppressed. Not one of them took on the other side or even attempted to do so.

Even Vernon raised his hand to answer the question: “I hear that Arab girls are really hot. But the thing is, we don’t know that,” Vernon said haughtily, “they wear all this stuff and they just ruin the image they could have in the world as really hot chicks with great hair, great s, great bodies. So yeah, it is oppression.”

Jin was angered by that response the most. She could not hold it in. All the negativity inside her welled, and she needed to say something. She raised her hand for the first time that semester. Wonwoo, who was sitting besides her, looked really surprised.

When the Professor, called on her, Jin felt all eyes on her and all the nervousness culminated. She took a deep breath and said, looking straight in Vernon’s direction, “did you ever stop to think that people like you are the very reason these women cover their bodies?” The whole class oooed, as if she had just burned him bad. He looked surprised, sat back in his chair and crossed her arms, as if challenging her.

Jin took a deep breath and continued, “the hijab is not only about God,” Jin told the class, “it’s about making sure that douchebags like Vernon don’t ualize them, take them be objects for their eyes to enjoy rather than people in their own right. Secondly, every single woman I met who wore the hijab was not forced to do so. On the contrary, the women love it because it’s easy and convenient. And if you say their God is oppressive, like Wonwoo suggested, well then clearly you don’t know that there are plenty of things that Muslim men are not allowed to do that Muslim women are. Everyone is so worked about the hijab because it outwardly visible, but no one says ‘oh Muslim men are so oppressed; they have to give out the money they earn to the family, but women get to keep all the money they earn.’ Also, you all say that they live in oppressive societies, well, the women there actually think we’re the ones living in oppressive societies. They think it’s oppressive that women in our society are encouraged to show skin just to appeal to the male eye, or that a woman feels ugly if she doesn’t show too much skin. They think it must to live in our world, and we think it to live in theirs. Just think about that for a second before making deterministic judgments about other religions and cultures…” when Jin finished her rant, the whole class went quiet.

Jin felt self-conscious all of the sudden; she hated being the center of attention. She looked to Wonwoo for support, and even he looked so surprised that the shy Jin had just sputtered out all of those words without stopping. She looked over in Vernon’s direction, and he looked slightly irked.

The professor broke the silence by clapping, and pretty soon others from the class started clapping too, which resulted in the entire class clapping (except Vernon).

“Good job, Jin,” the professor complimented, “you have made and excellent argument.”

“Ha!” Vernon said loudly, “I beg to differ.”

“I love arguments,” the professor said with a smile, “argue against her point, Vernon.”

“It’s not a woman’s job to cover up just so that men don’t ualize her,” Vernon challenged, looking directly at Jin.

Jin narrowed her eyes, “you’re saying this after ualizing the entire race of Arab women.”

“Respond to my argument,” her sneered.

“It also isn’t your job to prevent someone from robbing your house, but that does not mean you don’t lock the door.”

“What if you don’t want to lock the door? You shouldn’t be forced to.”

“And they’re not forced.”

“It’s a law in Saudi Arabia.”

“Saudi Arabia does not represent the entire Muslim population. Most Muslim countries actually condemn the Saudi law.”

“Even if they’re not forced, they’re brainwashed into doing it. And so they are kind of forced even if they don’t realize it.”

“It’s a custom. We Koreans have customs too, and we don’t say we’re brainwashed into doing them.”

“Oh yeah. Like what?”

“Bowing when we greet people. Using formal language in the presence of elders. Not eating before elders start eating.”

“Okay but none of those dictate what we wear.”

“Oh please. You’re telling me that we don’t have expectations of what to wear in Korea? Can a man wear a dress? No. Can a woman show cleavage? No. Can we wear the Japanese imperial flag? No.”

“Yeah but we don’t ask women to cover everything.”

“And the Muslims don’t ask us to use formal language in the presence of elders.”

Vernon fell silent. The whole class ooed and yelled ‘burn.’ Vernon looked angry.

Crap, Jin thought, realizing that she had probably just made an enemy out of the biggest douche in college.

When class ended, her realization was confirmed when Vernon confronted her, “you embarrassed me in front of the class,” he told her, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows at her.

“I’m sorry!” Jin bowed to him. She did not want to start trouble.

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart. I’m just warning you; I’m going to get you back one day,” he winked at her. Jin cursed under her breath as she watched Vernon flick his hair and walk away with a smug grin on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I hate my life.

Today was an eventful day. For one, it was my birthday, but it was not eventful because of that. Actually, Sena forgot, and so nothing even happened. Seokmin and Wonwoo do not even know.

I was expecting something, but nothing. I was forgotten, like I always am. Overlooked, like I always am. No one cares about me, no one thinks about me. I’m even forgotten that one day of the year where the whole point was to not be forgotten.

I’m just so hurt. I cried a lot when I got back from class, but Sena was not even around to ask what was wrong. I texted to ask where she was. She was invited to Minghao’s birthday party as Jun’s plus one, apparently. Screw her, honestly.

Screw her.

I’m too mean to her, but I can’t help it. She forgot about me. She completely forgot about me, and now she’s going to some random guy’s birthday party with a cute guy that I liked first. And now I have a paper to write but I can’t write it because I’m too busy crying and wishing I was someone else, someone loved whose birthday was actually remembered by someone other than her parents.

She was supposed to be my best friend. Now I just feel like she’s one of the popular girls that would never want to associate with the likes of me.

Honestly, screw you Sena. Screw you. I hate you. I hate you. No, I don’t hate you. I love you but today, just let me hate you please. Let me hate you and not feel guilty about it. Let me wish you the worst and not feel guilty about it.

What am I saying???

I am so horrible to her. Small wonder she forgot my birthday. I should just hate myself instead of her. I’m the one who at everything.

I will stop talking about her, because talking about her makes me want to lock myself in a room and cry myself to death.

That was not the only ty thing that happened today. I was also confronted by that douchebag Vernon. He made some really stupid comments about girls in the hijab and I dragged him in the mud in class and probably embarrassed him. After class he said he would get me back.

I know I’ll be hearing from that douchebag soon, which is the last thing I need in my life right now...

A/N: for Jin but HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY PRECIOUS MINGHAO <3