“So how’d your rejecting go?” Seokmin asked as he got out of the bathroom after showering. Jin turned to reply to him until she saw that he wore nothing but a towel around his waist.

She immediately turned her head and blushed.

“What?” he laughed when he saw her reaction.

“Put on clothes,” she requested sheepishly, looking straight at the floor.

“Don’t worry, I’m wearing boxers,” he reassured her, seeming amused.

She slowly turned her head to see that the towel that had been around his waist was now over his bare shoulders. Although he was clothed, he was still not really clothed because his wet, bare chest was just demanding her attention. Jin tried to focus on only his eyes.

“So, did you reject him?”

Jin nodded, “yeah, I did.”

“Was it easy?” he asked as he took the towel and dried his hair.

“No,” Jin answered, trying very hard not to look at his chest, “but I did it.”

“Did he take it well?”

Jin nodded, “he’s very nice.” She averted her eyes. She felt like she could not really tell him everything she wanted to tell him while he was shirtless.

When he finally put on an undershirt, she let out a sigh of relief. She realized then just how comfortable he was around her –which was somewhat gratifying– but she still did not feel like this comfort was reciprocated. She was not as cool with him half as he seemed to expect her to be.

Seokmin noticed that his semi-ness has flustered her. “You’re just like Sena. It must be a Jordanian thing,” he joked.

“What?”

“The prudishness,” Seokmin said, “Sena was uncomfortable when I wasn’t wearing a shirt too.”

Jin could not help but wonder when Seokmin had ever been shirtless in front of Sena. Jin was usually with the two of them when they hung out, and she only did not join them when they went to late night parties together. But late night parties are not places where Seokmin would take off his shirt.

She figured that Sena and Seokmin had hung out together without her before. It was only slightly hurtful to find out. She pushed the thought away and just accepted it.

“So now would you stop thinking about Mingyu?” Seokmin asked, “is he off your back?”

Jin nodded. She had been preoccupied with Mingyu for far too long now. It was time she gave Seokmin the attention he deserved. She knew he had been waiting to tell her something…

After more conversations about random things, Seokmin finally brought that something up: “I’m ready to tell you about her.”

Jin immediately knew that the “her” he was referring to was the late girlfriend that had passed away recently.

She waited as he gathered his thoughts. Jin could tell he was struggling to keep his composure as he thought about the girl, as he was facing all those dark memories that needed to resurface in order for him to talk about them.

He told her, and Jin could only listen. At one point she felt the need to touch him: to hold his hand, to hug him, to put her hand on his shoulder, to rub his arm. Her touches would comfort him; he would at least stop trembling, and occasionally stop some of the tears that would stroll down his cheek.

When he was done, he excused himself to the bathroom to wash his face. He stayed there for quite a long time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

This is the third entry from Seokmin’s dorm. What an eventful time it has been. It’s 2AM, and I’m sitting here reflecting on what he had revealed. He told me about his late girlfriend. I’m going to recount the story here right now:

Her name was Jiwoo.

She was his neighbor, and he had known her for as long he could remember. They started dating in middle school, and only because it was cool to date that young. They weren’t in love at first, and just young people trying to be hip. They stayed together for a long time, and they broke up briefly a little before high school because Jiwoo started liking other guys. Seokmin, however, had fallen in love with her.

They spent a year not dating. Jiwoo had two boyfriends. She had confessed to Wonwoo, but was of course rejected. Seokmin tried dating as well. He liked a couple of girls, but he could not find anyone he would rather be with besides her.

His confessed his love for her eventually, when she was still dating someone else. She did not feel the same way, and so it made things awkward between them for the longest time. It was even more awkward because they had to walk to school together, being neighbors and all.

Her former boyfriend had found out that Seokmin was in love with her, and gave him hell for it; Seokmin was beat up and bullied. When Jiwoo found out, she broke up with the guy. One day, on their way to school, she dragged him to an empty alley and kissed him. They dated ever since.

Their relationship was very passionate. They told each other everything. Her parents were his parents; her house was his house; her bed was his bed. They shared every detail of their lives with one another. She was his best friend more than his lover, he said. Seokmin said they had already planned to get married when they got to college because they could not imagine ever not getting married in the future.

Jiwoo was very smart, apparently. She would have definitely gotten into the top SKY Universities of Korea if she wanted. But Seokmin was not so smart. She had vowed only to go to a university if he went with her though, and so she was prepared to not go to those prestigious universities if he couldn’t.

Seokmin hated that. He wanted the best for her, and he wanted her to go to her dream university without him holding her down. He figured the only way to do that is to get accepted into those universities himself. He studied so hard. In the end, Seokmin did get decent grades and was eligible to apply.

Howvever, he got rejected from all three universities. Jiwoo got into all three of them, two of which she was offered a full scholarship. And she was still prepared to throw that away for him.

Seokmin adamantly refused this, and insisted that she accept the offer and not let him hold her down. She told him that the only thing that mattered to her was being with him. Seokmin was so angry that she was doing this to herself that he told her he would break up with her if it meant she would not accept any offer to any one of the SKY universities.

Seokmin said he didn’t really mean it. He loved her after all, and he was just saying it to push her to pursue her dreams. He didn’t realize how much his words had devastated her. She went out to drink alone that night, very unhappy with what was happening. That was when the drunk driver had run over her and caused her death.

The driver got away. He was not put on trial. No one knows who it was that ended Jiwoo’s life, which made it much harder for Seokmin.

She didn’t die immediately. She died in the hospital. Seokmin was able to catch her last breaths, to give her his last kisses, to apologize for everything he had said and to tell her that he never wanted to break up. She had the opportunity to tell him that she loved him, and that she wished he would find someone else who would make him happy.

She died. And Seokmin was in a state of constant depression for many months after that. He told me that he blamed himself. He thought it was all his fault that she was gone. He was the one that made her want to drink, and he was the reason she was out that night. He had stressed her out, and made her think that they were over.

He had to go through severe counseling; he almost committed suicide twice. It was Wonwoo that helped him through it though. Wonwoo, Seokmin’s parents, and Jiwoo’s parents as well.

He also told me that me and Sena are also helping him with the coping. He said that we are slowly starting to replace what Jiwoo was to him: a best friend in me and Wonwoo, and perhaps a lover in Sena…

To think all of this happened less than a year ago.

I didn’t realize how much Seokmin had suffered. I didn’t realize that he had experienced the trauma of losing his other half. This trauma doesn’t reflect at all in his bright personality.

He had no bright personality when he recounted the story to me though. It was like I was seeing someone completely different. He cried more than I had imagined he was capable. He shook and trembled. He sometimes stopped talking and only continued a few minutes later, as if he needed to face the suffering in his own mind before conveying it to me.

He’s still in the bathroom. I can hear him sniffling. I don't want to go in an disturb him.

A/N: oh the angst!