Wonwoo started looked for new housing the very day Mingyu basically kicked him out. He searched for hours and hours without end, but everything he came across was either too expensive or too far away.

Wonwoo really, really, really did not feel like searching for housing right now; it was another burdensome thing to add to everything else pulling him down at that moment. Everything seemed to be falling apart for him, and all he wanted to do was sulk and maybe even cry. He was so stressed out with everything that was happening, with the homophobia and the bigotry, with his parents and their impending visit, and he even had four papers to write that week. He felt so overwhelmed and so tired, and so inescapably unhappy.

Of course, the primary source of his unhappiness was not the homophobia, nor his parents, and certainly not the stress of the coursework. The primary source of his unhappiness was none other than Mingyu. The more Wonwoo dwelt on the conversation through which Mingyu kicked him out of the dorm, the more convinced Wonwoo was that Mingyu hated him. Of course he hated him. Wonwoo hated himself, and so it only made sense that Mingyu did too. Unrequited love is painful, but it’s even more painful to be hated by the person for whom you have that unrequited love.

Wonwoo considered dropping out of college many times, but when he did, he remembered that he only had his parents’ home to go to, and that was absolutely not a desirable solution for him at all. He would sooner kill himself then go back and live with them.

Wonwoo eventually did cry. He was hopelessly browsing the Internet for some cheap dorm when he burst, and tears began to stroll down his cheek. Dark thoughts ran through his head, thoughts that no person should ever have, thoughts of ending it, of ending everything… to stop being a burden to his Mingyu, to end the stress, to end the ridicule.

Wonwoo blocked that thought out as soon as it came. He needed comfort; he really, really needed immediate comfort now. He considered calling Jin or Seokmin or Sena, but shied away when he realized how hard he was actually crying.

Pacing around the room could not calm him down. Lying down on his mattress could not calm him down. Not even After School’s “When I Fall” could calm him down (it actually made it worse).

He naturally found himself attracted to that statue of the Buddha in the room, and he sat down cross-legged in front of it. Namu Amita Bul. Namu Amita Bul. Namu Amita Bul. “I take refuge in the Buddha of Inconceivable Light.”

He tried to say that prayer that Mingyu said every night, and for a moment, he tried to believe in that Buddha of Inconceivable Light. That transcendent thing other religions called God. People take refuge in it. People find comfort in it. And he needed comfort; he needed it so badly. He needed to take refuge in something, anything, even if he didn’t believe in it. Prayer gave people comfort, didn't it?

“Namu Amita Bul. Namu Amita Bul. Namu Amita Bul.”

He repeated quickly, clumsily, trying to clear his mind, trying to believe in it, trying to calm down before he hit rock bottom.

When he became accustomed to that prayer on his tongue, rock bottom somehow became further away. The prayer elevated him enough to forget about the world for just a moment and stop .

The prayer desensitized him so much, that he did not even notice that Mingyu had entered, witnessed the scene of Wonwoo praying and vulnerable before him, and sat beside him in front of the statue. It was only when Mingyu started chanting the prayer with Wonwoo that Wonwoo snapped out of it. He turned his neck abruptly to Mingyu, who did not discontinue chanting despite Wonwoo stopping.

Wonwoo felt extemely embarrassed and stupid. He was so embarrassed, that he could not even stay in the same room as Mingyu in that moment. As Mingyu prayed, Wonwoo trailed away and left the room and the building.

He felt lost. He had left his phone in the dorm, and was now out and about in public, feeling and exposed. The fact he had been crying was very visible on his face, and Wonwoo felt so ashamed of that. But he also really did not want to go back into the room where Mingyu was. He was afraid that Mingyu would go after him, and so he started to run, not acknowledging any of the people around him. Treading quickly and aimlessly through the streets, Wonwoo was unsure of what he was doing or where he was going.

A few minutes later, he felt too cold to remain outside. He did not want to go back to where Mingyu was though. He found that he was a few minutes away from Seokmin’s dorm, and so naturally found himself heading towards it.

It was Seokmin’s roommate that opened the door for him. Wonwoo had his arms across his chest from how cold he was, and his face contained visible signs of having been crying; when Jun saw that, he looked concerned.

 “Is Seokmin here?” Wonwoo asked Jun, his coarse voice giving Jun even more indication that he had been crying.

Jun nodded. “In the bathroom,” he answered, “please come in.”

Wonwoo stepped inside, feeling very embarrassed to be in this state in front of a near stranger; Wonwoo had only seen Jun a couple of times with Seokmin, but they had never talked or anything.

Seokmin was out of the bathroom a few seconds later. He looked surprised to see Wonwoo sitting there on his bed.

“Wonwoo, what are you doing here?” Seokmin asked him, looking from Wonwoo to Jun.

Jun quietly left the room after a quick bow to the two of them, telling Seokmin that he would wait in the common room. Jun was giving them their privacy, and Wonwoo appreciated that so much.

“What’s up, dude?” Seokmin asked, taking a seat right beside Wonwoo, looking concerned for him.

“Mingyu asked me to move out,” Wonwoo revealed to Seokmin, looking at the floor sadly.

“Oh… I’m sorry,” Seokmin said.

“I feel like crap, Seokmin,” Wonwoo revealed, “it just… I feel like…” no matter how hard Wonwoo tried to suppress it, he could not. The tears started to fall again.

And so Wonwoo let out everything to Seokmin. He talked about all that was going wrong for him, and Seokmin listened. It felt nice to let it all out,  to have someone he trusted by his side, encouraging him.

The conversation with Seokmin calmed him down quite a lot. Seokmin had a way with comforting people; he always came up with simple and practical solutions to problems on the spot, and Wonwoo felt so much less overwhelmed: “Tell your parents you have exams and are too busy for them.” “I can talk to the administration about having you move into this room temporarily.” “We’ll ask your professors for extensions on your papers.”

After about an hour, Wonwoo had almost completely calmed down. He had stopped crying, and Seokmin started to find it appropriate to crack jokes again, which was a good sign.

“You should go get your roommate now; he’s probably sick of waiting,” Wonwoo said to Seokmin, “I’ll go back.”

“If you don’t wanna face Mingyu, then you can stay over.”

“Mingyu is probably asleep now anyways,” Wonwoo revealed. It was late at night, and Mingyu had been falling asleep early these days because of his busy early schedules.

And, when Wonwoo did arrive, he found that Mingyu was indeed asleep, but not on his own bed. Mingyu’s upper body and head were on Wonwoo’s mattress, and his lower body on the floor. Mingyu also still had his shoes and his coat on, probably falling asleep before he could prepare for bed.

Wonwoo called out to Mingyu to wake him up, but Mingyu was quite deep in his sleep. Gently, Wonwoo removed Mingyu’s shoes and coat, and lifted his legs on the mattress comfortably before covering him with a blanket.

As he did it, Wonwoo could not help but feel like he was really going to miss spending nights with Mingyu. He was really going to miss their late-night debates about religion and their conversations about After School biases. He was really going to miss Mingyu.

-

The following morning, Seokmin also talked to the administration of his dorm and pled Wonwoo’s case to them. They agreed to let Wonwoo stay in his room for free until he found other accommodation.

“And Jun gave full permission that I stay with you guys?” Wonwoo asked Seokmin.

“Actually, Jun suggested it before I even asked him,” Seokmin revealed, surprising Wonwoo quite a lot. “Don’t worry about Jun. He’s nice.”

 “Does… does he know about me? Does he know that I’m attracted to guys?” Wonwoo asked.

“I don’t know,” Seokmin shrugged, “I’m pretty sure he heard the rumors though…”

“Tell him straight out then. I want him to know all of the truth before I move in.”

A few hours later, Wonwoo recieved a text from Seokmin saying: I told him. He didn’t look surprised, and he said it didn’t matter :)

Wonwoo was so relieved. Maybe moving out would not be so bad after all. Sure he was growing apart from Mingyu, but he found that he looked forward to making another friend in Jun. Wonwoo could already feel a crush starting to develop. Maybe it won't be that hard to move on from his feelings for MIngyu.

Things were finally starting to fall together.

Wonwoo started packing almost immediately after he got that text. He wished to move in that night, if possible.

He was almost done packing, when Mingyu came back from his classes.

Wonwoo froze when he saw Mingyu. This was their first real confrontation since Mingyu walked in on Wonwoo praying to something he didn’t believe in while crying.

When Mingyu saw Wonwoo’s bag almost fully packed, he look shocked.

“Already?” Mingyu asked him.

“Yeah… I’m moving in with Seokmin for the time being until I find something else…”

“No,” Mingyu said, frowning, “I told you that you can stay here until you find somewhere else. You don’t have to go immediately.”

“I want to though,” Wonwoo replied, “I feel like the sooner I leave, the better it would be for you.”

Mingyu looked struck by that statement. Wonwoo continued packing as Mingyu put down his books and sat down on his bed silently. It was tense between them for a long, long time, and Wonwoo tried to distract himself by packing.

“I’m sorry, Wonwoo,” Mingyu said softly.

“Don’t be,” Wonwoo replied, “it’s not bad at all, really. Seokmin has a very handsome roommate, so I’m looking forward to staying with them, actually.”

Mingyu gave Wonwoo a weak smile, but he still looked like he carried so much guilt. Wonwoo continued to pack, not wanting to prolong the awkward silence.

“Why were you crying yesterday?” Mingyu asked him.

“A lot of reasons,” Wonwoo answered.

“Can I know them?”

“It’s okay now,” Wonwoo tried to dodge the question, “I feel much better since yesterday.”

“Did I have anything to do with it?” Mingyu continued insistently. It was as if he knew how he had broken Wonwoo’s heart, and was demanding that Wonwoo admit it.

“No,” Wonwoo lied, “it’s my parents.” Wonwoo figured he would just blame his tears on only his parents to save Mingyu from feeling bad. It was a lie though, and he knew it. Mingyu was certainly the primary reason for his tears yesterday.

Mingyu looked only slightly relieved when he heard that. “What’s happening with them?”

“They want to meet Jin,” Wonwoo revealed, “and I just don’t want to lie to them anymore.”

“Oh. Well, good luck with that,” Mingyu said, “I hope they come to accept you.”

Wonwoo shrugged doubtfully. Another awkward silence ensued.

Mingyu then asked: “how are you going to transport the mattress?”

“You paid for it; it’s yours. I know you like it, so just keep it,” Wonwoo replied.

Mingyu frowned. “It was a gift, Wonwoo. I feel hurt that you would even think not to take it…”

“But…”

“You’re taking it,” Mingyu said with a grave look in his eyes.

Wonwoo did not want to argue, and he could tell that Mingyu was serious about him taking the mattress. “Fine, I’ll find someone with a car to help transport it.”

After that, another awkward silence fell between them, and Wonwoo could not take it. Under the pretense that he needed to write his papers, he left the dorm and avoided this tension that was now so severe between the two of them.

Wonwoo was glad that he left when he did. He was able to finish one of his papers, and so that was one less load on his back. He was finally starting to relax as things slowly started to get better.

-

Wonwoo was done packing the following day, and so decided that he would move out before nightfall.

Jun had a friend with a car who agreed to help transport the mattress for Wonwoo. The car came by when Wonwoo had finished packing completely. Seokmin and Jun tagged along to help carry the mattress, and Mingyu was still in class.

When Wonwoo saw Jun, he bowed to him to greet him. Jun bowed back with a polite smile and then mouthed “fighting” and tightened his fist in a gesture of encouragement. Wonwoo felt touched by the gesture, however small it was. It showed that Jun recognized that Wonwoo was going through a lot of difficulty, and was on his side. Wonwoo appreciated it so much.

Seokmin and Jun carried the mattress into the car as Wonwoo brought down the last of his bags.

Mingyu arrived as the last of the bags were being put in the trunk, greeting Seokmin and Jun politely before turning to Wonwoo.

“Gosh, Wonwoo, I’m going to miss you,” Mingyu said to Wonwoo sadly.

Wonwoo took out his keycard and handed it to Mingyu, “thank you for helping me the past few weeks. Thank you for all the memories. Thank you for everything, truly. I’ll never forget it.”

Mingyu took the card in his hand, still looking kind of sad. After a moment, his face lighted up and he said, “by the way, remember the first time you came here, you tried my tea? Did you ever get to actually drink it?”

Wonwoo shook his head. He had not. The first time, he burnt his tongue. The second time, he also burnt his tongue. Somehow, the fact he still had to try the tea left both of their minds, and Mingyu never made it for him again.

“Come in and have some with me. One last time, please? Let me do one last thing for you as a goodbye?” Mingyu requested.

And Wonwoo could not find it in him to deny Mingyu that request.

-

Jun and Seokmin went on ahead with Wonwoo’s mattress and his other things, and Wonwoo told them he would follow them later. He ascended with Mingyu back to the room to have one final mug of tea with him (hopefully, not burning his tongue this time).

Mingyu made the tea, as Wonwoo took a seat on the chair he had sat on many times before. Now, it felt different though. The room felt like it was not his anymore, and Wonwoo felt like he was intruding.

“Jun’s handsome,” Mingyu said to Wonwoo as he the stove to boil the water. “Very handsome.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Do you think he’ll be interested?” Mingyu asked with raised eyebrows and a suggestive smirk.

“I don’t want to get my hopes up,” Wonwoo replied laughing. Last time that happened, it didn’t end too well for him.

“You’ll never know,” Mingyu shrugged.

“I’ve had enough experience in this life to know that everyone I will happen to like will not like me back in the same way.”

“Don’t say that. You’ll find someone someday. And he’ll be very lucky,” Mingyu said to him, “because you are one of the kindest and most loveable people I have ever met, Jeon Wonwoo, and I’m not exaggerating.”

Wonwoo blushed at Mingyu’s words. It was the first time that Mingyu had ever talked about him like that, and it made him feel a flutter in his stomach. Maybe, just maybe, Mingyu didn’t hate him after all?

“In another world, I would be gay and would totally fall for you,” Mingyu said as he prepared the mugs.

Wonwoo did not know what to say to that. He looked at the floor, lamenting Mingyu’s situation in this world and not the other world that Mingyu was talking about.

Mingyu poured the tea for both of them and handed a mug to Wonwoo, who now knew better than to drink it immediately. He left it at the side to cool down as Mingyu settled on the chair in front of him.

“The past few weeks have been bad for both of us. I’m sorry about the gossip and everything, and I’m sorry that we had to grow apart because of it.”

It was the first time that Mingyu had directly acknowledged the fact they were growing apart. They both knew it was happening, but never had the talked about it until now. Wonwoo looked to Mingyu and said, “I wish we can be good friends again, like before.”

“I would love that very much,” Mingyu said to Wonwoo, eying him closely. “Maybe we should have a secret date once a week away from campus where we can just chill and catch up without worrying about other people spreading gossip?”

“Date?” Wonwoo asked, “my gay likes the sound of that,” he joked, making Mingyu smile and push him playfully.

“Not like a date date, but a date,” Mingyu clarified with a smile on his face.

“That makes no sense to me. A date is a date,” Wonwoo kept joking around.

Mingyu only chuckled and crossed his arms with a grin on his face. “I’m really going to miss having you around, Wonwoo.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Wonwoo replied. “But I wish you all the luck in your search for another roommate. Perhaps it’ll be a girlfriend. Yebin, maybe?”

Mingyu cringed and shook his head, “I don’t think me and her were meant to be. She likes SNSD more than After School! Imagine!”

Wonwoo burst out laughing and then said: “well, I like After School more.” Wonwoo knew that he was flirting with Mingyu, but he didn’t care anymore. Mingyu was receptive of all the flirting with zero judgment, and so Wonwoo figured he’d have his fun.

“Yeah I’d sooner date you than her now to be honest,” Mingyu joked back.

Wonwoo smiled. It was satisfying to hear Mingyu say that.

“Now drink your tea,” Mingyu beckoned.

Wonwoo hesitantly brought the mug to his lips and carefully sipped. He would not humiliate himself and burn his tongue for the third time. No way.

And he didn’t. The mug was finished without a single accident, as the two of them conversed and laughed and talked about After School. They were reverting back to their original relationship, for which Wonwoo was so glad. It was sad that it took Wonwoo moving out for it to happen, but it still happened, and Wonwoo was satisfied. It seemed like Mingyu did not hate him after all.

“I should head back,” Wonwoo said when he saw that it was nearly midnight. “I don’t want to be a nuisance to Jun from the first day… imagine allowing a poor boy to sleep in your dorm only to find that he comes home at 1:00 AM on the first night.”

Mingyu nodded in understanding, but he looked sad. Wonwoo stood up and headed for the door, Mingyu walking beside him with a glum look on his face.

Mingyu then opened his arms and wrapped them around Wonwoo and embraced him. It had almost been too long since Mingyu had last hugged him. Weeks almost. Wonwoo also wrapped his arms around Mingyu’s torso and enjoyed the warmth of his ex-roommate's chest.

It really was the end.

They weren’t saying goodbye; they would still certainly see each other around campus, and they only lived a few blocks away from one another anyways. But it still somehow felt like a goodbye, like it was the end of something that Wonwoo held so dear.

No more nights with Mingyu. No more hearing Mingyu’s prayers. No more hearing After School songs that Mingyu played out loud in the most random of times. No more of Wonwoo whining when Mingyu buys too much for him. No more of Mingyu’s skinship. No more seeing the person with whom he was so in love every single day and every single night.

It was sad. It felt like a golden phase of his college experience was coming to a bitter end. He knew that he was going to look back on these days with fondness. The days in which he lived with his first love, the perfect, tall, amazingly kind Prince Charming that was Mingyu.

The sadness was just so overwhelming, and Wonwoo could not hold back the tear in his eye when Mingyu pulled away from the hug slightly.

“Oh, Wonwoo,” Mingyu said sympathetically and hugged him again. They stayed like this for a long while. When Mingyu loosened the hug to take a look at Wonwoo’s crying face, his hand reached over to his face and wiped the stray tear away.

Wonwoo averted his eyes diffidently and wished he could disappear. He was ashamed and embarrassed that he cried like this. Now Mingyu was going to feel bad, and he was going to sense Wonwoo’s more-than-friendly feelings for him of which Mingyu was certainly aware.

Mingyu then did what Wonwoo never ever expected. His hands on his chin, Mingyu brought their lips together. He kissed Wonwoo’s lips. And Wonwoo felt the blood in his body freeze and the world stopped making sense for a moment. He did not understand what was happening. This was a moment from a dream, not from real life.

Wonwoo felt the wrongness of the situation with every bone in his body. He had long accepted that this would never happen to him, and so now that it was happening, it just felt so, so wrong. Wonwoo turned his face as Mingyu kissed him, breaking the kiss abruptly.

“What are you doing?” he asked softly, glancing to see that Mingyu looked dazed himself.

“I don’t know what I’m doing either,” Mingyu answered with an uncharacteristically irresolute expression on his face, “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I don’t understand,” Wonwoo said, turning his head back to face Mingyu, who brought their lips together again. This time, Wonwoo did not stop him. He let Mingyu take his lips and deepen the kiss. Eventually, the initial shock wore off and Wonwoo was returning the kiss, indulging in the desires that he had for so long.

A/N: okay how many of yall honestly thought I would let wonhui replace meanie?? I added Jun there just to make yall doubt that meanie would take place and instead Wonwoo would end up with Jun I AM SUCH A TROLL but yeah I hope yall enjoyed this chapter. Finally an actual meanie development omg there has been such a slow and painful buildup to this moment right here. im sorry im a er for slow developments (and I have actually been planning this moment since like 50 chapters ago im not kidding)

Anyways, life has been for me because my second fav kpop group of all time disbanded. I feel like I hate kpop rn and the only good thing that happened recently is that Seventeen announced a repackage album for which I am super excited about yay. But… Wonwoo :/

anyways im just really emo nowadays forgive me if it takes long to update the next chapter (I think there's 2 left. maybe 3 maybe 4 maybe even 1 idk tbh)

and in case you guys are interested, this is a very nice recitation of the Buddhist prayer.  It makes me feel peaceful when I listen to it.