It felt like a rejection even though it wasn’t. It was clear that Wonwoo spent a lot of time on the text message he had just sent; it was clear that it was hard for him to write. It was a carefully constructed paragraph meant to be subtle and lenient. The grammar was perfect; there was no slang or emojis, just a big block of text:

After the interview, Mingyu invited me over to his room. He asked me to be his roommate, Jin. For free. Can you believe it? I was so touched and happy, because it means that I don’t have to worry about rent anymore. I don’t have to worry about leaving college because of living expenses. I’m so happy. He makes me so, so, so happy. Jin, I really, really like him. I don’t know how to explain it. You’re the only in the world I can tell about how much I like him, so thank you so much for hearing me out and being the greatest friend I had throughout this semester. Know that I love you very much, and that everything I’m doing (and not doing) is for your sake. I’m very sorry about how confused I was the past few days. I said and did a few things I probably shouldn’t have, and probably hurt and confused you in the process. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from doing them, but I can’t. I’m going to have to accept any awkwardness that might ensue from this, but I sincerely hope that it can all be put behind us, and that you would forgive me.

The message was clear as ice. It was basically saying: I don’t want you to be my girlfriend anymore. Jin didn’t know why it felt like a rejection, because it wasn’t a rejection. If anything, it was a revocation of an offer that he had carelessly made before. It just felt like she was not good enough for him, even though she knew that was not the case.

It kind of hurt. It made her feel this dark pit in her heart. It wasn’t that she particularly felt anything for him or that this was devastating news or anything, but somehow she had come to expect and be hopeful that he would ask her again. Instead, he closed the door on any possibility they had.

She was glad the he decided to text her this information rather than say it to her up front. She felt like she wanted to cry, and she was glad that he was not there to witness her reaction to this “revocation." It would have made him feel bad.

She wanted to get out her diary to write the welling negativity away, but she got another text before she could get to it.

Library? Same room? 10 minutes? Mom wants to talk to you.

It wasn’t really the best time for this. She had just been rejected (kind of), and she just wanted to sit down and write. The last thing she needed was to come face to face with someone like Vernon.

Just as she was about text him back saying that she would do it later, Sena entered the dorm, and Jin felt uncomfortable being in that room as all the negative memories to do with her resurfaced.

Okay, Jin responded to Vernon. She grabbed her diary and her bag and left the room, zooming past Sena without even looking up to acknowledge her.

As she walked, she tried to calm herself down and stop feeling so rejected. She had always known that Wonwoo had little-to-no interest in girls. She shouldn’t feel so bad about it; she should feel happy that she avoided a relationship that would not have ended well for her anyways.

Now that Wonwoo was out of the picture, she remembered that she was alone and that Sena and Seokmin would start using her as an excuse to be apart. She started to sink deeper into the darkness as she felt this guilt and sadness and resentment and jealously cluster up inside her all at once.

A thought suddenly occurred to her, and it came as this little light in the midst of all the darkness. It was something she had never really considered, but it was there, glaring her in the face as an avenue on which she could potentially tread. Vernon…

She didn’t really like him; he was a jerk and a player, but he did ask her out, and she could use him to keep out of Sena and Seokmin’s relationship. She was uncomfortable with the thought of using him though; it felt wrong. A voice inside her head was telling that he himself was using her too.

She arrived at the library before she had enough to consider it though. Vernon was waiting for her in that room, and when he saw her, he immediately dialed the number on his phone. Jin took a seat on the table in front of him as she waited for someone to pick up.

When they got through to his mom, Jin greeted her warmly.

After the greetings, Mrs. Choi proceeded to ask about family matters, which Vernon helped her with. Jin felt that it had now come to the point where she knew his family well enough to actually answer some of the questions on her own, as if she were part of the family . No, uncle has not stopped drinking. Yes, the cat is doing well. Yes, her cousin’s baby was adorable.

“Sofi, do you know if your brother is dating someone, by any chance?" Vernon's mother asked at one point.

Jin looked up at him, expecting Vernon to give her an answer. Vernon only shrugged his shoulders and his hands gestured towards her, as if he was saying, “you’re the one with the answer to that question.” Jin hesitated.

“Um… I’m not sure,” Jin said quickly.

“He told me he asked a girl out,” his mom said, “I hope she says yes. If you ever find out, let me know, okay. I feel like he doesn’t like talking about these things to me.”

“I will,” Jin told her.

“And how are you with your best friend and the boy that you like?”

Jin’s face fell when she remembered them. “They broke up, mom,” she told her. Jin noticed Vernon’s head rise slightly at that news.

“Oh… why?” she asked.

“I think it’s because of me. She felt guilty and broke up with him. He likes her though, and I can tell that the whole thing makes him sad. It’s so stupid because now I feel guilty and I resent her for making me feel guilty and for hurting him like that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know anymore,” Jin said

“Sofi, talk to her. You should know what’s going on with her and why she made that decision.”

“I will soon,” she promised.

“Are you feeling less lonely, Sofi?”

“Not really,” Jin answered. She really did feel lonely. She felt so separated from everyone around her, from Sena, from Seokmin, from Wonwoo. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that the only person in the entire campus that she felt like she was growing closer to was Vernon, and he wasn’t even considered a friend to her.

“I wish I could be there for you,” Mrs. Choi said sadly. It sounded as though she were crying.

“Are you crying?” Jin asked.

“I’m sorry,” she replied. Vernon's mom was definitely crying; Jin felt helpless and guilt again. She just made a sick, elder woman cry about Jin’s own problems, making her think that it was her own daughter’s problems. Jin felt sick to the stomach again, and began sinking deeper into the darkness that had been consuming her all day.

“Mom, please don’t cry,” Jin said, trying to restrain her own self from crying, “I’ll be okay, I promise. It’s not that bad, really. Don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl. I can handle it all.”

“I know you can, darling,” she sniffled, “anyways, the nurses need to use the phone. I have to go. Please take care of yourself, baby, okay? Please make up with your friends. I can’t bear to know you’re feeling lonely.”

When Jin finally hung up, she let the tears she had been holding back fall. She always cried in front of Vernon, so it was nothing new anymore. Somehow, she didn't feel like covering her face or shying away from them.

“I’m sorry I made her cry. I promise I won’t tell her about my personal problems anymore,” Jin said to Vernon, bowing her head to him.

“I think she likes hearing about them though,” Vernon said to her as he fiddled with the buttons on his phone, “it means you’re opening up to her, and she appreciates it. So don't feel bad.”

This was one of the very few moments when something that Vernon had said actually made her feel better. She wiped her tears and inspected him as he was looking at his phone. Jin couldn’t help but feel that he was pretending to be doing something to avoid facing her. There was something of a tense atmosphere that was now hovering between them that was never there before.

“Why did you ask me out?” Jin suddenly asked him. “You know I like someone else.”

He looked up from his phone and answered, “I think you’re cute. That’s all.”

Jin blushed. That was not really the answer she expected. Then again, she didn’t know what answer she expected in the first place.

“I thought you were joking when you asked me,” Jin told him.

“Does this mean you finally have an answer for me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, the edges of his lips curving in what looked like a smirk, "you'll go out with me?"

“I don’t want to say yes, because if I say yes, that would be using you,” she told him honestly.

“What does that mean?” he asked, his smirk fading.

“It means I want to say yes only because I want Sena and Seokmin to see that I’ve moved on so that they could move on…”

He narrowed his eyes at her and then grinned, shaking his head; he looked amused at her honesty. Jin blushed; she didn’t know why she expected him to stay serious throughout this conversation.

“I think you’re cute, but I’m not in love with you or anything,” he said bluntly. “Use me all you like. Agreeing to go out with me only means that you agree to go on a date with me; it does not mean that you’ll commit or anything. It doesn’t even mean that you like me. You could give it a try for a date or two and say that it’s not working out or whatever and we can stop. I won’t be heartbroken or anything,” he told her.

“Oh,” she responded. “I’m not very well-versed with dating in general…”

“I can see that,” Vernon responded, laughing cheekily at her, “so? Will you go out with me? I think you kept me waiting long enough.”

Jin made eye contact with him and nodded her head. He grinned, though for a moment Jin could have sworn that it was a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I just accepted my very first date, and it’s not with Wonwoo like I thought it would be. Vernon. I said yes to a date with Vernon. Who could have ever imagined that this guy that I hated so much in the beginning would be my first date?

The funny thing is that I was kind of crying when I accepted, or hard just finished crying because of a lot of things all at once. Firstly, Wonwoo told me that everything had been a mistake, and it felt like a rejection. I felt so bad, even though I shouldn’t have. I should have known that Wonwoo wouldn’t carry through.

The was the beginning of a lot more little things that made me feel bad. Altogether I was just a mess and I started crying, though he didn’t tease me about it. He was actually serious at first, and, whether he meant to or not, he actually made me feel better.

We then had a strange conversation when I told him that the only reason I was agreeing was because I wanted to use him to fix the Sena and Seokmin situation. He didn’t care, and told me that I could use him all I like, and that to agree to going out is not a commitment. He made it seem like dating was not as serious as I thought it was. It persuaded me.

So I said yes. I have a feeling that it won’t last very long, but at least I can tell Sena and Seokmin that I moved on. Dating Vernon will be my proof.

You know what’s funny though? After all of the unhappiness that I felt today, I feel strangely content now.

A/N: Okay so now I have to write ten more chapters because of your upvotes! Thank you guys so much for them; I honestly did not expect so many people to respond to that little comment I made ^^

So this chapter here is to show my gratitude. I hope you liked it!

((Now I will leave you with this cuteness to watch and enjoy:))