Vernon came to the lobby about 20 minutes later. All evidence that showed he had been crying was gone. His face looked as fresh as ever, and Jin knew that he expected her to not bring it up again.

“Let’s go,” Vernon said, walking towards the parking lot.

Jin could not hide it when her stomach rumbled audibly when she stood up to walk. She was very hungry. She hadn’t eaten all day, supposedly saving her stomach for the Arab restaurant she had been excited to go to. It had been many hours since she had last eaten, and her stomach made that very clear.

“How does Korean barbecue sound?” Vernon asked her indifferently, obviously still embarrassed about what had happened, “my treat.”

Jin nodded in agreement. She really wanted to eat, and didn’t matter what or with whom. Plus, she did have a few things to ask him, and so she prefered that she had the oppurtunity to talk to him more.

“I know I place a few minutes away from here,” he announced, “so hopefully the ride there won’t make you too dizzy.”

Jin nodded. She didn’t want to complain, even though she dreaded riding that thing again. She followed him to where he parked the motorcycle. They put on their helmets and Vernon climbed on first. He inched forward to make room for Jin, who gulped and took a deep breath before climbing behind him.

She put her arms around his upper body. It felt different this time from the last time. Last time, she did it because she was forced to and she hated him. Now, she wasn’t forced to, and she didn’t hate him. It was not so impersonal this time, not as uncomfortable. Somehow, seeing Vernon’s vulnerable side made him so much more approachable, and made snaking her arms around his waist and resting her head against his shoulders so much more comfortable.

She closed her eyes as Vernon pressed the accelerator and they whizzed forward. Her eyes remained closed for a few minutes until they arrived. When they stopped, Jin opened her eyes and let him go immediately. She got off, a little less disoriented than the last time.

The restaurant was quite large, and the tables were inside little, open cubicles created by small walls. Each cubicle had own little lamp hanging from the ceiling. Those little lights were the main sources of light in the entire restaurant, making it quite dim.

It was almost romantic, Jin thought. The dim lighting, the privacy of each table, and even the seats were designed so that two people could sit together rather than sit across from one another. Jin looked around briefly into the little cubicles and saw that there were indeed plenty of couples. Some were holding hands, some were eating together, and some were sitting next to each other with heads on their partners’ shoulder.

But there weren’t only couples. There were some families, some friends, and other individuals eating alone. If there had been only couples, Jin would have felt majorly uncomfortable eating there with Vernon. She realized she was thinking too much about it; it was just a restaurant after all.

They sat down and Vernon ordered the regular barbecue-for-two combo. He then took out his phone and distracted himself on it for a while.

He was uncharacteristically quiet, probably ashamed of the fact he had exposed his vulnerable side to her.

“Where’s the real Sofia?” Jin asked him curiously. There was a lot that Jin was curious about, actually.

He looked up from his phone and answered silently, “New York.” Jin had hoped he would talk more about why she had to pretend to be Sofia, and why Sofia did not come to see her mother for years, but he didn’t.

“What’s wrong with your mom?” Jin pressed, asking more questions. There was something else apart from blindness that was plaguing her. Otherwise, she would not be in hospital, and she most certainly would not have been transferred to another one.

“Blindness, slight dementia, amnesia. It’s all part of an unidentified disease connected to the brain,” Vernon explained in slightly more detail.

“Oh,” Jin replied, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know,” Jin said sheepishly.

“Basically,” Vernon explained, “my mom is getting progressively worse she wished so much to be with Sofia before she completely loses herself. I couldn’t actually bring Sofia, and so I needed a replacement. And I didn’t realize she was being transferred so soon until a few minutes before I texted you today. I would have given you a head’s up before dragging you out here with me, but there was no time.”

“You didn’t have to threaten me,” Jin told him with a shrug, “you could have just explained the situation to me, and I would have agreed to come with you.”

Vernon didn’t reply, he just looked at Jin for a few long seconds and then looked back at his phone.

“If you ever want, I can call her and talk to her in the future. I know it makes her happy to know that Sofia is talking to her,” she offered.

Vernon looked pleased with the offer. “She would like that,” Vernon said, “I’ll send you her number through Kakao when I know what it is at the new hospital.”

Jin nodded.

“Make sure you’re with me when you call her though, in case she asks you things only Sofia would know. It would be horrible for if she found out you weren’t actually her.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks,” Vernon told her, “and I apologize for blackmailing you. I won’t do it again, unless of course you tell anyone about the waterworks you witnessed eatlier. Which never happened, by the way.”

Jin shook her head, “I won’t.”

“Good,” he said, “So we have a binding pact. If I ever compromise your secrets, you can just tell everyone I cried like a baby, and vice versa.”

Jin’s stomach then grumbled again, and Jin put her hands over it to silence it.

Vernon grinned, “calm down, there Frostbite!” he chimed, and continued to about it. Jin was glad when he did though. Finally, the regular Vernon was back. The quiet and ashamed Vernon had just been very awkward to be around.

The food eventually came, and much to Jin’s frustration, they had to wait until the meat cooked on the grill. Jin helped herself to the side plates, as she waited.

It was torture to wait. The sizzling meat made Jin gulp down her saliva plenty of times. The smell was badgering her as well, making her want it more and more. She was so busy watching the meat cook that she didn’t notice Vernon looking at her with an amused look on his face.

When the first piece was finished, Vernon picked it up with his chopstick and offered to her with a grin. Jin picked up her chopsticks, happily ready to take it, but just he put it in his mouth before she could. Jin pouted, and Vernon burst out laughing as he chewed.

She frowned, feeling kind of stupid. Of course he had intended to . How did she ever have thought that he was being nice?

Another one was finished cooking, and Vernon also picked it up and offered it to her. She shook her head, refusing to let him humiliate her again.

“I promise I won’t eat it this time,” Vernon said, and Jin hesitantly reached out with her chopsticks to take it. He pulled it back slightly before she could take it.

Jin put down her chopsticks and crossed her arms.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Vernon said through his laughter, “here. He stood up to put the piece on the plate in front of her.”

Jin immediately picked up the piece and ate it, happy to have finally put it in .

Vernon didn’t anymore. For the rest of the time, they silently ate without talking about much at all. Jin was super hungry, but she saw that Vernon was just as hungry himself. He was consumed with eating the food, not even tearing his eyes away from the table to look at her or even make any conversation with her. Jin preferred it that way, because she hated when people watched her eat. She also hated making small talk when she was hungry.

At one point, Vernon got up to ask a waitress to bring them soju, as he had forgotten to order it before. When he came back to the table from placing the order, he sat silently in his seat for a moment, inspecting Jin cautiously. Jin stopped eating, feeling self-conscious with his sudden gaze.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said quickly, shaking his head and going back to eating. But something was different about him. He seemed slightly unsettled by something, as he was not totally and completely consumed with eating like he was before.

Jin didn’t ask.

The waitress brought them the soju, and Vernon poured some in his little cup, offering some to Jin as well. Jin shook her head. She didn’t really like alcohol. Her tolerance was really low, for one, and two, she was not very used to it. Alcohol was hard to come by in Jordan, and so it had never really been part of her life the same way it was for other Koreans.

“You don’t drink?” Vernon asked her, before taking a sip himself.

“Not really,” she replied.

“Suit yourself,” Vernon said as he flipped a cooking piece of meat.

A few minutes later, Jin was completely full. She prepared to get up to wash her hands.

“Where are you going?” Vernon asked her.

“To wash my hands.”

“Sit down,” he said sternly, “eat more.”

“I’m full.”

“I don’t care, you’re going to stay seated until I finish eating.”

Jin sat back down, narrowing her eyes, “why?”

“It’s common courtesy. I’m the one treating you, remember?” he said as he stuffed another piece of lettuce, meat and kimchi in his mouth.

“I really need to use the bathroom,” Jin told him.

“You can hold it,” Vernon said.

He was acting very strange, Jin thought as she watched him eat cautiously. He wasn’t even paying attention what he was eating. One piece of meat even was even burning and he didn't even realize.

Jin waited a few minutes for him to finish eating, but he seemed like he was deliberately eating slow, and she really, really needed to pee.

“I really need to go,” she said, standing up.

“No!” he yelled loudly holding out his arm to stop her. He startled her so much that she sat back down, stunned at how sternly he didn’t want her to go to the bathroom.

She gave him a questioning look, and he seemed hesitant to explain himself.

“Look,” he said, getting up from his own seat, “I’ll walk you to the bathroom.” He grabbed her arm, pulled her up, put his hands on her shoulders and maneuvered her in a particular direction.

Jin had a feeling that he was preventing her from seeing something that was behind her.

He pushed her into the bathroom.

What was it that Vernon did not want her to see? She could not possibly imagine what it could be, but she knew there was something. She was curious.

As soon as she walked out, she couldn’t help when her eyes wandered around the entire restaurant to see what it was that Vernon was hiding from her. Just when she caught tight of something familiar, Vernon turned her around and steered her in a specific way back to their table.

She knew she thought she saw something, but she wasn’t sure that it was what she thought it was. She needed to confirm it.

“Did you see?” Vernon asked her, clearly noticing the dazed and confused expression on her face.

Vernon asking her whether or not she saw it confirmed it for Jin. She got up pushed past him to get a better look. He didn’t stop her. He just silently followed her as she walked forward to embrace the sight she beheld in front of her.

It was Seokmin and Sena. They were sitting beside each other, eating Korean barbecue. And there was something about the way they were looking at one another that told Jin that this wasn’t just two friends hanging out. That was confirmed when Seokmin leaned in to kiss Sena’s lips.

“Come on,” Vernon whispered to Jin from behind her, “before they see you.”

Jin was frozen, she couldn’t even move. Vernon put his hands on her arms and directed her back to their table.

“Do you want some soju?” he asked her. She nodded, still bewildered, and he poured some in her cup.

Her attempts to process what she saw were in vain. She found herself searching frantically for her journal; writing was the only way things ever became clear to her after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I just saw Sena and Seokmin, together. They both looked happy. They were laughing and looking lovingly at one another. I saw Seokmin’s hand on her knee. I saw her feed him. I also saw him lean in to peck her lips.

Somehow I always knew I’ll see it one day, but I thought I would get some sort of warning before I did. But I didn’t get any warning whatsoever. It was an image that was just shoved into my face, and I don’t think I was ready for it.

My hand it trembling as I write this. And I feel this heavy weight in my chest and I just want to lock myself in a dark room and cry. But I’m with Vernon, and I can’t cry and I can’t even properly think or write this entry because he’s watching my every move and I feel so self-conscious of everything I’m doing.

So Seokmin and Sena are dating. They’re together.

I never understood when people say that love hurts. I never understood why love songs are often so sad. But now, I understand it fully. I understand what it means to be heartbroken. Your heart literally feels broken, shattered, irreparable.

It’s such a hard thing to take. To see someone you had such strong feelings for become someone else’s to love, to hold, to kiss… it’s hard.

I know I’m crying now, and I can feel Vernon’s eyes on me, judging me.

This is not how I wanted to have my heart broken.

It’s so hard. I don’t even know how to explain it anymore. It’s like finding out any chance at happiness you had is gone. It’s recognizing that your foreseeable future is going to be sad. It’s realizing that the relationship you had with the person you had feelings for will never be the same anymore.

Dear God, I know this is a test from you, and I will try to pass it. I will try to hold no resentment for Sena, because I know it’s wrong to do that because Sena has done nothing wrong. But God, it’s hard. It’s hard to erase all ill feelings you have for the person who took away something precious from you. I know she never intended it, and I know she’s going through worse things than I, but she now has the one thing that I covet. Dear God, how can I not resent her?

Dear God, let the shadow that was suddenly cast over my heart pass quickly…

A/N: *hides away from everyone who didn’t like Sena, and who shipped seokjin*

But hey this does NOT mean seokjin is over!!! :P ((tbh I don’t know what it means I have NO idea what will happen afterwards lol))