Wonwoo watched as Jin darted away from him after class. He sighed sadly and let out a deep breath. He messed up with her; he knew it.

She probably feels so betrayed, he thought ashamed. He made one of his closest friends uncomfortable, and he couldn’t get over it.

He didn’t know why he kissed her, to be honest. You don’t really kiss someone that you don’t have feelings for in a romantic way, but for some reason, he did. At least, he thought that he didn’t have romantic feelings for her. He was gay after all. That’s how he always was. He did start questioning it for a while though: did he have feelings for her? Was there some straightness in him after all? The answer his brain gave him was this resounding no; no, Jin was like a sister to him, and of course he wasn’t straight.

But, the heart was not so black and white. His feelings for Jin were certainly positive, so extremely positive. Probably more positive than they had been for any girl. But he wasn’t so sure that it was romantic attraction.

What does romantic attraction even feel like, Wonwoo asked himself. He didn’t really have any concrete method to distinguish it from other positive feelings. All he knew what that he did kiss her. He kissed her face and then her lips like it was the most natural thing in the world. It didn’t feel wrong or uncomfortable at the moment; it only became so when he realized that this was a romantic gesture that he was showing a girl.

Maybe Wonwoo thought that it was just comfort for her, like it was showing her that she was loveable… and it just happened without him really thinking about what he was doing.

He remembered the moment after the kiss, when Jin asked him what he was doing, and it suddenly hit him what he had actually done. Everything became this big haze for him; this was the first time he had willingly and naturally kissed a girl. And it was confusing for him just as it was for her.

During class, he would sometimes look at her and try to make out what he thought of her. He imagined being with her – kissing her, holding her, and more. It honestly made him shudder to think about, but that was probably only because he was creeped out with himself for imagining it.

He was so confused.

-

When Sena saw Jin back in her room, she froze at the door. Jin did not even look up in her attempt to avoid Sena. She kept herself busy with her studies, completely ignoring her.

Sena silently made her way inside and said softly, “you don’t want to talk to me, right?”

Jin didn’t acknowledge the question.

“Okay,” Sena said quietly when she got nothing from Jin. “I understand.”

Sena sat at her desk and opened one of her books. Jin could have sworn that she heard Sena crying, but Sena was out the door before Jin had the chance to confirm it.

Jin actually considered going after her; she imagined that maybe Sena was hurt and was going through a hard time, but a voice inside of Jin's head was telling her to stand her ground and stop being so nice to her. Sena deserved to be ignored for once in her life.

Jin tried to go back to her studies, but the thought of Sena crying kept popping into her head and making her feel guilty. Jin felt like this was God punishing Jin for doing the selfish thing and ignoring he friend, rather her ex-friend.

She got a text from Wonwoo then, which she opened curiously. It was a picture of some of her belongings that she had forgotten in his bathroom.

Come over to pick them up, he wrote.

Bring them to class tomorrow, Jin replied. She wasn’t yet ready to face him.

W: Actually, I’m not going to class tomorrow. I have the interview with the modeling company, remember?

Jin took a moment to decide if she should.

W: Are you afraid I’ll do it again? Is that why you’re avoiding me?

Jin gulped at the mention of “it.” The kiss that they were supposed to forget about and not talk about.

But no, Jin was not afraid of him doing it again. She knew that he wouldn’t. She was afraid of the awkwardness of the encounter, of pretending that it was all the same when it wasn’t, of looking at him knowing that he had kissed her because he was “too caught up in the moment.”

W: I have something to tell you, and I need to do it in person. And I promise that I’ll give you an explanation. Please, please come…

Jin eventually agreed to going. She wasn’t getting any work done, and she actually needed some of the things that she had forgotten at his dorm. Plus, she did want more closure than what Wonwoo offered with that one text massage where he talked about the kiss.

-

With every step she took in Wonwoo's dorm's direction, she dreaded the encounter more and more. The conversation that Wonwoo was planning to have with her was going to be so awkward; she knew that it would be.

When he opened the door for her and motioned her in. She went inside and faced him, though her eyes could not help but to avoid his own.

“Sit down,” he asked, and she did. He took a seat close beside her.

There was another awkward silence, a silence that Wonwoo broke by saying: “I really care about you so much Jin. I know I’m making you uncomfortable with this meeting, but I want to make it right with you now in this very instant.”

He reached out and took her hand.

“Did you want the kiss to mean anything?” he asked her

“What?” Jin asked. What a random and weirdly-phrased question, she thought.

“You’re disappointed that it was a mistake, right? What if I told you it meant something to me, would that make it better for you?”

“But it didn’t mean anything to you,” Jin told him. She narrowed her eyes and waited for him to explain himself

“It might have,” Wonwoo told her, “and so if you want it to mean something, then I’m just going to say that it did.”

“You’re making no sense,” Jin said, pulling her hand away from his. “What do you mean you’re going to say that it did mean something. Did it mean something or not? I’m not going to decide that for you.”

“All I know is that for the first time in my life I willingly kissed a girl, and for the first time in my life it did not feel so wrong or forced. I kissed you Jin. It can’t just be a mistake. There must be something that you brought out of me that I never knew I had for a girl.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Jin said, eying him curiously.

“I’m… I guess I’m…” Wonwoo hesitated. He looked so lost as well, like he didn’t know what he was talking about or what he was feeling. “I’m asking you to be my girlfriend,” Wonwoo said quickly. The words seemed to come out of his mouth forcefully, as if they felt so wrong to him.

Jin stiffened. “You’re gay, Wonwoo,” she reminded him. She felt kind of used in that moment; it felt like he was doing this out of pity, almost like he was messing with her for the second time now.

“For the first time in my life, I’m not so sure about that,” Wonwoo responded to Jin with such conviction. Wonwoo’s gaze intensified and his hand reached out to take hers again. Jin froze, and she felt her heart start beating out of control. The blood rose to her cheeks as she processed what Wonwoo was saying it; it was strangely flattering to her.

“I don’t understand,” Jin said, shaking her head and looking away. She really didn’t. She had a crush on Wonwoo in the beginning, but when she had internalized his preferences, she never considered him as more than a friend after that. Now that he was asking her to be his girlfriend, it felt like the earth was shifting beneath her feet. She had to actually think about Wonwoo in that way now, and it was difficult to change the lens with which she had considered him a friend, one of her best friends and nothing more.

“What do you say?” he asked Jin again. He looked uncertain, and not all that eager for her to say yes.

“What about Mingyu?”

“Mingyu’s attractive, and I like him very much. And my imagination runs wild sometimes when I think of him,” Wonwoo said, “but… I feel like I care about you in a different way. I don’t know…” Wonwoo rubbed his forehead. He clearly had not thought whatever this was through.

“Think about it, and ask me again,” Jin told him, pulling her hand from his.

She wanted him to be sure. If he asked her again with more conviction, she would most definitely say yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

Wonwoo just hesitantly asked me to be his girlfriend. He told me that for once in his life, he was questioning his uality and that I brought about something inside of him that he didn’t know he had.

It made my heart beat like crazy. I feel like what he said to me is one of the greatest compliments I have ever received from anyone. He basically told me that he liked me enough to question  part of his identity. I feel like it’s the greatest compliment I could receive from him.

And I just… I feel so much better about the entire thing now. I feel better about a lot of things actually. I don’t know. It’s strange how one little thing can change so much. I was in a dark place just a day ago, and now, I feel better. Hopeful. Not as sad or as heartbroken as before.

To think that if I had said yes to Wonwoo, I would have been his girlfriend right now. I didn’t say yes. He didn’t seem sure, and I want him to be sure. I don’t want him to regret it later and stay with me out of pity. But if he is sure, then I want to say yes.

I’m so tired of being alone. I want to be tied to someone right now. I want to stop thinking about Seokmin, and I just want to move forward with my life. Plus, I really do like him, and I feel like it won't be hard to start being with him in that way. Wonwoo would offer me a way to do just that. I hope he does ask again. I’m not going to expect him to, but I really hope that he does. But if he doesn’t, I’ll try my hardest not to be hurt and to maintain our close friendship. No matter what happens, I will always want Wonwoo to be a part of my life.

I just realized actually that this is the second time today that I was asked out. Actually, no. Wonwoo asked me to be his girlfriend, Vernon asked to go out with me. There’s a difference. I’m not entirely sure about the specifics of that difference though. I’m hopeless with the nitty-gritties of dating conventions. All I know is that Wonwoo's offer touched me a lot more.

A/N: meanie chapter next btw !!!

(*fans self* is it hot in here or is it just me????)

honestly though that concert gave me so many feels even though I’m oceans away. FOREVER AND ALWAYS A CARAT

i will rec this teaser. pls love nuest ok thnk u