As Jin was waiting for Sena to be tested for the medical report, she texted to Wonwoo to make sure he was okay. She had been worried about him ever since Mingyu told her about the distressing phone call. Wonwoo did not answer, but she did receive a message from Seokmin.

I miss talking to you like before. I know you’re angry with me because I haven’t been very supportive of Vernon. But if I promise not to talk about him at all, will you come over tomorrow morning?

Jin honestly felt that she missed him too. It felt like the two of them have grown apart lately with all that was happening. She missed the warmth that she felt when she was around him, and she really wanted things to go back to the way they were before.

Okay, Jin responded.

-

Sena came out of the clinic looking majorly uncomfortable about what had happened in there. Jin understood why. There were doctors inspecting and photographing her violated body; it must have been hard for her. But at least she came out of it with an official report on paper stating very explicitly that a had definitely taken place.

Jin decided not to mention taking it to the police station. Sena seemed quite weary of the process now, and too uncomfortable with what had happened to be told to do anything else.

-

The next morning, Jin walked the familiar path towards Vernon and Seokmin’s building. Lately, she had only walked this path to go to Vernon’s room, and it had been almost too long since she walked it to go to Seokmin’s.

When she arrived, she was greeted brightly by Seokmin. It was clear that he was trying to act like he normally would, trying to act that like he didn’t know she had feelings for him, or that her best friend had broken his heart.

All of the feelings she had been subduing came back to her when she saw him. It was laughable that she thought she was over him; feelings don’t fade so easily. This time, however, her feelings felt almost impersonal. They felt like they were there in her heart only to be erased and never to be used. Seokmin was so far out of her reach now, and so her feelings were expendable.

“How is Sena?” Seokmin asked her as they settled on his bed, “I see you two are talking again.”

Jin nodded, “she’s getting better, I think.”

“Good. Can I know what was wrong with her? I know there’s something you guys aren’t telling me.”

“You’re right,” Jin admitted.

“I’m guessing you won’t tell me what it is?”

Jin shook her head.

“As long as she’s okay.”

“Are you okay?” Jin asked him.

“I’m fine. My heart was only torn into a billion pieces and trampled on without an explanation, but I’m a big boy; I can handle it,” he joked.

Jin tried not to smile at the amusing way he said it.

“It’s okay, you can laugh at my misfortune,” Seokmin continued joking, earning another smile from Jin.

“Stop making me laugh,” Jin told him.

“I want to make you laugh. It’s been too long since I did,” Seokmin continued, eying Jin with fondness. “I missed you being here.”

Jin nodded, wanting to tell him that she missed him too, but she held back. It would have probably sounded too affectionate coming from her, especially considering he knew about her feelings for him.

“What, aren’t you going to tell me you missed me too?” Seokmin pouted when she wouldn’t say it.

Jin blushed.

Seokmin only smiled and then reached out to take her hand: “can I ask you something, and can you promise to answer as honestly as you can to the best of your abilities?”

She nodded and waited anxiously for him to ask it.

“Is it completely over between me and Sena? Is there any chance at all that things will be right again?”

The usual sarcasm in his voice was gone, and he waited eagerly for Jin’s response. Jin felt like she really did not know the answer to that. She wanted to answer that there was a chance, because she knew that it was the answer that he wanted, but she honestly did not know for sure. Even if Seungcheol was locked up, and Sena was free from his threats, she seemed too traumatized to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

“I don’t know,” she answered him. “I’m sorry.”

“I guess that means I should accept that we’re over,” Seokmin said sadly. “Oh well.”

“There is still a chance though,” Jin said. “I think you should ask her that question yourself.”

“Would she even answer it?”

“She still likes you, you know,” Jin told him.

“Then why isn’t she speaking to me?”

“She has her reasons.”

Seokmin nodded. After a silence, he turned to Jin and said: “can I be fully honest with you?”

Jin nodded.

“I don’t know if I like her anymore.”

Jin looked at the floor as her heart sank. It was such a sad thing to hear, though she would have loved to hear it just a week ago. Now, the words broke her heart. “You liked her for so long though,” she said.

“But she’s being so unfair to me,” Seokmin managed to say, and she could hear that there was a falter in his voice, like he was trying his best not to cry. “I deserve to know what’s happening to her. I deserve an explanation for why she suddenly does not even want to be seen with me. She just left me like this, Jin. And I know this might be really mean, but I just think she’s being extremely inconsiderate.”

“Don’t say that,” Jin implored, “if you knew, you’ll understand.”

“But I don’t know,” Seokmin replied, “and that’s the point. I deserve to know. I deserved to know before she broke up with me. She left me feeling like she hated me, and I hated myself for it. You understand, right?”

Jin nodded. He had a point; he had the right to feel the way that he did. “I’m sorry. I want to tell you, but I think you should hear it from her.”

He nodded.

“I miss her,” he told Jin, “I’ve been cursing at her all week, but I do miss her.”

“She does too.”

“I miss all four of us, to be honest. It’s been so long since we did anything together.”

Jin nodded in agreement. She had been feeling this emptiness ever since that karaoke night, which had been the last time they were together as a group.

“Anyways,” Seokmin said, “I asked you over because I wanted to tell you that it’s Wonwoo’s birthday next week,” Seokmin said, “in five days.”

“Oh. I didn’t know,” Jin responded. They hadn’t told one another their birthdays yet (which was why hers was forgotten). She was glad that she was aware of it now though. She knew how it felt when your birthday is forgotten, and she was glad that it wouldn’t happen to Wonwoo.

“Do you think that Sena would, for just one day, forget about whatever happened and celebrate with us?” Seokmin asked.

An idea suddenly came to Jin, an idea that Mingyu had proposed before. When they go to the police station to report the , Mingyu suggested that Sena go out of town for a few days. Wonwoo’s birthday seemed like an occasion to do that. It was perfect. All four of them (and maybe Mingyu) would go out of town as soon as they report it, and by the time they are back, Seungcheol would hopefully be in prison. It would keep Sena away from Seungcheol, and it would be celebrating Wonwoo’s birthday, and it would be a perfect time for the four of them to go back to the way they were before.

Jin told Seokmin the suggestion, and Seokmin seemed very fond of the idea. He immediately opened his laptop and began searching potential destinations.

“Can I invite Mingyu?” Jin asked.

“I think Wonwoo would like that,” Seokmin said with a smirk, as if he knew that Wonwoo had a crush on him. Jin looked at Seokmin curiously, as if asking how he knew, and Seokmin laughed and said: “Jin, I’ve known Wonwoo for over 15 years. Plus, it’s so obvious.”

Jin smiled.

“Would Sena agree to go with us though?” Seokmin aske.

“I will make sure that she does.”

They spent the next few hours planning the trip. They would have to miss class for it, and Seokmin, taking the same classes as Sena, confirmed that they had no exams or major assignments. Jin did not either. Seokmin called Wonwoo to ask him if he did.

Wonwoo had not been answering Jin’s texts lately, and so Jin was slightly hurt when Wonwoo answered Seokmin’s phone call. It meant that Wonwoo had seen her messages but chose to ignore them.

Wonwoo also excitedly agreed to go on the trip, and confirmed that he could miss classes as well.

Jin then called Mingyu,

“Hello Demon,” Mingyu answered, “what’s up?”

“Hey Mingyu. I just wanted to ask: it’s Wonwoo’s birthday next week, and Seokmin and I were planning to go out of town with him and Sena. We were wondering if you would like to join?”

“Ah, I see,” Mingyu said. He seemed to understand that this was not just about Wonwoo’s birthday, and that Sena’s police report had to with it as well. “It’s a great idea, and I think Wonwoo would love to hang out with the three of you. I don’t want to intrude.”

“It’s not an intrusion,” Jin said; “he would like it.”

“No, no. I know there are problems between the four of you, and you should spend the time resolving them and not accommodating me,” Mingyu said. “Plus, I think I would be more helpful here. You’ll need someone reporting what happens after the police investigation, right?”

Jin tried to insist that he come, but he kept refusing.

And so Seokmin and Jin planned the trip for the four of them. They booked the four tickets for the bus ride to the little beach town they wanted to go to, and rented a cheap pension for two days.

Jin took out her diary to write down all of the details of the trip so that she could prepare for it: the address of the pension, the times the bus leaves and the location of the bus stations.

“I feel hopeful,” Seokmin told Jin as Jin finished writing all the details down, “maybe things will get better between all of us.”

Jin nodded.

“We need to talk about everything in this trip, okay Jin? Everything needs to be resolved. We’re going to talk about Vernon, what happened to Sena, my feelings for Sena, Mingyu, your feelings for me… everything, okay? We’re going to resolve it all and move on with our lives.”

Jin reddened and looked away. This was the first time he brought up her feelings for him that day; it was clear that he had avoided talking about it altogether before.

“Speaking of Vernon…” he said.

“You said you wouldn’t talk about him,” Jin whined, still looking away.

“Fine, I won’t,” Seokmin said, raising his arms. His serious expression suddenly softened then, and he smirked in Jin’s direction and said jokingly: “just remember that I have a crush on him, and it’s against the friendship code to date someone your friend likes, remember?”

Jin rolled her eyes, and smiled in amusement.

“Seriously though,” Seokmin said, “did he draw you in with his fancy hair?” Seokmin exaggeratedly imitated Vernon hair flick as he said it, causing Jin to laugh again.

“I’m tempted to read what your wrote in there about him,” Seokmin said, pointing at the diary in Jin’s hands.

“It’s none of your business,” Jin said, holding the diary close to her chest.

“Come on!” Seokmin cooed jokingly. “Show me one page. Just one,” he said as he held up his index finger.

“Never!” she responded, laughing as she moved her diary farther from him.

“The more you resist, the more I want to read it,” Seokmin told her, moving closer towards her, his eyes on her diary.

She knew he was just being playful, and she played along, raising it high above her and out of his reach. He didn’t not stop though, and he raised himself from his seated position on his knees to grab the diary from her hand. Struggling to get it out his reach, she fell back on his bed, him hovering above her a lot closer than she was comfortable with.

It’s like one of those k-drama scenes, was the only thing that ran through her head at the moment. She expected him to get off her, but he didn’t. It was only then that her heart started to beat out of control.

She locked eyes with him, and she wished she hadn’t. She felt so weak at the moment. He was the one who broke the eye contact, but only to look at her lips.

“Can I kiss you?” Seokmin suddenly asked her softly. He was so close to her. Their faces were only a few inches apart, and their hips were together.

Jin couldn’t find it in herself to answer Seokmin’s question. She was frozen underneath him, and she couldn’t really think about anything. Seokmin seemed to be waiting for an answer, and when he didn’t get one, he locked their lips together anyways.

Jin couldn’t stop him. Sfter he pecked her lips softly the first time, he tried again, deepening the kiss. Jin accepted it, eventually returned it, moving her inexperienced lips against his. She couldn’t think about anything but him at that moment. It was an adrenaline rush, and it felt like she was living the desires she had for so long in that one moment.

One of Seokmin’s hands was on her waist, and as the kiss progressed, the heat between their bodies increased. The shirt that Jin was wearing rose, and Seokmin’s hand was soon on her abdomen. It was then that she felt a new kind of desire, and it was this feeling that brought her back down to earth.

Sena. Vernon.

She abruptly turned her face away, and Seokmin pulled back and got off her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, getting up quickly. She grabbed her diary (which had fallen on the floor) and her bag and left Seokmin’s room without even turning to look at him.

She passed by Vernon’s room, and she felt heart burn with a kind of guilt she never experienced before. Before she knew it, she was running as fast as she could away from that building, away from where Seokmin was and from where Vernon probably was. As if running faster would somehow make her less guilty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

My hand is trembling as I write this. I did something really, really bad. I didn’t think I was capable of doing something like this, but I did.

I have always been so judgmental of cheaters when I watch them in dramas and movies. The cheaters were always the worst, and I hated them. I never realized just how easy it was to cheat though. It was so easy to kiss Seokmin without even considering Vernon at all. I kissed Seokmin, and I really hate myself for doing it.

To be fair to Seokmin, he did ask me before, and he did give me the time to refuse. I didn’t though. I kissed him back and let it turn into the most intimate interaction I have ever had with a boy.

I feel so evil. Not only did I kiss someone else while dating Vernon, but I also kissed someone that Sena still liked, that Sena had been dating until a little over a week ago. The person she had to break up with because she was by someone else. Oh dear God, please forgive me.

It’s a betrayal to both Sena and Vernon. I let two people down, and the worst thing about this whole thing is that I didn’t feel guilty until after I did it. Kissing him was an adrenaline rush, and it felt so electrifying. For the first time ever, I experienced what it felt like to be aroused by someone else.

And I feel so guilty. I let them both down, and I hate myself for it.

A/N: … surprise. there is so much drama to resolve now omg. I honestly didn’t plan for this to happen but I was so stuck and so I needed to make something dramatic happen so that I could be unstuck lol

Bad Jin!! and did I just ruin my protagonist though? Ooopsies. Oh well~

I hope you guys don’t hate me for it!