“So what happened with you and Seokmin yesterday?” Sena asked the following morning. Jin had gone back to their dorm room earlier the previous night. She wrote in her diary, and then went directly went to bed. By the time Sena got back to their dorm, Jin had already been asleep.

Seokmin and Jin made up a story to tell Sena in order to explain what happened. It’s not like they could tell the truth. They couldn’t tell Sena that Jin walked off crying because Sena made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for anything, and that Seokmin went off to comfort her. Instead, they would tell Sena that Jin was not feeling very well, and so left to get some fresh air, and Seokmin went to get her antibiotics. There were a bunch of holes in the story, like why they hadn’t told Sena, why they decided to eat the pizza together, why they just slipped out without Sena noticing, but it still sufficed.

“Jin, you’re hiding something, aren’t you?” Sena replied after Jin explained, crossing her arms and staring Jin down with a bit of a grin.

Jin looked away from Sena guiltily. She was hiding something. She had been hiding a lot from Sena lately. She hid the agreement she had with Seokmin. She hid the searing jealousy she was going through. She hid all the crushes on boys she had started to have.

Jin had started to feel distant from Sena, more distant than the two of them have ever been. There had been a time in Jin’s life where she told Sena almost everything; she even let Sena read her diary sometimes. She and Sena had been so tight when they lived in Jordan, and suddenly, their tight bond seemed to dissipate while they were in college.

Jin wondered how different it would have been had they both lived in Korea rather than Jordan. Someone like Sena, so popular and pretty, would have probably never hung out with someone like Jin. The two would have been in completely different cliques (Jin in no clique at all, probably). The only thing that had held them together before was that they were two Korean girls of the same age living in area where there weren’t much Korean people.

Now that there were Korean girls of the same age everywhere, Sena was finally assimilating with the types of people she would have hung out with had she lived in Korea in the first place. With the popular girls, the pretty girls with winged eyeliner and the confidence that would outsize Jin’s by a million.

“So, have you guys kissed?” Sena asked with smirk when Jin remained quiet.

“Sena, there’s nothing going on between me and Seokmin. I told you, he’s after you.”

“He gifted you a sweater,” Sena replied.

“Yes, because last time I went to his dorm I forgot my jacket and he just gave the sweater his mom had made that he hated and didn’t want to wear. It’s not like he was being prince charming about it or anything.”

“But he talked to you about Jun…”

“Yes, because I thought Jun was cute and he wanted to introduce me.”

“But you like Seokmin, don’t you?”

Yes. Yes. Yes. A billion times yes, Jin thought, but she didn’t want to tell Sena that. That would guarantee that Sena would never date Seokmin, which was a bad and a good thing at the same time. Bad because it would disappoint Seokmin, and good because it would save Jin heartbreak and pain.

“No, I don't,” Jin lied quickly. Jin concluded that her own heartbreak is worth much less than Seokmin’s disappointment.

-

Usually, Jin and Sena would walk to university together. But Jin did not want to walk with Sena that day. While Sena was in the shower, Jin slipped away and walked to the campus alone, much earlier than she usually did.

She went to the library to get some readings done as she had plenty of time left before class. There, she spotted Wonwoo.

Wonwoo was sitting in a table in the corner. He had a book in his hand, but he was looking at something in particular. Jin followed his gaze and saw that he was staring at a boy. A really, really, really good-looking boy.

Jin walked towards Wonwoo. He was so engrossed with the sight of that boy, he did not even notice when Jin walked towards him. It was only when she sat down in a chair next to him that he snapped out of whatever trance he was in.

“What are you doing?” Jin asked as she sat beside him.

“Just doing some readings for class,” Wonwoo said, pretending very well that he had not been staring at someone else, “what are you doing? You’re earlier than usual.”

“I needed to do some readings too,” Jin said. Wonwoo nodded and looked back into his book, pretending like that was what he had been doing this whole time.

“What’s his name?” Jin asked.

“You noticed?” Wonwoo asked, disappointed.

“You made it quite obvious. You should work on your subtle staring technique.”

“You won’t judge if I tell you, right?” Wonwoo asked, and it hurt Jin that this was a serious question. Jin gave him a disappointed look and crossed her arms. Wonwoo looked down at the table in front of him. “I’ll tell you, but only because I trust you.”

“Don’t ever ask me if I’ll judge you. The answer is always no. You already know I don’t care about your ual orientation.”

“I like him.”

Jin smiled. “What’s his name?”

“Mingyu.”

“He’s quite the eye candy,” Jin said, looking at him.

“Yes he is,” Wonwoo said, “He always comes here in the morning. I always come here to see him. I know it’s creepy and all, given that he doesn’t even know I exist…”

“He doesn’t?”

“No, he doesn’t. I just always see him here, and I just… I don’t know. I’m just attracted to him, you know?”

“Make friends with him.”

“It’s not that easy, Jin. I’m not like Sena. I can’t just make friends with people…”

“Then maybe…”

“No. No. No. I know what you wanted to say. I am not telling Sena. You have to promise you won’t tell Sena. She’ll meddle. She’ll try to set me up, but then he’ll flirt with her and then they’ll start dating and then I’ll just lament the straightness of every person I happen to be attracted to.”

“Don’t worry. I’m getting good at keeping things from Sena nowadays,” Jin responded with a shrug.

"What?" Wonwoo asked.

"Never mind."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

Today I felt more distant from Sena than ever before in my life. I lied to her about what happened between me and Seokmin, and it was so much easier than I am comfortable with. I also lied to her and insisted I don’t like him, but of course, she still thinks I’m hiding something. To her credit though, she has a right to disbelieve. I have been lying to her after all.

I feel really bad. I love Sena. I really do love her with all of my heart. She’s my best friend and she knows more about me than anyone else in the world. She’s everything I want to be: kind, beautiful, confident, sociable. I shouldn’t feel jealous of her. I shouldn’t begin to resent her, which I know I am starting to, especially after developing legit feelings for someone who wants her.

Stupid boys. They ruin everything.

Although I’m starting to feel these things, it’s funny how both of us act like nothing has changed. She sill hugs me. She still constantly tells me she loves me. She still tells me things only best friends can hear. She tells me everything, and here I am hiding so much from her.

I know she feels the growing gap between us too, but she’s just pretending not to notice it. I pretend too. We still do all the best friend ritual kinds of things of talking before going to sleep, or pointing out cute boys.

Speaking of cute boys, I saw one today. A really cute boy. Named Mingyu. Wonwoo showed him to me. Wonwoo has this weird kind of crush on him, and told me that every morning he goes to the library just to watch him. It’s creepy, but kind of cute at the same time.

It must be hard for Wonwoo, liking people who most likely won’t ever like him back. I think my feelings for Seokmin are unfortunate, but thinking about Wonwoo’s situation, I should count myself lucky.

I’m glad I met Wonwoo. From him, I learned a lot, and my eyes were opened to the kinds of difficulties that people like him face. They are significant difficulties beyond just not being able to get married. They also can’t be upfront about their love the same way straight people can.

I pray that it somehow works out between Wonwoo and Mingyu. It's farfetched, given that Mingyu does not even know Wonwoo, but I'll still pray. I just really, really want Wonwoo to be happy.

A/N: And so the meanie begins! Anyways, this chapter was hard to write for some reason... but it’s done. Finally. The good news is that I’ve practically finished the next chapter, and Vernon has a significant role in it, which I hope you will be happy about!