Seokmin came out about an hour afterwards. He seemed to have stopped crying, but his eyes were puffy and his face was red. As soon as he saw Jin sitting there waiting for him, he immediately covered his face.

“I told you I’ll cry a lot,” Seokmin said jokingly. He sniffled and wiped his face. “Gosh, this is so embarrassing.”

Jin stood up and put her arm around him. She was never one to really initiate skinship, but this time it felt so natural. He accepted the hug and also put his arms around her and squeezed her tight. She rubbed his back, and tried to say something helpful, “I’m sorry.” That was all she thought to say.

“Thank you,” he said in response. “Thank you for listening.”

It was silent for a long time as Seokmin silently sniffled, sitting on his bed and blowing his running nose.

Jin only sat right beside him, rubbing his arm comfortingly.

It was Seokmin who broke the silence. He smiled and said to Jin: “This is embarrassing, but it feels goof to cry for her. Lately I sometimes feel like I’ve forgotten her. I’ve been suppressing her memory for the longest time, and I felt so guilty about it. But here I am, I’m crying for her a whole lot. That means she’s still alive in me somewhere. I know that sounds super lame and all, but yeah…”

“It’s not lame,” Jin affirmed.

“Thank you for being receptive of all this,” Seokmin said, “you probably want to go home. It’s late. I’ll walk you.”

Jin somehow felt like she could not really leave him like this. He had still not recovered from exposing the truth to her, and it felt wrong to just go and leave him. She felt obliged to stay with him until he’s back to his regular self.

Jin shook her head, “I’ll stay for a little longer.”

A little longer was actually much longer. Seokmin had fallen asleep without realizing it; he was still sitting down, his head uncomfortably bent.

Jin took it upon herself to lay him down comfortably and cover him with the scattered sheets. She considered going back home, but she did not want to go out alone at this time of night, especially because drunk guys would probably be roaming the residence area from the party. She was also too tired herself. It was almost 4AM, and her eyelids were so heavy. Walking did not seem like an attractive option.

She climbed onto Jun’s bed. She made a mental note to apologize to him for it later. Within a minute, she was already fast asleep.

-

She woke up first the following morning. It was already 11AM. Seokmin was still fast asleep. She got up. She really needed to get home.

She realized it was the first time that she had spent the night in a guy’s room. It was strange to think about, but she shook it off. It wouldn’t really help to think about what happened last night as “spending the night in a guy’s room.” It didn’t have any of the implications that phrase seemed to carry.

She grabbed her bag and her diary. She recalled everything that had happened that night. Mingyu had confessed to her. She rejected him. Seokmin had revealed the harrowing depths of his soul to her. Something else happened though, something she had not really thought about until then.

She stood there over Seokmin’s bed, watching his peaceful figure, watching the calming rhythm of his heaving chest. Seokmin looked pale. There were bags under his eyes, and the redness in his nose had not faded entirely.

After learning what she learned about him before, Seokmin became a completely different person to her. He became more than just her college crush. Something in her shifted that night. Her feelings for Seokmin shifted. What she learned about him triggered this feeling towards him that went way beyond just liking him.

Perhaps she loved him. Jin felt shaken all of the sudden. She stared at Seokmin more, trying to confirm that “love” was indeed what she felt for him.

She shook it off. It would be pointless to think about these things. Even if she somehow confirmed that she was in love him, it would do her no good in the end. He liked Sena after all.

Plus, her worries to do with love and whatnot seemed to extremely petty now, especially after learning about Seokmin’s traumatic experience with the death of his lover and best friend. The whole ordeal with Mingyu now seemed petty. It happened last night, but she had long forgotten about it.

She left before he woke up, stealing away quietly, hoping the no one would notice that she had spent the night in his room.

Her wish was not fulfilled though, because of course, she saw Vernon sitting at the lobby of the residence hall. She should have known. He always seems to catch her in the worst possible moments.

“Did you have fun last night?” he asked her cockily. She ignored him. Let him believe what he will. She did not want to deal with him. He called out to her, she kept walking. “Talk to me our you’ll regret it!” Vernon called out right before she left.

She didn’t know what he meant when he said she’d regret it. She was sure he meant he would make fun of her more for it, but that was only a speculation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I’m finally back home after spending the night in his room.

I come home and find that Sena is having a major headache from a hangover. She looked very regretful, saying that she had made Wonwoo carry her unconscious body all the way from the party. She looks like she needs comfort. As her best friend, I feel obliged to her. Somehow, this obligation does not seem as natural as it used to...

Anyways, I feel like I realized something that I need to write about. Now that I know all of this about Seokmin, I think I like him more. Actually, it’s not simply a matter of liking him more– I feel like it’s on another plane now. I don’t think these feelings can be characterized as “liking” anymore...

But am I really “in love” with him? I can't help but feel it's an overstatement. Maybe it’s sympathy and not love. I don’t know. I’ve never experienced this before, and I have nothing to base it on, nothing to calibrate what these feelings are…

Love is complicated. Boys are complicated.

A/N: Just a short update. Anyways, for the next few days, I probably won't update as often becase it's Christmas :)