Jin had her World Religions class that morning. It felt strange going without Wonwoo, but for some reason, she was actually kind of glad that he wasn’t there. She wouldn’t know how to act in front of him after their conversation. Normally, probably, but it wasn’t that easy now that he was considering her as a girlfriend.

She figured that it would be awkward for a while, and she was glad that he had his interview today and so she didn’t have to immediately face him.

Just before class started, Vernon entered. Jin had almost forgotten about him now after everything that happened with Wonwoo. She remembered that he asked her out, and suddenly felt nervous that he would confront her about it. He did say that he expected an answer after all.

He entered and made eye contact with her. He grinned, and she blushed as her eyes went down to her notes.

She was surprised when she felt someone pull a chair from beside her; this was Wonwoo’s seat. She looked up, dismayed to find that it was Vernon.

“He’s absent, right?” Vernon asked as he sat down.

Jin nodded, still avoiding eye contact.

The lecture started before Vernon could say anything else. Being next to him unsettled her; it felt as though he expected something from her, an answer that she was never planning to give him.

At one point in the class, he passed her a note.

Do you have an answer yet?

She looked up at him, and he looked expectant, not malicious or cheeky like usual. He motioned for her to write something on the paper.

Jin thought about ignoring it, but she didn’t want to be rude because he did seem like he was waiting. She thought of the best way to phrase her response. She still wasn’t sure about whether or not he was serious, and she didn’t want to answer in a way that would make him think that she fell for it in the case that it was actually some sick joke.

A simple no seemed to suffice. No, she didn’t want to go out with him. It would get the message across if he were serious, and it wouldn’t seem like she fell for it if it was a joke.

No, she wrote.

He glanced at the answer and nodded.

It was only later when Jin looked at the paper again that she realized her mistake:

Do you have an answer yet?

No.

She didn’t reject him. She just told him that she didn’t have an answer. She felt too embarrassed at the prospect of correcting herself and saying: ‘by the way, I meant no, I wouldn’t go out with you.’ She decided she would reject him the next time he asked.

-

The class was over, and she had already packed everything so that she could dash out of the class with no interaction with Vernon. Luckily for her, he didn’t call after her or anything.

But as she dashed out of the lecture hall, someone else called her name.

“Jin!” came the voice of Seokmin. Jin turned and found him waiting beside the door. She knew that he was waiting for her, hoping to catch her and not let her avoid him like she had been doing the past two days. She had been ignoring all of his attempts at contacting her, going as far as skipping lunches to do so.

She stopped midway in her tracks, not sure what to do. Seeing him again somehow reinvigorated the feelings that she had tried so hard to bury the last few days. She missed him. She missed talking to him. She missed the way it was before. She missed feeling like she had a chance with him.

She didn’t know what to say to him, or what he wanted to say to her. She also wasn’t even sure whether or not he knew about her feelings for him. He probably would have guessed, which made her feel so embarrassed and ashamed of herself.

“Can we talk?” Seokmin asked her. Jin conceded. She didn’t want to ignore him for long anyways. Sena, yes, she wanted to ignore, but not him.

They walked silently outside of the building for privacy, and Seokmin invited her to sit on a bench that appeared on the way.

“How are you?” Seokmin asked.

“I’m okay,” Jin said.

“I miss you,” he told her, “I feel like it’s been so long even though it has only been two days since we talked.”

Jin nodded, “I’m sorry for ignoring you.”

Seokmin frowned, “Jin, do you remember last time I upset and you apologized to me? Don’t apologize to me if I ever upset you, okay?”

Jin nodded.

“I’m sorry I kept it from you,” Seokmin told her and bowed his head. “I am so sincerely sorry, Jin. I know you feel like I never took you to be a real friend, but honest to God, you are one of my best friends.”

Jin looked down at the ground, not knowing what to say. But eventually, she gathered the courage to ask him, “if you were dating Sena all this time and decided to hide it from me, why did you pretend that you weren’t. It’s one thing to hide it, but it’s another to put on a show and lie to me. You told me that night of the party that you were going to confess to her, but you were already dating her. Why did you do that?”

Seokmin looked ashamed as he answered: “I wanted to see your reaction. Sena seemed so sure that you liked me, and I didn’t think that you did. I’m sorry.”

“Is that also why you wanted to push me towards Mingyu?”

“Partly,” Seokmin responded, “I pushed for that because I wanted to come clean to you. If you dated someone else, than Sena would finally let me tell you. I hated hiding it from you Jin. My motivation was always you.”

Jin nodded. “I forgive you, but not her,” Jin said.

“Why not her?” Seokmin asked, telling Jin that he still was not aware of the full story.

“That’s between me and her.”

“Please don’t make her suffer, Jin,” Seokmin implored, “please take care of her and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid. I’m so worried about her.”

“I think she would appreciate you taking care of her more than me.”

Seokmin narrowed his eyes at that: “didn’t she tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“She broke up with me, Jin,” Seokmin said sadly.

Jin eyed Seokmin curiously. “What?” she asked in surprise.

“The day before yesterday, she told me that she didn’t want us to be a couple anymore.”

Sena was so stupid, Jin thought as she felt her anxiety level rise at this new information. What did Sena expect by breaking up with him? That somehow Jin would be all cured of the jealousy and their friendship would be restored? That somehow Seokmin was now up for grabs, and that Jin could take him? Sena was stupid: he liked her; Sena liked him– why would she break up? It made Jin so angry that Sena was causing Seokmin this unnecessary pain, and making Jin feel guilty about. Jin was getting between them, and she hated being in that position. And she didn’t want to be in that position, no matter how much she liked him.

“Did she say why?” Jin asked Seokmin.

“No,” Seokmin replied, “but I know it has to do with what you talked about during karaoke night. I deserve to know what’s going on here. Please tell me.”

Yes, he deserved to know, Jin thought. She didn’t really hesitate when she explained it to him: “I’m angry at Sena because she read my diary after she started dating you. And through my diary, she found out that I have feelings for you.”

Seokmin froze.

Jin was surprisingly cool as she explained: “yes, all this time, I had feelings for you. She knows it, and she thinks she’s being noble or something by breaking up with you.”

Seokmin looked downcast. His eyes were on the ground, “you should have told me before,” he said softly. He looked ambivalent, like he was still processing it.

“Don’t worry about me, I’m getting over you,” Jin said. It was kind of a lie, but Jin went with it. “Tell Sena that I’m getting over you and get back together with her. I don’t want to be wedge of your chances at love with someone you have always liked.”

Seokmin shook his head, “no, me and Sena are definitely over now that I know this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jin told him, “it’s not like anything can ever happen between you and me now anyways. And I told you: I’m getting over you. And…” Jin hesitated, “I’m actually going to date someone else.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I just had a conversation with Seokmin and I found out that

a. I still have feelings for him and they aren’t going away
b. Sena broke up with him

I don’t know what Sena was thinking. It’s not like I would forgive her for it, and it’s not like I ever wanted them to break up in the first place. I don’t want to be this wedge between them. Let them find happiness in each other: I don’t want to interrupt that. I’m really angry with her, partly because she made him sad. I don’t want him to be sad. She’s doing it under the pretense that she’s helping me or whatever, but all she’s really doing is making me feel guilty.

I told him about my feelings. It was oddly not nerve-racking or emotional. I just came out with it. He reacted with surprise, but he wasn’t completely and utterly shocked, probably because he had already considered it. He told me that he wasn’t going to date Sena again because of it, which just made me want to tear my hair out. I never wanted this to happen. As much as I do like him, I don’t want to ruin their chances at happiness together; I care about them both after all.

I kind of told Seokmin that I’m going to date someone. I just wanted to show that I’m over him. I’m depending on Wonwoo for this one. I wish Wonwoo would ask me to be his girlfriend again, so that both Sena and Seokmin stop using me as an excuse to stay apart. I want to show them both that I’m over this, and this is the only way I can think to do it.

It somehow feels like I would be using Wonwoo for my own personal gain then; I’m using him to avoid the guilt I would feel if Sena and Seokmin really did break up because of me. It’s selfish of me isn’t it?

But I really do actually like Wonwoo. And I decided I would say yes before this problem even came up. I don’t think it would be using him; it would only be using if I didn’t actually like him.

A/N: Sorry for the relatively late chapter! It’s just that I tried writing it before and I couldn’t because my Carat mode was turned completely off and my LO/\E mode was (still is) on overdrive lol

I now command you to watch this again:

Also, thank you so much for the 400 subscribers! *bows to you all*

(pls love these cuties)