Funny how one phone call can drag you down into a dark abyss you never wanted to revisit. Ever since Wonwoo spoke to his parents, he felt rotten. The old negative feelings he had thought he had buried were starting to resurface. He was reminded of his abominable status, and of how corrupted the relationship with his parents was.

Most of all, he remembered just how much he missed them. Hearing their voices again made him feel so warm. However, what they said had hurt him so much, that all traces of that warmth were gone.

He had sent his mother a photo of him with Jin. She replied to the image with: I am so happy. The cross necklace that Jin often wore was clear in the photo, and it was probably that which made his mother so happy.

Wonwoo had long come to accept, however, that Jin had slipped from his fingers. Whatever she had with Vernon seemed stable enough. From what Wonwoo had seen, Vernon was good to her, and Jin seemed to have had fun on her first date. He did not want to pressure her with the lie he told his parents about the two of them, and so he decided not to tell her.

Plus, she seemed to have enough on her plate with Sena. He did not feel like adding himself to the list of friends towards whom she should feel responsible.

Wonwoo put the last of his belongings in his bag. This would be the last night he would spend in this room; he was going to move in with Mingyu tomorrow. The plan had been next week, but with the trip that Seokmin and Jin had planned in a few days, Wonwoo needed to move out before.

He was excited for the trip. It would be nice to get out of campus for a few days, and plus, he missed being together with all three of them. It had been too long since they spent time together, and it seemed that all four of them needed to be together for an extended period in order to resolve all of the issues floating around them.

-

The next morning, Wonwoo turned in his keys and checked out of his room. He passed by some of his neighbors, who seemed surprised he was leaving the room forever.

“Where are you moving?” one of them asked.

Wonwoo was careful not to tell them he was moving into the rich-people dorm. He just told them that a friend was willing to help him out as he was in a tough financial situation.

When Wonwoo arrived, Mingyu was waiting for him in the lobby. Before they went up, Mingyu informed the receptionist who worked there that Wonwoo would be living with him for a while. The receptionist only nodded indifferently.

Wonwoo had been going to and from this room for the longest time now, but ascending towards it this time was nerve-racking. This was his home now; he was going to have to get adapt to it. He was going to be seeing Mingyu everyday. He was going to sleep in the same room as him. The whole thing made him feel uneasy.

“Wait!” Mingyu told him before they entered, “before you go in, close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it,” Mingyu demanded.

Wonwoo obeyed and closed his eyes. He heard the click that meant that Mingyu had used the keycard to open the door.

“You know what, I don’t trust you,” Mingyu said jokingly and then Wonwoo felt Mingyu creep up from behind him and put his hands over Wonwoo’s eyes.

“Why do you want me to close my eyes?” Wonwoo asked him as Mingyu walked him inside.

“You’ll see,” Mingyu said.

Wonwoo left his bag on the floor as Mingyu led him in and positioned him in a certain way.

“Keep your eyes closed!” Mingyu told him as he removed his hands and shuffled around him. Wonwoo waited patiently for Mingyu to tell him to open them. He didn’t really know what to expect.

“Okay, you can open them now.”

Wonwoo opened his eyes to the sight of the expensive mattress that they had avoided buying earlier. Wonwoo’s jaw hung open, and he glared at Mingyu.

“Surprise! Happy early birthday!” Mingyu said sheepishly, but he recoiled when he saw Wonwoo’s frown.

“I told you not to,” Wonwoo groaned.

“It’s a birthday present,” Mingyu defended himself.

“Mingyu, it’s so expensive, and I won’t be able to repay you…”

“Actually,” Mingyu told him, “it wasn’t as expensive as we saw it. I saw the exact same mattress in another place, and it was much cheaper. Plus, they gave student discounts, so I got 20% off.”

“So how much was it?” Wonwoo asked him.

“Come on, Wonwoo. It’s a gift. Just say thank you.”

Wonwoo hated when people did things for him. He always felt like he owed them afterwards, and already he had so much debt to repay to Mingyu. This was just another one to add to the pile. But he didn’t want to complain, because he could tell that Mingyu just wanted him to be happy for the gift.

Wonwoo’s face softened. He sighed and bowed to Mingyu and thanked him.

“Try it,” Mingyu told him, and Wonwoo took off his coat and his shoes to do so. He lied down on it and closed his eyes. It was certainly very comfortable. It almost felt too good for someone like him.

Before he could carry on with his self-deprecating train of thought, he was startled when he felt Mingyu climb into the mattress beside him.

The mattress was too small for two people, but they could fit if they tried. Wonwoo moved a bit to make room for him and avoided Mingyu’s eyes by staring at the ceiling.

“It’s so comfortable. Thank you so much,” Wonwoo told him, still staring at the ceiling.

“I’m happy you like it. Happy early birthday,” Mingyu replied.

Wonwoo smiled. He couldn’t help but turn his head slightly to look at Mingyu, and he blushed when he saw that Mingyu was already staring at him.

Mingyu laughed.

Wonwoo sat up, feeling quite awkward with Mingyu’s proximity. “I’m going to unpack the rest of my things now.”

-

Mingyu had ordered a large chicken dinner as celebration for Wonwoo moving in, which, for Wonwoo, was yet another thing for which Wonwoo felt he needed to repay Mingyu.

“I need to pay for stuff too, you know,” Wonwoo groaned as he bit into his chicken.

“We’re low on shampoo and toothpaste. And the milk’s almost done. You can get those things tomorrow,” Mingyu replied, “and anyways, when are we gonna get over this phase in our relationship where we keep tabs on what we owe each other.”

“I don’t think I’m over that phase with anyone,” Wonwoo admitted

“You’re kind of like that with Seokmin and even Jin. I can tell you’re looser around them than you are with me. I’m kinda jealous,” Mingyu joked.

“I’ve known Seokmin for years… and Jin is… well… Jin.”

“You really like her, don’t you?” Mingyu asked.

“It’s not that I like her,” Wonwoo replied, “I’m just comfortable with her.”

“Did you talk to her about the phone call with your parents?” Mingyu asked carefully, aware that this was a sensitive topic.

The mention of them suddenly made Wonwoo feel bad again. He shook his head, “I don’t want to worry her.”

“You can always tell me,” Mingyu suggested.

Wonwoo swallowed his food and stopped eating.

“Ever since that call, you’ve been quite aloof,” Mingyu added. “I understand that your friends are going through their own problems, and you won’t tell them because you don’t want to worry them. But I’m a friend too, right? And I’m not going through any problems. And if you don’t want to go through it alone, I can hear you out.”

Wonwoo put down the piece of chicken he had been eating. There was an awkward silence that lingered between them for a few seconds, before Wonwoo decided to tell him about it.

He didn’t know what exactly propelled him to do it, but he was able to open himself up and tell Mingyu things that even Seokmin didn’t know:

“I love my parents. I really do, sincerely, love them. When I was younger, I had always claimed them to be the best parents in the world. They loved me too, and they were proud of everything that I did. In high school, I became sure that I felt attracted to boys, and I couldn’t stand by the faith that told me that I couldn’t be. When I came out to my parents, I expected them to be accepting of my decision. I was very wrong.

That’s when it started. The physical and the verbal abuse. I was sent to psychologists that would hit me and tell me that I was worthless and that I needed to change. I was sent to a Catholic summer camp that beat me when I looked at any boy for too long. I was depressed, suicidal, taking medication to keep myself going. It was in that period of my life that I developed this resentment towards religion in general. I started to learn about how all religions, in some way or another, have been hostile to people like me, and I hated it. And I felt this desire to do something about it. That’s why I wanted to study theology. The more I learn about religion, the more well-versed I would be in denouncing it, in condemning it and making sure people like me never experience what I experienced.

Anyways, so I got better eventually. I stopped going to these psychologists, and my parents practically stopped talking to me. I would spend a lot of time in Seokmin’s house, whose parents were a lot more accepting. When it came time to apply to colleges, I applied to the theology program here, and they both said I could go because they believed it would help me become religious again. My mom told me before I left that the moment I ‘change,’ I should call her.

I never called them, which is probably why my mom lost hope. When she called a few days ago, she told me she wanted to divorce my dad. And it broke me so much to know that I was breaking up my family. My parents love each other, Mingyu. They never had problems. But I gave them problems. I desecrated what they believed was sacred bond between a man and a woman. And I just felt like I wanted to die again when she told me. Suicidal thoughts came back to me, and I broke down.

I lied to them. I needed to save it somehow. I couldn’t let my parents, who had been so precious to my childhood and to the person that I am now; I couldn’t break their bond. And so I told them that there was a girl that I was going to ask out called Jin: a good, Christian girl. And now I just feel like I’m trying to keep a falling building together with scotch tape. It’s going to fall, and all because me. And… I… I’m sorry,” Wonwoo stopped telling his story to wipe his now wet eyes.

Mingyu had been listening with a sympathetic look in his eyes. When Wonwoo had started to cry, Mingyu reached out and rubbed Wonwoo’s arm

“Oh gosh, this is so embarrassing,” Wonwoo said with a slight laugh, “yet another thing to add to the list of embarrassing things I’ve done in front of you.”

“You shouldn’t feel embarrassed,” Mingyu told him, “because after learning this about you, I feel like nothing compared to you. I’m not nearly as strong, and if my parents did that to me, I would be unforgiving.”

Wonwoo grabbed one of the restaurant’s tissues from nearby and began wiping his face. He tried to stop himself from crying so embarrassingly in front of Mingyu, and he succeeded for once. He noted that Mingyu had stopped eating because of him, and so Wonwoo stuffed his face with chicken to try and restore the mood to the way it was before.

“I can’t imagine what it’s like,” Mingyu continued as Wonwoo chewed, “and I’m not going to pretend I have anything profound to say, but I want to ask you to stay strong through this. And if ever things get so bad, tell me if you’re not going to tell anyone else.”

Wonwoo nodded, still feeling quite embarrassed. Why did he always have to be such a baby in front of Mingyu?

When they were done eating, and the leftovers were in the fridge, Mingyu took out something else. It was a little cake with “Happy Early Birthday” and “Welcome Home” written on it. When Wonwoo saw it, he felt touched, but also a little angry. Mingyu was buying was too much for him.

“Cake will make you feel better,” Mingyu, placing the little cake on the table and handing him a spoon.

“You do way too much for me,” Wonwoo told him as he accepted the spoon. “If you keep spoiling me like this, I'll probably fall for you, and that would be uncomfortable for both of us.”

“Why would it be uncomfortable?” Mingyu asked as he stuffed a bite of the cake into his mouth. He said it so causally, and Wonwoo wondered if Mingyu even knew what he was saying.

“What?” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes in Mingyu’s direction.

“It woudln’t be uncomfortable,” Mingyu explained coolly after he swallowed his cake. “I’d be flattered.”

Wonwoo blinked. He was surprised at Mingyu’s reply, and he tried to hide his now blushing face by taking a bite from the cake.

-

Mingyu was definitely not prude at all. He changed into his pajamas right in front of Wonwoo with no shame whatsoever. Wonwoo, however, changed in the bathroom.

When Wonwoo came out, dressed and ready to finally sleep, he lied down on his new mattress.

“Okay, now it’s time for me to do the embarrassing thing,” Mingyu told Wonwoo. Wonwoo noted that Mingyu had a prayer bead in his hand.

“Go ahead,” Wonwoo told him, knowing that Mingyu wanted to pray.

“I pray every day,” Mingyu told him. “It might take a few minutes, and it might be a little loud. Sorry if you hate it.”

“I won’t,” Wonwoo reassured as Mingyu prepared for his prayer. He a lamp and turned off the lights and sat cross-legged in front of his statue.

“Namu Amita Bul. Namu Amita Bul. Namu Amita Bul. Namu Amita Bul…” Mingyu recited the nembutsu prayer that was characteristic of Jodo Buddhism.

Wonwoo listened, enchanted by Mingyu’s voice saying the prayer. It sounded a lot different than Wonwoo had expected it to sound. It was so much more sonorous and deep, and it resonated with him a lot. Wonwoo had learned about it in his classes. He knew the background, he knew the justification, and the translation. Namu Amita Bul. “I take refuge in the Buddha of Inconceivable Light.”

Wonwoo shifted in his mattress and turned to the wall, thankful for the dim lighting that concealed the tears that were now falling from his eyes. Something about the prayer reminded Wonwoo of his parents again, and the tears he had held back in front of Mingyu now fell without stopping.

A/N: SEVENTEEN’S BACK!

Please guys let’s support it to the best of our abilities. FIRST WIN THIS ERA PERHAPS? i hope ;;