Risa's pov:

The show suddenly became serious when the MC asked something and a guest answered on it with an emotional answer.

I bit my lips, holding in my tears as I heard him speak about his issues, the other guests already crying while others tried to hold themseves in.

The Mc nodded, his eyes glimmering with compassion and sadness when a guest talked about how he thought he had to quit the entertainment world after founding out that he had a disease.

"That's really hard isn't it?" the MC asked. "To have something so difficult in your life and you don't know if you're going to continue or stop what you like to do." 

Jonghyun suddenly stuck his hand in the air, getting everyone's attention.

"We had a time like that too." Jonghyun said, earning the attention of the other members and of me and Michael. Even Bitna was interested in this. 

"Jonghyun too?" the MC asked.

Jjong nodded and motioned his hand to Jinki which made my heart fell.

"In 2014, we had a pretty difficult year. It was hard and we were in slumps. Onew hurt his neck during Everybody promotions and then had to cancel his musical because his throat wasn't that healthy...," Jjong's voice broke when he talked, making my heart squeeze painfully together.

"Onew hyung had to go for operation for his throat and he couldn't talk for months." Minho oppa continued while Kibum oppa patted Jjong's shoulders comforting. "It hurt us a lot to see him like that and I could only imagine how difficult and painful it was for hyung... "

Jinki smiled, but it wasn't a happy one which made me noly more in pain. That sad smile was something I couldn't see.

"I had a really difficult time back then." Jinki took over. "I was nervous and honestly worried and afraid that I had to stop singing. I couldn't imagine a future without SHINee as five, without me singing and without Shawols. Luckily the members kept supporting me, kept encouraging me." he smiled.

Wasn't this all back...then?

I remembered that around the time we broke up... it was also when he had problems with his throath...

"I really missed singing and had a hard time with it but I was really happy with everyone supporting me. My friends, my family, the members and of course SHINee World. But that year wasn't only a hard time for me..." Jinki turned his head and looked at Kibum oppa who was suddenly at the center of attention.

"Ah... yes..." Kibum oppa tried to smile. "My grandmother...passed away when we were busy with shedules and concerts and performances. But like Onew hyung said we had each other. Everyone, each member had a difficult time, but we kept pushing each other and came through and of course because of our fans as well. I still remember it clearly. Our first concert. We also introduced our new songs back then and the audience was amazing. We laughed, we cried and we had fun together."

I looked down and bit my lips.

Back then... He already had his surgery... when we broke up... But Kibum oppa said he was tired and was in a slump... Was it really because of that...?

---

"What's wrong...?" Jinki asked me, his hand intetwined with mine as we walked through the hallway of my appartment.

I didn't answer him, not even when we were inside.

He started to get worried and grabbed my hands, searching for my eyes