Soyoung stared at the house across from hers. Baekhyun and Soyoung were discharged from the hospital just a few hours ago. The boys had wanted to go out and celebrate, but Kris and Suho suggested for them to go home and get plenty of rest first even though they had enough from the hospital, so they did just that. 

When her parents took her home, Soyoung had sworn she saw someone looking from Luhan's home, but when she turned to get a closer look, the curtains were down. Since then, she had been sitting by the window and looking over at her neighbor's house. She knew she was probably seeing things, but that was okay. Soyoung dearly missed Luhan, and she had been dying to know when he'd return. Her stay in the hospital was devastating.

When the boys were hiding something and wasn't telling her, she was already frustrated enough when she still had no idea what it was they weren't telling her. It was even worse thinking about Luhan. Every single day, she wondered if he knew about her condition. She wondered if he had heard even the slightest news about her.

A part of her wanted to hate Luhan so much that she wouldn't be able to have feelings for him anymore, but another part of her knew too well that she would never lose these feelings for him.

"Honey, come eat," her mother called. She walked over to her daughter and wrapped her arms around her. "You've been sitting here for so long. You need food in you in order to stay healthy. Come on."

Soyoung finally looked away from Luhan's house and followed her mother to the dining room. She sat down and stared at the food in front of her. She had no appetite at all, but for her mother's sake, she picked up the spoon and began eating, and she ate until she finished everything.

Her mother sat by her side and only stared at her. She knew there was something bothering her daughter, but she didn't have the heart to bring it up. She knew Soyoung was still in shock with everything that had happened over the month, and she couldn't even imagine how it'd be to be in her position, so the most she could do was be there for her daughter.

"I'm done," Soyoung smiled her best smile. She didn't want her mother to worry more about her than she already was.

Her mother nodded and returned the smile before cleaning up her dishes.

Soyoung was back to the living room, staring out the window again.

"Do you miss Luhan?" Her mother came behind her and put her arms around her daughter. "You've been staring at their house since we came home. You haven't even been to your room yet."

"When will Luhan be back?" Soyoung couldn't help but to ask the question to get an answer she had been dying to know.

"I have no idea," her mother replied honestly, retreating her arms to her side. "You must miss him a lot. I remember the days when you both used to hold knives to each other's throats."

"So much has changed," Soyoung admitted. A small smile played on her lips.

"Have you tried reaching him through phone?" Her mother asked.

Soyoung took a deep breath and shook her head. "Not since the accident, no. He never did pick up when I did try to contact him, so I found no point in trying again."

Soyoung's mother gazed at her face, and she knew it immediately why her daughter had been so down. "Soyoung, you're in love with Luhan, aren't you?"

And with the mention of love, Soyoung's breath hitched, and her eyes grew wide. She looked her mother in the eyes. "Mom, what are you talking about? Me? In love with him? That's... That's impossible." She was flustered with the sudden mention of love, but her mother caught on fast.

Her mother gave a light laugh then hugged her daughter tightly. "You're my daughter. How can I not know when you're in love with someone? Your eyes says it all." She smiled gratefully and took a deep breath before pulling away. "When was it, Soyoung? When did you start having feelings for him?"

Soyoung pursed her lips, hesitant on whether or not she should tell everything to her mother, but when she looked up again to see the trusting eyes of a mother, she let it all out. Soyoung told her everything from beginning to end, not leaving even one detail out. She told her mother everything there was to be told, and like that, the night ended with Soyoung in tears.

"I just miss him so much," she cried, wiping away sad tears. "There's so much that I want to say to him and tell him. There's so many things I wish I could've said before he left for China. It's so unfair."

Soyoung's mother hugged her tightly and patted her back. "It'll be alright, honey. He'll be back, and when he comes back, you can tell him everything."

"I just miss him so much, mom." Soyoung hugged her mother tightly, hoping her mother was right. Hopefully, she would be able to tell Luhan everything.

"Jie Jie, your phone is ringing!" The little girl ran over to her older sister with the phone in her hands. "It's an unknown number."

"Thanks, Mei Lien." Yun Yi took her phone and stared at the unknown number before picking up. "Hello?"

"I'm sorry."

Yun Yi paused and sent Mei Lien out of her room before locking up. "Is this Luhan?"

"Do you think we can meet?"

"Oh my gosh! Luhan!" Yun Yi hissed into her phone. "Are you in Beijing right now?"

"I had no choice but to come back."

Yun Yi sighed in defeat. "Where are you right now?"

"Outside your house."

Yun Yi hung up and grabbed a sweater. She ran down the stairs and asked the head maid to keep her eyes on Mei Lien while she was out. With an okay, Yun Yi rushed out the door. Like Luhan had said, he was right outside her house, and with him was his luggage and huge dark bags under his eyes. She ran over to him and stared at his state before bringing him into a tight hug.

"Oh my gosh, Luhan." She tightened the hug. A part of her broke inside staring at a broken Luhan. "What happened? Kris told me everyting that happened and what you've been going through. Are you alright?"

She pulled back to see Luhan put up a small smile.

"If I was alright, I wouldn't have come back." He sighed. "How's everyone? I'd go meet them, but I don't think they'd want to see me like this."

"Why are you even back?" Yun Yi looked around and hailed a cab before pulling Luhan inside with his things. She gave the taxi driver her destination, which was to her father's luxurious hotel. "Whatever has happened, just rest at my father's hotel for now. Get things tidy up, and gets lots of rest. I'll listen to everyting after you get enough rest."

Luhan stared at the lady in front of him, and he almost broke down but held everything back. Maybe this was why he had fallen for her since long ago. It was this side of Yun Yi that he had fallen for, and he was grateful that he had a friend like her by his side at a time like this.

Rest was what he got.

After they had checked Luhan in, Yun Yi ushered for Luhan to get some sleep, in which he did, and when he woke up, Yun Yi had ordered tons of food, so he had lots to eat before he went on to talk about matters.

"Does anyone know you're here?"

"My parents," Luhan replied after a long pause. "I didn't have the heart to tell the others. I know they're already so disappointed in me, so I just came without letting them know. I really did want to let them know, but it was too hard, so I just came."

Yun Yi pulled her sweater over her due to the cold air conditioning. "Am I supposed to let the others know when they call me?"

"Go ahead," Luhan managed a chuckle. "I just didn't want to die in their hands before I could even get on a plane."

His laugh brought a smile to Yun Yi's face. At least he still had it in him to smile and laugh.

"Tell me about everyitng, Luhan. I mean it. Everything."

After a long pause, he sighed. "When I got back, I gathered everyone and we all helped to prepare something special. We had everything planned out, got everything done. I wanted it to be the best thing that Soyoung had ever experienced in her life, so everyone worked very hard on it, but that very day that I was going to confess... I felt it coming. This bad feeling that something was going to happen. I didn't know what it was but it made me feel so uneasy. I should've stopped it right then when I felt something was wrong, but I let it happen anyways. That day, Baekhyun and Soyoung..."

Yun Yi brought a hand up and patted Luhan's arm. "It's okay, Luhan. I understand."

Luhan took in a breath and continued. "I just blamed myself a lot for what has happened. Everyone told me it wasn't my fault, but they have no idea how hard it was for me to believe them. I really closed up myself, and it was hard to let others get to me. It was the worst feeling ever. It was so suffocating. All the guilt and everything just caved in on me. There were days it was hard to breathe. I was so ashamed of myself. I couldn't even face Baekhyun and Soyoung to apologize."

Yun Yi stared at him, then she clared . "Do you still blame yourself?"

Luhan paused and thought hard and long before shaking his head. "I no longer blame myself, but I'm still really ashamed for not having to even see them once."

"And so that's why you're back here, to escape the guilt?" Yun Yi didn't know a more kind way to put it. It was how she saw things.

"Not to escape," Luhan shook his head. "Just to prepare myself more."

"Well, for how long are you planning to stay here?"

"Hopefully not too long. I want to get back up on my feet as soon as possible." Luhan gripped the bed sheets and exhaled. "I want to be able to face everyone again and apologize for my actions. I've left so many people disappointed."

Yun Yi sat quietly and nodded. "I see where you're coming from. Well, you know what? We're all people that love you, and no matter how many times you've let us down and no matter how many times you will let us down, at the end of the day, we all love you, and we'll forgive everything you've done, so don't be too hard on yourself and quickly get back on your feet. We need our Luhan back."

Luhan grinned from her unusual, yet, touching words.

"And Kris told me that Soyoung didn't even know you were back, you . You better hurry back to her. I can only imagine how she must be feeling right now." And he earned a smacking from her.

"He was having a very hard time, so we had no choice but to allow him to go back to China," Luhan's mother informed the boys as they stared in shock. "He really wanted to let you all know, but he was already struggling so much."

"Did we make him feel that horrible?" Sehun frowned deeply.

Baekhyun sighed. He wanted to see his friend at least once. "I deserved at least a hi."

"Do you know when he's going to come back, Mrs. Lu?" Kris questioned.

To the question, she shook her head. "I asked him, and he said he'll try to come back soon, but there's no specific date."

"Thanks for letting us know." Suho bowed to the elder as the boys left the house one by one.

"If I get in contact with him, I'll let you boys know."

The boys returned back to Kris's home and sat in silence, each and everyone of them puzzled and concerned. For a long while, everyone kept quiet, and no one spoke a word. No one had the heart to speak. Not even Kris and Suho.

"So this was probably how Luhan felt when he was stuck in his room. When he felt as if everything was his fault." Sehun decided to break the ice. He couldn't take it anymore. "Did we really make him feel that low? I didn't even understand how hurt he must've been. I didn't think it'd make him choose to go back."

"It's not our fault," Suho assured him. He sighed. "Luhan would want us to know that it's not our fault either. I'm sure it's because he only wanted more time to think."

"Could've at least let us know than make us feel like ," Tao muttered, though the others caught it. 

Chanyeol lightly nudged him for his choice of words. "We probably made him feel worse."

"I didn't want him to go through things alone," Kai pursed his lips, disappointed in himself. 

"Luhan trusts us, and we trust Luhan. When things are fine again, he'll be back. He'll come back strong, guys. Let's not feel so down." Kris managed a smile as he patted their backs. He stood up and walked to the kitchen. "What should I make for dinner tonight?"

Assured with words, the boys threw out suggestions, putting away their worries.

Luhan laid still and stared at the white ceiling of the luxurious hotel he was currently staying in. He sent Yun Yi home as she had been with him all day. He didn't want her family to worry for her, and though she didn't want to leave him alone in his state, he assured her that he'd be fine.

Fine wasn't the word to describe how he was though.

He was actually not fine.

He felt like crap.

How things took such a drastic turn in such little time, he had no idea.

He just knew that he wanted things to go back to how it was in the past. Everything.

He had really wanted to go to Baekhyun and Soyoung and happily congratulate them on their discharge from the hospital, but when he knew but never visited them, he knew he wouldn't be able to do that.

He wanted to just embrace everyone and apologize, an apology deep from his heart, but he knew one simple apology wouldn't break it.

So he decided to do this.

He decided to come back to China to prepare his state of mind and his heart. He came back to strengthen himself, who had become so weak over the past few months. Luhan was determined to become stronger and return with a strong heart.

He had beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful friends. He believed in them to trust and believe in him. He trusted them to trust in him. He trusted them to trust that he will come back and return to the Luhan everyone knew him to be.

And finally, when he returns to Seoul, the one thing he wants to do most.

Look at Soyoung in the eyes and just see her beautiful smiles and hear her beautiful voice and laugh.

Confess?

He wasn't planning on that anymore. As bad as it sounds, confessing was something Luhan felt wouldn't work out well. Maybe, in this world, in this lifetime, friends is the farthest they will be able to take their relationship, and if that's the case, then Luhan won't go against fate. As long as he was by her side, he's fine with being just friends. Of course, it'd be hard because his feelings for her were so strong, but if friends is really all they could become, then he'll hide those feelings the best he can.

This was what Luhan wanted to show when he returns to Seoul, and though it might take a while, and though it may be tough, Luhan was determined to do so, not just for him, but for everyone else who had put up with his bull he had given.

To the people who cared for him when he didn't deserve their attention.

He was determined to get back on his feet.

For them.