~~Yumi~

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I had no idea. I was at loss. Seems like JaeJoong was determined about killing Yuri. Killing, is there really a need to? Do we have to? Of course I was more than angry, devastated that Donghae was then but was it really right to take revenge, when we all knew that it's exactly what she wanted and also, was it really right of me, or any of us, to take anyone's life?

No was the answer to this. I had no right in taking hers, which she also had no right in taking Donghae's. But I didn't want to  be on the same level as her, cause that wasn't me. I wasn't a girl with full of vengeance. I was more than that. And even though there was a part of me who wanted to kill her by my own hands, there was still this side of me who was opposing my desires and what my head was saying because I knew that I would regret this.

I understand her. I do. JaeJoong did something that was more than unfair to her, she even witnessed it and now she's after the same thing. Of course she would be upset. More than that. But there was so much pain, so much hurt in all of that. But now it has even come to the point of others getting hurt as well?

How about we just give up?

A knock was suddenly heard, interrupting my messy head and I spun around to see Kibum enter. The last person I wanted to see at the moment of course but.. he brought me a cup of coffee which is very unusal because I had never expected Kibum to do so. He just seemed to care about no one but himself.

"Thanks" I whispered, knowing that he heard me even though I coldn't even hear myself clearly

Kibum didn't reply but just wandered around in the bedroom

"JaeJoong were alone for a long time" He started

I didn't look at him but I guess he knew I was listening

"For years we traveled until he decided to leave me in order to let me heal myself because that.. is more effective than having him around me trying to console me. I was only hurting  and yes, of course I'm still hurting. Who wouldn't blame himself for the death of his love?" He chuckled sarcastically

I stayed quiet, kept staring outside the window

"He loves you, I've noticed how much he cares about you, how you've grown together. It's almost scary how love can develop so deeply between a human and a vampire. I'm jealous" He said

I spun around and saw a photo that Kibum was holding. Kibum noticed and held the photo up so that I could see. I stared at the picture, knowing that it was me  but I hadn't seen this photo before and never noticed that someone took a picture of me. I was sleeping on a bed, which I soon recognized as the bed in the guestroom.

I walked towards Kibum and took a closer look at the picture. JaeJoong must have taken this picture in my sleep

"You have no idea how much we miss loving someone. Being alone for decades, centuries, wandering around with no goal except surviving, trying to find new ways of hunting in order to not bring too much suspiciousness to us, it's hard Yumi. It's harder than you can imagine"

I swallowed hard

"I'm just jealous of you and JaeJoong and I'm even scared for him. That's the weird thing. I'm scared for him. I know he has everything under control but... even though you have it under control, there will never be a guarantee that it will hold. One single step of mistake and you could be dead. I'm afraid that he will feel the pain that I once felt and still feeling. I'm harsh on you yes because.. even though we don't get along, I still care for Jae because he's a friend throughout the vampire life that I know I will never have again if he dies"

"I would never hurt him"

"But your existence does. You being in his life does" Kibum said

I swallowed hard once again, knowing that this is the truth which I've been trying to deny since I loved JaeJoong.

"You might not hurt him in that way but only you being around him makes his thirst wants to come out, his true nature and himself" Kibum said

"I know that"

"And yet you're still here" He whispered, trying to understand me

"Yes I am and I won't disappear"

"Your life is on stake and you refuse to go away? What the hell is wrong with you?" kibum asked angrily

"She already knows me. She already knows that JaeJoong loves me. What difference would it make if I were to disappear now? If not only hurting JaeJoong? You don't think I would still end up dead?" I asked

Kibum looked at me

"You're not even afraid of dying" He said surprised, shocked in fact. Confusion took over his facial expression and he started to think about it but it seemed like he couldn't find a reason to understand to why I would even sacrifice my life for him

"No I'm not" I whispered

"Why aren't you?" He asked

"Because I feel that this is right. This is exactly where I want to be. Right here. All my life I've been wandering around, wondering what I want to do, getting to know myself, getting to know my inner self and there has never been any succesful results until now. It's the first time I feel that I want to be here, that I want to stay here and this is also where I feel that I belong. I'm eager, excited and for the first time in my life, I'm in love. I can't be selfish to not consider JaeJoong's feelings because he has a part as much as I do. I can't leave him just like that. It's selfish of me to stay here but it would be even more selfish if I were to leave him. There must be another reason for me to leave him, I'm not gonna let Yuri be that reason"

"BUT YOUR LIFE IS ON STAKE"

"WHICH I'M WILLING TO SACRIFICE!" I shouted back

Kibum breathed hardly, trying to concentrate but it seemed like his brain didn't work

"Why would you sacrifice your life for someone's whos' dead?" He whispered

"Cause I feel alive when I'm with him. That's the reason. He makes me feel like this, he gives me the courage to be with him even though I just lost Donghae and are about to die. This courage is an amazing feeling. I have never felt anything like this. It's almost.. supernatural. I can't even describe it. It doesn't matter if I were to die because it's for him right?" I whispered

"You're crazy"

"I know that and I didn't know I had all of this in me" I whispered

"I should kill you now, spare Yuri the time"

I rolled my eyes

"You wouldn't do that. You care too much about JaeJoong"

"I know. I didn't finish my sentence. I should just turn you into a vampire and get it over with. In that way you could be with JaeJoong forever and kill Yuri. Easy" He said

I swallowed hard

"Become a vampire?" I whispered

"You must have thought of that? Right?" He asked

"Never" I whispered

"You haven't thought about your future with him?"

"There's been a lot of things to think about lately"

"Becoming a vampire is the only way" Kibum said and stepped closer

I swallowed hard

"I don't think so. There must be another way" I whispered

"Try finding it. When you don't, come to me"

Kibum left the room, leaving me in shock and in frustration, not knowing what I should do with all this information. I was breathing quickly, I was hyperventilating as I soon found myself sitting on the floor, getting more and more in shock as I thought about it

"Yumi?!"

Changmin's voice was right beside me and I felt him pulling me close to him as he tried to find out what was wrong

"I'm fine.. I'm .. okk" I stuttered

"Are you sure? Do you need anything? Hospital? Anything?" He asked in panic

I shook my head

"I just .. I"

"What?"

"Need.. JaeJoong" I whispered

Changmin swallowed

"He's out hunting" He said

"I know" I whispered

Minutes passed and I stayed quiet as Changmin was holding me in his arms, swaying as if I was a baby and tried to help me somehow to let go of the panic, the shock and the pain.

"How is it.. becoming a vampire?" I said in trance

Changmin's swaying stopped and he looked down on me as I slowly turned myself to look at him

"What?" He asked shockingly, not believing what I just said but I said it out loud, clearly and I knew he heard it

"I'm just.. curious" I whispered

"Don't worry, we will never let you transition into a vampire"

"Why?" I asked, still blunt and tired, in trance and devoured by the sadness and hurt in my heart

"Cause that would be like killing you hundreds time over and over again. We would never allow you to become a vampire" He said seriously, facing me, looking into my eyes and trying to get the thought of becoming a vampire out of my head

Suddenly JaeJoong entered the room and Changmin immediately handed me over as if I was a baby and JaeJoong took a hold of me as I comfortably, feeling the safety taking me in as I felt his arms being wrapped around my tiny body. He kissed my forehead and I could hear Changmin leaving me behind.

Nothing was said but I was more than sure that he had heard my conversation with Changmin

I didn't want to listen to Kibum. I was more than determined to find another way to solve this. There must be another way. Otherwise, I have to create one