“I wish I could hate you.”

Breaking up meant just that. Breaking up, the ending. It was the end of something with potential, it was ending before that potential could be met. It had been a mutual decision, mutual so Jiyong didn’t feel dumped, and they had kept their promise to remain cordial/friends as to not rearrange the dynamics they had with each other, and the group.

They were ex’s, but they still needed to work.

It was why they were alone in the studio together, it was why Jiyong hadn’t packed up his things and left for the night 30 minutes after Seunghyun barged in and made himself comfortable at the table opposite of him, 15 minutes after the others had left for the night.

It was why Seunghyun continued to do sweet things even after subconsciously trampling on his heart, he didn’t want Jiyong to be alone at 2am.

Seunghyun still cared for him, Jiyong wanted to hate him.

Impossible.

“I wish I could hate you.”

Seunghyun froze, looking up in stunned silence. He wasn’t expecting it, Jiyong wasn’t expecting to let it slip.

Their eyes connected and held. Jiyong didn’t know how much time had passed, he had no way of keeping track. Seconds dragged on into minutes and minutes felt like hours. Jiyong didn’t know if he should continue, or if he should wait for Seunghyun to respond.

“You broke my heart, you know? When we broke up I promised that I would be okay but I’m not. I told myself that I could move on from you if I could just hate you. It would make everything so much easier.”

Jiyong fiddled with the pages of his scattred lyric book, dropping his eyes momentarily before returning them to unblinking ones. Normally, Seunghyun would have zoned out by now, thinking over what he had just been told.

His eyes stayed clear. Jiyong could see his own reflection. He was waiting for Jiyong to finish, he would take in every word.

Jiyong's heart thumped.

“I wish I could hate you, I tried to. I can’t.”

He had nothing left to say, he was ready to run out of the room with his notebook and leave everything else behind until the morning. Seunghyun's kept his eyes on him and he felt fidgety, uncomfortable under the clear gaze. He wasn’t asking for another shot at their relationship, but he worried for his reaction. Would things between them change now that he opened his mouth? What if Seunghyun put more distance between them?

He didn’t want that.

A brief moment of emotion flickered in Seunghyun's eyes before they vanished, nothing left.  Jiyong couldn’t read the man. He didn’t know how this would go.

“I’m glad.” Seunghyun gaze was firm. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

He spoke in a whisper, as though his words were as delicate as his thoughts. A tender moment to be handled with the utmost care.

It made Jiyong worry more.

“I never meant to hurt you. I did what would be best for us, what I thought would be best.”

Hesitation.

Seunghyun was hesitant to continue. His eyes dropped to the table before slowly rising, his eyes clearer than they had been.

He was probably fiddling his fingers under the table, hands resting in his lap.

“When I suggested a break I didn’t mean to end things for good. I just wanted some time, some space. We had…”

Jiyong frowned as the other trailed off. Seunghyun had wanted a break? That’s not how he remembered it. How did a break become a breakup? Why did it go that far?

“We were having problems, we needed space, distance. When I asked for a break, I didn’t expect for you to agree and ask for a breakup”

He felt as though water had been splashed across his face. Water cold enough to freeze, or water hot enough to burn he couldn’t tell. He had been the one to ask for a break up?

Jiyong gulped, feeling slightly embarrassed for not realizing he was the reason they weren’t together. How could he be so stupid? Why was he always jumping to conclusions?

“Then… can we try this again? Can we start again.”

Seunghyun nodded, still slightly hesitant yet anxious all the same. They smiled, but smiles small at the thought of becoming a unit again, starting over.

“For the record, I couldn’t hate you either.”

Jiyong's heart fluttered.

In which breaking up is hard to do, and getting back together is not

Also,

In which proper comunication is important.