“Please don’t do this”

“You can’t- You can’t do this to me!”

Seunghyun growled as he pushed JIyong off of his arms to put another stack of sweaters in his suitcase. This wasn’t how he had planned things but this is what was best for him. It was best for them.

“I’m leaving, that’s it.”

“No, you can’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”

The sound of a breaking heart was enough to cause him to waver in his determinations, but it wasn’t enough. He had seen the tears to many times, he had cried his own tears to many times. If they stayed together as they were then they would destroy one another.

He held his tongue as he moved back to the joint closet, bending to pick up shoes to last him until he was able to come and retrieve the rest of his things.

“What about Bigbang? What are you going to tell them? Their going to ask.”

Seunghyun scoffed, straightening his back and moving passed Jiyong who followed his every step, standing closely and holding onto his jacket every now and again. It was starting to grate his nerves.

“What about them? It’s not their business, they don’t need to know.”

Jiyong sniffled, fruitlessly wiping his tears. “They deserve to know something. This affects them to, we work-”

“Tell them to off then!”

He snapped without meaning to but he didn’t find himself caring. Tossing his shoes into to suitcase, he lifted it up and set it on the ground next to his feet.

Dragging it behind him, he headed out of the bedroom, ignoring the footsteps following behind.

“What about Eun Ae? What do I tell our child when she wakes up and her daddy isn’t here?”

Seunghyun froze in his steps. Choi Eun Ae, his child, his light. She was the world to him, she never did any wrong. She was his perfect child. It was a low blow, but she would understand, she had to. She would know he had his reasons and she would know he would explain.

“Tell her that her father ed up.” He turned to set eyes on Jiyong, the man looked so broken, as though his world was ending. As of right now, it probably was. He was as broken as Seunghyun was. “I’ll pick her up every other week.”

“What about me?”

Seunghyun bit his lip. Jiyong- he loved the man, he always has and he always will.  He was his world and the sun that kept him warm. Their relationship had been perfect but sometimes even perfect things begin to shatter. Their trust had taken a blow, soon after the foundation had began to crumble. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t fight for a relationship when the other party wasn’t doing the same.

“You don’t care about me? Did you ever?”

A nerve was stuck and Seunghyun his heels, a glare planted firmly on his face as his fierce eyes connected with angry ones. Jiyong had moved on from Sorrow to anger.

“ you, I didn’t care? I never cared about you?” His voice was low, menacing as he let his anger show. Jiyong held his gaze firm, even as he took steps to lessen the space between them. If their child wasn’t sleeping just upstairs then they would have been yelling. “Who's the one who didn’t really care? Who’s the one who put no effort into making this relationship work?”

Jiyong crossed his arms, scoffing in the process. He eyes the bag left stranded behind the taller man and glared. “The one leaving.”

If he could have laughed, he would have. What kind of insanity? “Sure, blame it all on me. That’s all you ever do.”

He turned, yanking his suitcase back up and quickening his steps. He needed to get out before he suffocated. His eyes were beginning to blur. He couldn’t take this anymore.

“Wait,” His hand halted on the handle of their front door. Only a few more steps and he would be gone. “I’m sorry. Whatever it is I did, I can fix it. We’ve been together for to long for it to break- to crumble like it is.”

The tears were back, Seunghyun felt his heart break a little more. He tried to keep a firm grasp on his sanity as warm arms wrapped around his midsection and his jacket became damp with tears.

“I’ll change, I’ll make you happy again. I’ll put more effort into loving you, I’ll love you more than I already do. This whole thing is my fault so give me a chance to fix it.”

Seunghyun looked up, forcing back his tears that were so close to falling, so close the the edge that one moment would cause the first to drop.

“Jiyong, I-”

“Please don’t leave me. I love you. Please don’t stop loving me.”

His resolve broke at the words. Don’t stop loving me? It was impossible to stop loving the man. Jiyong was his first love and he would be his last. He loved Jiyong, loved him more than life itself.

“Daddy? Where are you going, business trip?”

The sound of a sleepy child broke the atmosphere and Seunghyun could feel Jiyong wipe his tears on the back of his jacket before turning to face the girl. His smile was probably small, but filled with love.

“No where, Daddy isn’t going anywhere.”

Seunghyun allowed the suitcase to be pulled from his hand and he slowly turned to the girl who looked up at him with curiosity.

“Why is he all packed up then?”

The child was smart, she would know Jiyong was lying if he didn’t play along. He had no problems with telling the girl that he was leaving, but after catching a glimpse of Jiyongs ragged face, he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He was always weak to the man, he probably always would be.

“I was going to grandma's-”

“But he changed his mind because he doesn’t want to leave us by ourselves.”

Jiyong moved briskly, clutching the suitcase by his side, as he moved to scoop the sleeping child up. They both forced a smile in the girls direction and she giggled, reaching out for Seunghyun to take hold of her.

Seunghyun felt a pull on his heart strings as he complied, the girl resting comfortably in his arms.

“Can I sleep between you two tonight? I sleep better. I had a dream that you were going to leave us and never come back.”

It startled him, how accuracy the dream had been. Leaving, with the sleepy child in his arms, didn’t sound like such a good idea anymore. He would feel guilt after leaving, after realizing that he had left the two people who mattered the most.

“Of course you can, sweetie. Come, let’s go to bed.”

He glanced at Jiyong who still held the suitcase tight, but his grip loosened at the agreement he had made with their child. He looked relieved.

Walking back into the house, he listened as the footsteps followed softly behind him. They were lighter now, less stressed, but stressed all the same. Jiyong knew that they would talk about what had happened, Seunghyun had every intention, but tonight the talk would be put on hold.

The little girl in his arms came first.

He placed her under the covers, in the middle to save space for Seunghyun and Jiyong to lay by her side. He sat at the edge, rubbing her back as Jiyong emptied his suitcase. He didn’t want Seunghyun to leave while he slept.

“I’m sleeping on the outside today.”

More security. Jiyong needed to know Seunghyun wasn’t going anywhere, Seunghyun nodded.

“Don’t leave us, Daddy.”

Their child was smart, Seunghyun knew she would know. As good as Jiyong could be at lying, he wore his heart on his sleeve. His expressions showed everything. His desperation, his fear, his love.

Eun Ae picked up on everything related to her parents.

Seunghyun smiled down at the tired girl, kissing her forehead and caressing her hair. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was evening out.

It would take time, and probably counseling, but they could work things out. After 10 years of commitment it would be crazy not to. Seunghyun had planned on leaving, but he felt loved as Jiyong had fought for him to stay.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Such a loving chapter to start off the new year.