a/n: Requested by pandamen

*bottomKai*

Kai watches his own reflection in the mirror in front of him and stares at his torso. There’s a long red messy line starting from his chest down to his hips. The pain is still fresh in his mind as if it just happened last night.

It has been three years. Three years of tears and the feeling of helplessness. It has been three years since he left his abusive ex-boyfriend and tried to start a new page of his life.

It was not easy. Not at all. He was suffering from depression and trauma for one year after he left his ex-boyfriend. He almost killed himself more than once, but somehow his best friend, Kyungsoo, was always able to come and save him on time.

He was scared to go out and meet new people. He developed a trust issue and vowed not to fall in love anymore. In his eyes, all men are the same. They are nice at first, but then they will turn into a beast when no one is around. That’s how he views men.

But then Sehun came into his life. Sehun moved into the house next to his last year. For one month, they never met each other because Kai never went out from his house. Then one day, Kai went out to take care of some things in the bank. He didn’t make it far from his front door before he was having a panic attack. It has been too long since he came out and everything around him was just too overwhelming.

Sehun happened to be there at that moment and he has rushed toward Kai and helped him to calm down. Sehun was a doctor, so he knew how to handle someone who was having a panic attack. Kai cried in Sehun’s arms, and for the first time since he broke up with his ex-boyfriend, he felt safe.

Since that faithful day, Sehun has become an important person in Kai’s life. Kai didn’t know why he let Sehun into his life so easily. He was just following what his heart wants.

“You chose the right person, Kai.” Kyungsoo told him one day and Kai just smiled in reply.

They have been dating for three months now and Kai is happy. He is really happy because Sehun is very nice to him. Of course he will be lying if he is not scared. He is always anxious and wonders when Sehun will change. He is scared that Sehun will become like his ex-boyfriend, abusing him verbally and physically. He keeps telling himself that Sehun is not that kind of person, but the fear is always there, hiding deep inside his heart.

Sehun is a sensitive lover. He is always attentive to Kai’s feelings and Kai is thankful for that because he is never good with words, and it feels nice to have someone understands him without him needing to say it out loud. Sehun knows what Kai is worrying about and he always tries his best to prove it to Kai that he is not his ex-boyfriend. Kai really appreciates Sehun’s effort, that’s why he is trying hard to push away his insecurities because Sehun deserves better, but he needs time.

“Baby, are you done in there?” Sehun’s voice cuts off his thoughts. Kai quickly puts on his clothes, because even though they are dating, Kai is insecure about his scars. He thinks that his scars are ugly and he doesn’t want Sehun to see it. At least, not now. Kai is not ready yet.

Kai walks toward the bathroom’s door and opens it. “Sorry, did I take too long?”

Sehun observes Kai’s face intently before he pulls Kai toward the bed. He sits down first before he guides Kai to sit on his laps. “Are you alright?” Sehun asks in concern.

“Of course I am alright.” Kai tries to sound nonchalant but he knows Sehun won’t buy it. Sehun always knows when something is bothering him, and even though it is a good thing, but there are some times when he hopes Sehun won’t know. Because there are some things that are hard for him to tell Sehun, like this time.

“You know you can tell me anything right?”

Kai bites his bottom lip and avoids Sehun’s gaze on him. “It’s nothing.”

Sehun cups Kai’s jaw and forces Kai to look at him. “There’s something. What is it?”

“I-It’s just..” Kai stutters and Sehun kisses his lips softly.

“It’s okay, Kai. Just tell me.” Sehun caresses Kai’s cheek gently.

Kai lets out a shaky breath as he leans onto Sehun’s touch. “I..I just don’t know why you chose to be with me. You are a successful docto