5OIlliana

Back To Africa

Lucas was still in a shock and wasn’t really talking to me, even after all that had happened. I tried to make him talk but nothing. I really felt so bad for leaving now. He was hurt and had injuries and … But I needed to leave even if I was all ego. For once I needed to do something for myself. For once I needed to be alright, I still had some memories to regain. But I needed to get away to, because I thought I wouldn’t get them back if I stayed. The only option was Africa. My mom was still in Kenya so that was where I was going.

I felt heartbroken to leave my little brother there, by himself. He still had Mrs Jung and Suzy to take care of him and he finally understood he could cry and let everything out whenever he wanted

Yep, that should get me the title of the worst sister / friend in the world.

I was waiting for my plane. Which would arrive in half an hour. I was already checked in. So I didn’t really have something to worry about, only to find the right gate. I left early this morning without a goodbye. I couldn’t. If I had a long goodbye to Suzy, Mrs Jung and …. Lucas, I wouldn’t have left. Lucas would never forgive me and see me the same as mother. Leaving him and treating him like he was second place. I couldn’t take him with me, I just couldn’t he would be better off with Mrs Jung than coming with me to Kenya.

Some woman on the intercom had suddenly called out the plane had arrived and we could go to the gate to board the plane.

How long had I been here? I looked on my phone over an hour and a half. The plane landed like an hour ago.  I stood up hearing some commotion behind me. I didn’t really pay attention to it. In half an hour I would be flying away.

But would I really be flying off? I was still thinking of my brother, who needed me right now. I was leaving him in the worst possible way and when he would wake up, he would find my letter. But I would be gone. But should I really go? Why was I hesitant to leave like something was holding me back.

The flight attendant stood there checking everyone’s plane ticket. But when I tried to give mine, some hand encircled my wrist. My pulse started to race. The hand pulled me out of the line, the person who it belonged encircled my wrist bowed and apologized to the flight attendant and pulled me away.

“Illiana.” He gasped for air, like he ran a marathon to get here. I looked at him, sunglasses inside, weird guy.

“Let me go” I stribbled against him, I didn’t need a harassment before I left.

“Illiana, please remember me.” Before I knew it his hands cupped my face and he kissed me, not  a simple peck a real full on kiss. I couldn’t help but feeling overwhelmed and confused but still my eyes fluttered shut from one moment to another. Warmth and electricity came out of it, spreading through my body. He put something in my pocket of my jacket. I should be pushing him away, wth was I doing? Kissing a stranger? But something felt familiar. My head started to hurt. Why couldn’t I push him back like I was supposed to do? I felt like I was going to explode. Not from the pain. He slowly pulled back and put his forehead against mine. 

“Please remember.” I looked up at him. He took off his glasses, those eyes, those eyes I knew those eyes. I loved his eyes.

“Miss, are you going to board the plane, we are taking off soon. You have to come now”

“Please” he pleaded

“I-I have to go” I said confused and turned to the flight attendant and gave her my ticket. She motioned I had to go through the tunnel. I looked behind me. I saw no one, only a bunch of people in suits blocking his way. So I followed the tunnel into the plane, apparently I was the last one boarding.

“Miss, are you feeling alright, You look kind of plain.”

“I’m alright” I lied.

No, my headache was burning up and I was kissed by a stranger, although it hadn’t felt like he was a stranger or was he?

I took place in my seat; I put my hands in my pocket and felt something inside. I hadn’t put anything in my pockets when I left. When I took it out I found myself looking at a butterfly hairpin that sparkled, it seemed ooh so familiar but I couldn’t place it, with a note attached to it. More like eyes.  I unwrapped the eye-note.

Illiana

This is so wrong, what I’ve done now. But I had to let you know. I Love you. Come back to me

Your stranger

Please remember me

My finger went to my lips that were still tingling from the kiss.

Henry’s words came back to me – look for the one with the eyes -. Why hadn’t I seen it before? The wolf’s eyes, his eyes, the strangers who kissed me before.

I didn’t know what happened in the next moment, it went by so fast.

But a whole string of memories came along. EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING came back.

“Kyuhyun, omg  Kyuhyun” I whispered and than I raised my voice. I unbuckled myself and ran to the door yelling to the flight attendants to open the door that I had to get of this plane. I couldn’t leave now, I was going back to Africa to regain memory but now that I have them back, I had to get off.

“Miss, we are sorry, we can’t let you of this plane, please go back to your seat. We are taking off soon.”

“I HAVE TO GET OFF, DON’T YOU GET IT” I yelled begging the attendant.

“Miss, unfortunately we can’t let you off the plane right now. Please go back to your seat.” She said patiently and pushed gently me in the direction of my seat. My headaches were gone and I wanted to get off.

“Please, I need to get off, now.” I still tried to get off.

“Miss, please take your seat before the plane takes off.”

“But I need to get off.” I whined.

“Miss, please, just take a seat and if you have a fear of flying a flight attendant will be with you at all times.” The girl became a bit unpatient with me.

“I have no fear to fly but I’LL F*ing JUMP OUT OF THIS PLANE IF I HAVE TO.” I was getting annoyed by her persistent to not let me off.

“Miss, please take your seat.” She pushed me in my seat and put my belt around my waist. 

I couldn’t believe this, my whole memory was back and I needed to go to him. TO Kyuhyun. 

I banged my head against the chair over and over again. Why couldn’t I have realised it sooner? Why couldn’t I pay more attention to my surroundings, to Kyuhyun, to the neighbour which was Kyuhyun.

Tears escaped my eyes, I clamped the hairpin more in my hand. I was such a stupid girl. I left my best friend and Mrs Jung in tears and I left my little brother probably heartbroken and mad at me by now. And I left Kyuhyun. I left the one person who made me really happy and now all the stuff was resolved with Sam, he had nothing to fear, I had nothing to fear.

If only I had seen it sooner, I would’ve stayed. 

I think I cried myself to sleep, with a weird looking uptight lady next to me. Looking me down. Ok, I could honestly tell I must’ve looked crazy.

When the plane would land I would look for the next plane back.

After several of hours the plane landed in Kenya. I collected my luggage and went to the entrance of the airport looking for the next plane back but there was none on the board. So I went outside, I waited for some kind of transformation middle. Mom was somewhere in a small village with not much luxury and I doubt mom would come and pick me up.

“Illiana” I heard someone from far away shout. “Illiana honey? Is that you?”

I turned around only to find my mother heading my way. She might have been a bad mother. When I saw her the only thing I wanted to was hug her.

“Mom” I ran to her, pulling my travelling case behind me. “MOM!” Well, who would’ve thought I’d be happy to see my mom, I hugged her when she was close enough. “Mom” I sniffed.

“Well, this is a first” She patted my back.

“Mom”

“What is it honey?” She had a sincere concerned kind of voice.

“I-I-I need to go back, n-n-ow, I re-remember everything.”

“you do?” Pulling me out of our hug and pushed my still brown hair out of my face. Only to see my teared up face. Blood red eyes from crying.

I nodded my head. “I need to go back” I whispered. “When is the next plane back?”

“Not until next week but then we’ll be in Madagascar. Because I’m being relocated again.”

“Can’t it wait one week?”

“No dear, it’ll happen in two to three days, I’m waiting for the documents.”

“No, no no, this is not happening. I have to go back” I started to tear up again “I have to go back”

For the first time in my life mom had let me cry and it seemed like it didn’t bother her at all.

Mom took us to a small village. She told me, I would have to help out wherever and whenever I could, treating patients, cooking, running from here to there, rescuing whatever I could that included animals too, helping parents with their children, teaching children.

But as it was my first day, mom let me explore and gave me no jobs at all. I saw a changed in mother, a changed that I had longed for over the years. She was more caring and asking me about how Lucas had been holding on. What made her do that? I watched my mother work while I sat there on a brick wall in the braising sun. It hadn’t been that warm in Korea since it was on the verge of snowing, yet here I was in the sun in the winter.

My mind wasn’t really set on doing anything rather than watching my mother. If I allowed myself one time to think my mind would go to Lucas or Kyuhyun.

That evening we were eating dinner and when I looked in the campfire my mom had build for the first evening, I could only gaze in it and think about the evening after the Mid Summer Festival. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I had to let them know I was fine, I remembered every little detail but since I had no bars on my phone anywhere I had to do something different.

I took pen and paper and started to write Kyuhyun this letter. It wasn’t much but in the morning I would go to the nearest village with the jeep and post it, sent it to him.

Hopefully he would get it before I got back. I was determined to go back. No one could stop me.

“Illiana?” My mother came up to me in the tent.

“mmm?” I didn’t even notice she was standing beside me, I was totally emerged in the letter that I was writing.

“It’s time to sleep, I got the papers to fill out in the morning. They arrived earlier today.”

“So? I just need to finish this first, please.”  I looked at my mother who was reading the letter over my shoulder. “MOM, who said you could read this?” I muffled the letter away.

“Writing to your idol, huh?” She sat beside me. The heat in my cheeks welled up and I knew I was blushing, but would she notice in the dim light of the oil lamp?

“You don’t have to put it away, honey. If you’re writing to that guy, you shouldn’t hide it.”

“Moo-oom” I whined, still smiling “He’s not just a guy and who said I was writing to him, I could easily have written it to Lucas or Suzy.”

“Oh please Illiana, you’re body language says it all.” She said looking at me intensly “and you wouldn’t be blushing if it was Lucas or Suzy.”

I couldn’t help but smile, I put the letter back on the table and turned myself so I was facing my mother.

“Mom?”

“Yes, dear?” Mom looked at me “What’s wrong?”

“Why are you like this?”

“Like what?”

“This, I mean I would have loved you like this years ago. Why the sudden change?”

“Oh, I haven’t changed.”

“Yes, you have” I took her hands in mine “You’ve been more caring ever since I arrived. I was wondering why?”

“I know I’ve been harsh on you and your brother, something changed when Mrs Jung called me and told me you could have died. I thought it over and I’ve never been a real mother since Lucas’ birth.”

“You were unbearable, you were like an evil stepmom. Do you know how much Lucas has suffered, how much I have suffered.”

“I never really thought of it like that.”

“You know, Lucas is practically a grown up, he never got the kid experience, he never got the loving mother, Hell he sees me more as his mother than you.” I could see the pain in my mother’s eyes with every word I said. 

“Illiana, I’m sorry, I know a sorry will not make up for the years but it can be a start.”

“Wait, I do not want an apology. First I want you to know I hadn’t had an easy childhood, and you didn’t even care. You know how much I was bullied, tortured, abused, threatened in my life just to protect everyone and I had no one to talk about it, Suzy knows but she doesn’t know everything but other than that I had no mom to talk about it. No you had to scold me even more on how I ripped my new clothes, on how I came how with scars and bruises, on how I came home crying. You wouldn’t even listen and you made Lucas…”

“Illiana, please. I’m sorry. If I had known what was really going on in your life, I've would've helped you but  I thought you were just rebelling and I let you. I wanted you to see you are stronger than you think and I needed you to overcome your rebel state.” My mother interrupted and had these hurtfull eyes. I couldn’t go on.

“Mom, just be a better mother from now on, wherever you are, call Lucas every day. You don’t even have to do that for me. I’m a grown up now, I have much to learn but still I can handle it now. Lucas on the other needs you to tell him that you love him, you care about him, you will be there for him. Not tell him that he can’t cry because he will be weak than. Please try and just do that.”

“I’ll try, dear. I missed so much of your lives because I couldn’t cope with the fact Your father left when I was pregnant with Lucas. I think I always blamed him and seeing how he was with you I guess I just couldn’t handle that. I’m trying to turn everything around and I will listen to you and your brother.”

“Can you just promise you will be a better mother to Lucas?” I looked at her sincerely and I meant what I said, maybe for a 24-year old it was to late to raise her but a 10-year old she could still be a mother too.

My mother nodded and sniffed, at that moment I knew she was trying to change. She sniffed her nose one more time and said

“Honey, let’s go to sleep, you can finish that in the morning. I would like you to run some errands in the nearby village and than you can post that letter to your idol.”

“Stop calling him an idol, he’s more than that and he has a name. Kyuhyun” I looked at her and smiled feeling relieved she was trying to change.

The next morning, my mother was awake pretty early to fill in her papers and bundle it together and to say goodbye to the village people. When I finished my letter and took the jeep to the next town, I had a smile on my face. I posted the letter and brought the stuff my mother had asked, mainly boxes and stuff.

When I returned, mom asked me to pack, because we were leaving for Madagascar. I had to pack everything in the boxes and such. But we had still work to do here. We rode to the town and left the boxes in the local hospital. It wasn't much but mom had said we didn't need in Madagascar.

After a tiring day we both fell asleep easily and woke up rather early again to be flown out of Kenya.

When we arrived in Madagascar, my mom and I pulled our suitcases after us. I didn't bother to look at the flight board, even if I had a little hope there wouldn't be flights on it and I had no time because my mother had to be on her destination.. I just hoped Lucas would give Kyuhyun the package. Because I would rather send it to someone where I know it will arrive safely and in good hands. I trusted my brother with this.

Mom had already arranged transport and we wrote all the way. The difference was we weren't in a distant village. We were rather close to a big town. Mom accepted supplies from the hospital and went on. She kept me busy for days. 

As I remembered my previous Africa stay. It was nothing like this, this was just a simple thing. No wars, not being afraid of my brother being taken away. I had no lions and wild animals bothering me. 

While a week had past, I hadn't had one time to miss anyone or rather to think about anyone. I was so tired at nights and during the day to busy.

One night my mother sat beside me and handed me a white envelope. "Be safe my dear." She said and patted my head like I was a six year old.

"Mom? What's this?" I turned around but she was already in the house the villagepeople had offered us. We slept in the major's house. Looking up at the dark sky and looked up at the stars.

"Li?!" I heard the little Nobu call out my name. Nobu was the 6-year old of the major.

"Don't you have to be in bed right now, kiddo?" I asked him. He shook his head. I forgot about the enveloppe for a while. I ruffled the kids hair. "Aigoo." I let out.

"Aigoo??" Nobu looked confused.

"AA right, you don't know that, don't worry about it. It's a Korean thing."

"Li?" 

"Yes?" I looked confused at the kid.

"Do you miss him?"

"Huh?" I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"Do you miss your brother and friends?" Nobu asked.

"AAh, yes I miss them. But you're here so I have a little comfort." I sighed,  suddenly wanting to be in Korea. "Okay, Time to put you to bed again, you have a big day tomorrow at school." I stood up and noticed the enveloppe, stuffed in in my pocket and reached out for the kid. "Come on" The kid beamed and stretched out his hands. I picked him up and went inside.

When I had put him to bed, I settled myself in the room where my mother was filling in something, or so I thought. I set on the bed and opened the enveloppe. 

"Mo-om.? What the ... ? No way. I'm dreaming right. Mom this is tomorrow and the day after. How? When?" I beamed never tried to hide my smile.

My mom smiled and looked at me. "You deserve it"

I jumped up and hugged my mother. "Thank you" I whispered.