34

Kyuhyun

I'm seeing things ! Why don't you believe me?

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“Illiana?” I really did see Illiana.

I ran back to the hospital room.

I opened the door with force.

“Illiana” I gasped.

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No one was here and there wasn’t even a sign she got up. I could’ve sworn I saw her, I could’ve sworn when I opened the door I heard my name. It creeped me out. Sungmin, who probably saw me running back, was panting behind me.

“Kyu, what are you doing?”

“I saw her, really, over there, she was awake.” I was pointing in the direction of the window. Sungmin sighed in disbelieve. “Come on hyung, I wouldn’t lie about this. Please, you got to believe, she even responded to me earlier and I heard her whisper. Don’t look at me like that, I’m not crazy.” I was stirred up. I ran to her side and kissed her, to prove Sungmin I wasn’t lying.

“Illiana, come on, don’t leave me hanging” Sungmin came up to me and laid his hand on my shoulder.

“Kyu, that’s enough, I tried to believe the impossible too, but it isn’t going to happen.”

“It will, she will move, any second now, she will kiss me back like before, she’ll squeeze my hand and she’ll whisper in my ear” I was still stirred up, I needed to prove it. I needed to show him. I needed to. Come on Illiana react. I kissed her again, but there was no reaction.

“YAH, Kyu, stopped it. What are you doing? Kissing her like that ! Stop it this instant ! She isn’t going to move, although we really wanted her too. I’m going to lock you in the house, if you are planning on doing that again.” Sungmin severely sighed. I became despondent. She had moved earlier. She had been there in front of the window, I was sure of it. I sat in the chair. This wasn’t supposed to happened. She was supposed to move when I kissed her.

“She moved last time, why isn’t she kissing me back this time why?” I mumbled in myself. My bottom lip started to tremble.

“Kyu” Sungmin carefully tried. “Kyu let’s go home”

“SHE MOVED, SHE REALLY DID MOVE” I shot up and stood right in front of Sungmin.

“Kyu snap out of it” He said sternly, in a nice way.

“WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME ? SHE REALLY WAS HERE, LIKE A GHOST OR A SPIRIT OR SOMETHING” 

"Kyu, please?"

"SHE WAS HERE, I'M SURE OF IT. SHE'S GOING TO WAKE UP"

"Kyu" I saw Sungmin loosing his patients a bit. "Kyu, please, stop it, otherwise you will go crazy."

"HYUNG, I can feel it, she is going to wake up. Any minute now, mock my words. She is going to open her eyes, just wait. maybe if I tried to kiss her again." Why won't he believe me, he was all disbelieve right now, I needed him to believe. He was the only person who would believe me at times like these. I was angry at him for not believing me.

“KYU, SNAP OUT OF IT, SHE ISN’T WAKING UP ANY TIME SOON” The anger I had against him, I rather run away to a nice, silent place. But he has to believe me.

“SHE REALLY IS” I continued. Sungmins hand connected with my face. He never hit me before. That shut me up for a while.

“KYU, I’VE HAD IT, please, stop it. You’re….. Out of it right now, just stop, it’s painful for all of us. I know you need her to wake up desperately. But she isn’t going to wake up, although not any time soon. I’m going to forbid you to come here ever again, before you say something” I was about to stribble against him but he held up his hand. “No, I know you are in pain right now, but stop it, okay. And I’m not going to forbid you just yet, but don’t do this twice. And I really have to forbid you, do you understand. You’re freaking out, I wanted to believe she moved to, the first time you told me. It would make you a lot better, all of us in that matter. But this?, This can’t happen ever again, you understand? And you’re seeing ghosts now? Really? You better come with me now. Like right now, Jesus! What were you thinking kissing her? I feel like pushing you in the cold river or giving you a cold shower or something. To make you think straight again. I swear I can’t take this the next time. You went too far right now.” Sungmin face was full of anger and disappointment in me. He turned his back to me and went out of the room.

Did I really go to far and did I really imagine it all?

Sungmin drove back and it was awfully quiet in the car.

“Hyung” I said silently.

“No, Kyu don’t”

"But she really moved"

"AAARRGGGHHH, Kyu really, I asked you to stop. Listen for once, will ya?"

"But I can feel it she is going to wake up."

"KYU,  GOD, STOP IT. NOO, No more word out of you ok? And why do I always have to put up with your insaneness? Why me? I don't want to hear you going on about Li that she is going to wake up, SHE ISN'T. I can't hear this anymore, I'm going to the others their apartment and sleep there untill you are sane again."

"Hyung?"

"No"

"Hyung, the lights"

"WHAT!?"

"Red light, break."

"OOHhh ssshh**t" The breaks shrieked and the car came to an abrupt stop. 

Sungmin stormed in the apartment straight to his room. I silently shuffled in. Everyone was looking from Sungmin’s door to where I was standing. It was so quiet in the apartment right now, and awfully awkward. I closed the door behind me. I let myself slide against the wall next door. My arms were hugging my legs and I knew all eyes were on me. I rested my head on my knees. Maybe I really went to far. I’m seeing ghosts now. I was really becoming a crazy person. I felt so weak inside. My mind was blank. The best thing for me was to just sit there. Sungmin wasn't going to be here for a while and I needed him to be. Illiana hadn't woken up. Lucas is a lifeless zombie. I would rather cry and be mad. But I just couldn't and I wouldn't I was so confused.

No one moved for minutes. Sungmin was mad at me and no one ever saw that, they saw him angry at me but not like this. I felt someone sliding down next to me.

“Kyu” I slowly trailed of to where the silent voice was coming from.

“Kyu-shi” Eunhyuk slided down my other side, the other Kyu came from Suzy.

“Kyuhyun-ah” This was LeeTeuk squatting down in front of me. ”What happened?” He was the first one that even dared to ask questions.

“I’m going mad, aren’t I?” I mumbled still with my head resting on my knees, staring at no one in particular, just looking at the floor.

“Why would you say that?” Suzy’s voice was gentle.

“I went to far, didn’t I?”

“Kyuhyun-ah, What are you talking about?” LeeTeuk asked in his naturally friendly voice.

“I’m really seeing things that aren’t there.”

“Kyu-shi, what do you mean by that?’ All of these gentle voices wanted to make me cry. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I really didn't.

I looked up to LeeTeuk.

“I really imagined it, didn’t I?” I said so softly. LeeTeuk-hyung looked at me not knowing what was going on. LeeTeuk calmly my hands, I needed him to stop. I would cry otherwise. I wanted to pull away but I hadn't had the energy. Maybe I really did imagine it with the lack of sleep I had.

“Kyu, what happened?” (Suzy)

“I promised not to tell.” I said softly. They wouldn't believe me anyway.

Sungmin came out of his room with a sports bag daggling on his shoulders and stormed to the frontdoor, where we all were. “I’m going out” He motioned to LeeTeuk. “Ooh and Kyu” I slowly looked up to Sungmin and met his angry gaze. “I don’t care anymore what you tell them.” He brought his attention to the others in the room “He’s crazy, He went to far. I’m going over to Ryeowook and the others. I don’t think I’ll be back for the night.” And I got his attention again “and you don’t call me or text me, I can’t handle you anymore. Try to make him listen to you guys, you are more sane than he is. Talk some sense in him, will you?” He sighed and went out of the door.

“Yah, Sungmin-shi, SUNGMIN” Leeteuk yelled behind him. “What in the world is going on?”

LeeTeuk stood up and ran after Sungmin and left the door open so we could hear everything.

"SUNGMIN, what the hell is going on? Why are you mad?"

"Ask Kyuhyun-ah, I can't believe he did that, I really can't."

"What did he do?"

"The elevator is taking so long, I'm going to take the stairs"
 

"YAH, Sungmin-ah. Don't walk away, you know he needs you the most."

"NO, not right now. What he needs right now is a shrink. GOD. I'm going now. If he gets better and stops telling nonsense call me and I'll come back." Sungmin sounded so annoyed at the moment, and we heard the door to the stairs shut. 

“Kyu” Suzy tried “You can tell us.”

“You won’t believe me anyways.”

“Kyuhyun-ah, we’re not Sungmin. At least let us try to believe you.” (LT)

I started to tell the story, that I went by Illiana yesterday, and that she responded to my actions, how Sungmin told me to not give them false hope and that I went by her today to. I told them about how She responded again, how I thought I heard her voice and how I saw her at the window and ran back inside. How I kind of desperately kissed her to prove to Sungmin she reacted and how Sungmin scolded me in Illiana’s room. When I told them everything, that made Eunhyuk look at Donghae, Suzy looked at Kibum and shivered, LeeTeuk stared at us all. No one said a word.

Suzy broke the silence. She looked so pale, like I’ve told her some kind of good news at a bad moment.

“I need to go” Suzy stood up.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Kibum also stood up and looked concerned into her eyes.

“I’ll be ok, I really need to go now. thanks anyway.” She gave us a nod and hastily went next door.

“Kyu” (Donghae) “Everything we’ll be fine, I think we just need to process this, this can either be a good thing or a really bad thing”

LeeTeuk nodded in agreement. “I’ll stay with him tonight”

“Hyung” (Eunhyuk) “Are you sure? We can just stay here in the living room having a sleepover. We can invite the others” He tried his best to lift the mood, but still it didn’t work.

“hyuk-ie” (D) “I don’t think he needs that right now, not after the out burst of Sungmin” “I hope this is a good thing, I really hope this is a good thing, Kyu. Maybe Suzy will be her old self again” Kibum said.

That evening it was so quiet.

“Hyung” I was laying down on my bed. I looked over at LeeTeuk. “You believe me, don’t you?”

“Kyuhyun-ah” LeeTeuk slowly said looking up at the ceiling “Honestly, it’s not that we don’t want to believe you, but when you say, she squeezed your hand, I’ll try to make myself believe it for you. We need some good news around here.” LeeTeuk yawned “Let’s see what tomorrow brings us.”

My phone started ringing at some time in the afternoon. It was quiet in 630, they were still trying to process everything that happened. Lucas, Suzy, and their moms went to the hospital early. I glanced at my phone. Lucas was calling me. I picked it up.

“Hyung, hyung” He sounded over excited. “HYUNG” he shouted, he almost stopped breathing.

“Lu, breathe, what is it?” I didn’t want to rain on his parade but I really didn’t feel like playing games.

“HYUNG hyung hyung, she - she - she ...." He tried to get out.

"Lu, please I don't feel like playing games right now. Tell me what you want to tell me."

"She ...." He breathed in and out.