30

Kyuhyun

Tell me she's ok!

“Illiana, Illiana, Illiana!! Wake up” I cried out.

I was pushed aside by the nurses. I let go of her hand. What happened? The monotone beep went on and on. 

At that moment we arrived at the hospital. I was more in shock. They were already resuscitating her. I couldn’t concentrate on anything everything that went through me made me more confused. I need to focus. I had my phone in my hand. That stupid beep, it need to go back to that interrupted continuous beep. I didn’t notice it before because I was panicking, tears run down my cheeks and I dialled Sungmin who was now shouting through my phone? The nurses were yelling at me. I don’t care I wasn’t going to leave her. I promised her, I promised her I would protect her and be with her. I could care less what they were shouting to me. But somehow someone pulled me back. 

“You can’t go in there, you need to stay here and be calm” It was some kind of doctor.

“I promised her, I would stay with her” We were at the emergency operation room the one with the slide door. I was banging on the slide door, and yelling that they need to let me be with her.

“Mr. Cho, calm yourself, you have to wait over there or I will call security.” The doctor said. “Everyone wants me to be calm, I DON’T WANT TO BE CALM” I cried out “I WANT to be in there with her”

I slowly stopped banging on the slide door. Slowly sliding with my back against the wall down, so I sat on the floor with my head between my legs.

“I want to be in there with her” I cried and sniffed silently. The doctor kneeled down in front of me.

“Well than let me first introduce myself, I’m Doctor Shim, and I’m going to be here with you until that light goes out, if no one else is coming to you, are you okay with that?”

I nodded slowly.

“You can tell me anything you like, I can get you whatever you like, and I’m not saying this because you’re an idol.” He was a nice guy for sure but what I needed right now he couldn’t give me, what I needed was Illiana.

“You can’t give me what I need right now.” I whispered softly through my tears.

“Yes I know that’s what you want, so tell me the story of you and that girl.” I looked at him, was he for real?, he wanted to know about my private life.

“I can’t tell you” I murmured.

“Yes yes I know, the idols can’t tell their lives to strangers, but I’m sure we will all have to sign a contract sooner or later. It’s not the first time we had Idols over here” He smiled and shrugged at the same time. “I can keep my mouth shut, I hurt lots and lots of stories and I didn’t say a thing to anyone, what you tell me that’s going in the doctor’s confidential department.” He was really good at this. “So I can listen or we can just sit here in silence” After two minutes of silence. I started to talk. I can’t believe he’s still here with me.

“I-I met her overseas, I’m not telling where, the first time I saw her was in a hat shop.” And so I told my story of how I met Illiana, I’m not telling him about the orange spot either or last night, that was my secret. He sat there nodding his head and sometimes asked me a question. How was it that I could tell him everything so easily. But I couldn’t tell him everything.

“Dr. Shim, what are you doing here?” Sungmin arrived.

“AAAh Mr. Lee, Good to see you again. I was wondering where’d you be?”

“You know him?” I stared at Sungmin. Sungmin nodded.

“Yeah, you know that time when I had that show together with Sunny? She cut herself really badly and that’s where he came in. It’s easy to talk to him right?” I nodded.

“I will get you guys some drink” (Doctor Shim) Sungmin nodded to him and bowed as a thank you.

“Ooh Kyu, I’m sorry that I couldn’t be here earlier. I had to assure Lucas was alright and than Mrs Jung arrived and Suzy came home. Suzy’s with Kibum now. Lucas is with Eunhyuk and Donghae and LeeTeuk is telling the others, Mrs Jung was trying to reach for their mom. Lucas is trying to win a fight in himself, to show us he’s strong but the kid needs to cry, otherwise he’ll explode or something, I don’t think he can process it that his sister is in a hospital.” He ploffed down next to me.

“What happened? Is she ok?”

“I don’t know” It was a short answer but it gave away how I felt, lost and useless, alone, and disappointed in myself because I couldn’t protect her.

“my poor little kyu” it was all he needed to say, I laid my head on his shoulders trying to seek comfort, I was to weak to get up, so we sat on the floor and he started to slowly pet my head. “She’s going to be fine, we have to believe she is going to be fine”

Was she, I never felt so panicked in my life. Doctor Shim came back with two glasses of water.

“Here you go, I’m going to leave now, I can see you have great company next to you, come and visited me any moment you like” Because of Sungmin’s patting on my head I slowly started to become more weak and the longer we sat there, the more I fell asleep.

“Kyu, wake up,” He slowly woke me

“mmmm” I forgot for a split second where I was.

“They putted Illiana in a room already, but I don’t know how I’m going to tell you this.”

“Tell me what, everything is okay right? She’s fine, She’s alright” I shot up and looked him, why was his face all worried and stuff, she was in a room so she had to be fine, in a couple of hours the sleeping medication would be worked out and she would wake up.

“I don’t know if she’s going to be fine” He started mumbling “She’s in a coma and they don’t know, if she’s going to wake up or when.” I stared at him, not fully processing what he told me.

“She’s fine, right?” I needed to hear she was ok.

“Didn’t you listen to what I just told you?”
I shook my head “She’s alright, right?” I tried again, why wasn’t he telling me she was fine.

“Kyu, I don’t know, they told me she was in a coma. They also don’t know when she’ll wake up. I don’t think they know IF she will wake up.”
I kept staring at him. Doesn’t he get it, I needed to hear she was alright, I needed to hear she’ll wake up now, I don’t need to hear she was in a coma.

“Kyu” he waved a hand in front of me. “Kyu, let’s go home.” He said softly.
He stood up and reached out his hand. “C’mon let’s go” I took his hand and followed him like a puppy, weak and not knowing how to feel.

In our apartment there was a sad, down atmosphere. I saw Suzy laying down in the sofa with her head on Kibums lap who was her hair softly. Eunhyuk and Donghae trying their best to cheer up Lucas, There was nothing to cheer about though.
Leeteuk was sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, scratching in his hair. When he saw us, he sprang up and ran to us. It was like he was sending secret messages to Sungmin, because Sungmin started to shake his head.
 

“What happened?” Leeteuk was concerned. With that question Suzy slowly started to raise her head, she looked so drained out of energy from crying and her hair looked messy, probably from Kibum through it. She glaced at us, her eyes were so big and she looked pale to. This wasn’t something she needed to hear on her birthday, she needed to laugh and smile, this is a birthday she probably won’t ever forget.
 

“I think we all need to sit down for it” Sungmin started. He glanced at me. I didn’t feel like hearing it yet again, I just wanted to be alone. I went to the practice room and let myself slowly slide against the wall until I sat down on the floor, defeated and lost. I wished I could hear her voice at the other side of the wall.
Minutes past, I didn’t keep track of time, right now, I just wanted to be here.
 

“Hyung” Lucas came to me, his voice was trembling “Hyung, ???”
I motioned him to come over and just like me he slowly slided down and sat on the floor. The ever so loud and enthusiastic kid turned in to a zombie like creature. He laid his head against my arm.

“Sis is alive right?” He said without looking at me staring just in front of him. I wanted to be strong for him but it was so hard.

“mmmm”

“She’ll come back, right?” his voice was trembling more. “She’ll come back, right?” He looked up at me. What could I say, I wanted to know the same thing, lying wasn’t an option. So I stayed quiet maybe not the best decision but for now I couldn’t think about something else.

“Hyung, tell me, she’ll come back, right?” He was getting desperate still starring at me with his blue eyes that reminded me of her, but I didn’t know what to tell him, I couldn’t say she was coming back because I didn’t know. I let out a big sigh.

“Hyung??” if he keeps persisting I will get annoyed so I finally said.

“I don’t know” I softly said. Maybe not the best answer, I knew he wanted to hear something else fro me, the disappointment of my answer was readable on his face. He turned back laying his head down on my arm and sniffed silently. I felt tears on my arms, I couldn’t comfort him tonight. I just have to let him cry.

Everyday I sat against that wall hoping to hear her voice on the other side, and I was twirling the hairpin around. Suzy wouldn’t leave Kibum’s side, so we all kinda took time of our schedules. Lucas was here more often than before. Although Mrs Parker arrived from Africa, the little kid would rather be here than be with his mom. Meanwhile Mrs Jung tried to get her daughter separated from either Kibum’s side or Illiana’s side, with not much luck.

After two weeks, LeeTeuk came rather fed up with the situation, he ordered us back to our schedules. He was right though; we needed to get back on track with our own lives. The company started to be fed up with the situation too. We were constantly telling them we were sick, but after two weeks in a row telling that you were sick, wasn’t an option anymore. And our little visits to the hospital weren’t going unnoticed by the media. The CEO on the other hand was set to move us, so Suzy wouldn’t distract Kibum all the time and to get Lucas to part from my side. Despite of being fed up with the situation LeeTeuk went against the CEO telling him that this was the best for the situation, but how much LeeTeuk resisted, the CEO was set to move Kibum and me after she would wake up.

2 weeks more past Lucas became more and more of a zombie creature, I heard from Suzy he barely ate and he barely slept. He paid us less and less visits. He always went to Illiana’s room and he didn’t go to do anything anymore. I could understand, but I need him to be lively and fun, smart and ready to learn all kinds of things. He lost so much weight and I couldn’t force him to eat or do anything. On a Thursday night I decided to pay Illiana a visited alone, like for the thousand’s time the past 4 weeks. Well not alone, I had my bodyguards with me. I was thinking about a plan, like in the movies, when you kiss the girl or something, everything will be ok? Right? 

“Watch out’” My female bodyguard yelled. OO God I almost run into a street lantern. 

“Thanks” I murmured. I was so up in thought I didn’t take the car, I went by foot. 

“Mr Cho, you need to watch out where you walk” 

“I know’ I’m almost at the hospital, why the hell did I get nervous. In front of Illiana’s room I told the bodyguards to wait outside. I opened the door and there she laid, still lifeless without any sign to wake up. I took a chair and sat beside her and took her hand in mine. 

“Illiana?” I softly caressed her hand. 

“Please, Illiana, you have to wake up.” I begged. “You really have to wake up now.” I didn’t expect a response, she’s been like this for four weeks. But I still studied her if she gave any response to my pleading.

“Li, please, I’m begging you” C’mon give me some response, will ya? Just a small movement would be fine.

“Illiana, don’t just come back for me, come back for your little brother, I’ve tried to get him back, but nothing seems to work, he’s been visiting a lot, I’m going to spill it now, I’ve been your neighbour. And Lu knew it.
Suzy knew it. I told him we would keep it a secret. You’re probably asking why. I don’t like to admit it but I was and am scared if the company would find out, we would have to move or something. Li-shi, please wake up, we can’t bear it for much longer, Suzy is a wreck too. And your mom flew over. Come back, come back to me.”

My tears were welling up again. I can’t cry now, not now. I need to do this, it’s my only hope I have left. 

“I’m not going to give up on you, but I don’t know how long I can take this, seeing you like this.” 

I stood up still holding her hand, maybe some movie magic worked. With the one hand I had free I cupped her face and slightly moved closer. I was so nervous, I hesitated, what am I doing?, I’ll kiss an unconscious body, but than again it may help her, I need to pull through. I gave her a soft kiss on her soft but yet cold lips. I never kissed her before. I felt her lips before, warm and soft against my fingers, but I never kissed them before. She probably won’t remember I kissed her.

I felt a little force, like a squeeze in my hand. I looked at it, did she just…? No way she just moved her hand right now. I’m not dreaming this right? She’s finally waking up, wasn’t she?

“LI” I said “Illiana? Are you….? LI, open your eyes.” C’mon you can do it open your eyes. My teardrop fell on her hand, again she moved it. This time I wasn’t imagine it right? What do I do? I stormed out of the room, not caring the bodyguards yelling after me. I searched for doctor Shim. Where was he?

“Shim, doctor shim?” I asked every nurse I could find. I finally found him in a chamber, out of breath.

“Doctor Shim, she …. She..”

I couldn’t bring out the words, I was inhaling and exhaling quickly.

“Mr Cho, what’s the problem?”

“She.. she .. moved”

“Are you sure? You’re not imagine it?” with a suspicious look he watched my every move.

“NO, I AM NOT, SHE MOVED” I yelled, why didn’t he believe me.