Tainted Blades

Story Reviews

»Tainted Blades Review«

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Story

Title (3/5)

I can't really judge now because it is too early into the story but I can see that it's about assassins and fighting etc so the title is apt but so far I've only seen Jungkook use the bow so I'm not too sure on the choice of weapon in the title yet. 
 
Foreward/Description (5/10)
 
The description was quite cute and is captivating but I didn't like how the two boys aren't named. Also, none of the members were listed in the character chart under the foreword and it's weird because you make EXO and BTS sound like a person. And also, "you" have not appeared. "you" POV stories are never nice to read so you might want to watch your POV in future when introducing the girl in. 
 
Appearance (5/5)
 
It definitely is pretty and does compliment the mystery of the story very nicely.
 
Plot (7/15)
 
Too early for me to judge once again. So far, nothing has happened but I have noticed the introduction of the "outsider".
 
I did not like the build up of the village where two random people are labeled as king and queen and of what exactly? To be honest, the picture just wasn't nicely painted in my head. 
 
I'll talk about story and character development below.
 
 
Originality (11/15)
 
I give you credit here cause this "robin hood" scenarios are not too common on AFF. 
 
 
Language (7/20)
 
TI am taking into account English isn't your first language but I have to be critical anyway. A lot of phrasing can be improved upon, something you can by reading more. Below are mistakes I spotted just to name a few.
 
Examples:
 
He was a real killing machine behind that baby-matured face. 
He was a real killing machine behind that baby face. (no sure thing as baby-matured face)
 
But what can he say? 
But what could he have said?
 
scardey-cat.
scaredy-cat.
 
He went through heavy and torturing trainings, and he thought he was going to die at a young age. 
He went through tedious and torturous trainings and he thought he was going to die at that young age. 
 
Flow (5/10)
 
The link between the 2 chapters have been ok so far but there's simply no progression. 
 
Characterization (4/10)
 
Jungkook's past needs to be more developed. How was the BTS gang formed? What exactly is their relationship like with each other? Why does Jungkook hate the King and Queen? Why does those two look down on BTS?
 
The base needs to be strong. 
 
Overall Enjoyment (4/10)
 
Average story but I can see how  you're drawing readers in on the adventurous aspect. 
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
51/100!
 
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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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