Doojoon’s POV

My doctor looked at me, not saying anything.

“I guess… it’s permanent?” I asked.

“We can’t be sure.” He muttered, staring at the papers as though it would change the result.

“If I take this out, I can’t hear anything at all.” I said, pointing at my hearing aid.

“It might just be temporary.” He said.

“You said that the other time too.” I smiled.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized.

“Why are you apologizing for something that’s not your fault? It’s not like you could have prevented it. It is bound to happen anyway. It’s okay. At least… I am prepared.” I said.

“Do you want to get a hearing aid for this side too?” He asked.

I thought for awhile, and then shook my head.

“No.” I said.

“Why? It is going to be very tiring to listen with one ear only. Don’t strain yourself like that.” He said.

“Just no.” I smiled.

“But, Doojoon…” He muttered.

“Not yet.” I said, before standing up and bowing to him.

“Thank you.” I said before leaving.

Perhaps, a part of me is still unwilling to accept the fact I have lost both my hearing. Perhaps, a part of me is still holding onto the nonexistence hope that I would regain my hearing again.

When I got back to the dorm, the boys all turned to me, looking worried.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Are you okay?” Yoseob asked.

“Why not?” I asked. Did they know? But how?

“Iseul…” Hyunseung said.

Iseul~ The sound of her name caused my heart to sink a little.

“What about Iseul?” I muttered.

“She called us a few thousand times. Please call her back. She’s worried for you.” Junhyung said, looking slightly frustrated.

“She’ll be fine.” I said.

“Oh, by the way, I am moving back.” I said before heading back to my room.

I took a quick shower and curled up on my bed.

“What exactly happened?” Junhyung asked the moment he came in.

“What?” I asked.

“You and Iseul, what exactly happened?” He asked.

“Nothing. We’re good.” I said.

“Good? Do I look like I was born yesterday? You never wanted to come back no matter how we asked you, but now, you’re moving back. Why? Something is definitely wrong.” He said.

“My job is done, Junhyung ah~ I am not needed anymore.” I smiled.

“What… do you mean?” He asked.

“All these while I was just playing the acting role of the man in the family and Eun’s father, now that the rightful person is back, I have to know my place and leave, right?” I said.

“Wrong!” He yelled.

“There’s no right or wrong in this, Jun. Only the truth.” I said.

“What truth!?” He asked.

“The truth that I will never be Eun’s father no matter how much I act as if I am, and also the truth that Iseul will never love me as a man no matter what I do for her.” I said.

He stared at me, saying nothing.

“I’m tired, Junhyung ah. I’m so tired.” I said, removing my hearing aid and closing my eyes.

I think he said something, but I obviously could not hear anything. I felt him squeeze my shoulder, and then cover the blanket over me. When I opened my eyes again, I was alone in the room.

I could still clearly hear the voice in my head, or rather, her voice in my head; She’ll never be your daughter how much you love her!

“Just like you’ll never be mine no matter how much I love you.” I said, but have no idea how it sounded.

I am physically deaf in both ears. Eun is not my daughter. Iseul will never love me the way I love her. It finally hit me now; the truth. So ing painful.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, in hope that I would not drown in my tears tonight. 

***
Doojoon: The truth that I will never be Eun’s father no matter how much I act as if I am, and also the truth that Iseul will never love me as a man no matter what I do for her

Doojoon: I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, in hope that I would not drown in my tears tonight.