Doojoon’s POV

/FLASHBACK

I have been experiencing ringing and pain in my good ear, dizziness and headaches recently, so much so I was starting to get worried. As much as I did not want to go find out what exactly is wrong with me, I knew I did not have a choice.

I headed down to my regular doctor to get a checkup.

“How long have it been?” He asked me.

“About two weeks.” I said.

“And you come only now?” He frowned.

“I was busy.” I mumbled.

“Is being busy an excuse? It’s your health we’re talking about here, Doojoon.” He said sternly.

“I know…” I sighed.

“Did you hit your head or something recently?” He asked.

“No. Not that I can remember.” I said.

He did various checks and scans on me, exhausting me out totally.

“I will call you again when the results are out, but meanwhile, do pay attention as to how frequent you get those symptoms, and also…” He sighed.

“Also what?” I asked.

“Also… If your hearing is getting worse.” He said quietly.

“Alright.” I said before bowing and leaving.

I went back home with the best smile I could put on my face.

“I’m home!” I announced loudly.

“Oh, hi! You’re pretty late today.” Iseul said, cradling Eun in her arms.

“I went somewhere after practice.” I smiled.

“Hey, princess.” I said to Eun, giving her a kiss on her forehead.

“Carry her?” Iseul asked.

“Shower first.” I smiled.

“Alright then. I’ll go heat up our dinner. Umma made your favourite dishes.” She said.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yea. How bias! She makes your favourite everyday!” She pouted.

“Aww~ Don’t be jealous~” I .

She tried to kick me but I dodged it and stuck out my tongue at her. When I came out from the shower, I got a shock when I saw Eun wrapped up in a towel, lying on the bed with a piece of paper that says ‘PLEASE CARRY ME! I SAID PLEASE!’ pasted on her chest.

“What do you take Eun for? Some lost puppy?” I laughed as I headed out of the room with Eun in my arms.

“Isn’t it cute!?” Iseul laughed.

I lost myself listening to her contagious laughter and endless blabbering. What if I never get to hear her again?

“Doo?” She called out.

“Huh?” I looked at her.

“You okay?” She asked.

I nodded.

“Let’s eat.” She said.

I sat down at the dining table, still cradling that bundle of cuteness in my arms.

“Put her down. Are you going to just eat with one hand?” Iseul asked.

She tried to take Eun away but got responded by a loud cry.

“She’s saying no.” I smiled, holding Eun closer to me.

What if I never get to hear Eun cry again, or say her first word, or hear her laughter?

“Doo~” Iseul snapped her fingers in my face.

“Yea?” I looked at her.

“Are you really okay?” She asked.

I nodded.

***
We were practicing in the studio, it was all well until I heard that familiar ringing in my ear. I tried to shake it off but it got louder. I tried to focus on my dance moves so as not to let them realize, but my ear starting hurting as if someone stabbed me with a pencil.

I could faintly hear them call me, but I could not seem to reply them. The pain was always mild, but this time it was extremely bad. My world started spinning and before I knew it, I was on the floor.

“Hyung! Doo!!” I heard their voices echo in my ear.

I opened my mouth to try say something, but all that came out were struggled breaths. I saw stars with a mixture of double visions of their faces before completely passing out.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw the boys looking at me worriedly.

“Hyung! Hyung! Are you awake!?” Dongwoon shook me.

“Where… ?” I muttered.

“You’re in the hospital. You passed out, remember?” Junhyung asked.

I nodded once.

“How are you feeling now?” He asked.

“O… kay.” I said.

“I’ll get the doctor, alright?” He smiled before heading out.

I saw my regular doctor walk in with a frown on his face. The boys waited outside while he checked on me.

“I called you to come see me three times, why didn’t you come? I said I could wait for you as long as you come.” He said.

“It would be ridiculous for you to wait.” I said.

“You know what’s even more ridiculous?” He asked.

I stared at him, confused.

“You’re taking your health too lightly, Doojoon.” He said.

“Is it bad?” I asked.

He bit his lips inwards.

“Am I going deaf? Like… officially deaf?” I asked.

His expression softened, but I did not like it. I did not like the sympathetic look.

“Don’t look at me like that. Just tell me the truth.” I said.

 “I cannot find an explanation to it, but it’s just going to keep deteriorating. You have to be prepared for the worst.” He said quietly.

“You mean I am just simply going deaf? There’s no reason behind why? I’m just going to lose my only hearing?” I asked.

“I’m so sorry, Doojoon ah~” He said sadly.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault, and besides… It’s nothing new. Not like I have never experienced it before. I’ll be fine, I guess. I’ll adapt well.” I forced a smile.

“I guess I have to listen as much as I could now before the eternal quietness takes over me.” I said.

He ruffled my hair and flashed me a small smile.

“You’ll be okay.” He said.

“I guess.” I smiled.

/END OF FLASHBACK

No. I would not be okay.  I would not be okay if I never could hear Iseul’s voice again. I would not be okay if I never could hear Eun’s crying again. Neither would I be okay if I never could hear the boys’ laughter or the screaming of our fans again. I would get use to it, for sure, but I will never be okay. 

***
When Doo successfully dodged Iseul's kick