18 years 

January year 18 

"Sehun" Luhan whispered, it was late at night or early morning depending on whichever you prefer to call it, he felt bad knowing that Sehun was most likely asleep and he was disturbing his lovers much needed rest. But what was on his mind was bothering him more, he watching endearingly as Sehun scrunched his nose and groaned slightly. 

"Luhan, what is it" he mumbled, eyes still firmly shut, verging on the boundaries between sleep and awake, the boundary of consciousness. 

"Are you angry at Xing?" Luhan asked quietly "Have you ever been angry at him? Have you ever hated him?" There was no doubt in the long years of friendship between the twelve men, this particular issue had caused problems. Namely between Baekhyun and Jongdae. But also in a more subtle way, it had affected Sehun and Luhan, it wasn't anger, resentment, there was no words spoken or loud disputes. It simply came down to the fact Sehun was always closer to Joonmyun and Luhan was always closer to Yixing. It had hurt Luhan to see many of his friends show resentment towards him. How was he to know? Sehun never bad mouthed Yixing in any way, he always included him, joked with him. But Luhan could see the slightly critical eye in his husband's eyes or the minute stiffness in his handshake. It was enough for Luhan to know what Sehun was trying so hard to forget, to conceal, to find forgiveness within himself. Yixing would always be Sehun's friend- but never like Joonmyun. He understands that though, because to Sehun, Joonmyun is like the elder brother he never had. Sehun loved Joonmyun wholeheartedly and so Luhan ignored Sehun's occasional raised eyebrows and judgemental looks. It's not like Luhan could deny that Yixing was in the wrong. 

Luhan knew very well that Yixing had been an idiot and made a mistake which divided their friends in to two discreet groups. Sehun, Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and Jongdae tended to care and remedy Joonmyun's heartbreak, while Kris, Tao, Luhan, and Chanyeol tried their best to defend their friend. How could Yixing help falling in love? How was he to know his love was to end in divorce. It's not a crime to fall in love, nor to be happy. It's not like Joonmyun ever told Yixing about his feelings anyway. None of this meant that he wasn't pissed off with Yixing. He was.

They never talked about it then, Sehun and Luhan, now it was all being resolved. Luhan finally found the confidence and maturity to have this conversation without a row, not that it's ever happened before.

"Why ask me something you already know the answer to?" Sehun asked softly bringing his arm up to caress Luhan's forearm. "Of course I was, he hurt hyung so badly I couldn't bare it, the worst thing for Baekhyun, Jongdae, and I was that we couldn't blame Yixing, we knew it wasn't his fault" 

"It wasn't his fault, I'm still angry sometimes though. What if he breaks hyung's heart again. I feel like that could be oblivion" 

"He's sorry for what he's done Sehun- for what he can't take back, I trust him with Joonmyun's heart, and my hope is that you will begin to as well" 

Sehun snorted eyes opening for the first time since their conversation began "It's not me you're going to have a hard time convincing, try Jongdae he's going to be a hard case" he was joking of course, Jongdae was an arrogant, sometimes aggressive brat, but he wouldn't keep them apart. 

After all, even the coldest heart couldn't deny the warmth which these two souls radiate when their together. Even the coldest heart wouldn't separate them. 

---- 

"Jongdae will you just shut the up?" Baekhyun growled on the phone making Chanyeol wince lightly feeling sorry for Jongdae- or he would feel sorry if it weren't three in the morning. Why would Jongdae be calling at this time anyway? 

"But Baek! You agree with me right? Aren't you scared? I'm scared! But then after seeing Yixing so miserable and I just have NO idea what to think anymore" Jongdae was terrified that these hearts would somewhere along the line, break, shatter even, maybe it would be oblivion- for both of them. 

"Of course I'm scared you idiot, we're all scared." 

"Well not all of us-" 

"Shut up Chanyeol" Baekhyun and Jongdae chorused. 

Scared was an understatement for Jongdae, and despite Baekhyun having some slight disagreements over the years, they both had the same intentions. And no, Jongdae wasn't going to deny he was irrationally angry with both Baekhyun and Joonmyun. He regrets that, a lot. Aggression has been his only answer, despite Minseok reprimanding him. One thing the pair couldn't work out however, was that it was only Joonmyun. Maybe it was because experiencing heartbreak second hand was a total , maybe because he knew Joonmyun would forgive him in the end. He thinks it's a combination of both, really. Jongdae only did it because he cared, he cared a lot. He thought his tirades would snap Joonmyun out of his state. Then he wouldn't have to see his friend be so miserable and distraught. 

"Were you ever angry at him? Yixing I mean" Baekhyun whispered, breaking the static that crackled between them through the phone. 

"Was I ever angry at him? That's like asking if I was ever angry at Yeol, of course I was angry, I was furious" 

"Do you think you can forgive him?" 
Baekhyun ignored the smart comment about Chanyeol- who proceeded to wince again. 

"Sorry Yeol, it's true though" Jongdae immediately apologised, remembering the other could hear him, "I don't know if it's a matter of forgiveness Baek, he's still my friend and Joonmyun just seems so happy! It's the best I've seen him since he was like 12, I don't trust him yet, but I'll get there, I have to. Even I'm not cold hearted enough to keep the damn love birds apart even if I thought it was right. I don't know what's right though" 

"You were so mean to Joonmyun though" Baekhyun quipped "why? All those rows I had with you, why?" 

"Because maybe if I hurt him it would make the pain of Yixing go away, maybe I thought I was helping, I don't know" Jongdae sighed "I regret it, I promise you that. I was too hard on him. I just couldn't bear to see him so broken, I just felt angry at him that it was self inflicted, why would you do that to yourself Baek? It wasn't his fault though, I understand now that he couldn't let go. He tried so hard and still..."  

Baekhyun hummed in response, thinking back on the times he screamed at Jongdae to leave Joonmyun alone, that time he kicked Jongdae out of his house so he would stop yelling at Joonmyun. It was all because he cared, Baekhyun knew that. It must of been hard, maybe Jongdae didn't feel in control of the situation. He remembers the fights, accusations, scathing and y comments punctuated by slamming doors- but then he remembers when Chanyeol left. How he had been so broken all those months, how Jongdae had stayed close, looked out for him. Opened his door at four in the morning to let an absolutely ed Baekhyun into his house. He let him cry drunken tears into his shoulder and mopped his vomit off the floor. It's been a long few years, tough years, tougher than they even imagined. They had the strangest friendship, riddled with disagreements and estranged screaming but also care, trust, and most importantly a hand to hold when the lights were dimming over their lives. 

"I know, I know you didn't mean it Dae, it's okay you know, we all ed up in our own way. We should have told Yixing" 

"We should have" Jongdae agreed "But if he lights up Joonmyun's life who am I to keep them apart- they obviously want to be together" 

"That they do, and I'm hanging up on you now. Goodnight don't ring at a ridiculous hour next time okay?" 

"Yeah, night Baek... Thanks" 

"Anytime, I mean it" 

---- 

"Are you ready?" Yixing asked nervously as he closed the airport shuttle's boot door, this was it. Two one way tickets to China, although they planned to visit Japan at some point. They didn't know when they'd be back, just Luna, himself and Joonmyun. Finally. 

It took him a long time but now he's here, he's ready. Ready to love Kim Joonmyun wholeheartedly, the way he so very deserved. It's been a rocky journey to where they are now. With countless sleepless nights and hangovers, all that pain he caused. It was his fault. But he was going to spend the rest of his life atoning for it. 

"As ready as I'll ever be" Joonmyun smiled as he hoped in the car. 

The door clicks shut. 

It's been a while, Joonmyun mused, since he's felt this good. Maybe he's an idiot and maybe Yixing will break his heart again. But right now he was here, right now he was staying. In this moment they were forever. Even if it was only for a moment, Joonmyun doesn't mind. 

---- 

EXTRA BEHIND THE SCENES. 

"And make sure you pack your toothbrush, and put sunscreen on every day, and, and don't talk to strangers! And-"

"Jongdae will you please shut up" Joonmyun laughed, he was like a dad to him. He supposed it was true in a more broader sense. He couldn't quite explain it- although the way he opened his door for him in the early hours of the morning, there were always y comments but he took good care of him. Jongdae was an incredibly caring person, he just had a weird way of showing it. 

"Shutting up no more talking"

"Joonmyun you are coming back right?" Baekhyun asked worriedly by the sofa 

"We'll be back don't worry" he replied softly of course he would being apart from their friends would be painful- of course he knew that Sehun would be skyping him every week and Jongdae emailing and calling him every day, he has his social bases covered. 

"Good because I miss you an awful lot" 

"I'll miss you too Baek" 

"Hey! I'll miss you too! I'll miss you more than that idiot!" 

"You retard" Baekhyun retorted poking him with his finger.

"Guys I'll miss you both equally" Joonmyun rolled his eyes "Now can you help me find my sunglasses? I don't know where in the world they could be"

"Aren't they in the car?" Jongdae asked confusedly 

"Yeah you always leave them in the car Baekhyun waved dismissively. 

"If it's this bad now imagine what Sehun's gonna be like" Jongdae chuckled as Joonmyun left to get his sunglasses 

"No no no Hyung please don't gooooooo" Baekhyun imitated Sehun clinging onto Joonmyun. 

"Accurate" 

"I know right" 

---- 

Last chapter guys! Will post an epilogue and maybe more character or relationship analysis if you want to give me suggestions feel free :)