Christmas- year 17 

 

"Victoria" Yixing called out, it wasn't stern, it wasn't angry, just tired, and sad 

 

"What is it?" Victoria asked as she wrapped up presents for Luna. 

 

"I-I don't really know how to say this, but I don't think this is working out what with the affair and everything..." Yixing trailed off looking into Victoria's expressionless eyes and sighed "I just want out, I want a divorce" 

 

"Thank god" Victoria sighed in relief and the warmness of her eyes returned "I'm so sorry Yixing" she cried "I tried, I really tried, and I loved you, I did but-" 

 

"Not enough, look I know, it was set up to fail, we were young, stupid" 

 

"And I was pregnant" 

 

They stared at each other warmly for the first time in years, the tension of a failing marriage gone with spoken words slowly mending the wounds they themselves had given each other, slowly rebuilding their relationship, but in a different way. And Victoria told Yixing all about Hangeng, the boy she'd met on a business trip in Qingdao, and Yixing was happy for her, because it's rare that one finds love, truly and fully, the world was full of people who only jumped half in, scared to be hurt, scared to love fully for fear of vulnerability. Which is why Yixing ponders hard when Victoria tells him how she felt in their marriage and what led to her affair. 

 

"It was like watching someone trying to trick themselves into thinking they loved me when all I could see was someone loving someone else the way you were supposed to love me, and it left me bitter and angry, but then I saw how much that other person loved you, and they loved you more than I ever could and I put them in so much pain, I could see it, but I didn't care because in my mind you belonged with me, but it was when I was stuck with them for a night while you had fallen asleep I knew that they really loved you and I took that from them, Yixing I took someone's happiness away, and I liked it, I liked hurting them because they hurt me, you hurt me, and then afterwards I stayed, just to spite them, I was such a despicable person, it was only when you went to Youngpyong I had realised the damage, and I'm sorry for that, I've hurt them enough, both of you enough" 

 

"Who is it?" Yixing asked curiously 

 

"You know who" Victoria rolled her eyes "It's Joonmyun!" Victoria exclaimed "You know it, I know it, he knows it! Bloody hell even your nutcase of a friend Jongdae knows it!  Yixing you can be so oblivious sometimes, I've known he's loved you since University, heck I apologised to him because you loved me and not him but then I realised you didn't love me" 

 

"But what if it's too late for that?" 

 

"Seventeen years Yixing, seventeen years he's waited for you I'm sure he'd wait his whole life if he had to" 

 

"I don't really know how I feel, I feel something but is it love? Or isn't it? It's a hazy line between friendship and love but I thought I loved you" 

 

"Yixing, I'm a horrible person for what I put you through, but it was out of love you see hatred is born out of love, you better be careful Zhang Yixing or Joonmyun will end up hating you too"

 

Victoria looked at Yixing but her gaze softened a little when she saw Yixing's bottom lip tremble. 

 

"Look, I'm sorry maybe you should just go spend sometime with Joonmyun, as his best friend I think that's what you need right now" 

 

"Yeah, I'll just- I'll go pack my bags and I also need a lawyer and Luna oh my darling Luna, this is going to break her heart- and on Christmas too" 

 

"Look I'll tell Luna that work called you away and everything else we can sort out later okay?" 

 

"Just tell her I'm sorry and I love her" 

 

"Okay, okay" 

 

----

 

Joonmyun stepped on the train, tired from all the Christmas preparations briefcase heavy in his hand. He stared glumly out the window looking at all the glamoured billboard signs of stick thin idols with tiny waists and legs that go on for miles, the music blasting from the radio some boy band along the lines of Super Junior singing romantic love songs that Suho can't decide whether to vomit or to sob at how relatable it all is, so instead he just presses his lips into a thin line and prayed his stop was the next one. 

 

The subway was busy at 6.30 pm on a Christmas Eve, from the golden tinsel to the hoards of people swarming through the station, off to see relatives, lovers or coming to meet relatives or lovers, not Joonmyun though, this Christmas he was alone, all his friends were away or had their own family gathering, Jongdae and Minseok decided to stay at Youngpyong only coming back to the city to pick up their kids, he heard Kyuhyun was coming up to me them too. They weren't young anymore, well they were but they didn't have time for their old get togethers, they didn't have time to make mistakes. 

 

Then his thoughts trailed to Yixing. It would be 18 years soon, 18 years in a weeks time, 18 years and 18 floors, his apartment on the 18th floor, 18 years of love, hate. He sighed as he put the key in the door clumsily, he was looking forward to just going inside and drowning in his misery. But when he opened the door he found the very man he had been trying to forget about grinning sadly at him, a suitcase in tow. 

 

The first thought that went through Suho's mind was damn, I really shouldn't of given him a spare key. 

 

"Joonmyun, I filed for divorce" 

 

"You what? Why?" Joonmyun looked worried, concerned but mostly tired "you have some explaining to do" 

 

"Look I- She-She cheated on me" 

 

Yixing watched Joonmyun's face carefully, trying to read the expression on the others face, at first glance his face remained smooth, but if you paused and looked into his eyes, you would see betrayal and anger. It made Yixing wonder why. 

 

"I'm so sorry" he said after a few moments of pausing "you can stay here as long as you like, that's what best friends are for right?" He smiled casually and Yixing felt a tiny twinge in his heart, maybe he wished for more than that. 

 

"Thanks, I owe you big time" Yixing grinned 

 

"It's fine" Suho says loosening his tie "I usually spend Christmas alone, it's a nice change- I haven't done anything special though" 

 

"I don't care as long as I'm with you it'll be fun right?" 

 

Suho tried hard to ignore his heart fluttering and laughed nervously "well I'm going to go have a shower, do you want to put the kettle on?" 

 

"Yeah I'll make some tea" 

 

---- 

 

"Appa.." Dara starts, innocent eyes and bottom lip jutting out "what happened to my real Umma and Appa?" 

 

Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol stiffen   Tensing up and Baekhyun has wide eyes, in truth he was terrified because what if Chanyeol left again? What would he do then? When you've loved someone that long the idea of a world without them is a world not worth living in, what if he didn't come back? 

 

But Chanyeol doesn't run, not this time, instead he just looks at Baekhyun with a wild expression, eye twitching and mouthing a chaste 'I can't do this'

 

"You can" Baekhyun whispers back walking over to his husband "You knew this was coming" 

 

"I thought she knew?" 

 

"She was like four, and it was a one time thing, you were angry, you were shouting, hell she probably didn't understand what you were saying"

 

Chanyeol looked down with guilt "don't remind me" he muttered 

 

"She's 10 now, look I know you can do this I in believe you, she doesn't even remember Bom and that guy.. Dragon or something, sorry I didn't really know him..." 

 

"That's you and me both" Chanyeol sighed "Okay I'm going to tell her" 

 

Baekhyun smiled and kissed Chanyeol softly on the cheek "Chanyeol, I know I don't say it very much, mostly because it scares me and the thought of being so dependant scares me and I can barely function without you which increases the fear by a tenfold but I love you, I love you so much it hurts and if I say you can do something you can do it" 

 

"You're too good to me, and for what it's worth I love you too" Chanyeol grins but his mind is troubled, he caused Baekhyun so much pain he's afraid to even say I love you, and that pains Chanyeol, because he doesn't want Baekhyun to feel he has to hold back, but the damage is done and Chanyeol just hopes his love can mend the scars he'd placed on the other mans heart, he slowly walks towards Dara, calmly, he may have clammy hands, he may feel like fainting. 

 

But this is something he has to do. 

 

"Honey, I know you'd like you're real Umma and Appa and believe me I wish they were here too, because you're beautiful, I'm sorry you're stuck with Baekhyun and I, but there isn't any choice, because six years ago our family home was set on fire, your Umma- my sister didn't survive, no one did, that's why we visit the graves each year" 

 

Chanyeol's heart broke when he saw a single tear escape his beautiful girl's face 

 

"Appa, did my Umma love me?" 

 

"She loved you with all she had- your Appa too, if they could I know they'd be here right now" 

 

"I'm happy I have you and Baekkie Appa, I love you Appa" 

 

"I love you too" 

 

That's when Baekhyun decided to pop his head through the door. 

 

"Who wants to decorate cookies for Santa?" 

 

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