Year 17- April 

 

Suho had always loved spring, he'd always loved the scent of freshly picked flowers and the smell of his mothers blueberry muffins that she used to make every spring. 

 

It made sense he guessed- he was a spring baby after all. 

 

"I'm moving out" Suho said over breakfast watching Chen and Xiumin fuss over Mindae for her first day of elementary school. 

 

Both heads looked up in shock. 

 

"Why?" Jongdae questioned, it was more a statement than a question. 

 

"Youngdae is like seven- and I've lived here most of his life, I've lived here most of Mindae's life too" He pronounced over a mouthful of fruit loops- the only cereal in the house these days. 

 

Well unless you count Jongdae's muesli- which was... Not great. 

 

It was time to let his friends go- after living with them for almost a decade going through two house moves with them. It was time for change- he was twenty five years old now, and years were passing by faster. He had to let his friends move forward with their lives. It was a scary thought, he mused whilst chewing on a mouthful of horribly artificially sweetened cereal, it was almost comparable to a child leaving home, a bird leaving the nest. 

 

"That's not a reason" Minseok dead panned "did you meet someone? You never tell us anything these days" 

 

"No" Suho looked horrified "I just- it's my time to move out you know? The house- apartment market is good" 

 

"We'll miss you though" Minseok said somewhat sadly, Suho knew better though. They'd miss him now but later on they'll feel relief. He wasn't too sure how he felt about that. 

 

"Stay" Jongdae said halfheartedly doing up Youngdae's tie for his fancy preparatory school he was attending. In fact the school all his friends children were attending or will be attending. Jongdae knew not to try- because he knew that wasn't want Joonmyun really wanted, because Joonmyun wanted to move on too. 

 

"Guys- I'll just be in the CBD" Suho said with finality "I'll be moving next week" 

 

"Do you want me to help you?" Minseok asked handing Jongdae a flask of Americano (they recently just bought a coffee machine and Minseok is loving experimenting with it) 

 

"Oh it's fine- Yixing already offered, Victoria's going away then anyway, and Luna is going to Baek's house for the weekend" 

 

"She's going away again?" Jongdae exclaimed before kissing Minseok lightly "I gotta go, tell me the whole story tonight" Jongdae hurried out the door grabbing his briefcase on the way out. After hearing the front door click shut Minseok turned to Suho 

 

"She's going away again?" 

 

"Um yeah" 

 

"What for?" 

 

"God I don't know- its not like I actually care what she does right" 

 

"Unless she's hurting Yixing" 

 

Suho sighed "I've already talked to her, she told me to but out, I don't understand what her problem is I mean she was never like this at uni. Plus it's not like she's done anything so far" 

 

"I don't know, have you ever thought that she might be cheating on him?" 

 

"What?" Suho looked at Minseok "She wouldn't- she loves Yixing" Suho tried to reassure himself more than he tried to reassure Minseok "Why would anyone cheat on Yixing anyway" 

 

"You're so naïve Joonmyun, just because you love Yixing to death doesn't mean anyone else does, including her" 

 

"But she wouldn't marry him unless she loved him right?" 

 

"They got married because she got pregnant" 

 

"Yeah but if she didn't love him she would of just terminated the baby" 

 

"I don't know- I was just putting the theory out there" 

 

"I sincerely hope you're wrong, very, very, very, very wrong" 

 

Minseok went quiet for a moment playing with his car keys "I hope so too" 

 

---- 

 

"You know I feel old" Kyungsoo said stirring sugar into his coffee looking up at Baekhyun. "We're mid twenties and we have kids going to elementary school" 

 

"Fair point but most of us got kids not by choice, except you and Tao" 

 

"Yeah well we didn't want our kids to be five while yours be fifteen" 

 

"Well then, feeling old is what you get" Baekhyun winked biting into his peppermint and chocolate cookie.

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and cupped his hands around his paper cup staring at the cars passing by before he spoke. 

 

"You know, Suho seems to be doing better these days" 

 

Baekhyun nodded "far from the mess he was a few years back, I think it's Yixing that helped him ironically" 

 

"Yeah I had Yixing over for dinner the other day- he said he was helping Suho move to his apartment" 

 

"He's moving?" Baekhyun's eyes widened "why?" 

 

"Don't know, groups big you know- but usually news travels fast, he's your best friend you should know!" 

 

"I really don't, he never says anything that asswipe" 

 

"Whatever" Kyungsoo scoffed " 

 

"It's true! He's so selfless, I know he doesn't want to worry me!" 

 

"And you worry anyway" 

 

"Exactly! I mean it doesn't make a difference I'm always gonna freak out he should just get over it" 

 

"Have you thought maybe he doesn't know how?" 

 

"I don't know, not really- he always wears his heart on his sleeve, I don't see why" 

 

"So he's a crybaby, Baek that doesn't mean he can put his feelings into words, you of all people should know that" 

 

Baekhyun turned his head, mouth slipping into a grimace "I was ill" 

 

"And you didn't tell anyone- of course we could all see it, the weight you lost, the gashes on your arms, the masses of sleeping pills- not to mention Dara in Suho's care almost 24/7" 

 

"I can't believe I forgave that idiot" 

 

"I think all of us thought that" 

 

"The thing was- when I opened my eyes and saw him, all I thought was relief, I just felt like this breath I had been holding had finally been let go, I just I felt him and I just knew, he's the only one for me. He is, I love him and I'm stupid for loving him but I do and it won't change, not now, not ever" 

 

"Yeah I feel that way about Jongin too" 

 

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened through all that?" 

 

"It's a long story, he is my first love, my first kiss, I was seven when he first kissed me. I was stupid you know? I didn't know what I was doing- neither did he, I was ten when he started getting too far you know?   It was getting too intense- I missed my best friend not some boy who was like his chew toy. So on that camping trip I put an end to it. I told him to stop, and it did, simple and it stayed that way for three years, I was thirteen when he cornered me in a supply closet and told me he loved me. Then he burst into tears" 

 

"He sounds like a ... Well he did, until he started crying" 

 

"The irony was, I loved him too. I really did. And I kissed him, I actually don't know why we didn't you guys I have no idea- we probably got together just after Chen and Xiumin, it was just an unspoken mutual agreement because we didn't know how it would turn out and truth was we were terrified so we left you guys to figure it out by yourselves" 

 

"And here you are" 

 

"And here I am" 

---- 

 

"OH SEHUNNIE! DINNER IS SERVED!" 

 

"What is it?" 

 

"I'm not entirely sure" 

 

"Domestic goddess much" 

 

"Hey ! I don't see you slaving your away in the kitchen! Be grateful brat!" 

 

"Oh please, you know I love you" Sehun kissed his husbands cheek "but seriously, what the is it" 

 

"I saw it on tumblr okay don't judge me" 

 

"Judged, hipster Luhan" 

 

"Says the rainbow haired freak" 

 

"And who dyed my hair rainbow again Luhan?"

 

"That's not the point! Anyway Mei seems to like it! Right sweetie?" 

 

"Yeah..." 

 

Sehun stifled a laugh looking at his daughter

 

"Hey dad will I see Jaejoong tomorrow?" 

 

"Um..." Both parents stared at Mei Sehun holding back tears

 

"My baby is too young for this" 

 

"What? Luna told me she kissed Youngdae the other day! I just want to see Jaejoong!" 

 

"LUNA WHAT?!?!" 

 

This time Sehun did start crying "oh what is with this new generation" 

 

---- 

 

"Suho wait up!" Lay caught Suho walking out of his office building 

 

"Hey Yixing what's up?" Suho asked fiddling with that annoying flick of hair that had been bugging him all day 

 

"It's spring, your favourite season- I thought we could go out and celebrate" 

 

"Celebrate my favourite season?" Suho laughed "Where's Luna?" 

 

"With Victoria- they're having a girls night" 

 

"Luna's like seven" 

 

"I know, weird right so come on- have dinner with me? We can go to that restaurant that just opened and then maybe catch a movie?" 

 

Suho contemplated for a while before nodding "yeah sure, I guess I've been wanting to see the movie One Day for a while" 

 

"Isn't that a movie for old people?"

 

"Hey!" 

 

They walked together in the brisk spring air, Suho sighed taking in a deep breath, it was nicer somehow it was sweeter somehow he wrapped his coat around himself as it was still cold. 

 

"I'm starved" Suho exclaimed shrugging off his coat as he sat down in the homey restaurant he stared at the menu 

 

"Yeah me too" Yixing said laughing the just stared at each other for a while and Suho thought that just maybe, maybe it would all be okay in the end, maybe the hurt would just stop. 

 

Unfortunately it wasn't that easy. 

 

"So how's things with the mrs?" Suho asked jokingly, expecting Yixing's eyes to light up like they usually do when they talk about Victoria 

 

This time Yixing's fell, and Suho noticed for the first time how tired Yixing looked "Oh we're okay" he brushed off the atmosphere turned tense momentarily "Anyway lets not talk about that, lets talk about us" 

 

"Us?" 

 

"I don't know, I'm just having a nostalgic day I think, and you know I hardly ever think, I'm always impulsive, I don't know why I do things sometimes but I've been thinking lots lately and I guess I just miss the old days" 

 

"Old days?" Suho laughed the tension easing 

 

"Well like you remember the first time we met? And Baekhyun kept eating the lemons" 

 

"Do you remember the time I caught Kyungsoo making out with someone backstage at the showcase? It turned out to be Jongin obviously but I remember at the time we came up with all these theories" 

 

"Or that time you walked in on Luhan and Sehun in the men's bathroom" Yixing laughed his eyes curving into half moons 

 

"That was scarring" 

 

"Your eyes" Yixing smiled as the waiter set down his giant bowl of pasta down "they were so big, I thought they were going to fall out" 

 

"Don't remind me" Suho groaned spearing the cheesy macaroni with his fork "it's been ages since I've had Italian food- it's hard to find in Korea" 

 

"I'll take you to Italy, we can eat all the cheesy pasta out there, and ice cream" 

 

"That sounds nice, if I could afford it" 

 

"You're an accountant, you're a businessman, you're a corporate worker! Of course you can afford it don't be silly" 

 

"I guess" Suho played with his food before shovelling another forkful into his mouth, I just want my future to be with you- I don't care about Italy or cheesy pasta.

 

I just want you. 

 

"You remember the time we went to Shanghai right? That was great! And everyone kept thinking Luna looked like you, it's funny though because she looks like me too!" 

 

"I personally don't see the resemblance" Suho laughed pushing his now empty pasta bowl away 

 

"Neither did I at first, but then I started seeing you more often I guess and I reckon she looks like you, I can hardly pick out any of Victoria in her, she's beautiful though" 

 

"Baek and Jongdae are really horrible to Victoria" Suho grimaced "I'm sorry about that" 

 

"Not your fault right? Plus after a few years of marriage I kind of see there point" Yixing smiled wryly "come on, lets go catch your grandma movie" 

 

"If you fall asleep I will end you"

 

"I seriously can't promise anything" 

 

----

 

"And you thought you were going to fall asleep" Suho chuckled as the exited the cinema watching Yixing dab at his eyes 

 

"I seriously- just why? Why? Everything was so perfect but then it wasn't perfect anymore and it ended" 

 

"Maybe it was trying to show what life's really like for people?" Suho offered cheerfully "fairy tales aren't all that real" 

 

"You're telling the person who believed in unicorns till he was twenty one that fairy tales aren't real? How dare you!" 

 

"I think I stopped believing in fairy tales when I was like twelve, or was it fifteen? Anyway it's getting late, I should go" 

 

"Not just yet" Yixing tsked grabbing Suho's wrist "we're going to the playground!" He announced happily 

 

"Xing, it's almost eleven thirty!" Suho wailed trailing behind Yixing 

 

"Great! Half an hour of playground!" 

 

Suho held back a laugh and plopped down on the swing set, lightly pushing the bark with his work shoes 

 

"Can I ask you a question?" Suho heard Yixing ask, his voice so soft you wouldn't of guessed anyone had spoken 

 

"Sure, why not" Suho shrugged lightly continuing to kick at the bark 

 

"What if you had spent your whole life thinking one thing and you're just starting to realise you've been wrong, what if you thought you were in love with someone you weren't supposed to fall in love with, what if you have fallen out of love?" 

 

"How am I supposed to answer that?" Suho sighed exasperatedly and Yixing waited expectantly "well I think if you are wrong you should embrace your mistakes, note it down, it's how you learn, how you find out the road you're currently taking and where you want to go, I don't think you choose who you fall in love with, love is strange- subjective, in some ways it's magic, the ability to feel so much joy yet so much pain but it's so passionate I think you should follow your heart and if you fall out of love, do the right thing" Suho widens his eyes at the word vomit and looks over at Yixing "have you fallen out of love Yixing?" 

 

"I don't know" Yixing's fingers grab at Suho's between the swing set "Suho, I think,I think I'm scared"

 

"Follow your heart" Suho murmurs looking up at the scars. 

 

But where is my heart?