Suho hummed to the sound of the stereo as they sped off for Mokpo, the guys thought it was a perfect opportunity to ambush Chen's brother who had recently just moved there. 

 

"Hey Joonie, pass the gummy worms" Yixing said briefly looking away from the road to look at his best friend double taking as he saw a big welt on his cheek, an angry red mark. "What's that on your face?" 

 

"N-nothing" Suho beamed "Here" He flung the packet of gummy worms at his face. 

 

"Yah! Kim Joonmyun! Could of at least opened the packet, aish!" 

 

"Nope, you get no love from me!" Suho poked his tongue out reaching for his flask of coffee 

 

Well that's a ing lie isn't it he thought bitterly as he sipped the sweet caramel liquid enjoying as it slid down his throat 

 

"Whatever, hey- how can you be drinking that?! It's like one of the hottest summers in the history of summers and you're drinking hot coffee" 

 

"Oh give me a break its the morning! You know how I need my coffee!" 

 

They stayed in silence for a while after that, Luna's snoring softly in the background 

 

"I haven't seen you in ages" Yixing spoke first his voice soft, remorseful

 

"We've both been pretty busy, don't worry we've got all week" Suho smiled and Lay felt his heart break just a little. 

 

"I'm probably the worst best friend in history" 

 

"No" 

 

"I have! I'm never with you! I'm never around!" 

 

"Yixing, sometimes things get in the way, and these things are called life, you've been busy, I've been busy, it doesn't mean you're a bad friend" 

 

Lay reached over to softly brush the angry welt on Suho's face making him shiver. "I miss you" he croaked out pleadingly 

 

"Make time for me then" Suho whispered his heartbeat quickening 

 

Flash foreword 

 

I was an idiot Joonmyun, I've always been an idiot, I've always been slow, I love you, a thousand times I love you. Look me in the eyes and say you love me too. Please. 

 

---- 

 

 

"Jongdae" Minseok gritted through his teeth "we're in the ing car, I am trying to drive!" 

 

"So?" 

 

"So stop palming me!" 

 

"Appa what's palming?" 

 

"Oh fabulous Youngdae don't worry" Minseok said taking one hand off the stereo to shove Jongdae off him 

 

"Appa and Umma are so lovey Dovey" 

 

"You what?" Minseok's eye twitched 

 

"I like it that Umma and Appa are so in love, I want to fall in love like that one day" 

 

"See Min? We are a good influence on our children!" Jongdae cooed kissing Minseok on the cheek, he scoffed but there was a smile on his face. 

 

"I saved your life, you owe me all the love you got" 

 

"You saved my life in more ways than one" Jongdae winked "you gave me a reason to actually start living and not just existing" 

 

"Yeah well you're a pain in the " Minseok joked "No I love you asswipe, I love you so much, I think I have all my life" 

 

"We should get some family photos done when we get home" 

 

"What for?" Minseok asked but secretly liked the idea, they already had millions of photos but professionally done ones sounded like a nice idea 

 

"So we can get a massive one and hang it in the hallway, I think it looks bare you know? Little 6 by 4's only go so far" 

 

"What about Luhan and Sehun's house? " Minseok asked thinking about the masses of walls covered top to bottom in photo's- memories, there were photos from elementary school up there, there were pictures of everything actually, Minseok thought Luhan and Sehun's house was like a museum of their lives. 

 

"Yeah but they're weird- they like to use photos as their wallpaper, I saw them painting their room the other day" 

 

"Yeah when I had coffee with Luhan last week he said they were painting it with a quote on the wall by their bed, it was some cheesy Shakespeare quote "when I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled, because you knew" it's cute" 

 

"Yeah Youngdae you wanna learn how to be in love, stay at Luhan and Sehun's for a week" 

 

"I like Mei's room, the ceiling has stars on it" 

 

"They girlify Mei to the extreme"

 

"No" Chen laughs "Luhan does, Sehun's just a er for Luhan" 

 

"I didn't think Sehun could be so creative" 

 

"He's not! You do know Luhan's a graphic designer right?" 

 

"Course..." 

 

"Aish I love you but your memory is atrocious!" 

 

"It's not! I just forget the uninteresting things!" 

 

"Well never forget that I love you" 

 

"Chen it's etched into every cell of my body, I love you too you know, I love you to the ends of the universe" 

 

"Min the universe never ends" 

 

"Exactly" 

 

---- 

 

"Xia has her first Wushu lesson when we get home!" 

 

"Tao don't remind me, I'm so nervous" 

 

"She'll be fine Kris, she's a Wu after all" Tao winked

 

"More like a Hwang" Kris said warily "she better have the Hwang kick skills" 

 

"She will, she's got an attitude already just wait till she's a teenager" 

 

"Aish let's not talk about her being a teenager..." 

 

"Fine, how's Joonmyun doing?" 

 

"I talked to him last week... He seemed okay, a little down but he was better" 

 

"I worry about him so much" 

 

"Yeah, me too... Everyone does... Even Yixing" 

 

Tao laughed at that, it was a sound Kris would never get used to, it was a beautiful sound.

 

"I think he worries the most" 

 

"Ahh ignorance is a bliss" 

 

Tao looked up at him through his eyelashes, I'm glad we're going to Mokpo with Xia, she hasn't been travelling that much" 

 

"She's not that old, Kris laughed, plus Korea isn't our real home" 

 

"Kris? Of course it's our home" 

 

Kris looked down, his lover staring at him with wide eyes. 

 

"We're Chinese, China is our home... I don't know sometimes I just feel lost here, like what am I doing here? My family is in Canada" 

 

"Kris, we grew up here, no where on earth can give us the memories we have gained, the people we have met, China is our roots, Chinese is our culture, but we are Korean too, you know it deep down, we have family here too, and we definitely not leave Suho" 

 

"I know- I know, I never thought about leaving our brothers, never" 

 

"I think- in a way, we'll always be together, always be friends" 

 

"Heck the way it's going now we'll be buried together" 

 

"It's been rocky, but after so many deaths and tears, and broken hearts here we are" 

 

It is a good life, not perfect, but good

 

---- 

 

They arrived in Mokpo, the clock just reaching quarter past three, meeting at the set of batches they rented out for the  long weekend. The sky was a Kodak blue, sand golden the wind blew through  Suho's hair, this is his escape. 

 

That was until his phone rang, he ignored the wary look Yixing gave him and answered the call. 

 

"Hi" 

 

"First off I want to say I'm sorry- for hitting you, it was wrong" 

 

"I- it's okay" 

 

"Secondly, I can't do this anymore- I wanted to tell you this in person, I know we've only been dating three weeks but I'm sorry I can't" 

 

"Do I get an explanation?" 

 

"I'm sorry" Suho heard Jinki's voice crack "I- there's this guy, I've loved him since we met in college, he just got married to his wife a few months back, I just- I thought you'd make it go away, I thought I could learn to love you like I love him, you are beautiful Joonmyun and smart, I'm sorry for hurting you, but when you said that, I just- I knew you loved him you know? The guy- Yixing was it? The guy who picked you up... It felt the same as when Minho told me he loved Krystal, but it was my fault, I'm sorry" 

 

"I don't know what to say" 

 

"Thank you Joonmyun, for pretending to care, thank you for pretending to love me, thank you for picking up the pieces of my heart but I realise I must embark this journey alone" 

 

"I- okay I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't love you the way you deserve" 

 

"I hit you, I don't deserve it" Jinki whispered "goodbye Joonmyun" 

 

The line clicked dead, and Suho leaned against the garden shed of the house sinking to the ground. He stared at the daisies remembering how he always helped Luhan make them when they were ten. 

 

"How was Jinki?" He heard a voice ask behind him it was Yixing. 

 

"We, uh broke up" 

 

"What? Are you okay?" Yixing ignored the feeling of happiness that bubbled inside him 

 

"I- yeah- I just- I don't know" Suho burst out sobbing covering his face 

 

"Hey- don't be upset he wasn't worth your time anyway" Yixing pulled Suho into a massive hug "want me to get you some ice cream?" 

 

Suho shook his head and continued to sob, shaking as Yixing put his arm around him, his shirt getting soaked with tears, they stayed like that until Suho had no more tears to cry. 

 

"It's not like I even really liked him" Suho explained picking listlessly at the grass before absentmindedly taking Yixing's left hand and playing with his fingers 

"I just, I thought I could learn to love him, I thought it would help me get over y- the one, you know? It's funny cause that's exactly what he said to me" Suho looked down at Yixing's hand "Yixing? Where's your wedding band?" 

 

"At home- I didn't want it to get lost, plus Victoria never wears hers" 

 

You never call her Victoria 

 

"But why did you cry so much when I first found you?" Yixing asked carefully secretly wondering whether Suho would give him the truth, or a half truth. 

 

Suho looked up at him like a frazzled puppy "it's scary, knowing that you've been in love for the same person all your life and probably will be for the rest of my life, I just, they are the strongest feelings I have and it's scary thinking about it, I mean I tried to trick myself into loving someone" 

 

"You want to know what I think?" 

 

Suho nodded 

 

"I think you'll find him, maybe it'll come when you least expect it but I know he'll come to you" 

 

"You don't even know who it is" 

 

"I know, no one will tell me, not even you- but the guy must be great if you love him so much" 

 

"He's great" Suho agreed running a hand through his hair "come on- I smell food" 

 

"Suho you'll be okay, there's no where to go but up" Yixing kissed his cheek before helping him up 

 

My god I love you so much, it hurts.

 

It hurts 

 

----