Year 17- July 

 

"So how's the new apartment?" Minseok asked curiously over his hazelnut torte eyes wide. 

 

"It's good, you know minimalist, not a home per say just yet but it'll get there" 

 

"Ask Luhan to do it up, he and Sehun have done up there own house" 

 

"It's like a unicorn puked all over their house; I'd rather not" Suho pulled a face 

 

"I think it looks cute what with all the quotes and photos" 

 

"I guess, but I don't want cheesy quotes all over my walls, you know there are pictures of us from like fifth grade on the walls" 

 

"There's photos of us from last year on that wall, heck probably photos from last week for all we know" 

 

----

 

"What? You're here again?" Suho asked in disbelief as he opened his door to find Yixing lazing on the sofa reading one of Suho's many books.

 

Many, many books.

 

"Well what a way to welcome your best friend" Yixing said with mock hurt "yeah I'm here, again- needed a break from home is all, and before you say anything about Luna she's on school camp so you're stuck with me! And for the record even if she wasn't I'd bring her too" 

 

"So how long am I graced with your presence?" Suho asked loosening his tie as he trudged into his room.

 

"If I'm allowed, the whole week!" 

 

Suho's jaw dropped "what? Seriously  why don't you spend some quality time with your wife?"

 

"I don't want to, plus she's always at work, I work from home and I'm always bored out of my mind so please? She won't miss me I swear! Pretty please?" 

 

"Alright if you're sure that she won't care, you can stay, but I have work all week so you'll be just as bored here as at your own home!" 

 

"You're closer to the city and I can't get bored with all your books! I can also meet up with Luhan and Baekhyun!" 

 

"Why did I give you a spare key again?" Suho asked laughing as he ed his shirt and chucking it onto the bed, for some reason Yixing felt his stomach flip and he figured it must be the hunger, because he wasn't gay, not at all. And he was married. 

 

Although with thoughts of Suho's bare chest in his mind, he may have to think twice about that statement

"So what's for dinner? I'm starved"

 

"I was just going to cook some rice but since your here maybe we should do something different" 

 

"I know! We can make some dumplings!"

 

"Xing, you know my cooking skills end at instant ramen and boiled rice right?" 

 

"Yes, I should really teach you how to cook, you know the way to a mans heart is his stomach Suho!" 

 

"I think I'll just die alone with twenty cats thanks" 

 

"Nonsense! I want to see you happy!" 

 

"Who says I'm not happy?" Suho protested, because he was, honestly it wasn't that he wasn't happy, it was just the fact he couldn't love someone that deserved to be loved because of a million and one things that got in the way, he's not sad, he was maybe sad a few years ago but now it's just sheer disappointment and long nights longing for someone who could never be his own. 

 

That's not sad, definitely not 

 

"I see you are not at your full potential Suho you're a lightbulb, but right now you're switched off, we just need to flick you back on again"

 

"I could say the same about you" Suho murmured more to himself than to anyone else

 

"I know, I'm not sure why, maybe I've just lost myself on the old highway of life, I just need to find my centre of gravity" 

 

Maybe we both do. 

 

---- 

 

"Okay Xing Xing what's up?" Luhan said hair dyed burgundy red as he sketched in his notebook with a fluffy hello kitty pen "You're acting weird" 

 

"Says the guy who dyed his husbands hair rainbow, seriously he's an accountant" 

 

"He's a special snowflake it's fine" Luhan waved it off "now is it something you want to get off your chest?"

 

When Yixing stayed silent Luhan sighed "I know you're staying at Joonmyun's apartment, look I know things are rough with Victoria right now but you can't just run away" 

 

"You don't understand Luhan" Yixing said sadly averting his eyes "I just I feel suffocated, all we ever do is fight and I'm left wondering where the sweet girl I met at university went and then I see her in Suho and I'm just drawn to him, it's like I just want to be with him and forget the world" 

 

"You know Suho used to remind you of Victoria all the time" Luhan mused still sketching "But she's changed but you know Baek and Jongdae never liked her" 

 

"Yeah I know, maybe I should have listened to him, but she was pregnant and I thought I was in love, I neglected everyone, I neglected the most important person to me in the world for her" 

 

"Did you ever think maybe you're in love with Suho?" Luhan challenged looking Lay in the eyes 

 

"No, that's not it, I'm not in love with Suho, I love him, I'm not in love with him" 

 

"I think maybe you could be" Luhan said with finality "I think you've always been" 

 

Yixing closed his eyes and prayed it wasn't true, because he was starting to think it was, and that can't happen because Suho loves someone else, Suho was made for bigger, better things than him, and he still loved Victoria in a dutiful yet bitter way. It was twisted love but it was probably the only love he had. 

 

"I don't want to be in love with him" Lay looked at Luhan pained "I can't hurt anyone"

 

"Maybe you already have" Luhan looked at Yixing emotionlessly, because Luhan saw what Yixing hasn't, Luhan saw the broken Suho, the crying boy who drank away his misery, the boy who dragged himself off the ground and fixed himself half heartedly for someone who would never love him back. 

 

Except now maybe he did love him back Luhan thought sadly, but that doesn't necessarily mean a happily ever after. 

 

"Luhan what is love? Why do you love Sehun so much? How do you love him so much?" Lay asked curiously ignoring the stabbing pain at Luhan's previous comment and opted to change the subject, because he had a lot to learn. 

 

To this Luhan smiled and closed his sketchbook. 

 

"It's a long story, and it starts with innocence" Luhan began eyes bright "When I was a child, I yearned for love, my parents were always busy and I didn't have many friends, I was lonely, then I met Sehun in kindergarten and he was a short boy with hair the colour of milk tea, he his thumb and he had a lisp, he was my friend the first person outside of my family to ever talk to me his eyes curled into half moons whenever he smiled, he showed me friendship, he let me in, that's how I met Joonmyun and Baekhyun and the rest, through Sehun and I am forever grateful for that" Luhan smiled "I was shy in kindergarten, I never said much but Sehun always used to follow me round, he made me feel wanted and I was so afraid to lose him, the only person that ever wanted to be around me so I clung to him too" Luhan smiled fondly remembering his childhood growing up with Sehun "It wasn't until middle school that I realised I loved him, and that he loved me in turn, it was somewhere in between bubble tea, Disney movies and spending weeks at each others houses and I truly loved him so much it was like I thought the room would light up with him there and I couldn't imagine life without him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It was a daunting thought you can imagine I was quite young but I knew, that I wanted to be Mr Oh Sehun it scared me out of my wits, my parents were homophobic, I didn't know if Sehun would ever accept me. But then we were together just like that and my heart just soared I don't think you can describe the sheer amount of passion I felt for the cute boy with a lisp and a love for sweet things and I still feel that way today even after all our problems, which believe me there have been many, I think love is what feels right, when nothing else but that person matters, I can't describe it but all I can think about is how I just want to spend forever with him" 

 

"Touché to that my love" Sehun chuckled walking in 

 

"Sehun! You weren't supposed to be home till late!" Luhan flushed red running over to hug his rainbow haired husband 

 

"Yeah but I missed you too much to stay away so I decided to come home" Sehun laughed carding his hand through Luhan's locks 

 

"I should go" Yixing said awkwardly not wanting to interrupt the couples moment "I'll see you soon, and thank you" 

 

"It's fine" Luhan replied giggling as Sehun whispered into his ear "I'll text you later" 

 

---- 

 

"Suho, what is love?" Yixing asked as he stabbed a rice cake with his chopstick 

 

"Didn't anyone tell you not to play with your food" Suho joked before going serious "Love is strange, it likes to pull you apart piece by piece, I guess it's when you value someone else's happiness more than your own, I don't know much about love, why do you ask?" Suho asked nervously quickly stuffing another rice cake into his mouth 

 

"I guess I was just curious, I want to understand it" 

 

"Zhang Yixing I can tell you, you are never ever going to understand love so don't try" Suho said lightly pinching the others cheek "but that's the beauty of it" 

 

It was then that Lay realised that Suho was really an angel, a perfect being, an old wise soul and a kind one at that. 

 

And he thought he wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life with that soul. 

 

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