Year 18- January 

Joonmyun took a deep breath at the door to Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s house. He stared nervously at the antique gold door handle and the crappy paint job wondering how he somehow mustered the courage to face his fears. To chase his happiness, for once in his life he would not be a coward, a push over, a drunkard. It was strange how he felt some kind of self satisfaction from that fact. This self-satisfaction didn’t stop the queasiness and overwhelming nervousness that coursed through his veins- and stomach for that matter. 

“We’ve been standing here for five minutes” Kris whispered impatiently, “are you going to knock or am I going to do it” 

“Jesus this what my whole life of misery and self-loathing has been leading up to, give a guy a break” 

Kris just snorted and knocked on the door, the loud noise making Joonmyun jump and squeal like a little girl. “Excuse me I was not ready!” He hissed at Kris giving him a shove. 

“It was a friendly nudge of encouragement” 

“Yeah, I’m not buying your bull sorry” 

“You know your voice doesn’t sound right when you swear” 

“Yifan are you trying to slaughter my self-confidence or what?” 

Their squabble was quickly halted though as the door creaked open to show Baekhyun’s tired, yet immensely relieved face looking back at them. 

“About time s” He joked “It’s so sombre inside you’d think someone had died” 

“Yeah well” Joonmyun muttered 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Baekhyun’s voice suddenly turned serious, “Cause no one’s gonna force you to come inside, you might make a certain someone miserable but I guess it’s fair game”

“And what kind of person would that make me?” Joonmyun laughed quietly “No let’s just do it, I’m not even angry” 

“Anger’s got nothing to do with it” Baekhyun said “But I suppose I know what you mean” he sighed dramatically “After all I accepted Chanyeol back into the house without much fuss” 

“Chanyeol was still a douche bag” Kris pointed out and Joonmyun winced but nodded in agreement “Let’s face it, our friends are s” 

“Yeah, yeah he’s a ing , but he’s my ” Baekhyun rolled his eyes “Now get in here before someone else comes to join the party” 

A lump had started to grow in Joonmyun’s throat as he stepped into the all too familiar house, last night, this morning, the memories coming back to him with full force. He didn’t feel like crying for once though. Maybe it’s because he knew his love was no longer unrequited. He didn’t know whether this was proof of true love or proof that he was a complete idiot who waited 18 years to get what he wanted. He decided not to answer his own question. As he entered the living room he was greeted by nine pairs of eyes watching him. Those eyes saw everything, they knew everything about him. Suddenly he felt , stripped bare of everything that he ever was. It was mildly disturbing, however it was also simultaneously comforting to know that these people knew his heartbreak and his pain. They knew him. Understood him and maybe that was enough. It made up for Jongdae being a melodramatic , for Sehun being the pessimist of all pessimists, even for Chanyeol being a complete douche bag to Baekhyun. Even for Yixing shattering his heart to pieces. 

Now he was standing in front of him. Eye to eye. Here he was about to give his mangled, bruised heart to the very man who irreversibly damaged it. 

“Can we talk?” Joonmyun spoke clearly, neutrally. A simple request but it meant so so much to Yixing. He felt his heart bang against his chest in anticipation, but also fear. 

“Of course” The reply came immediately.

There was an awkward silence that followed with ten eyes watching them intently, Joonmyun swallowed loudly. 

“Hey guys, mind if we could speak... I don’t know, alone?” 

All of a sudden there was a frenzy of movement with ridiculous excuses- Luhan saying he had to go to the zoo for one, Jongdae claiming to have a golf tournament to attend. Jongdae wouldn’t know the first thing about golf. Baekhyun and Chanyeol gently kicking the herd of men out their front door then retreating to their bedroom to give the two privacy.  Then it was just Joonmyun and Yixing, both with red puffy eyes, and battered hearts. For once, finally, in complete synchrony with one another. Understanding communicated silently between them. Joonmyun realises this is the most at peace he has felt in years. It’s the peace that only ever comes with getting something off your chest, and he had carried that ‘thing’ for a very long time. Far too long, he realises now. It only took 18 years, a divorce, too much crying, and far too many hangovers for this moment to finally come. He looks at Yixing with his bed hair, and his wide, fearful eyes. He’s never seen him so scared. It reminds him of how he felt once a long time ago, now he’s the one with the power, it doesn’t feel good. He never thought it would. Jongdae always called him a weakling, but why cause more pain to the both of them? It’s just like Baekhyun said all those years ago when Chanyeol was away- “When you love someone, truly love someone it doesn’t seem to matter what they do, you’re always going to love them, you’re always going to forgive them, regardless of how much pain they’ve caused you. It , because you really shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t but that’s love isn’t it? A whole lot of bad decisions.”. And he loved Yixing, there was no denying it, he couldn’t possibly deny it. 

“Do you really love me?” He asked quietly to Yixing heart pounding in his chest with nervous fear.

“Yes, yes, yes, I do, I really do” Yixing said, and he meant it too. He was an idiot, oblivious to his own feelings. “I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I swear I will”

“Yixing, please I don’t want you to think you owe me your love as if it were some kind of penance”

“It’s not a penance at all, I don’t know how to make you see it. I feel like such a fool. All these years and everything I ever wanted had been right before my eyes the entire time”

“I’ll go with you” Joonmyun said “I’m not saying anything too committal, too soon but you know I’ve loved you all my life, I never stopped. We have somethings to straighten out, some re-discovering to do.”

“Indeed we do” Yixing replies softly “Let’s start in Changsha, China- maybe stop in Japan on the way home-”

“That would be fine....That would be just fine”

A/N

HELLOOO WORLD WHAT'S IT BEEN LIKE THREE WHOLE YEARS OR SOME CRAZY . 

Let's just say in the time I've been gone EXO has lost some very important people that moved on as people do and yeah they gotta do what makes them happy right? 

Me however will continue writing them as a 12 because I like to think they still are because I'm deluded