Chapter 50 - I’m Tired… Can I… Take a Rest…?

 

Semi’s POV

 

We went in to take a look at Shijimi after she was transferred into the normal ward.

 

Rika and I held each other’s hands tightly as we saw Shijimi lying on the bed, looking exceptionally fragile and pale, relying on the oxygen mask to breathe, and her visible sunken cheeks even with the oxygen mask on…

 

We weren’t able to speak anything… Though I could feel Rika’s uneasiness from her small palms…

 

Ah……

 

Rika pulled up my hand, and placed it on top Shijimi’s hands, while she snuggled her other hand beneath Shijimi, and sandwiched Shijimi and my hands in between hers.

 

“Mama… Papa and I are here… Don’t be afraid… Ok…?”

 

………………………………

 

Rika……

 

She is growing up to become really matured…

 

I guess… It is all thanks to Shijimi’s upbringing…

 

Shijimi didn’t wake up that day, I brought Rika home when it got late, and decided to visit Shijimi again the next morning.

 

When I reached Shijimi’s ward the next day, I saw that she had already woken up.

 

“Shijimi! How are you feeling?” I quickly rushed up to her and took a look at her condition.

 

“...... Ah…… Se…… mi……”

 

…………. Shijimi didn’t even have the strength to speak properly……

 

I find my heart getting all tight up…

 

“Shijimi…… I’ll stay here with you today… Don’t worry…”

 

“...... Ugh……” Shijimi was trying to move herself…

 

“What happened? Shijimi? Do you need me to get anything for you?”

 

“Se… mi… I want to… sit up…”

 

“.......... Shijimi, your body is too weak, just lie down…”

 

“No…… Help… me…” Shijimi was still trying hard to move up from her bed.

 

“Okok, stop moving, I’ll adjust the bed level up.”

 

After adjusting the bed, I saw Shijimi removing her oxygen mask,

 

“Shijimi! What are you doing?”

 

“Semi… I have… something to tell you…”

 

“......... What is it……?” Somehow I have a bad feeling……

 

“...... I want to… go home……”

 

“...... Go home…? Shijimi, if you want to go home, then wait till your body is slightly better and I’ll ask the doctor for permission…”

 

“No… Semi… I don’t mean that…”

 

“............”

 

“I mean… I want to stop all treatments, and stay at home from now…”

 

“.......... What…..?”

 

“Semi… I know the treatments are not working on me, I don’t want to waste more time staying here… I want to go home… and accompany you and Rika for the remaining time I have…”

 

“Shijimi! Why?? Why are you giving up now?? You’ll be fine!! I’m sure you’ll be fine!!”

 

Crap, I didn’t want to get so agitated!! But… I couldn’t control myself!!

 

I just…

 

Can’t…

 

“Semi…… I know my body condition the best… I… don’t have much time left… Please… I want to… go home…”

 

“........... No… Shijimi… I don’t want you to give up… I……”

 

“Semi… I’ve been trying hard to hide my emotions…… To be honest… for the past few months, I’ve had a really difficult time… The treatments are tough… it was so painful that I cry almost every night, it was taking away my ability to eat or taste anything, it was taking away my precious consciousness… I don’t wish to see that at the end of my life, I’ll become unable to recognise the people I love… Semi… can you understand me…?”

 

“.................”

 

I was speechless…

 

This was the first time… Shijimi revealed her true feelings to me…

 

I know the treatments are tough… But I didn’t think that it was so haunting on her…

 

Semi… you don’t know the sufferings that Shijimi had been facing, and you’re still forcing her to continue the treatments…

 

You’re such a bastard…

 

“............ Semi…… If the treatments were working well, I won’t give it up no matter how torturing it is… But it isn’t… That’s why I decided to give up… I’m… tired from all the treatments… can I… take a rest…?”

 

“........... Shijimi…… I’m… I’m sorry…”

 

I hugged the woman of my life tightly, she felt so ever bony to me, that I couldn't bear to use even a little more strength on her… Fearing that I might break her fragile and brittle bones…

 

I didn’t realize all these… The ones who are suffering aren’t Rika or me only…

 

Shijimi…

 

She was suffering as well…

 

“Semi…… I’m… sorry as well… I… probably cannot keep my promise… of staying by your side… forever…”

 

“..............”

 

My tears were rolling down my cheeks…

 

I can’t stop them no matter how much I try to…

 

How am I supposed to…?

 

The girl I love so much is going to leave me…

 

I…… I felt helpless…

 

“Semi….. Don’t cry……”

 

…………….

 

“Shijimi…… Sorry… Sorry…”

 

As I allowed my tears to flow as it wished, I could feel Shijimi’s shivering body, and my shoulders getting wet.

 

Shijimi…

 

She is crying as well……

 

It was this moment…

 

I…

 

Decided…

 

I am not sure if I will regret this decision someday in the future…

 

But…

 

If Shijimi will be happier this way…

 

Then I will fulfill her wish...

 

“Shijimi…… let’s… go home…”

 

“........ Hmm…? Semi… what did you say…?”

 

I let go of Shijimi, and placed my face close to hers,

 

“I said… let’s go home… Let’s go back to our home, where everyone is in…”

 

“........... Semi…… really…? Can I…?” Shijimi revealed her smile, the glittering smile that I love so much.

 

“Yeah… The home… where you and I belong…”

 

“Thank you… Semi… Thank you…”

 

Shijimi looked so happy, just for her smile, I think…

 

I will not regret my decision.

 

“Silly Shijimi…”

 

I hugged Shijimi back into my arms…

 

Fearing… she will leave me anytime...

 

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Writer’s note: It seems that Shijimi will be leaving Semi soon...

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