Jin was afraid of walking out on campus alone now that Seungcheol was out there. She felt exposed and vulnerable as she walked the streets, afraid he would pounce at her at any moment. It was only then that Jin really understood how hard it must have been for Sena to live and study in the same area as Seungcheol.

No matter how scared she was of being outside alone, she it up and left. She had a few things to do before the trip the next day, including getting Wonwoo a gift and talking to Vernon.

After she prepared the gift, she made her way to Vernon’s dorm. The last time she had been on this path, she had been coming from Seokmin’s dorm after having kissed him.

It was an unpleasant memory, because she recalled how hurt Vernon was because of it, and how hurt Sena would be if she ever found out. The very positive feelings she knew she had experienced during the actual kiss were almost completely forgotten. No matter how happy it made her feel in that transient moment, it was not worth the damage it had done. She found that she regretted it with everything she had.

When she entered the building, she was unlucky enough to encounter Seokmin before getting to Vernon’s.

“I’m guessing you’re not here to see me,” Seokmin said when he saw her. Seokmin had bags of things in his hands, and she guessed that it was for the trip the following day. She offered to help him carry it without answering his question.

He handed her a couple of the bags. She could feel that his eyes were on her, inspecting her, and it made her feel anxious and exposed.

When they arrived at his door, she placed the bags on the floor and excused herself.

“Can we please talk?” Seokmin asked. “Give me five minutes.”

“We’ll have plenty of opportunities to talk tomorrow,” Jin replied to him. She was doing her best to avoid his eyes. Somehow, his eyes were quicksand, and looking into them her into desires she did not want to have. She did not want to fall for it again; she was not going to let the affection she knew she still felt for him hurt anyone else again.

Seokmin accepted that with a nod. She could feel his watchful eye on her as she made her way a few doors down to her actual destination.

She knocked on the door, self-conscious of his stare. She was relieved when Jun finally opened the door for Seokmin and he was out of sight. A second later, Chan opened the door. He smiled when he saw her.

“Hyung, it’s your Frostbite!” Chan said before he even greeted her.

Vernon appeared suddenly at the door; he looked surprised, but not unhappy, to see her there.

“Come in, Frostbite,” he told her, opening the door wider for her. He turned his neck towards Chan.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” Chan said to Vernon before slipping out the door. Vernon rolled his eyes at Chan and closed the door after Jin came through.

“So what’s up, Frostbite? What brings you here at this hour?” Vernon asked. It was quite late at night, and Vernon was already in pajamas. It was the first time Jin had seen him in pajamas, and she could not help but repress a smile. He looked so… cute.

“I just… felt that I wanted to talk to you,” Jin answered him.

“Alright. Let’s talk,” he said, settling on his bed, and inviting her to sit down beside him.

“How is your mom?” she asked first as she took a seat on his bed next to him.

“She’s not doing too bad, actually,” Vernon answered, “I think she was kind of relieved when she found out that she was relocating out of Korea. She said that it meant I wouldn’t waste my time visiting her or whatever.”

“And how do you feel about it?” Jin asked him.

Vernon fell silent. All of the spirit seemed to fade from his face, “you already know how I feel about it,” he answered. “You saw me that day.”

Jin immediately knew that Vernon was referring to the day when she met his mother. She remembered him cry for her in a way that she never expected of him when he had to say goodbye to her.

“I’m sorry,” she said sympathetically. She really felt for him; it must be hard on him. He had to send his mother overseas for doctors to experiment on her in order to identify a neurotic illness that was getting progressively worse. He was losing his mother, and she now had to move away from him.

“You know, I think you’re the only one on campus besides Seungcheol who has seen me cry,” Vernon admitted to her, perhaps trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re very close to him, aren’t you?”

“Seungcheol? Yeah.”

“When did you meet him?” Jin asked curiously.

“I’ve known him for about a year now. He’s getting a medical degree and specializing in neurosis, so he had to do some of his medical training on my mother. We got close in the hospital when I had to spend long hours there in the times when my mom was in a critical condition. He really helped me through some tough times back there.”

Jin took a moment to process what she learned about Seungcheol. People were definitely not so black and white. That a doctor-in-training was responsible for inflicting so much pain on another person was mind-boggling to say the least. “I didn’t know that…” Jin replied to Vernon softly. She wished she did not know. It made her anxious to know that she was going to put a person so dear to Vernon behind bars.

“You’ll learn to like him soon. A lot of people don’t like him at first, but they eventually warm up to him. My mom included. Now she loves him like a son,” Vernon said.

That felt like such a slap on the face, again.

“Speaking of my mom, I had to rethink Sofia’s role in all of this. When mom relocates, she will layover in New York and wanted to see Sofia there, and so I had to make up this lie. I told mom that you had to come back to Korea for passport renewal and that you have to stay here for a few weeks. When you come with me to visit my mom on Sunday, you’ll go as Sofia.”

Jin nodded.

“You won’t mind spending the night there, right?”

“It’s okay,” Jin agreed.

Vernon nodded. “By the way, where are you going until Friday?” Vernon asked her curiously. She had only briefly mentioned the trip to him after the date and never really had the opportunity to tell him the rest of the details.

“I’m leaving tomorrow actually,” she informed him. "I'm going to a beach town,” she responded, not wanting to reveal the actual location for fear that the information would be relayed to Seungcheol. “I’ll be going with Sena, Seokmin and Wonwoo,” she added.

He nodded and smirked, “you’ll have fun if you’re going with him.”

She frowned at him slightly. There he was again, pretending that he didn’t care that she liked Seokmin, and that it meant nothing to him that there could be something between the two of them. He was putting up this nonchalant front in order to conceal the true feelings she knew that he had.

“Look, Frostbite,” he told her, “I’m being serious here. You guys like each other, so just run with it.”

Jin hated how he was keeping up this pretense. She wished he would open up to her, and tell her what he really wanted. She wished he would tell her to stop thinking about Seokmin. She wished he would ask her to be his girlfriend again, not encourage her to go for someone else.

“I want to commit to you,” Jin told him, looking at him straight in the eyes.

He seemed befuddled by that. He narrowed his eyes at her and point at himself. “Me?”

She nodded, and he snorted at her.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You like someone who likes you back; why are you doing this to yourself for someone like me?”

This was probably the first time Jin had ever heard him say something self-deprecating. He was almost always arrogant and confident in himself, but now, for the first time ever, he was demeaning himself in front of her. She couldn’t really understand it, and so she looked at him and asked: “someone like you? What’s wrong with you?”

He seemed taken aback by that question himself, and he did not really answer it. “You have feelings for him,” he reminded her. “I also know that you liked kissing him and that you couldn’t resist him when you did. That means something.”

“Why are you trying to convince me to go to him? I told you that I want to commit to you.”

“You’re only doing it out of some sense of obligation or something,” he sneered. “Listen Frostbite, you don’t owe me anything because I got you a necklace and took you out on a couple of dates. At the end of the day, in this relationships thing, what trumps are your feelings, not your obligations to other people.”

“Don’t you want me to commit to you?” she asked. She was trying so hard to see the side of him that Nayoung revealed to her. The side that wanted her, the side that truly liked her.

“What I want is irrelevant. Seriously, don’t let your sense of obligation to me stop you from being with the person you like,” he continued.

“But I like you,” Jin replied to him sheepishly.

That seemed to have surprised him, for his eyes widened ever so slightly at her words. He then grinned and said: “well, that’s good to know. But we both know that you like someone else more.”

“No matter how much I like him, I don’t want to be with him. I don’t want to hurt people…”

“If you like him, other people don’t matter.”

“Then I guess I don’t like him that much,” she retorted.

Vernon narrowed his eyes at her. “I think you’re confused,” he laughed. “Tell you what. Go on this trip with him and discover how you really feel. And then come back, look me in the eye and tell me again you want to commit to me. Because I think your loyalty to others is making you avoid him, which is really stupid.”

She fell silent. Maybe Vernon was right, she thought. She was trying so hard to not think about Seokmin, and to insist that she did not like him as much as before or whatever, but the reality was probably different.

“Stop feeling like you owe me and that you need to ‘commit’ to me or whatever. For this trip, don’t think about me at all. Kiss him if you want to. Sleep with him for all I care. Confront your true feelings and don’t sidestep them. Not for me, and not even for Sena.”

Jin was quite ashamed of her inability to insist that she did not have strong enough feelings for Seokmin. She was ashamed that Vernon was probably right to reject her desires to commit. She was confused and fickle and evasive when it came to Seokmin and Vernon.

Vernon smirked in her direction and said, “I should be a relationships counselor.”

She laughed and nodded, “you should.”

“Anyways,” he said, “I predict that things will fall together between the two of you, and so I guess this is the last time I’ll be able to kiss your cute little cheeks.” He brought his lips to her cheeks, making her blush.

“I don’t think it will be,” she reassured him. Unless, of course, my involvement in Seungcheol’s conviction deters you from me.

She had not really thought very much about that, but it was there, something that possibly threatened the very warm relationship she now had with Vernon. She did not know how he would react when he found out, or if it would change how he thought of her. She figured it probably would.

It was sadly funny how he thought she would be the one to call off this dating relationship that they had, but Jin was now increasingly starting to believe that he would be the one to do so. When he finds out that she put his best friend behind bars, how could he continue with her like before?

The last time... it was sad to think about, sad to imagine that this could be the last time they would be together like this.

“Can I get a cheek kiss? Might be the last time you’ll agree,” he told her with a smirk and pointing at his cheek.

It might be the last time you’ll ask me for it, Jin thought to herself.

Perhaps it was that sense of an impending end to something that had made her happy for a short period of time that propelled her to do something she never thought she would have the courage to do. Instead of kissing his cheek like he asked, she kissed his lips.

It was a quick kiss. It was so fast, that Vernon did not even have the time to blink. The lips she had just kissed opened slightly in an expression of surprise, but eventually they curved into a smile, a genuine, happy smile.

“You… are… so unpredictable,” he stammered, looking quite overwhelmed. Was he blushing? Jin was not so sure, because she herself had averted her eyes. She was so embarrassed at what she had just done, and so surprised she was bold enough to do it.

He reached out and grabbed both of her shoulders, inching slightly closer to her and turning her so that she was facing him. He reached out and put a few loose strands of hair behind her ears. He seemed to be waiting until she made eye contact with him, and she did eventually. The look he gave her was one she was not very familiar with: no cockiness or sarcasm in it at all, just warmth and desire. Before she knew it, he leaned in again, one hand holding her face and bringing her closer, the other on her back.

Jin had to close her eyes as their lips came in contact for the second time. She felt her body freeze as he kissed her. When she did not react at all, he pulled her closer and kissed her again. Her body relaxed, and she began to feel that same flutter in her stomach she had felt when she did the same thing with Seokmin a few doors down. When he tried again a third time, she finally returned the kiss.

It was only then that he finally pulled away slightly, a smile on his face, and a clear readiness to kiss her again if she prompted him. Indeed, she did prompt him by being the one to close that gap between their lips yet again.

The kiss was interrupted when Chan suddenly walked in. Jin blushed and pulled away completely as Chan apologetically entered and went to his desk to grab his wallet.

“Way to ruin the mood,” Vernon said, throwing a pillow at Chan.

“I’m so sorry,” he said to both of them sheepishly, bowing to them before scuttling away again.

When the door closed behind Chan, Jin stood up and grabbed her bag. Her face was still red and her heart was still raging from the intimate moment the two of them had just shared, and for it to be so abruptly interrupted made her feel all the more bashful.

“I really need to head back home,” Jin told him diffidently, “I have an early bus tomorrow.”

Vernon nodded, and offered to walk her back home.

They held hands as they walked. Jin wasn’t sure how they ended up doing so, but they were, and it felt so right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I just kissed Vernon’s lips for the first time. The funny thing is that I was the one who initiated it. I never thought I would ever initiate a kiss let alone one with someone like Vernon, but I did, and I am so glad that I did.

I liked it. I liked feeling so close to him, and unlike with Seokmin, that overwhelming feeling of guilt did not overtake me after I did it. That bliss that people feel when they kiss stayed with me, and I’m happy.

I think I’ve fallen hard for him. It makes me sad to know that I won’t see him for a few days because of the trip. I’m also so worried that things would change after he finds out about Seungcheol. I don’t know how he’ll react. I never know how he reacts to anything. Maybe he’ll hate me for it, or maybe he’ll understand. I don’t know… I really don’t know.

All I do know is that I dearly wish that this were not the last time that he and I are together like this.

A/N: aaaaand 65 chapters later, the main couple finally kissed… I feel like a broke a record lol. Hope it was worth the wait, and congrats on making it this far :P

(also thanks to reader mc_boonon for the idea lmao)