Frostbite! come talk to my mom, Vernon texted her later that day.

Jin was sitting back in her dorm waiting for Sena. She had promised Wonwoo that the two of them would finally work it out that night.

I’m kinda busy, she replied.

V: Too busy for my mom :(

V: She’s waiting for you.

Jin figured it wouldn’t hurt to go talk to Vernon's mother for a while by the time Sena made her way there.

J: Okay, but only for a couple of minutes.

V: Alright! Come over to my room right now.

She agreed.

It was strange walking over to that building, because it reminded her of the times when she was still foolishly in love with Seokmin. She used to be so happy when she went to his room, and so her trip there brought back all of the memories of all of their meetings and how they had thrilled her. How did things get so messy now?

It felt weird going to the building and walking over to Vernon’s room and not Seokmin’s. When she walked past Seokmin’s dorm, she felt like she was somehow abandoning him, ignoring him.

“Hey Frostbite,” Vernon greeted her when he opened the door.

She remembered the last time she was in that room. She had spent the night there and woken up with a hangover. It was just a few days ago, but it felt like so much longer. So much had happened since then.

It was embarrassing to remember the whole order, and she felt like covering her face and disappearing. She couldn’t look him in the eye and instead looked at the floor as she sat in the chair that he pulled out for her.

“You’re remembering that night, aren’t you?” he asked amusedly.

There he goes again, Jin thought as she lifted her head to look at him. He was reading her. He knew exactly what was going on in her head, exactly what she was feeling. She never thought of him to be so observant, and she wondered just how much he had seen through her before.

It was almost scary. She felt like she had to hold back in front of him, like she had to make sure she didn’t react normally because otherwise he would know what was going on her head. She was a private person; she didn’t want that.

Vernon didn’t comment any further, which she also appreciated. He immediately went on to dial numbers on his phone to call his mom.

Vernon learned from a nurse on the other end of the line that his mother was not in her room as she was spending the day in another ward of the hospital for treatment. And so Vernon hung up.

“I thought you said she wanted to talk to me,” Jin said curiously.

“I kinda lied in order to see you,” Vernon admitted with a grin.

Jin blushed. She wasn’t used to this coaxing, and it was painfully awkward for her because she didn’t know how to respond.

“I’m going to go back now then,” Jin said, standing up to leave.

“Come on Frostbite, can’t we just talk a little? We’re dating for crying out loud.”

“Talk about what?”

“I don’t know. Tell me about yourself,” he asked.

“You read my diary. You know everything.”

“Not everything. Like, for example, what’s your favorite color?”

“Green,” Jin answered, “what’s yours?”

Vernon shrugged, “all colors are the same to me.”

“That’s such a boring answer,” Jin told him honestly.

Vernon smirked. “Do you want an answer?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

Jin narrowed her eyes; she didn’t know why the question of his favorite color deserved such a buildup.

“I’ll tell you but don’t say I didn’t warn you… my favorite color is the color of your eyes.”

Jin cringed and blushed at the same time. She covered her face, specifically her eyes. How could someone like him say such a painfully cheesy thing like that? She then realized from his laughter that he said it only to see her reaction.

“You’re so cute,” he told her, reaching out to pinch her cheek.

She turned her face at an angle as he did it and avoided his eyes.

“I see you love Jesus,” Vernon said, looking at her cross necklace.

“I do. Don’t you?”

“I guess. He seems like a nice fellow from what I’ve heard,” Vernon joked.

“You’re not much of a believer are you?”

“Not really.”

“Why take the religion class then?”

“Someone told me it was an easy elective. They were wrong though, but I’m still glad I took it, because it’s the only class I have with you,” he cajoled.

Jin was starting to get immune to his flirting, which was good for her because it meant she was no longer a pink mess whenever he talked to her. She didn’t blush this time; she just ignored him and carried on the conversation. “What are you even majoring in?” she asked.

“Economics,” he answered her, “and you’re doing theology, right?”

Jin nodded.

“You must really love Jesus then,” he noted, “I remember reading about Him in your diary.”

At the mention of her diary and the fact that he read it, Jin withdrew within herself. It was always painful to remember that he read it.

“I didn’t know that it was your diary was when I started to read it by the way,” Vernon revealed. “I didn’t think it was that smart girl in my theology class. It was only when I read it that I realized. I was intrigued by it, to be honest,” he said.

This was the first time that he had ever talked about the fact he read her diary. It was awkward, because she was so ashamed of it; at the same time, she wanted to know; she wanted to be aware of just what he thought of her because of what he read.

“It was like finally getting into the mind of a girl. I couldn’t help myself.”

“It was wrong of you,” Jin said, finally feeling comfortable enough to call him out for it.

Vernon shrugged. “I kind of disliked you back then because of the humiliation you put me through in class that day when were talking about Muslim girls,” he admitted, “so it felt like revenge on my part. And then I scared you by threatening to tell the guys on your list, because it was also part of my revenge.”

“It was mean,” Jin told him, “and I hated you so much for it."

“Hated is in past tense,” he noted with a smug look on his face, “so you don’t hate me anymore.”

She shook her head, “not anymore.”

“What changed that?” Vernon asked.

“I don’t know,” Jin shrugged. She really didn’t know. Her feelings for him fluctuated so much, and she didn’t know how it came to be that she was now dating him and warming up to him more and more despite all of the mean things that he had done to her in the past.

“Well, I’m happy that you don’t hate me,” he said.

“I have a question for you,” Jin said. She had been curious ever since the lunch with him: “what did you tell your friends about me?”

“Nothing you wouldn’t want me to tell them,” Vernon said, “nothing in your diary. Not even that I read your diary. I tell them about what happens between us, about how I think you’re cute, about how I was planning to ask you out, about how you helped me with my mom and pretended to be Sofia. And they also know that you spent the night here because you were drunk. Seungcheol actually helped me carry you up here.”

“Oh…”

“And I told Aron and Baekho about it because there were rumors about me because of it, and I wanted to explain myself to them at least.”

“I’m sorry about that…” Jin said, feeling guilty on his behalf. She had heard the rumors from Seokmin, and it was not a pleasant accusation.

“Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter what people think. As long as you don’t believe them. I didn’t do anything to you; you know that, right?”

Jin nodded, “I know.”

“Anyways, they won’t tell. My roommate Chan won’t either. They’re trustworthy.”

“Are you close with them?”

“Yeah. And about what Seungcheol revealed yesterday…”

“You don’t have to explain. I understand. You thought she was pretty and asked her out.”

“Yeah… and Seungcheol had a thing for her too, so that’s why he seemed angry. He’s not as much of a douchebag as he seemed.”

“Of course. Everyone has a thing for Sena,” Jin said, unable to hide the bitterness in her voice.

“Are you two still on bad terms?”

Jin nodded, “I’m supposed to talk to her today. I should actually get going. She’s probably waiting for me.” She stood up to leave, but Vernon held he wrist.

“Stay for a while longer,” he said. He glanced at his phone, “just 10 more minutes.”

She sat back down; she was honestly quite surprised that he was so eager for those ten minutes.

He started typing something on his phone quickly, and then looked back up at her.

“Sorry I was just asking the nurse about mom,” Vernon explained.

“When can I talk to her?” Jin asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll text you when I do.”

“Can I ask about Sofia?” Jin asked. She didn’t know much about the real girl she was trying to impersonate at all, and she felt like she should. She was also curious as to why the real Sofia had not seen her mom in ages.

“She’s in New York now. She’s adopted into another family, and she doesn’t want anything to do with her blind, mentally challenged mother. That’s the story,” Vernon answered quickly, “I tried so hard to get her to come to see mom, but she’s just… stubborn. I didn’t know how to tell mom about it, so I made you pretend to be her instead.”

“Oh…”

“My dad abandoned us and remarried. I didn’t tell mom about the re-marriage part, by the way, so don’t ever mention it to mom when you talk to her. I hate him, and so does Sofia.”

“I see.”

“My family’s pretty messed up. Tell me about yours.”

“I have regular parents. They both live in Jordan. My dad is an ambassador there. I’m an only child.”

“Do you talk to them?”

“Every once in a while, yes.”

“Do you tell them everything that happens to you?”

“No. I don’t like worrying them.”

“Did you tell them about me?”

“No.”

“Will you?”

“I don’t think so,” Jin said. “I’ve never dated in my life, so if I tell them that I am, they would freak out.”

“You never dated ever?” Vernon looked alarmed.

Jin shook her head, “in Jordan, people don’t generally date.”

“So I’m your first?” Vernon asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

Jin nodded.

“Well, that’s a lot of pressure on me,” Vernon said, half-jokingly, “well, I hope it’s memorable for you so you don’t look back on it and hate me.”

Something about what he had said made Jin feel a little glum. He made it clear that he did not intend for this dating period to last at all. It was not that she wanted it to last herself, but the fact she was temporary and discardable to him made her feel a little... uncomfortable.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

“Coming!” Vernon called to the person at the door and immediately dashed over to open it.

When he opened it, Jin was startled: Chan came in with a cake in his hands; Aron scurried inside and popped confetti over Jin’s head, and everyone else yelled “surprise!”

Chan, Aron, Baekho, Seungcheol, and a girl that Jin had never met entered the room, and they all began to sing happy birthday. Jin sat there stupefied at what was happening.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Frostbite. Happy birthday to you!”

Chan placed the cake on the table in front of her. The cake had one candle on it, with ‘Happy Birthday Frostbite!’ written on it with chocolate ink.

Jin did not know what to think let alone say.

“Well, make a wish and blow the candle!” Aron encouraged. She was too bewildered to think about a wish so she just uncertainly blew the candle out, earning applause and cheers from the rest of the people in the room.

“I know I’m a few months late,” Vernon told her, “but I figured better late than never.”

Jin looked at him; he was grinning at her, as if he had just done something mean to her rather than threw her a surprise party in place of a birthday she never had that he had read about in her diary ages ago.

“But… why?” she didn’t have to the word to express herself. This was the last thing she expected from him. Her birthday this year was supposed to have passed forgotten and uncelebrated; she had come to accept that. But now, here it was, coming back to her in the most unexpected way.

“Because Baekho wanted cake,” Vernon answered matter-of-factly.

Jin narrowed her eyes at him; Vernon was trying to mask his own kindness with some stupid excuse. She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t articulate the words to describe how she was feeling. She was so… touched…

“Let’s eat!” Baekho chimed, but he was stopped by Vernon.

“No cake unless you got Frostbite a gift,” Vernon said to him with a frown.

“I got one!” Baekho took out a bag of chips from a plastic bag he had been carrying. “Happy birthday!” he said to her and bowed.

She took the chips and bowed back, thanking him for the gift.

“I got you cute socks,” Aron said, handing her a pair embroidered with an image of a duck. She thanked him and also bowed to him.

Seungcheol then handed her a helium balloon with the words happy birthday on them. He also reached into the plastic bag that Baekho was holding and took out a birthday hat; he stepped forward and placed on her head himself. He took the elastic strap and pulled it over her chin, his eyes caught Jin’s as he did it, making her blush. Jin’s spine froze as his hand brushed against her face and lingered there for a moment longer than was needed.

“Happy birthday,” he told her, before bowing and stepping back.

Jin bowed back to him.

The girl then stepped forward, and it was only then that Jin was able to pay attention to her. Jin was taken aback by her; the girl looked like a model. She was a tall and pretty, with perfect make-up and beautiful long hair. Even her fashion sense was bold: a crop top with leggings and high heels. Jin suddenly felt so unappealing with her over-worn jeans and her cheap cardigan.

“Hi,” the girl greeted with a polite smile, “I’m Nayoung, Seungcheol’s girlfriend. It’s nice to finally meet you, Jin.”

Nayoung held out her hand to shake, and Jin hesitantly took it, bowing her head. From her purse, Nayoung took out a little box from her bag and handed it to Jin.

“I’m sorry if you don’t like it,” Nayoung said, “but I don’t know much about you besides what Seungcheol and Vernon told me so I didn’t really know what else to get you.”

“You didn’t have to get anything…”

Nayoung laughed, “Vernon literally threatened to not let us have any cake if we didn’t get you a gift, so here you go. It’s my favorite brand.”

Jin took it and bowed in gratitude. It was eyeliner.

“Chan, what did you get Frostbite?” Vernon asked his younger roommate.

Chan looked ambivalent.

“No cake for Chan,” Vernon announced obnoxiously, and Chan’s face fell.

“Don’t be so mean to him,” Nayoung said to Vernon, “isn’t it enough that he bought the cake for you?”

“Nope,” Vernon responded, “sorry dude. No cake.”

“Can we please cut it now?” Baekho begged, his mouth was already watering and the plastic knife was already in his hand

Vernon took the knife from Baekho’s hand and handed it to Jin, and everyone looked at her expectantly to cut it. She clumsily put down all of her gifts (and let the balloon fly to the ceiling) and took the knife from Vernon’s hand to cut the cake. She still had not processed everything that was happening. A group of near-strangers just barged in with cake, and were celebrating a birthday that happened months ago. They all had given her gifts and were now waiting eagerly to eat from a birthday cake with her nickname on it. She had a party hat on, gifts all around her, and a bunch of strangers in the room waiting for cake. And all of this happened within the span of five minutes. It was overwhelming.

As Vernon handed out the plastic plates with cake pieces that she had cut, she finally managed to thank him.

“It’s all just an excuse to eat cake,” Vernon told her, “don’t thank me.” He then winked at her as he continued handing out the plates.

Chan waited expectantly for Vernon to give him a piece, but Vernon didn’t.

“Vernon!” Nayoung scolded, “give your roommate a piece God dammit.”

“Nope. No gift, no cake.”

“Give it to him,” Jin told Vernon, feeling bad for the younger boy.

“Chan, go find a gift to give her,” Vernon said, “and then I’ll give you cake.”

“Here,” Nayoung handed the young boy a piece of gum that she produced from her purse, “give it to her.”

Chan hesitantly handed Jin the piece of gum from Nayoung. Jin took it, and Vernon scowled at the younger boy but still handed him the piece of cake.

“I would have asked your real friends over for this,” Vernon told Jin when they were done distributing the cake, “but I wasn’t sure that you want them. If you want I can ask the one that lives here to come over…”

“No, no,” Jin shook her head. There were already too many confusing emotions going through her right now, she didn’t need anymore by adding Seokmin to the mix.

“Thank you,” she told Vernon again, feeling like she needed to react to this in some way to acknowledge what he had done for her.

Vernon took a seat on the chair beside her, “stop talking and eat cake,” he said as he himself grabbed a plastic fork and began digging in to his cake.

“What about you. Vernon, aren’t you going to get her a gift?” Nayoung, said, her hands on her hips glaring at him, “no cake without a gift, remember?”

“I’ll give her my gift later,” Vernon said.

“No cake until you get her a gift,” Aron said, snatching the plate from Vernon’s hands. “Sorry bro, it’s the rules.”

“Come on guys, I paid for it,” Vernon pouted and crossed his arms.

“Nope. Sorry. Rules are rules,” Aron said.

“Fine, I’ll give it to her,” Vernon grumbled.

Nayoung narrowed her eyes at him, “I swear to God Vernon, if that gift is something stupid like another one of your cheek kisses or something...”

“It’s not,” Vernon said as he stood up from his chair and made his way to his closet. All eyes were on his as he reached out to the top ledge of the closet and pulled out a box that was covered in wrapping paper.

Vernon handed it to her, “open it later,” he requested. She took it and bowed, thanking him for the umpteenth time.

“Why don’t you want us to see?” Seungcheol teased his friend.

“It’s probably an embarrassing love poem or something,” Baekho guessed.

“It’s none of your business,” Vernon said as he took his plate and began eating from it.

The cake was delicious, and the entire party was so much more fun than Jin could have ever imagined it would be. Jin never did too well with strangers, but these strangers did not feel like strangers; they did not act like strangers. It felt as if they had known her for a long time, and they spoke to her as if she had somehow became a part of their crew.

Baekho and Aron were so funny, always making her laugh no matter how hard she tried not to. Dino and Seungcehol were both quiet, just like she was, and so she didn’t feel like the odd one out when she didn’t contribute to conversations. Vernon also, somehow, always made sure to include her, as if he knew being left out made her feel bad. When the conversation was starting to become exclusive, he always brought her in by asking her a question or by changing the subject to include her. She appreciated that more than he knew. She wasn’t even sure if he did it on purpose or not.

At one point, she received a text from Sena saying: I’m waiting for you.

Jin had completely forgotten that she was supposed to talk with Sena that night. She considered leaving, but she felt bad. This whole party was supposed to be for her, and leaving it early would feel ungrateful on her part. Sena could wait, Jin thought.

I might be a while. Sorry! Jin responded to Sena.

Take your time habibti <3, Sena responded a minute later.

When Jin read the message from Sena, she smiled. This was the first exchange the two of them had since forever, and it was pleasant and it carried with it the prospect of being on good terms with one another again. For the first time in a long time, Jin felt like things were actually going in the right direction: with Sena, and even with Vernon.

At one point, Nayoung leaned her head against Seungcheol’s chest, and Seungcheol’s hand started to the bare skin around her waist. Jin didn’t really know what drew her to that imagem but she found that she had to force herself not to look. Her eyes naturally fell upon the two of them being touchy, sometimes kissing and whispering things to one another. Maybe it was because couple culture was still unfamiliar to her, and so she was curious.

She couldn't help but wonder if this was to be expected of her with Vernon eventually. Would she let him touch her in the same way Seungcheol was touching Nayoung? Everything inside of her was screaming no. She wasn’t ready for wherever this road was taking her. She wasn’t ready to be touched by someone else. She suddenly felt so extremely frightened for what was to come.

It seemed like neither Vernon nor Aron nor Baekho paid the couple much attention; it was normal, Jin guessed. Only Chan seemed particularly fazed by the scene; she had watched him for a bit and saw how he as well tried to actively avoid looking at the two of them.

Vernon had probably noticed how distracted Jin was with the sight of the couple, and so he jokingly threw a pillow at them and told them to get a room.

Eventually, after whispers and giggles, the two of them scurried out of Vernon’s room. Suggestive jokes from Baekho and Aron followed.

Baekho and Aron stayed for a bit longer, but they too eventually decided to leave.

“Chan!” Baekho called out to the young dancer, “come with us. I wanna tell you something.” Chan conceded and left with them. Jin knew exactly what they were trying to do.

Now, she was alone with Vernon.

“I should probably go. Sena is waiting for me,” Jin said to Vernon nervously. She didn’t want to be alone with him. After seeing Nayoung and Seungcheol, she was scared to be alone with him.

“I’ll walk you,” Vernon said. “it’s late at night now, and you know how college campuses are at night.”

Jin nodded. They had gathered the gifts in a plastic bag and tied the balloon onto it. After putting on their coats, they walked outside together quietly.

“Thank you so much for this,” Jin told him after a minute of silent walking, “I don’t think you understand how it made me feel,”

“You thank people too much,” he chuckled, “and I’m guessing it was a positive feeling, in which case, good.”

She smiled.

“Was it good enough to earn me a kiss?” he asked sheepishly, pointing at his cheek.

Without even thinking about it, she stopped walking and leaned in to kiss his cheek, which made him smirk. By then, she knew him enough to understand that his smirks were actually pretending smiles.

-

The sendoff with Vernon at the front of her dorm building was quick and kind of awkward. It consisted of a few bows and waves and stuttered goodbyes on her part. When he was finally gone, Jin had to take a deep breath and process everything that had happened.

One thing happened for sure: she liked him more than she did before.

She snapped out of her daze and remembered that she had to go talk to Sena now. She didn’t know how she was going to keep her head from the clouds after all that had happened, but she needed to. This talk was important.

She noted her party hat and balloon. If she walked into the dorm with those, it would remind Sena that she had forgotten Jin’s birthday, and Jin didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to make Sena feel bad anymore. She just wanted to make up with her and move on from all of the things that had caused discord between them in the first place. It was easy to hide the hat, but the balloon, not so much.

Jin left the balloon in the hallway before entering the room.

“Sena?” Jin called out to her.

When Jin went inside, she noticed the alcohol on Sena’ bedside table. Sena was still in her clothes, but she was fast asleep.

Jin brought in the balloon and stuffed it under her bed. She put her bag of gifts on her bed before tending to Sena.

Jin took off Sena’s shoes and helped her lay down properly under the covers with her head on the pillow. She figured they would talk the following morning. There was no rush.

Jin got ready for bed. Just as she was about to hide away the gifts that she received, she realized that there was one she still had not opened.

She unwrapped the little box that Vernon had given her. She opened it to find a pretty silver necklace with a snowflake for a pendant. There was a little note attached to the necklace: Happy late birthday, Frostbite!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

I had a good day today. I feel strangely light, strangely happy. Dazed almost. Vernon is so unpredictable. I guess I’m confused about him too. On one hand it seems like he doesn’t care about me at all, but on another hand, I feel tricked into thinking that he actually might. I guess I should stop falling for it, but it’s so hard after seeing what he did.

He threw a surprise birthday for me with five of his friends that I don’t know very well. He also made every single one of them get me a gift. They weren’t anything special: chips, socks, a piece of gum, a balloon and a party hat… and well… a necklace. He gave me a necklace, one that seems kind of expensive. The pendant is a snowflake. It was so pretty.

And it just had me thinking: if he didn’t care about me, if he only wanted to play with me, why would he do all of this for me? He told me that he threw the party because it was an excuse to eat cake, but I know that’s not it. Maybe it’s fun for him to make a girl blush and have her thank him. Maybe it’s his way of making her trust him.

All I know is that his friends didn’t make fun of him for throwing the birthday party or for making everyone get me a gift, even though it is something that friends like them could very easily about. They didn’t though. They just took part in the party as if they had done something like that a thousand times before. Maybe Vernon did the same thing with the other girls he dated.

The necklace is so pretty. I really, really like it, and to be honest, now I feel like I owe him something. Now I feel like I can’t just walk out of this date with him. Maybe that was his plan: asserting his ownership over me and making me feel trapped in this.

I feel like I’m judging him. Maybe he did do it with kind intentions. I don’t know. I should really stop thinking about this. All I know is that I am touched that he remembered my missed birthday, and that he even thought to celebrate it. And I did have fun, even if I celebrated it with strangers.

There was only one thing that made me uncomfortable about this whole encounter, and that was seeing another couple of Vernon’s crew in action. The two were touching and kissing, and I couldn’t help but imagine ending up like them. Is this what dating was? Is this what it will eventually lead to? If yes, then I feel so uncomfortable about it. No matter how much I am warming up to Vernon, I don’t think I would ever warm up to him that much. I just… I don’t want that.

I know it’s stupid to think about this, but I am thinking about it, and I feel scared. Especially now because I feel like I owe him after everything that he did today. For now, I’m just going to go with it. I won’t let the relationship grow that big, but I will let it grow…

I’m going to talk to Sena tomorrow. I have a feeling that everything will settle when I do. I feel like things are finally coming together. After weeks of confusion and sadness; it’s all working out. I’ll have my best friend back. And perhaps I’ll make new friends. Maybe I’ll grow close to Chan, Aron, Baekho, Seungcheol and Nayoung. And as for Vernon, only God knows how that will end up.

---

A/N: long verjin chapter for yall! And damn this story is 50 chapters so far :o THANKS FOR STICKING WITH THIS STUPID STORY UNTIL NOW <3

There’s a NU’EST fandom inside joke in this chapter and anyone who gets it will have all of my love.