Nothing’s wrong with him if you saw him with both of your eyes. He smiled widely as he gave the fans his autograph, answering all the fans’ questions cheerfully, laughing and joking with his fans, dancing as he sing happily for the b2uties. He’s the lovable leader. He’s a great leader of one of the best idol-group in Korea, Beast. He’s a man every woman want to date. He has perfect life, if you saw him with both of your eyes.

Have you heard? People said that none knew what’s on behind a smile. His face was smiling but his heart’s frowning. His heart’s ached. He’s a broken hearted leader, but leader wouldn’t let his personal life affect the other member. So, he tried his best to be okay, or at least, to be seen okay. He tried his best to live the day as he used to be, as he should be. There’s some female idol who has been asking him out, but he rejected them all. Deep inside his heart, he’s waiting for someone. It’s been almost two years, but he still keeping that empty space in his heart for her. Someone he’s been longing for too long. Someone he loves much more than him self, but he had hurt her till she couldn’t help it anymore and left. He visited her favorite place whenever he had his day off, that’s the only way he could do to feel her. The only way he could do to reduce the longing.

Yoon Doojoon

“It’s rain outside. He stared at the water that’s pouring down from the sky. “Some of them splashed at the window, some of them hit the ground. It must be hurt, but still they never hate the sky, right?” he chuckled at him self before continue “I think my mind’s going crazy now, it’s talking nonsense.”

“Rain, it remained me of her. Rain had made us closer. I remembered when we ran in the rain, I hold her hand tightly as she tried her best to follow my step. She’s the one who laughed at my hair when we were ing wet because of rain. She tiptoed as she trying cover me from the rain with her hand. Have I told you she’s so lovely? Even now I could feel my cheeks turned to red as I remembering her. I couldn’t stop smiling.” He’s smiling but his eyes were full of pain and hurt.

Her smile was beautiful, I guess it’s gonna be more beautiful right now. I still could feel my heart break when her smile turned to frowned when she saw Junhyung and Hara. It’s heartbreaking to see her pretending that she’s okay with the fact that Junhyung dated hara. That moment, I realized I’m falling for her more and more. I want to be the one who’d protect her, I wouldn’t let anything hurt her, I promised my self. But I’m the one who broke the promised I made. I could feel she started to fall for me, till at the time Junhyung finally realized his feeling for her was more than a friend. I doubted my own heart, my faith that I did make her falling for me. I just wanted to make her happy, I just wanted to see that smile on her face again, so I decided to back off. A decision I would regret for the rest of my life. Never came in my mind, she’d say no to Junhyung and ran to me,” he chuckled bitterly.

“but it’s too late, time seemed like has left my side. I said yes to that silly strategy, I thought I’d make anyone happy but I was wrong. I made everyone disappointed, It hurt her, it hurt me” he took a sip of his beer.

“I keep on hurting her, as I watch her broke because of what I had to do. I really wanted to hug her tight at that time, never wanted to let her go even a second, but I couldn’t. I only could see she’s broken in someone else’s embrace. I really hate my self” he ruffled his hair this time. His eyes teary.

“Time went back on my side. Everything seemed like came to a bright door. I could see hope for me and her but.. I thought time was teasing me. It’s leaving my side again. My partner, my visual partner, she didn’t let me go, I know she still love me, but my heart has found it’s home. She came to her and tell something I didn’t know but I knew it for sure it’d make her stay away so I could reach my and boy’s dream. She’s not good at being selfish. She’s funny, eh? She’s weird. She couldn’t being selfish. She always thinking about someone else first.”

“She’s fool. She’s being hurt but she always trying to be fine, she’s so stubborn. She thought she’s tough, she’s wrong but she’s so stubborn to being though till that day came. The day she’s finally tired and couldn’t hold on anymore”

“I’m lying if I say I don’t love you…”

“our time, it doesn’t match each other”

“may be…we’re not made for each other”

“I’m tired of being hurt and hurting, all of these things are tiring”

The words of yours repeated on his mind. He looked at somewhere else, his eyes were teary but none tears came out from his eyes. Do you know that the deepest sadness couldn’t be paid even by a tear. The most bitter thing’s the one that couldn’t be cried out. It didn’t make tears came out from your eyes but tears would came out from your heart, and it’s hurt, so hurting till you couldn’t feel you breathe again.

Flashback

Beast were on Cube studio, they were resting from all of the promotion things for a week after their anniversary. But only five of them. Junhyung wasn’t there.

“Where is Junhyung hyung?” Dongwoon asked as he checked the gifts the fans gave.

Yoseob shrugged his shoulder “may be he’s….sleeping?”

“Or..he’s meeting _____-ah?” Kikwang blurted out, he could feel glares came from some direction, no all direction. Slowly he looked at the ground, as he continuing checking his social media, and hit his mouth repeatedly. There’s an awkward moment between them. None dare to take the topic about you since that day when Doojoon with them. They did knew how he’s feeling, so they didn’t want to make it worst. But he didn’t even talk about his meeting with you after you came back. Doojoon seemed like to close him self. He didn’t talk much like he used to, he forgot the way to laugh, he forgot the way how to be warm person like he used to.

“Doojoonnie, you have met ____-ah?” Hyunseung finally bring up this topic. He couldn’t stand it anymore seeing the leader being like that. He glared at Hyunseung before he could answer the question, suddenly the door bust opened. They laid their eyes on him. He looked so messy, and angry. He brought something in his hand.

“Wh..what’s going on with you?” Yoseob asked. Junhyung walked to Dongwoon as he gave him something he brought.

“what’s this, hyung?” dongwoon checked, he raised his eyebrows as he realized that’s flower he planted with you.

“She said, she can’t take care of them again” he said as he ran his fingers trough his hair and put his hands on his waist. “

 “what’s actually goin on Junhyunggie?” Yoseob asked worriedly. He didn’t say a word but glaring at Doojoon as he throw note you wrote on the table. The boys gathering to read the note but Doojoon. He could feel something bad happened, but he tried his best not to think about it because it’s only made his heart pounding faster and faster.

Doojoon could see the boys’ face changed into frowned. Before he could ask something Junhyung walked closer to him.

“Do you know? You’re so lucky jerk” he said as he left him and walked towards the door. “She even asked me not to hate you” with that he’s left, leaving him dumbfounded.

“what’s goin on?” he asked to the boys.

“____-ah, hyung…she’s left”

***

He chuckled bitterly “I never thought that..she’d left. “..She said it’s for our good. For my own good, I thought. I still remember how she turned away coldly like a lie. Silenty crying. I could see she’s shaking as she hold her tears.”

“Do you know how I feel at that time? I really hate my self. I must be hurting her so bad, till she left and throw everything away. I called Ji Eun and Seungho, but they said she’s not there. But I doubted them so I flight to Japan to check by my own self, I couldn’t find her. I really frustrated wondering where is she. I really afraid something bad happened to her again. Since that day every time I went abroad, I always hope that I could find her on the crowd” he chuckled bitterly.

 “..she said, she’ll come back again. She’ll come back at the right time. I put my hope on that words, I put my hope once again on thing called time. I wish time will be back on our side once again. I’m letting her go right now, but when that time come, I won’t never let her go anymore. And I wish her heart’s still on me.”

***

“I do believe that day will come, the day I will smile when I remember all of hurting and bad memories, but I can’t help it right now, I can’t do anything about it. I just need time to take us on the same path again. I wish”

Yong Junhyung

Junhyung walked out of the bathroom and he felt his body beside him who was sitting on your couch. Yep, he’s on your home. Since the day you left, he never left your house except for work and schedules, but he always came back to your house, he went home just for some clothes and stuffs. He already moved to your home now. He afraid that you’d come back and left again when he’s not there.

It’s late, but he’s already showered for the third time. He needed sleep so bad but he couldn’t, image of you wouldn’t get out of his mind, so he took shower hoping your picture in his mind would get away with the water. He did his drying hair, he thought y, his mind took him when you laughed out loud when he did that in front of you. You for doing that but asking him to do that again and again. He chuckled as he throw the towel and taking a can of beer before put his feet on the table as he leaned his head and looking at the ceiling.

“What? She said that silly hair drying stile but she keep asking me to do that” he chuckled again. “If only I came early” he let out a sigh “ing schedules. The ahjumma said she didn’t see her for a week, she had paid the rent, but she never see her coming here again.”

“I found her note” he patted Yong for many times before he hug him. “Silly girl, she even took her picture. I wondered she really went to Mars and married an handsome alien there, and now she must be have an alien kids.” He chuckled at his words “I miss her. I couldn’t find her anywhere. I took flight to Japan, that’s the only place she could go, Ji Eun and that stranger were there, I hope I could find her there, but she’s not there. I really hope that she’s there, at least, I know she’ll be just fine there.”

“Cursed my self why am I so lame at noticing her feeling? I must be so blind at my own feeling. I regretted my decision to let her go to him. I thought she’d be happy, she’s so in love, her eyes, It’s sparkling. I’ll swallow my own sadness, I won’t let anyone notice it, anyone, I’ll quietly close my eyes for her, if only with him she’ll put a happy smile on her face. But she ended up hurting. That jerk. Lucky jerk. She loves him much. I really wanted to hate him but I can’t hate him. He’s my bestfriend, he’s the one my bestfriend loves much. What do you think I could do?”

“Hara? We broke up, again. She asked fro all of my time. But nothing left, my time was all taken by her. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Thanks to her, I could write many sad song.” He chuckled “but I miss how happy is felt. I miss her. ____-ah, can you come back home?”

***
“I really miss Korea, I do miss that babo. But I don’t think it’s the right time. I haven’t ready to face them. I have start a new life here, and I can’t leave it. I’ll come back home, not now, but I will”