You were standing in front of a door, little bit hesitant to open it or not. Seungho told you that the boys stayed at your house, they decided to wait you in your place because they couldn’t find you anywhere. It’s nice to know that there’s people that still care for you, it means there’s people who love you, but all you could feel now was guilty. You had made them waste their time to looking for you at their anniversary private party. You had ruined their most important day.

You were about to reach the door knob when someone opened it. You jolted because of surprised, same there with the guy with messy hair and sleepy eyes that standing in front of you.

“____-ah? You’re home?” he asked but he quickly rubbed his sleepy eyes with the back of his hand again and said. “Omo! I’m not dreaming. H..hyuuuung….” he ran inside the house leaving you in the door step. You smiled at his acted. *I’m gonna miss him* you thought as you followed him inside. You could see Hyunseung and Kikwang who still asleep on your couch.

“Hyung..wake up, hyung, ___-ah is home!” he shook their body roughly. Kikwang quickly woke up and looking around hoping Dongwoon wasn’t joking. His eyes finally found your figure.

“____-ah! Where have you been?? You make me worry like hell, don’t you know that?” the playful Kikwang was scolding you. This is the first time he angry at you like that.

“I’m..i’m sorry oppa, I didn’t mean to make you worry. And..sorry for ruining your most important day”

”Yah! You! You still can say sorry after what you’ve done?” Yoseob who had just came out of nowhere glared at you.

“I’m…” you were about to say sorry again but Yoseob hold you immediately.

“don’t do that again! Arasseo? Don’t make us worry like hell again!” he said, he let all his worries after last night he tried his best to be the most calm between anyone. He’s mature than what his looked. You just smiled slightly didn’t bother to nod your head or say yes, because you knew you’d leave again. “…and, you’re more important than that day”

“____-ah, are you hungry?” Hyunseung said, made Kikwang, Dongwoon, and Yoseob glared at them.

“Hyung!”

“Yah!”

“Hyunseungie!”

They said in unison, you laughed at the four of them. *I really gonna miss them,* you thought as you smiled at them, but that smile didn’t last long, you realized that the most two important man in your life weren’t there. You and the four member of beast decided to order something to brunch. You only watched them eat their food, you have had your breakfast with seungho.

Seungho, he has departed to Japan, he had something urgent to be handled. You really wanted to come with him, but you have something that needed to be done here. You didn’t want to leave them a bad memories. You didn’t want them worried at you.

“____-ah, eat something” Yoseob asked you, you only gave him a gestured that you’ve full.

“oppa..where’s Junhyung? Is he with hara?” you asked.

“hara? He’s looking for you all along the night, he left the club immediately he heard you left, have you called him?” kikwang said, you shook your head innocently. “better call him quick, he’s going crazy for looking for you” he added.

“Doojoon hyung is going crazy too” Dongwoon split out as he continue to eat his food. His hyungs glared at him, made him realize what he had just said. “Aa…we’re going crazy too” you smiled at him. Even your heart stopped beating by just hearing his name.

***

The boys had left, they insisted to stay, you knew for sure, they still worried at you but after assuring you’d be fine and you’re gonna call Junhyung, they finally agreed to leave you. You fell your body in the couch, you grabbed your phone and called him. He didn’t answer it. *yah..is he angry at me?* you tried to call him agai, no answer, you finally text him.

To: Yong Pabo

Where are you? You don’t worry at me huh? I’m home now

You clicked the send button, he didn’t reply it. Leaning your head you looked up to the ceiling. Scene of him and her kissing came again to your mind. His face, the way he smiled, the way he talked, the way he stared at you, the memories of him next came to your mind made it worst. Tears rolled down to your cheek from the corner of your eyes. You were crying because of something you called “sacrifice”. You’re the one who decided to back off so he didn’t lose his dream, but at the same time you’ve hurt the one who you want to scarify for. You cried your own self of being a fool. You shouldn’t cry and hurt when you see them kissing, that’s what you’ve decided. You thought you’re strong enough, but you’re wrong. Slowly you fallen asleep, thought of all that things were tiring.

Knocked on your door woke you up from your light sleep. Thought of it’s Junhyung made you quickly collected your soul back to your self. Wiping your tears track, and practicing your smile, you didn’t want him knew you’re just crying.

“Yah…what made you took so..” you said as you opened the door quickly. But the word left hanging on your tongue when you saw who’s coming. You could see a messy haired guy, with tired eyes, seemed like they haven’t rest for many nights. He looked so…broken.

“are you waiting for someone?” he said weakly, you didn’t answer him but stared at him. “boys…they told me you’re home, I just want to know that you’re….fine?” he said, seemed like he tried to search the best last word, but he failed.

You nodded your head slightly. “I’m….fine” he nodded his head as he smiled. Your heart broken saw that smile. Then an awkward silent came between you and Doojoon. “if you had nothing to say, I need to..”

“wait..we need to talk, I can explain what’s goin on last night”

“I don’t think that there’s something we could talk about it Doojoon-ah, annyeong…” you were about to close your door but he hold it.

“she asked you to stay away from me, right?” he said made you surprised. *how could he know?*

“what? I am right? I know you still love me, you did that because you care, because you love me” his word, sliced your heart, they were true, they were all true, but you couldn’t say if that’s true.

“you talked non sense, doojoon-ah. that’s my decision to leave…us” you said, that last word was so hard to be said. You chuckled “even..there’s no us since the first time,”

“say you don’t love me” he said as he stared at you. You couldn’t say a word. You’d really want to say that word but this time your mouth couldn’t be commanded to say so, your lips, they didn’t want to betray your heart anymore. You didn’t say a word but closing your door, before you could close it, he hold your wrist. “you can’t?”

“let go”

“say it”

“yah..let me go” you commanded but he tighten his grip “doojoon-ah, let me go, it hurts”

“Yah! Don’t you hear she ask you to let her go?” junhyung yelled as he walked closer and let go of your wrist from Doojoon’s grip and hold your hand. “What do you want Doojoon? You want to hurt her again?” He glared at doojoon.

“meet me at the park. We really need to talk”

“she won’t” Junhyung answer it for you.

“I’ll wait” Doojoon said as he walked away.

“just wait till forever” junhyung grumbled.

“Junhyung….” You called his name.

“what?” he stared at you “don’t you say you wanted to meet him??” you said yes with your eyes. He ruffled his hair. “I don’t understand with you, I really…aish…”

“I’ll go back, quick, so quick” you gave him an apologetic face as you walked to the park.

***

It’s not him who hurt you. But you, you’re the one who made him and your own self hurt. If only you could be selfish, and being stubborn like you used to not to let him go, you must be so happy beside him now. You’re the one who made everything gone complicated and you’re the one who’d end this.

You could see him were sitting on the swing. He looked at to the ground. You walked closer.

“I know you’ll come, I know you still love me,” he chuckled, still looking at the ground.

“let’s get it over Doojoon-ah” he lifted his head staring at your eyes.

“it’s all because of her and that stupid pictures? I don’t care what that pictures can do, I don’t care what people say, I can let go everything for you…”

“but I do care and I don’t want you to let go everything for me. Your dreams.”

“I’m lying if I say I don’t love you, but..we’ve been through a lot of things but none going right, our time, it doesn’t match each other? Seemed like the time never on our side. Sometimes I think that may be…we’re not made for each other, doojoon-ah. I’m tired of being hurt and hurting, doojoon-ah, all of these things are tiring.” You said, your eyes got teary, you couldn’t see him clearly. “let the time show us if we were meant to each other” tears rolled down on your cheek. You wiped it quickly and tried to smile to him.

“let’s live our own life happily, goodbye doojoon” with that you turned your back and left him who just could stared at your back. He couldn’t see your back clearly. Tears rolled down when he blinked his eyes. You wiped your tears again and again but it’s always coming down your cheek. He’s the one that you love, but you’re saying goodbye.

 ***

Junhyung were waiting for you on your couch. He took a gulp of his coke. *She even rather to follow him though he hurt her that bad, do you love him that much ____-ah. You're a lucky jerek, Yoon Doojoon!*  he lost in his own mind till he didn’t realize you were there.

“Yah! You steal my coke again! You have to pay this!” you said as you took that coke from his hand when he’s about to drink it. He gave you annoyed looked. “whoa…who’s angry here?” you said playfully as you put your beside him.

“you! Where have you been?? You made me going crazy last night!”

“friend’s home?”

“liar”

“you ask me or complaining me, huh?”

“didn’t remember you have another friend” he said this time you gave him another annoying looked.

“ahh..you must be worrying at me that much, aah?”

“of course I am! How could you not worry if your most important person lost in one night, uh?” he blurted out as he stared at you. Your heart stopped beating, did he just said that you’re his most important person? You rubbed your neck sheepishly, you could feel something awkward. Well, it’s not a secret anymore if he had a crush on you, right, but he just said he decided that he’s gonna give his and hara’ one more chance.

“Does hara know you’re here?” you asked but he didn’t answer it. “ahh…she’ll kill me if she knew I steal her boyfriend now hahaha” you said, tried to change the topic.

“you’ve done with him? Are you just cried?” he said as he checked your eyes, ignored what you said about hara. You nodded your head slightly.

“ah..ani, I’m just tired Junhyung-ah,” you said lying as you leaned on your best-boy-friend shoulder. “I want to go for a holiday”

“where do you want to go?” Junhyung said, knowing that you didn’t want to talk about doojoon further.

“umm….Mars” he laughed

“just go there and marry a handsome alien there, live happily ever after” he said

“yaah….i will if there’s a really handsome alien there” he lauged again.

 “just …don’t escape without telling me” he said seriously. You didn’t bother to say yes but smile.

“it’s not an escape if I’m telling you…aish, babo” you said as you flicked his forehead. he groaned as he tried to do the same. 

That day you turned your phoned off, pretend to be just fine and spend the time with your bestfriend, laughing, punching, kicking, chit-chat about random things. You did all the things you wouldn't be able to do with him later.

***

“Are you sure?” Seungho asked you for the nth time. He’s in seoul again, business man, one day he’s here, one day he’s there. You nodded your head as you smiled slightly like your face would crack even if you just smile. You have decided to go with Seungho to Japan. The atmosphere of this town even this country didn’t feel good for you. Every time you took a breath, pain was the only thing you felt. The picture of his face when you were in the park flashed on your mind. You knew, you shouldn’t run away from all these things but you really couldn’t bear it this time. The pain was so hurtful, hurtful till you couldn’t hold it anymore. You needed time and space where you could regain the strength of your self, you needed a place so you could recover the pain you felt.

You and Seungho were on your house. After making sure that everyone has left, you took your clothes and packed some stuffs you needed. “I need to make a call” he excused himself, beside that, he wanted to give some time alone before you left your house.

You stared at Yong that was sitting on your couch, you bent down as you touched him gently. *Take care of him, won’t you? You have to accompany him for me now, because I think I can’t do that for a long time.* you patted his head gently. His face clearly seen on your mind, your bestfriend. You knew for sure he’s gonna be angry at you. You could imagine he scolded stuff around him. You smiled slightly as remembering him. But you decided not to tell him, because you knew what he’s gonna do, he’d scold you and wouldn’t let you go. You took out a paper and write a note.

“hey, boy-friend, ngg…I don’t want to write this actually, but I decided to write this because I don’t want to get scolded when I get my face again in front of you. Haha, kidding. i can’t tell you this directly, because my eyes were tired of tearing so I just write this. I’m fine. No, I’m lying. I’m not fine but it’s fine. I just need a little time and space. All of these things…you know, I thought I can handle it. But I’m wrong.

I’m on my holiday. don’t waste your precious time to look for me, I’m in Mars now, hah.  I’ll be the one who’ll come to you when  I think the time is right. I don’t know when but I’m sure that day will come. You better live well, live happily and keep making great song because I’ll be watching you from wherever I am. *smirk

tell the boys too, I’m fine, thank you for everything. Sorry for being this weak and this coward to face it and easily escape. Tell Dongwoon to take care of our children? I can’t bring them. J

And..one more, him, you know, don’t blame him, it’s not his fault, me the one to blame, don’t hate him, promise?”

You stopped writing. Yeah, it’s right, it’s not his fault, it’s all your fault. You’re the one who decided to do what G.Na said and leave him, you have hurt him as well you hurt your self, and with that you should have no right to be jealous when she kissed him. You knew that for sure, but still heart was hard to be told and love was hard to be ignored.

You grabbed your Polaroid camera and took a picture of your self and put it with the note you wrote. You put it on his jacket pocket (Junhyung’s jacket actually). Then you looked around your house. It showed you the memories you had through with your bestfriend, beast, and him, doojoon. *I’m sorry for being weak, but…I can’t bear it again* you touched your couch slowly, you never thought leaving would be this heavy than being left. Blaming someone was always easier than feeling guilty, right? *may be it’s my punishment, leaving people I love is  the worst punishment*

Seungho came back. “done?” you nodded slightly. “let’s go”

whoaa....glad finally i can upload the next chappie. *\( '0' )/*

its been a busy week for me, i got a work interview and have writer's block :( so i couldn't post it for a while,

it's not my best but i hope this chappie didn't make the story weird. hahaha.

please enjoy. 

thank you for reading, for subbing, for viewing, for comment-ing, love ya! :*