Prompt: Split personality.

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Kim Sunggyu – the one who has thousands hearts of girls and boys in his hand, the rising star of the music industry – doesn’t exactly remember how he has ended up here, in a psychiatric ward, and worst, being reprimanded by a boy who doesn’t look much older than him. He grits his teeth as the boy in white gown crosses his arms, eyes hard and sharp.

 

“Right. Mr. Kim Sunggyu. Do you think this place is a joke for you? Even though this is just merely filling hours of community services, I still have high expectation for you to be responsible and hard working. I guess those are just failed hopes.” The boy walks back and fort in front of him as he speaks, the sound of his shoes echoing in the hallway. He ends his speech with a dramatic sigh.

 

Sunggyu snorts, squinting his eyes at the small yellow name tag on the doctor’s left chest. “Doctor Kim, I’m late only once. Stop being so exaggerated.”

 

“Because this is your first day. Nobody’s late on their first day. Oh, and here I am hoping that you would apologize. I think I have no choice but to report you to the director board.” The boy says, already on his heel to turn around. Sunggyu panics as his hands shot out to grab his arm.

 

“No, you can’t!”

 

“Why not?” The boy smirks, raising an eyebrow.

 

“I will do anything you say, just don’t do it. Please.” He adds as an afterthought

 

“Anything?”

 

Sunggyu doesn’t even finish his sentence when another boy runs up to them, a hand on his hips as he pants.

 

The boy – Lee Howon smiles sheepishly – innocently even, and Sunggyu looks at him in awe. He should be an actor.

 

“Huh? Ah. I’m Kim Sunggyu. I was assigned to this hospital-”

 

Sunggyu nods.

 

“Now Howon, take the gown off and go to the center room, please. Donghyun is waiting for you.” Dongwoo smiles at Howon, putting his hand against his back as he ushers the patient to leave. Howon groans.

 

“Oh god. He’s playing batman again? I don’t want to be playing Joker anymore.”

 

Sunggyu, who still doesn’t even process what’s going on, just stands there staring at the two retreating figures dumbly. Lee Howon turns around, grins at him and winks.

 

“Nice meeting you Sunggyu! See you around!”

 

-

 

“So, you mean he’s a patient here?”

 

“He likes to pull jokes on other people. He’s actually a very nice guy.”

 

Sunggyu doesn’t believe him but he nods anyway.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

Sunggyu asks, changing the subject. They just left the director’s office a moment ago and his secretary yelps in surprise when she regconized who it is behind the counter. And since Dongwoo esscorts him in, the director thinks that it would be a brilliant idea for Dongwoo to show him around.

 

“You mean, other patients?”

 

“Yes. But we don’t call them patients here.” Dongwoo frowns.

 

“Why?”

 

“What?”

 

Sunggyu doesn’t get it. Normal people just don’t call mental patients their family.

Dongwoo smiles as if he can read Sunggyu’s mind.

 

“You will understand. Now we’re here!”

 

Dongwoo says cheerfully as he pushes open the door to the center room. The room looks like any other normal living rooms, except that it’s big enough for around fifty people to fit in, and the walls are painted plain white, with some small doodles here and there. Everyone is minding their own business, sprawling on the couch watching TV or playing games at the conners. No one even bothers to politely spare them a glance. Not that Sunggyu is hoping for a warm welcome, but still. Dongwoo doesn’t look like he’s affected by this just one bit as he claps his hands, voice as lively as ever.

 

“Everyone! I would like you guys to meet our new friend, Kim Sunggyu!”

 

The noisy room suddenly turns quiet as Dongwoo pushes Sunggyu forward. Every eyes are on him, waiting, expecting. Sunggyu’s flustered.

 

“Introduce yourself!”

 

He hears Dongwoo whispers softly behind him. Sunggyu clears his throat.

 

“Hi. I’m Sunggyu. Um. Actually I only came here because the court judge said so, then I will be gone-“

 

“Okay! Thank you Sunggyu!”

 

Dongwoo hurrily stepped up and waved his hands dismissively.

 

“Everyone, let’s welcome him with warm hearts, okay. Now you can go back to whatever you’re doing, and please remember that no water fight is allowed in the center room. Yes, I’m talking about you, Sungyeol.”

 

The said boy let out a huff as he slumped down the couch, putting a water gun down the table. He kicks the boy lying next to him.

Dongwoo turns back to Sunggyu, hissing in a low voice.

 

“Why? Are you scared of me?”

 

Sunggyu deadpans but he can feel his cheek become hotter.

 

“Your face is so red, Sunggyu. Are you sick?”

 

“No. I’m not. Now if you don’t mind, I have work to do.” He stomps past Howon, just to stop abruptly. He doesn’t have a clue what to do next. And he absolutely doesn’t want a fork in his eye in case he unintentionally provokes someone’s internal monster just because of his ignorance. He hears Howon chuckle beside him.

 

“You’re scared of us.”

 

Howon says, staring straight at Sunggyu and in a split moment, he thinks his eyes change – somehow. He can not pin point exactly the emotion running in those dark orbs. It’s too quick, too vague, too out of shape. And it disappears just as fast as when it comes. Howon throws an arm around Sunggyu’s shoulder, whispering in a low voice.

 

“You should be, Sunggyu ah. I don’t know how many people had come and left without a limb. We cut your arms and legs off when you don’t notice. And we put poison on your lunch, just waiting for you to choke out blood mixed with saliva and-“

 

“Stop.” It comes out weaker than what he has hoped. “You’re lying. The doctors and the guards won’t let that happen.”

 

Howon shrugs, a smile never leaving his face, canine teeth showing through plump lips.

 

Sunggyu stammers, his heart pounding hard in his ear as bloody horror movie scenes that he has seen on TV flow through his mind . Howon smirks.

 

“Should I show you, then?”

 

And Sunggyu has never ran faster in his life.

 

-

 

“Of course he’s lying.”

 

Dongwoo states matter-of-factly over his lunch, chewing on his fried egg.

 

Sunggyu glares. Hard.

 

Sunggyu exclaims, the hospital rice feeling dry in his mouth. He has no appetite anymore. Dongwoo laughs.

 

“Oh, come one, Sunggyu! I told you, didn’t I? He likes to pull jokes on people. Try talking to the others and you will see that they’re as harmless as my chopsticks!”

 

“And what’s with your finger?”

 

Sunggyu shakes his head, mutters nothing as he lets out a sigh.

 

-

 

 

Sunggyu ends up spending all his afternoon playing chess with a middle-aged woman. She’s really good, Sunggyu has to admit. Or Sunggyu’s just naturally bad. And she seems pretty calm throughout the games, although she still thinks that they’re playing for World Chess Championship and Sunggyu’s Chinese when it’s time for him to leave the hospital. He doesn’t see Howon the whole afternoon. He must be in his room and Sunggyu has to stop his mind several times from thinking of Howon sharpening his knife, a creepy smile on his face, ready to cut Sunggyu’s hand off when he lets his guard down. Of course it never happens. Sunggyu shakes his head from the thought of Howon when he settles on the back seat of his van, arms crossing and eyes loosing focus.

 

“How was your first day?”

 

Woohyun asks casually as he pulls the car out of the parking lot.

 

Woohyun doesn’t say anything else. Being Sunggyu’s best friend (only friend) for twelve years and his manager slash driver slash bodyguard ever since the first day Sunggyu decided that he wants to be a singer, he just knows that Sunggyu is having a hard time adapting to a new environment, having a hard time opening up to other people as he’s too used to the tough and harsh entertainment world. It’s not easy when success knocks at your door at such young age. Sunggyu’s comfortable with being in his own coffin of music, a world parallel with the outside world. But these days, his music – his own world – is also just a dull color of ugly grey. It’s almost as pale as Sunggyu’s skin. And Woohyun can only watch with sad eyes as Sunggyu loses himself in the mist of mistaken decisions.

 

Sunggyu closes his eyes tiredly and images of sharp canine teeth baring, sinking in, tearing his skin apart pop up in his mind. He jerks awake. He doesn’t know that dealing with people can be this exhausting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

During these four (long, long) weeks of playing various kind of games and Myungsoo’s silence and Sungyeol’s rambling of his nonexistence friends, he has come to some conclusion. First, the patients here don’t stab or kill people off randomly like on movies. Second, Dongwoo must be born in a big magnetic field because of his endless energy. Third, Howon’s actually a nice guy (and a good company, too) as Sunggyu figures that he spends almost his time sticking by Howon’s side. And the thing is, Howon’s eyes are always clear and bright with no sign of lunatic that sometimes he has to wonder why Howon is here in the first place. He never asks, though.

 

“91! So you only stay for two months?”

 

“92. Yes. 2 months. 8 freaking weeks.”

 

“Not yet! 95.”

 

“Hey! I saw it first you cheater!”

 

“96. 97! There’s no such thing.”

 

“98! Where the hell is 99?! Hey are you covering it with your hand?”

 

“No I’m not you . And here's 99, 100. I win!”

 

Sunggyu jumps up, smiling in triumph as he grabs the paper and waves it around. Howon smiles, too.

 

Howon says in a nearly inaudible voice that almost makes Sunggyu think he must be imagining hearing it. But before he can ask what’s that supposed to mean, someone snatches the paper from his hand and giggles.

 

“Hi, Howon hyung.”

 

The boy waves his hand. He can feel Howon tensing up beside him and he turns to look in surprise. His face is stoic with no sign of emotion, eyes casts down and is Howon avoiding Sungjong’s eyes?

 

“So you’re the new hyung? I’ve heard about you from Dongwoo hyung.”

 

Sunggyu looks back at Sungjong.

 

“Oh. Hi. I’ve never seen you around before.”

 

The boy giggles.

 

“Yes. I’m on my room all the time. I guess I just love my bed too much.”

 

Sunggyu jumps when he hears a loud bang. Howon’s hand is curled into a fist, and his knuckles are turning white. There’s something red forming and. Oh my god.

 

“You’re bleeding, Howon!”

 

Sunggyu reachs out to grab his hand but Howon suddenly stands up, hands on both his sides.

 

“Stop lying. You know that it’s not true.”

 

Sungjong is silent.

 

“It’s because you need to get away from me.”

 

“It’s not like that, hyung.”

 

“I’m going.”

 

“I don’t know why he’s acting like that. I swear he was fine just now- “

 

“I understand, hyung. He only acts like that around me.” Sungjong smiles sadly. “I just wish he would stop doing that. Blaming himself.”

 

There’re something glistening in his eyes, clear and pure and wet and Sungjong doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment, Sunggyu thinks in anger. Sungjong quickly wipes his tears away.

 

“Do you wanna grab something to eat? I think we will get along just fine.”

 

-

 

Howon doesn’t go out of his room that afternoon, and the whole day after that. Neither does Sungjong. Sunggyu starts to feel worried about his behavior and so many times he has thought of going to Howon’s room, asking him what the is this fuss about. But he figures that maybe Howon just wants some privacy, some time alone for himself. So Sunggyu just watches, and waits.

 

It’s the third day-since-Howon-not-going-out’s morning that Sunggyu feels something has terribly, terribly gone wrong. He comes in to a not-as-noisy-as-normal center room and he can hear screaming down the hall. His stomach clenches as his mind registers who that voice belongs to. He rushes to Howon’s room, only to see a bunch of people dressed in white gathering outside. A few nurses are telling the patients to back off and through the opened door, he can see Howon struggling against two strong and muscular men. He’s held down by his wrists and legs and hair falls over his face, skin glistening with sweat. A guard slips his hand and Howon takes this chance to kick the other guard in the stomach, lurching forward toward the door – toward him. Sunggyu freezes, staring as a nurse yells at him to get out of the way. But it’s too late as Howon jumps on him, squeezing his throat. They both land on the ground, his head hits the tiles floor, hard. He chokes, his vision blurres due to the pain at the back of his head. He grabs Howon’s hands, fingers digging in, trying ty pry them off.

 

“Howon, it’s me. It’s Sunggyu.”

 

-
 

 

Sunggyu sits still as he watches Howon sleep. The blinding morning light was coming through the window curtains, lighting up the whole room. He has sat like that for how long he doesn’t know. But he knows something is changing, something important is shifting uncontrollably inside him. He’s just too afraid to figure it out. Howon winces, eyes till closed as a light hitting his face. Sunggyu smiles, raising his hands to block the sunlight. He watches as Howon’s face returns to its peacefulness again.

 

It’s Hoya. That’s what Dongwoo tells him when Sunggyu corners him the other day. Howon and Hoya. They’re two people in one body, living together, breathing the same air. But they don’t share the same memory. In Howon’s mind, it’s his mother’s laugh, his brother’s playful jokes and dancing with friends ‘till his muscles go numb. In Hoya’s mind, there’re only memory of occasional times when he gets into fights with those bully kids at school, of his mother’s hopeless eyes and his father‘s beating whenever he gets home, drunk and lost.

 

-

 

Howon wakes up two days after. Sunggyu is tracing a blue vein in his left arm, drawing maps and words and shapes when Howon’s eyes open. His hands are still being trapped to the bed, just in case Hoya wakes up instead of Howon, Dongwoo had said apologetically. Sunggyu reaches out and squeezes his hand.

 

“How do you feel?”

 

Howon smiles. And Sunggyu smiles, too.

 

“Hm?”

 

“You’re a singer, right?”

 

“...”

 

“Sing for me.”

 

Sunggyu’s breath hitches. Howon closes his eyes again, chuckling.

 

“I feel so sleepy. You’d better sing fast.”

 

So Sunggyu inhales deeply, before he opens his mouth again.

 

 

 

Sunggyu doesn’t return until a week later.

 

-

 

 

He brings his album this time, a music sheet in his other hand as his eyes search for Howon. He’s sitting in a quiet corner, reading a thick book. Sunggyu’s heart starts to beat funny just at the sight of him. He flops down next to Howon, fidgeting with his hand, suddenly feeling so nervous.

Howon stares, waiting for him to say something.

 

He pushes his album toward Howon’s hand, and Howon accepts it hesitantly.

 

“I thought you wouldn’t come back.”

 

Howon says, hand hovering above the album’s cover.

 

“You look so cool in this.”

 

Sunggyu chuckles.

 

“I know, right? That’s my golden time.” Sunggyu stops for a moment. “And this’s for you, too.”

 

“What’s this?”

 

“A song. Our song. But I haven’t finished it yet.”

 

“I don’t know what to say.”

 

Sunggyu says as he leans in, his lips touching the corner of Howon’s mouth, softly, slowly.

 

And time stops.

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*lyrics taken from Kim Sunggyu’s 41 days.