In My Veins

For LittleSushi

Couple: Dongjong

Prompt: Dongjong at the cinema

Goosebumps started to break out on his skin as he nervously chewed on his lip. His eyes were already watering, his vision changing into a blur as he didn’t dare blink. It was real, so real, and his voice was finally starting to betray him as he struggled to let out whimpers and cries. His heart was pounding inside his head so loudly he barely heard anything else and he felt tiny beads of sweat breaking out on his palms.

He wanted to scream for help, but as far as he could see there was no one. No one who would hold out a hand for him, no one who would save him from the certain death that was approaching. There still was that tiny voice inside his head that read his thoughts aloud to him and it was telling him it was time to snap out of it, to break free from it and run. And he was deaf. 

“He’s perfect.” he heard those voices again and again. “So perfect.”

But how did he get there? Who were those people? Why did he have to die?

It was so real and it made no sense.

It should hurt me, he thought to himself as he was thrown to the concrete. Nothing hurt him any more, he felt nothing. For a small child like him, he gave up on life quickly as the pain of it all became so immense that it started to be insignificant. He couldn’t move, his body became numb and the only thing that his brain was still capable of noticing was his own blood pooling under him. He saw it and it felt kind of nice. The voices were getting quieter and harder to tell apart, there was no pain any more and his vision was getting darker and darker.

And so he thought that it maybe wasn’t the end. That maybe a nap for a hour or two could actually make him feel better, make the fatigue go away. That after sleeping he’d have enough energy to go out and play with his friends and live on. 

Being satisfied with that picture, he soon failed to remain conscious any longer.

Dongwoo snapped out of his memories once a hand landed on the table right in front of his face with a quite loud bang. He jumped slightly and immediately looked up, blinking rapidly as if seeing the person for the first time in his life. 

“I don’t pay you for sleeping, Dongwoo.” the man spoke, sighing.

The said boy immediately felt guilty, because seeing disappointment in the eyes of a person you keep close is worse than having them yell. He played with his fingers a bit as he collected the courage bit by bit to actually say something. 

“I wasn’t sleeping.” he murmured to himself, sadly it was not loud enough for the other to hear. “Sorry, Sunggyu-hyung.” he said, louder. “But it’s not that big of a deal, I mean, it’s lifeless here.” he added, pointing all around the place where not one living creature could be seen aside from the two of them.

Sunggyu sighed yet again. “I know, but this shouldn’t be happening.” he stated, sounding nicer. 

“Sorry.” the younger muttered, looking down at his fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“It’s okay.” Sunggyu smiled widely before patting Dongwoo on the shoulder. “Now back to work.” he added before getting up and walking away.

And Dongwoo watched as Sunggyu’s retreating figure was slowly disappearing from his sight until he was left alone in the hall that was lacking life. All there was, that would represent people a bit, were mixed voices coming from far away; there were so many of them, having fun, chatting, hanging out with friends and shopping for presents even though it was just half of November.

When he thought back to his past, which was happening more and more often as time flew, he remembered things no one would like to hear about. Things that made people shiver when he told them, things that made them pity him and he didn’t want to be pitied. Dongwoo had always been a cheery person, however people had always tended to overlook that when his feigned, bright smile wasn’t convincing.

All those years back to the past, he thought, he was so, so very little back then - not everyone would remember all that had happened to him, or they would just push it out of their minds and much to his bitterness, he did remember and never had the strength to push. It was a hot night, halfway through July back then and little Dongwoo had a nightmare. There were men, tall men covered in muscles, and their faces were hidden in shadows.

There was darkness, cold and heavy air. There were the men and their heartless, cold laughter echoing through the air that lacked oxygen. There was blood and pain going hand in hand with tears and useless screams. There were things that didn’t make sense; a child’s clothes scattered all over the rock-hard ground, painful cries that pierced even through hearts made of stone and hideous grins that stole all the hope away. There was no light and no help coming and so he gave up. 

When little Dongwoo woke up from that nightmare thanks to nice men in uniforms and their pretty cars that had blue and red lights shining on tops, he found out it wasn’t a nightmare at all, that all that he saw in that dream had really happened and even back then, Dongwoo wondered how was it possible that he was still alive, how it all could have been so real and make no sense at the same time, because he remembered every detail.

The answer never came.

His parents and sisters were babying him, trying to nurse his wrecked, young mind back to its original state. However, even for a happy child Dongwoo was at that time, there were limits beyond which the damages couldn’t have been fixed. Dongwoo’s sobs were the only remains of his voice his family had heard since that day.

Only later he found out that they’d kidnapped him to blackmail his parents and the criminals were not caught.

“Hyung!”

He snapped out of his trance and took a sharp turn around, grinning immediately, because he knew that voice oh so very well. Bad memories were long forgotten and good ones took place. 

“Jongie!” he exclaimed and watched as the boy made his way through the empty hall, right towards him. 

Dongwoo himself meanwhile hopped to the other side of the counter to greet his boyfriend, who, deliberately of course, did not step on the brakes of his feet and crashed right into the elder, who didn’t mind the slightest bit. Because they both were obviously used to it and naturally, such ‘traffic accidents’ evolved into long hugs where they would usually smile widely to themselves, feeling warmth spreading inside.

As if on cue back then, when they were little, Sungjong miraculously appeared in Dongwoo’s life and it was him who made all those bad things go away. It was him who made Dongwoo see the colours of the world again and it was him who made his voice come back. And so it began. It took an unimaginable amount of time, many nights when they had abandoned sleep just to make Dongwoo happy again.They succeeded and the time they spent together did magic to their friendship. 

There was a time when Dongwoo believed that Sungjong was sent by someone to bring him out of the shadows. 

Them starting to see each other in a different way than in the friendly one had no extraordinary beginning like they like to show in movies or cliché dramas. It was simple, quick and they both loved it just like they loved each other. 

But sometimes, Dongwoo loved a little too much.

“What are you doing here so soon?” Dongwoo asked once they pulled away. “The movie starts later, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does. Can’t I just see you sooner?” Sungjong pouted.

“You never do that.” Dongwoo stated, raising his brow at him.

“Liar.” Sungjong puffed his cheeks. “But I noticed that you, my dearest dinosaur, bought tickets for the wrong film.” he added, handing the tickets over.

“Let me see.” the elder let his eyes fly on the tickets, seeing nothing wrong. “These are exactly the tickets I wanted to buy.”

“Thought you didn’t fancy thrillers.” 

“I still don’t, but you do.” Dongwoo grinned.

Sungjong chuckled at the statement. “Have you been hanging out with Woohyun-hyung lately?”

“Of course, we work together! It’s his day off today, though.” the elder pouted

“Doesn’t matter! His grease is contagious.”

Dongwoo laughed loudly, his voice echoing through the hall. That was right the thing he loved about their relatioship. Nothing much had really changed from when they were just friends, we could say that just more activities were added. They still talked to each other like best friends normally would, they laughed together like best friends would, they were there for each other like best friends should. And it all was supported by ‘I love you’ coming from each side.

“Anyway, when is your shift over?” Sungjong asked then, taking the tickets back from the elder.

“In two hours.” Dongwoo answered, grinning. 

“Good then, I’ll go and shoo hyungs away and accompany you here, because this place is so lifeless you could die here and no one would notice.” 

Dongwoo chuckled. “Okay.” he said before leaning in and kissing the younger gently, having him respond to the contact immediately. In fact, it was always Sungjong who dominated their kisses and it was yet again proved right after he had pushed the elder against the counter, turning a light kiss into a heavy make out session in a matter of seconds.

Needless to mention that Sungjong being dominant and all that came with it was one of Dongwoo’s favourite things about the younger boy. However, he had never had the stomach to tell the boy what had actually happened all those years back in the past, what was the thing that made him stop talking, what was the thing that broke him in the middle.

But Sungjong knew everything and Dongwoo was oblivious.

Dongwoo didn’t even remember when exactly he had started to work in Lotte Cinema in Yeongdeungpo. Working behind a counter at the snack bar could seem like a job that one wouldn’t make much from, however Dongwoo wouldn’t go away even if they were about to kill him. Even Sunggyu was nice from time to time; as every other boss he had the nagging nature, but, as Dongwoo had found out once, he was quite fun to hang out with.

However, it was not a known fact that Dongwoo came from quite a wealthy family as his father held a high position in the central bank of South Korea, right at the headquarters in Jung-gu and his mother was a respected beautician very well-known among celebrities and their agencies. Yet, not wanting to depend on his parents’ money only, Dongwoo had decided to stand up on his own feet. Back then, Sungjong had sworn to his parents that he’d take care of their son and indeed, he had been doing an excellent job since then.

Of course, Dongwoo wasn’t the only child that wanted to try life on his own out and so, not long after he’d moved out, his sisters gave it a try as well.

They pulled apart once the need for oxygen was too much to handle and with their lungs burning, they stared at each other for a moment, being fond of having the opportunity to be there with one another. Then Sungjong went, as he said himself, ‘to shoo the hyungs away’. And Dongwoo watched him trail away with a smile.

Once the boy disappeared behind a corner, Dongwoo sighed and looked around the lifeless hall. The movie that had all people proceed to the theatre had been on just for half an hour and so Dongwoo had at least another one and half hour to sit there and stare into space. But at least, Sungjong would be there to keep him company. They could stare into space together.

Sungjong wandered around the department store slowly. The building was huge indeed, however it was made that everyone could reach the cinema easily. After all, a Lotte Department Store had to have a Lotte Cinema in it. And it really wasn’t like he wasn’t looking forward to seeing Dongwoo again even though he’d been away for less than twenty minutes, but he needed to think, so he pretended to pay attention to the overpriced handbags in the shop window he was just passing.

Everything would’ve been fine if only his conversation he’d had with Myungsoo and Sungyeol just before they went away wasn’t still playing in his head like a broken tape. 

“You’re staying?”

Sungjong rolled his eyes dramatically. “Of course I’m staying. He’s still my boyfriend.” he stated.

He watched as Myungsoo suddenly leaned in to whisper something in Sungyeol’s ear, even covering his mouth so Sungjong couldn’t hear nor at least try to see what he was saying. Myungsoo apparently got an idea and that was not a good sign. 

He gave them a raised brow and impatiently waited for them to finish. He couldn’t unnotice how Sungyeol’s facial expression started to change as Myungsoo was progressing with his whispering. 

And all of a sudden, Sungyeol didn’t have the expression of an innocent child he wore daily. It’d changed into something far more dangerous, something that Sungjong was forced to face only when there was work to do. And naturally, he didn’t like it one bit. Sometimes he thought the tall guy had a long lost twin somewhere and that one of them was a child trapped inside a body of a man and the other one was a wicked genius. When Myungsoo’s colourful imagination was added, the two of them were a match made in heaven.

When Myungsoo finally stopped whispering and pulled away, he remained quiet letting Sungyeol do the talking. Just like always.

“You’re going to do it today.” Sungyeol announced, almost commading the younger boy.

“No way. You said that’s up to me.” Sungjong defended himself.

“That was half a year ago, Sungjong. ing six months.” the elder barked. “You’re a softie. You’d never do it if we didn’t push you to it anyway.” 

“But I can’t... I don’t have the things here.”

“Of course, that’s why you have us. We’ve been in business together for how many years, Jongie? You should know that Myungsoo always carries a spare kit, just for cases like this one.” Sungyeol shot him an evil smile as he gestured to his partner.

Sungjong remained quiet and so Sungyeol continued. “Besides, I heard you’re going on a date today. A movie, am I right? Perfect opportunity.” he grinned. “Don’t blow it, Sungjong. We’ll be expecting the info later tonight.”

With that the two of them soon disappeared in a nearby restaurant, not even giving Sungjong a chance to speak.

Sungjong sighed to himself as he kept staring at the same handbag for seven minutes, not that he kept the count. His lips curved in a bitter smile as he shot a glance at the briefcase Myungsoo had given him before he strode away with Sungyeol. He had all he needed - a simple task, materials and a perfect opportunity. Nothing should be blocking his way, but that wouldn’t be much fun, would it?

It was Sungjong himself who blocked his own way. 

But in the end, after thinking it over and over, he decided to it up and get it over with.

To just move on.

“Didn’t you say Woohyun-hyung was off work today?” Sungjong asked, as he and Dongwoo proceeded to grab popcorn and drinks.

Of course, there was none other than Woohyun standing behind the counter at the snack bar. The couple waved at him and waited for their orders. Meanwhile, Dongwoo turned back to Sungjong, scratching the back of his sheepishly. 

“I lied.” he laughed awkwardly. “My shift usually ends later and Sunggyu wouldn’t let me off unless I found myself a backup.” he explained, winking at Woohyun who just nodded with a smile.

Sungjong’s heart sped up, but he didn’t let it show. ‘You should have stayed at work.’ he thought and chuckled sadly in his head. “Oh...” was all he could let out.

“You owe me, hyung.” Woohyun grinned from behind the counter, handing over the food and drinks.

“I know. I’ll take you out sometime, okay?” Dongwoo smiled back and paid Woohyun for his service.

“Deal.” Woohyun nodded and waved at them as they disappeared in the crowd and proceeded to other customers.

Dongwoo subconsciously intertwined his and Sungjong’s fingers as they walked, letting themselves be carried by the endless crowd of people that were going to see the movie as well. Dongwoo had always enjoyed their movie dates and he was sure Sungjong had enjoyed them just as much; it was nice, they both loved movies - even though different genres - and most importantly, it was intimate. 

Even though they’d been dating for a nice number of months, intimacy had never been something they got plenty of. Dongwoo had a job and Sungjong had one as well, plus he was still studying. The elder had often asked the other how was it possible that he could pay for everything without using his parents’ money.

All Sungjong had always said was “I have something saved up.” and decorated it with a smile. So Dongwoo just let it slide and instead moved on to enjoy their time together as much as it was possible.

As they entered the half-empty theatre, Sungjong took the lead and led them to their seats which couldn’t have been better. They were seated at the very back, but the view was wonderful; needless to say that the back row was the best for some of the needed intimacy. 

Once the lights started to turn down slowly, Sungjong began to feel his heart travelling up to his throat, picking the pace it was beating with every second. He didn’t want to do it, he didn’t want to listen to orders anymore. When the lights went off completely and the movie started, Sungjong was kind of relieved that Dongwoo could just barely see his face - he was scared that he would see all the lies he had in his eyes, all the things he had done, all those regrets he’d been carrying all along.

Sungjong knew. He knew everything about Dongwoo’s past even when the elder never told him himself. He knew because he had reliable sources of information. He knew because he had been trained to listen to people’s orders since he was a child and so when the order came, he listened. He knew, because Dongwoo was his target. Or, to be more precise, Dongwoo parents’ wealth was the target.

Dongwoo was Sungjong’s target because his predecessors had failed in doing their job right.

Him entering Dongwoo’s life was no miracle at all, it all had been planned long before it took place. Sungjong befriended Dongwoo, never asked questions, helped him, earned the elder’s infinite trust. Just like he was supposed to. And because he did all that was expected of him, everything went well. Until the day he felt something twitch inside of him when Dongwoo gave him his toothy smile. As people tend to say, Dongwoo fought his way into his veins and he couldn’t get him out.

Around a month later, they started dating and knowing what he was supposed to do when the time would be right, Sungjong knew he wouldn’t be able to make it. Even back then. He’d made mistakes, an awful lot of them. But the worst one was carrying on. He didn’t even try to get away from his superiors when there still was time. He let it run too far and suddenly, there was no way out.

Because they also had their secret aces with which they made the ‘employees’ do their job, no matter the circumstances. He didn’t have parents, Dongwoo didn’t know that. And the money for his studies, that was just a compensation for all those people he had sold.

And so there he was, sitting in a cinema and watching a film. 

Perfect opportunity. 

Sungyeol’s voice rang in his head still louder, he was going insane. 

He stole a glance at Dongwoo, who, despite he didn’t like thrillers at all, had his eyes trained on the screen, watching the actors’ every move and munching popcorn. Sungjong smiled at the sight, it was so cute and it hurt so much.  

Don’t blow it, Sungjong.

The boy bit his lip as he in a harsh breath through his teeth. He glanced at the briefcase that was innocently resting at his feet like an obedient puppy, just waiting to be used. The longer he stared at it, the more he wanted to just leave it there and run away with the elder. But then the image of his younger brother being tied to a chair with a cloth around his mouth and eyes flashed through his mind and he once again realised he couldn’t run.

Because they had him.

You’ll do it today.

Sungjong cried. He tried to hold in the tears that were threatening to fall ever since the talk with Sungyeol and Myungsoo. He tried and failed, he was a failure. Tears were falling, rolling down to his chin, dripping down onto his pants and he had to get it over with. And so with heavy heart, he slid his hand into the briefcase, pulling out a syringe filled with some kind of a liquid.

Taking a deep breath, he wiped his face with his free hand while he hid the other behind his back. He turned to Dongwoo to face him completely, putting on his best fake smile. 

Dongwoo seemed to sense Sungjong’s eyes on him and so he tore his eyes from the screen to see the younger smiling at him. He smiled back automatically, then he noticed that Sungjong was slowly leaning closer. He couldn’t complain, kissing in a cinema had always been one of his favourite activities and so he leaned in as well.

The kiss was gentle, slow and the sweetest one they’d ever shared. It was beautiful, kind of romantic as there were no tongues, no teeth. Just their lips, their hands cupping each other’s faces and their love. However, Sungjong was dying inside; the longer the kiss got, the more it hurt and he felt the tears stinging in his closed eyes again. 

Don’t blow it, Sungjong.

It happened in a matter of less than two seconds; Sungjong’s hand darted from behind his back. They never broke the kiss until the syringe in Sungjong’s hand was stabbed right to Dongwoo’s shoulder, the sedative being forcefully pushed into his system.

Dongwoo gasped at the sudden pain and his eyes immediately shot open. Before however he was able to do anything, Sungjong was kissing him again and his cheeks were wet. Feeling the sedative spreading, Dongwoo responded to the kiss - after all, if kissing his boyfriend was supposed to be the last thing he’d ever do, so be it, he thought.

Sungjong was shaking violently as he circled his arms around Dongwoo’s neck and shoulders, pulling him close, movie long forgotten.

“I’m sorry...” he whispered shakily again the elder’s lips. “So, so sorry.” 

He cried, waterfalls were falling from his eyes, drowning their cheeks. Gradually, Dongwoo’s response to the kiss was getting weaker and weaker as the elder was losing the fight to remain conscious. 

And so, when Dongwoo fell to Sungjong’s lap, the younger boy broke down completely. It wasn’t even guilt any more that was consuming him so much. He didn’t even know what all it was. Betrayal? He couldn’t be sure and it didn’t matter any more. Suddenly nothing mattered to him. Not when there was his boyfriend, lying lifeless in his lap just about to face exactly the same nightmare like all those years before.

Because of him.

And so, when there were no more tears he could shed, no more curses he could utter at himself, he fished out his phone and completelly emotionless, he dialled Sungyeol’s number.

Dongwoo handed his resignation letter to Sunggyu six months later. Of course, Sunggyu knew the reasons and with one tight hug and a pat on the shoulder, he let Dongwoo go. So did Woohyun and the rest of his co-workers, promising that they’d meet up and hang out someday. At that, Dongwoo smiled and disappeared from that place that reminded him so much of everything that was wrong in his life.

He couldn’t have stayed there, not after everything that had happened. He didn’t know what to do with his life any more, whether to just go back to his parents who lost their welath they had worked so hard for just to save him, to stay with one of his sisters for the time being or to just disappear from the Earth’s face on his own.

Sungjong indeed had succeeded. He had clouded his mind with love, he had betrayed him, he had given him everything and stole it away again.

And so Dongwoo just wandered on the streets of Seoul, leaving everything behind. 

His family nor his friends did ever hear his voice again.  

Because there was no one who would magically appear at his door, no one who would comfort him, no one who would be a friend to him, no one who would make his voice come back for the second time.