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MISHIL’s POV

3 years after…

“Hey Mishil!” Tao oppa came closer to me and nudge me. “Nostalgic isn’t it?”

I smiled touching things to things. It’s been 2 years. “Yes.” When my voice echoes inside our quiet mansion. “And I still can’t get over with it.” I said when I look in his eyes.

“Don’t worry I bet the ghost guarded your mansion here.”

“Nice joke.” I said when I punch his stomach. “Not funny.” I said when I rolled my eyes. My eyes continue to travel at the sight of our mansion.

“Hey Sehun and Yejin are already married.”

I sit on the covered sofa in our living room as I listened to him and a little bit hiding my emotion. I don’t want to spoil the mood. “Oh how I miss Korea!” I said trying to be really cheerful. “I’ve left almost everything. Well, I’m really happy for them.” When we went to China, my father cut all the contacts. I don’t know why do they need to do that. It is over protecting me and I don’t think it really helps. “Do they already know we’re here?”

He sit beside me and lean his head on the arm rest. “No. After that day, I already lost contact to them.” He said when he look at me. I didn’t answer. I head to my old room as my steps on the stairs echoed. The door creaked as I opened it slowly. I wanted to lay there just like before when I’m too depressed about everything. But I can’t do it right now since dusts are everywhere. Just as I flop myself on the bed, the dusts also bounce. I open my drawer expecting to see something but I guess I’m wrong. I pull the cover of my cabinet. I stare it for awhile and touch it missing everything.

I open it and saw my things on a box. They didn’t get everything. They probably thought that I will really comeback. I chuckled to myself because I really did. I slowly open the box and I thought it is really me things. I mean yes it is but I didn’t expect that it would be the album. I smiled unconsciously. Then a tear suddenly slip. I didn’t notice that Tao opaa has already entered my room. Then he pat my back. I laughed. “It’s really nostalgic.”

“You really miss him.”

“Wherever he is. Maybe he is really happy.” Just as I was about to put back the album in the box, a picture suddenly fell. Then the tear comes back again. The picture is the one we have when we are in Jeju.

“And you’re still love him.” He said when he got a hold of my hand. I keep the picture on my shoulder bag and return the squeeze he gave me.

“You know I never stop.”

“Want to go back to Jeju?”

He take me there as the roadtrip is silent for both of us. The place is really peaceful and I can only watch the wave silently swaying. The sky is also peaceful and I don’t think this time will rain. After everything, we left the house and move into more isolated place. My father is really something. But I can’t blame him, I am always like this troublemaker. I fiddle with my fingers as I waited for the car to stop. I close my eyes and I the last thing I wanted is to dream something good.

“Mishil? I felt that Tao is patting my cheeks. I slowly open my eyes but before I can fiannly opened it, he pinch it.

“Ow! It hurts!” I said rubbing my cheek. “I’m not dead okay?” I said rubbing my now red cheeks. I give him a light punch again,

“Sorry I thought you are.” He chuckled. I unbuckled my seatbelt and headed out the car. The wind welcomes me automatically. I spread my hands a little bit to feel the wind.

“I thought it only happens in movies.” I look at Tao but he didn’t return my look. I tried to shrug it away because I’m just starting to reminisce everything.

“Those things happened only in movie. It does not suit you.”

I smiled at the thought. Why does is it hard to forget you? “Hey oppa! I’m just going to walk for a bit.”

“Go ahead.” He said. “I’m just going to put this in our rest house. You know where is it right?” I nod my head in approval and then I started to walk.

The place still doesn’t change after many years ago. “Am I starting to get old?” I chuckled again. As I was walking, An old couple pass me and sit on the bench near the park. They are too sweet even just by looking at them.

“Do you think we will also grew old like them?”

“I know we would. Together and always.”

I can’t help to smile at them. It is somewhat a bittersweet moment for me. Because I somewhat envy them. There is someone who is selling red roses and her dress is also like an angel but it is not the same lady before. I decided to buy the flowers anyway.

“Yes Ma’am?” She asked smiling.

“1 bouquet please for that sweet couple.” I said smiling too and pointing to the old couple. “Just give it to them. Tell them from the matchmaker heaven.” I said. She arranged beautifully the bouquet and headed to the couple as soon as I gave the money to her. The old lady laughed and hug the lady. I smiled one last time before I walk again.

I linger around and saw a wall being painted and a stage being made. Just as I look closely, the man is painting a sky with two angels holding their hands. And I am not wrong because one man is arranging a feather.

“Appa appa! I also want to paint.”

“No. You might ruin the painting.” His father said not looking at him.

“Appa appa! I also want to paint.”

“I said no.” His father said sternly. “Stay here. I’m just going to get the other colors.” Then his father started to go down.

“Appa appa! I also want to go down.”

“No stay there.” His father said.

“Appa appa! I also want to go down.” The boy started to cry now. “Appa appa!” But his father is already far away. The other staffs are too busy with their own work. “Appa!” He said wiping his eyes. I don’t know what to do so I started to climb and get the child. “I want to go down. I’m scared.” He said wiping his eyes.

“I’ll get you down but promise you won’t climb and disturb your father again huh?” I said when I crouched down to level the height of the kid and it started to shake when it move. The boy’s little hands hold onto my neck as I tried to lift him up.

“Hey it’s going to fall.” Someone shouted. “It’s not stable. It’s shaking.” The voices started to grew loud as everyone gathered. But my attention is focus to the little boy who is crying more loudly in my hands. I embraced him so if we fall he would not get hurt painfully. Just as I took my steps down, they are right, it shake, it broke and we fall. Before it totally broke it push the work of the other staffs which made the feathers fall too.

The time seems to slow as I reminisce everything. Why do I always fall? As I fall, I look at the sky above expecting to see his face. The voices slowly slurred inside my head. I can’t even hear the cries of the child. I guess he’s safe.

There is no you to catch me this time. I’m expecting that my back would hit the ground but I felt hands suddenly held my waist falling into someone’s chest. But the impact is really hard because I fell high. I suddenly felt dizzy when the falling stops and I felt that the crying child is being pick up from my hands. Everything goes round as I slightly open my eyes and I saw many people is circling us. I heard the soft muttered of the father of the child. “Thank you for saving my child.”

I felt that I am being carried now with the hands of someone giving me to another someone. Still feeling dizzy I can’t speak for a minute. “Can you please stay away from trouble at least for this day?” I recognize that it Tao’s voice.

“It is not that I want everything from this.” I said when I found my voice. He carried me heading to the car again. But before I totally tear my eyes from the place and close my eyes. I thought I saw him looking at me. I was about to protest but Tao already put me at the backseat.

“No fracture. No injury. She’s okay.” The doctor said after he checked me and flips the pages of his record.

“I told you.” I said when I punch his stomach.

“Yah. This is becoming your habit now.” He said when he caught my hands. “So doctor, will she be staying here for a day?”

“No she can go now.” The doctor said with a smile. Then the doctor left us.

“So I need to go.” I said standing and then dusting my skirt.

“hey hey.” He said when he caught my hand again. “No going anywhere else. I don’t want trouble again. Your father is right of locking you in China.”

“Yah.” I said when I pout. We are now headed outside the hospital. His phone suddenly rings.

“Yoboseyo?” he suddenly distance himself. I saw him nod his head and smile.

“Girlfriend?” I ask when he came back.

“Aniyo. I only look at you.” He said then ruffled my hair. I already notice it before that Tao oppa has really something for me. But if I can only give my heart to him. But I think he also knows that I really can’t. “You.” He said while pointing his finger to me. “I’m allowing you to go anywhere place. I need to go some place. Be back at 12.” He told me. I nod my head like an obedient kid.

“yes sir.” I said saluting him.

“For the nth time…” he said when he got to hold my shoulder and look closely at my eyes. “Stay away from trouble.” I nod my head once again.

I walk going nowhere. I don’t care if I lost I just feel like walking miles away. There are many people riding their bicycles and I smile at the thought.

“Bae Mishil Saranghae!!!!”

“Kim Jongin Saranghae!!!”

I smiled once again remembering when we both rode the bicycle before but I guess it is slightly painful. I miss you Kai. I so much miss you. The wind suddenly breeze making my skirt flew a little and the leaves fall like it’s autumn. As I continue to walk, it looks like I’m walking down the aisle. The tear rolled in my cheek but I hurriedly wipe it away. I walk faster and at last I reach the cliff and the sea again.

I look beyond me and I saw the peaceful sea beneath me. It sparkled because of the sun. “Do you remember Kai what I said before?” I said talking to myself. The tear continued to roll. “The sky and the sea.” I continued as if I am talking to someone else. As if he can hear me. “It look so distant…” my breathing became really ragged since I can’t stop it now. “But when you look beyond them, they seem so close. Are you close to me?” I shouted the last sentence. “ARE YOU?” I shouted once again. “CAN YOU HEAR ME?” I shouted while wiping my eyes. “CAN YOU HERE ME THERE AT HEAVEN? I HATE YOU!” I continued while my words are lagged.

It’s a good thing that I am the only one in the cliff because if there is, I might end up in the psychiatric ward. “But I miss you.” I said calmly. “BUT I STILL HATE YOU! BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME ALONE!” I cried loudly. “Who would tease me now? Who would say that I am the prettiest girl? Who would hug me now? Who would kiss this lips? Who would cuddle me now? Who’s my enemy lover now...” I said and stop sobbing.

“Who would catch me now when I fall?” I asked stupidly. “I miss you Kai. I miss you Jongin.” I said still crying like a child. I cover my eyes with my hands. Then I wipe it again and breathe in to steady my breath and to say it more clearly. “I love you!”

“I love you too.”