There is only two reasons why you are here…

It is either you are lost…

Or you can’t accept that you are already dead.

“You are not my real child. You are a disgrace to our family.”

“Appa. What are you saying?” I started to tremble. “I know you do not like me but isn’t it too--”

“Joonmyeon they are right.” My mom said apologetically. Or if it is really my mom.

“Maybe that would really explain why you hate me so much.” I know men are not supposed to cry but this time I was shaking and my heart thuds loudly that it almost look like it is going to rip apart. But it hurts that everything I believe in my life were lie and most of all, they are not mine.

“I told you, you are not supposed to be here because in the first place you don’t belong here.” I clench my fist and I know I can do everything.

“Someday…” I said when I look straight in Soohyun and my father’s eyes. “I’ll prove to you that I am worth everything. That I am not nothing.” I said and I realized I could not catch my breath for the anger that I am feeling. “Just wait.” And by that, I stormed out of our house and the tears flow. I put my key on the ignition and bring my car roaring.

I went to Jeju and even if I don’t know where it is heading I just drove there. Even if the thunder iis loud and the rain could not stop pouring. “One day!” I told myself with my hands gripping the steering wheel. “One day I’ll prove you that I am better. ALL OF YOU!” I said. With those last words, I didn’t realize that I am already on the wrong lane and the truck is heading towards me. I tried to turn on the other side and to step at the break. But it is not stopping and then I headed to the side of the cliff which made the car I am riding fell and crashed. Everything went black.

I believed that was the end. But I knew I can’t accept it. I need to make everything right. I need to live. I realized it is not that everything I lost. It is not everyone. Because there is still this one person who love me always.

“I love you.” I said when I saw her with her umbrella. “And I can’t just leave you. So don’t leave me.”

“Oppa. What are you saying? You’re already soaked in the rain. Look you’re already cold. Let’s get you inside.”

“No. Don’t go. Please say you won’t leave me.”

“Of course oppa. I won’t.”

And as soon as I saw her face, everything seems to be alright. The sole reason why I want to live on earth once again, is not the position I want in my father. But because everything is enough when I saw her.

And I’m wrong that I chose the wrong thing when I left her.

And now, I have all the reason to go back now.

AUTHOR’S POV

She slowly open her eyes and stared at the ceiling for many seconds trying to comprehend what had happened and where she is.

“She’s awake.” Her mother said coming to her side. “Tell the doctor quickly.”

“Wha-what happened?” She asked. She tried to get up but her mother is pushing her down.

“Don’t force yourself. Rest first.”

“Where am I?” She said in a hoarse voice. “Why am I here?” Then the doctor came rushing in. he check her vital signs.

“You are starting to recover.” He smiled. “But you would need to rest for a longer time. You have drank many water from the sea.” That’s when it hit her. She remembered what happened. They almost drown. Before she was able to ask about everything, her father in.

“Mishil. You need to rest at least for this day.”

“Where is Ka--”

“Tomorrow I am taking you to China. You are safe there.”

“What?” She said with her eyes open. “No! I’m not safe everywhere. It is me. Everything could happen. Why do I need to leave this place?” She said with her hands started to shake. “Where is Kai?” She said and look in her room. “he should be here. Where is he?” She look again and she met eyes with Tao and Lay. “I SAID WHERE IS HE?”

“Mishil calm down. You’re still weak.” I’m gripping the sheets tightly while my eyes started to tear. What if… what if… she can’t continue saying what is on her mind. She’s too afraid that everything gone wrong.

“Kai.” She said weakly. Then Tao came to her and sit beside in her bed.

“You heard your mom. You need to rest.”

“No.” she said shaking her head. “Why are you telling me to rest? Why can’t you just answer me where is he?” He squeeze her hand.

“I’ll take you to him.” He sigh as she look in her mother’s eyes. “But promise that you will follow your parent’s orders.” She nod her head like a little child while the tears continue to flow.

“I p-promise.” She said.

She was sitting in the wheelchair while Tao push it. Then they stop at the room while Tao opened it. His parents come out for a while they pat Mishil’s back. Then they finally leave Mishil inside the room. Once they’ve entered, only the sound of the air conditioner and the beeping sound from the machine can be heard. There is Kai laying almost lifelessly on the bed. Only the oxygen keeps him alive in that state. Mishil can’t help to gasp. She covered with her trembling hands. Tao push the wheel chair in his bed.

“He’s comatose. They don’t know if he would still wake up. He lost many blood when he hit his head on the rock on the sea.” She can’t help to cry. She tried to reach for his hand and try to squezze it. She can’t feel anything. The body would not respond to him.

“Kai.” She said as the tear slips from her eyes to tasting how salty it is. “I-I’m h-here.” She said while she stares at him. “Wake up now.”

“This place is too crowded and most of all many people are crying.” Kai said as he passed everyone who is crying in the hospital. As he walked, he notice there is one door that is inviting him to open. As he holds the doorknob, someone stop him.

“Hey don’t open that.” He was startled so he was not able to open it.

“Why?” he asked as the man approach him.

“You might regret it later.” He said smiling. “Do you want to come to me for a while since this place is too crowded?” Kai followed to where the man is taking him.

“Wake up now Kai.” She lift Kai’s hand and kiss it. But it did not respond. “We still have many things to do right?” But it did not answer. Only the the machine keeps responding. “Stay strong. You would not leave me right.” She interlaced her fingers between his. “We would still grow old together.” But it could not do something to him. “Kai wake up.” She tried to shake it. “Kai I love you.” She tried to stand so she can hug him. “Why are you not saying something? Why are you not opening your eyes?” she ask as she touch his face. “Kai wake up and tell me you love me too.”

“Kai please!”

“Hey where are you taking me?”

“I think that is not the appropriate question. If I were in your shoes the right thing to ask is what is happening around you.” The abruptly stop which made Kai stop too. Then he face him. “Do you even remember who you are?” then Kai’s eyes became wide.

“I-I can’t remember who I am.”

“Do you know what you are now?” Kai’s eyesbrows creased.

“What do you mean?”

“In any minute you’ll end up in heaven…” he paused suddenly. “you might be dead for now.”

“What? Are you also dead?” Kai said horrified. “I am dead?”

“Me, yes. But you, it might be but for now it’s not.” He said when they reach outside the hospital. The man look up in the sky. “I already have my wings.” Kai tried to look behind him but he can’t see anything so it end some confusion to him again. “But as you know where not close to heaven right now. The decision is still yours. We are still not outside the gate of heavens.” He heave a deep sigh. “I am not suppose to be doing this but I think you might want to rethink about your situation. If you open that door, you might face greater choices than you will have right now and you need to think it more.”

“Then why don’t I open that?”

“You might not able to come back if you did. You may be but then it would change everything.”

“If I am dead. Then I am dead. We are all going to die anyways.”

Mishil is sitting not saying anything on the bed. Her mom packed her things quietly beside her. “Eomma” she said breaking the silence in the cold room. “Why do we need to go in China? Would it be different?” she said motionless. After they’ve been to Kai’s room, they can’t see her smiling anymore. She only blame herself for what had happened.

“Tao and Lay would be there. They could protect you there.” Her mom said trying to smile at her.

“Wherever I go, I would only cause trouble. If you think, we need to stop everything, I need to be dead. This would also stop you worr--”

“MISHIL!” her mom’s voice is echoing inside the room. “Stop thinking negative things. It’s not your fault.” Her tears started to flow again. She bit the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from crying. “Let’s go now.”

They paid all the bills in the hospital and they went to the airport right away. The trip is silent. Tao kept looking at her and once again she saw the weak side of her.

“The flight is ready.” Someone said. As they walked the tears is starting to flow again. The wind welcomes them and the sight of the plane wants her to back away. Tao is silently following her behind afraid that she would collapse.

Then all of a sudden many feathers flew everywhere. “Look what is happening!” someone shouted. “Feathers!” all of them shouted.

“What is the meaning of this?” Mishil said to herself quietly. She gasped covering . “T-this can’t be mean…” she tried to back away and run but Tao blocks her.

“Move. I need to be at the hospital again.” She said while trembling. The tears are more evident.

“Mishil no. It can’t mean anything.” Tao said. “We are going to leave.”

“get away from me. I need to check Kai at hospital. He- He…” She can’t continue what she’s saying because of fear. Tao supported her while holding her in her shoulders.

“Mishil.” But she keeps struggling.

“Tao oppa. NO. This can’t be.” Tao pities her. She push him and run away. But not too far, she stumbled. He thought she would get up but she kept crying on the ground. “No.”

This is almost the same scene when Kai is crying when Mishil is gone. “Kai. You can’t be. Don’t leave me. I love you. I never stop loving you.” She said to herself while her hands on . Other people did not notice her because of the feather keep flying. “Kai. Stay with me. I love you. I’m sorry for doing the same mistake all over again. Kai. Please don’t.” She look at the sky. “No. Please.. don’t get him. I need him. Please.” Tao can’t do anything and just stood behind her. “No. Don’t take him.”

“No.” She said faintly.

“Kai…” She said in her ragged breathing.

“You might left everything in this world.”

“I know.” Kai said. They are now in front of the door.

“You might left someone who is waiting for you…” He said now his gold wings is unleashing behind him. “Someone who really loves you.” Kai stared at the doorknob and touch it. “Are you sure?”

“Kai. Stay. I love you.”