My most basic understanding of human survival is being challenged. My breath had been taken away, but never have I felt more alive than now. I feel my body give way, unable to support its own weight as my knees buckled, but it does not make any attempt to struggle to get back up. The only reason I remain standing is the determined grip that Kai holds me with.

I don't know why it is happening, but I couldn't care less. The softness of his lips has left me with no care for anything else around us.

Maybe this is wrong. Can two people find themselves in this intimacy despite a fair degree of unfamiliarity? Whether this may be happening because of feelings that disbelievingly grew from a distance, or only out of the human brain's unpredictability and involving no feelings at all, it is logically wrong.

But to hell with logic. It feels so right.

It feels so right, yet I could not respond. As soon as I regained my strength and presence of my mind, I stepped away.

"I-I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I was just--" Kai stammered.

My useless brain could not even make me answer. I just blinked furiously, trying to make sense of the situation.

"I'm really sorry, Haneul. Can we just...forget this happened?" he sighed.

Forget this? If it is possible for hearts to shatter, I think mine just did. I don't even know why. Was I expecting that this all happened because of...love?

I drew in a deep breath and nodded at him in response, avoiding eye contact.

"So how have you been? It's been long" I began as I moved to sit on the couch, trying to sound and act as casually as possible.

"Yes, I've been trying so long to get back here," he replied, carefully occupying the opposite side of the couch, "I've missed you."

Now I am no longer sure if my heart is shattering or just hammering elatedly. Why do you confuse me, Kai?

"I can control it now, Haneul!" he continued, "I started with the concentration exercises you taught me and worked from there. And I can control it now!"

My mouth gaped but soon formed into a smile,

"Really?! Oh wow, that's great!" I clapped like a kid, happy to know that there are now less chances for him to suddenly end up on the street and run into an accident.

"How about you? How were you these past months?" Kai asked.

"I've been fine," I lied, "I took up a barista course and got promoted to that post at the cafe especially since Minseok is gone. And I just finished me exams yesterday so school's fine too."

"Minseok...," Kai exhaled, "what he said before, Haneul. Those are not true. I never planned to take advantage of you. It won't even cross my mind, not in this lifetime!"

"I know," I nodded, "it was a misunderstanding. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," he said, "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel bad by staying here. And I'm sorry for not being able to come back sooner to say so. I tried so hard, really."

He sighed and muttered under his breath, "...so hard that I even thought of just doing it the Boong-do way."

Boong-do...?

I don't know if I'm lucky or very unfortunate to actually know what he is talking about, thanks to Hyosung. The video player is merely a meter away from me, where I left it after I could not take what the guy in the drama was doing. Of course I know that name. Boong-do, who has to attempt to die just so he can go back to Heejin. Boong-do, who was accused as...

"...Queen In Hyun's Man" I finished the thought out loud.

Kai's expression held a slight surprise that I recognized what he said. But it was an even greater surprise when my right palm harshly met his cheek with a slap.

My own mouth hung in surprise at what I did and I bit my fist to suppress a cry.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I was just...I...," I inhaled deeply to catch my breath but still burst out, "but how can you say that, Kai?! What makes you think getting back here is worth your life?!"

"I didn't think you watched it" he mumbled.

"So? So if I didn't watch it, if I didn't understand what you meant, that makes it valid to just risk getting killed?!"

"You don't know how I felt at the time, Haneul!" his voice came at a risen volume, "Eight months, I tried. And cried. And felt worthless. And empty. I had to get back. I wanted to get back so bad. To stop the pain. To feel alive again."

"Why?" I asked, choking on upcoming tears, "your life does not belong here. You were already home."

"I was in my house, yes. But I wasn't at home. And maybe...maybe my life does belong here. Because of all the places that I find myself in, this is the only place I do not want to get out off. Because...you're here."

I could not process his words. Or maybe I was just caught off guard.

"Let's...just forget this conversation happened" I swallowed, walking to the kitchen to escape the tense atmosphere.

He did not protest. After all, he used the same excuse a while ago.

I could feel him peeping from behind the door and I found it funny how I was supposed to be trying to escape him, but he never lets me.

"Are you hungry?" I asked casually.

He took it as a cue that we are already leaving behind whaever happened in the living room and came closer, sitting where he used to whenever he watched me cook before. It felt just like yesterday.

I quickly prepared two bowls of ramyun and set it on the table. Sitting across Kai, I motioned for him to eat.

"It's tastier while it's freshly cooked" I smiled, digging into my own bowl.

We ate in silence, but for some reason it was not uncomfortable.

"So," he suddenly spoke up, "you've watched some dramas while I was away? Since you mentioned you knew that drama..."

"Not really. Just that one drama. And I haven't even finished it yet. Hyosung gave me a few months' supply of DVDs though." I chuckled.

"Then you haven't watched My Secret Hotel," he said, "the lead actress is the same one."

"It must be nice then. I quite like her" I answered.

"You know there is a certain episode there where..." he trailed off yet again, absent-mindedly stirring the soup with his spoon.

I put my spoon down to give my full attention and encourage him to continue since his tone seemed so serious.

"There's an episode where this guy says...that ramyun takes just 3 minutes to cook..." he said.

"Yeah, I'm thankful for this instant food," I laughed, "It sure is a lifesav--"

"...and also just 3 minutes to know if you are in love with someone" Kai finished.

"Oh," I blinked, "...is that so? That's interesting. I didn't know that."

"I don't think it's a universal truth though," he mumbled.

"Why?" I asked him.

Kai also put his spoon down and looked at me in the eye.

"Because it took me eight months."