Chapter 52 - regrets

           "Hey..." I felt a someone shaking me slightly before I woke up and rubbed my sore and painful puffy eyes. I looked over to find a nurse I haven't seen before smiling at me, "It's time for your checkup." She smiles, pretending not to see Baekhyun who was still asleep by the side and both our puffy eyes.

           It's been a week. But both Baekhyun and I still cry ourselves to sleep. He still visits every night and normally my parents or his would visit in the afternoon. But I felt really guilty and all everytime I saw any of them. I couldn't look at anyone of them in the eyes.

           I nodded as I got out of bed slowly before following her out.

           "So.. Both of you must've been very happy yea?" She smiled, her smile bright and sweet, contradicting to how I was feeling. Sour, guilty and bad.

           "Why?" I forced myself to reply, even though all I wanted as a quiet trip over to the check up room.

           "You two must've cried alot. Tears of joy yea? I've seen a lot too." She smiles as her eyes turned slightly to the side as though she was really thinking about those past experiences.

           I faked a smile and nodded, ending the conversation there.

           "So, there you go." She smiled before leaving again.

           I knocked on the doctor's room before entering, "Park Heeyoung right?" The doctor asked without looking up, still looking at my profile.

           "Yea." I awkwardly answered as I took a seat.

           "So.... You want to abort the child?" She said as she looked up, staring deadly straight in my eyes.

           I blinked, "I-" I was lost for words, honestly. I don't know. Not anymore. "I don't know." I admit in the end.

           She nodded, "Why?"

           "I don't think I'm ready-"

           "Nobody is ready, when they go through that 9 months, they automatically become ready." She says, her eyes not leaving mine even for a moment.

           "But I don't know how to take ca-"

           "You will. Once again, through the 9 months, you definitely will. If you can make sure it comes to earth safety and healthy, you are more than ready." She said. "But not saying that if the baby doesn't come all healthy then you're not ready." She adds immediately.

           I nodded awkwardly. "Have you talked it through with your husband then?" She asked. I nodded awkwardly once again, "What did he say?" She asked as she marks something on the paper.

           "He doesn't agree."

           She looks up, "You understand that you can't legally abort a child unless your husband agrees right?"

           I blinked, "I didn't know..."

           "Now you know." She said and not even bothering to hear anymore from me, "Go lie there. I'll give you an ultrasound scan before the baby inside actually dies." Her voice coated with annoyance.

           Once again, I silently agree, going over and lying down before she comes over and pull my shirt up, applying gel for a while as she started the scan.

           "So.. You look here?" She pointed to the screen and I slowly turned over, my heart thumping wildly at the thought that I would be seeing my baby for the very first time.

           "This is your child." She said and I blinked as I swallowed. My eyes brightening up. Even though I didn't know what it actually seemed like, it still made me feel tingly and jumpy.

           "So, how do you honestly feel?"

           "I feel.. I don't know..." I unconsciously answered with my eyes still glued to the screen but a smile soon creeped up as I continued staring.

           I felt happy.

           Honestly, I felt like all the troubles didn't matter so much anymore. I knew then, I had to have this child. All those stupid thoughts of mine were gone.

           If I didn't know how to be a mum. I could learn. If I needed to try anything, I would. But this child, once it's gone it's never coming back.

           I smiled as I looked at the doctor whose face seemed to have already expected such a reaction from me. And for the first time after I've seen her, she smiled at me.

           "All you needed was confirmation." She uttered, "And now, you need to tell your husband that." She smiled as she gave me a small pat on my shoulders.

           I nodded anxiously as I thanked her before rushing out of the room and back to my ward. However, to my disappointment, he was no longer there. "Did you see a guy here just now?" I asked as I pointed to the position I last saw him.

           The nurse looked at me before nodding, "He just left moments ago. I think you would be able to cat-"

           I had already ran off, I really wanted Baekhyun to know I was keeping our child now. Even calling this child, our child felt good.

           The lift closed, but not before I caught a glimpse of Baekhyun's side profile. I cursed, missing him just by that little. I then rapidly abused the button for the lift, as though it would actually make it arrive faster.

           People around gave me weird looks but it wasn't like I cared, I kept pressing it and kept hoping it would come faster, inwardly cursing the elevator for not being faster.

           By the time I have reached the ground floor, Baekhyun was no where in sight. I sighed as I continued turning around, looking for that familiar face.

           That was until suddenly a bang was heard and loud gasp were around. I whirled around to find people horrified at the accident that had just happened before a hospital. And even though it was selfish to think like this, I was glad and grateful it wasn't Baekhyun.

           But that was before I saw that familiar blue looking beanie of Baekhyun's that I had tampered with, purposely sewing on 'BH & HY". But I wasn't sure if it was his because it was all red and bloodied.

           I took small baby steps towards the place as my lips trembled. "Baekhyun..." I whispered softly, "It's not you right?" I asked, but with every step I took, I lost faith.

           But I didn't want to believe it.

           Because.. How could I believe it when I haven't told Baekhyun about our baby? About our new arrival to our family? How can I believe it when I haven't had a family with Baekhyun?

           I felt tears coming, as my lips trembled, but the tears didn't fall. It didn't fall. It wouldn't fall. I wouldn't allow it to, not until I confirm it was Baekhyun.

           "Baekhyun.. It's not you right?" I asked again as my vision blurred and the next moment, I was pushed towards the wall as the doctors and nurses all rushed forward to save the person.

           And that every moment, my tears dropped and everything slowed. For I was sure the beanie was Baekhyun's now.

almightybling: Crazy triple update. Oh the things I do. Might as well make everyone happy since I've been such an by not updating right? Plus, since it's ending the end of the yearrrr. TROLOLOLOL ~_~ HAHA. BUT CLIFFHANGER. HEHE.

ANYWAY.....I LOVE ANGSTTTT. *WHO KNOWSSS. EVIL AUTHOR MAY BE STILL ALIVE AND MAKES AN APPEARANCE AND KILLS ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THE STORY. TROLOLOLOL.* ~_~ MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.