Opening my eyes, I could sense someone sitting in front of me, the scent is familiar. My body is screaming with pain, but being me, I’ve been in alert mode.

“Relax hyung. It’s only me,” a voice that always haunted me in my dream and reality. Opening my eyes, I could see Jiyong, or G-Dragon or whoever, (as I can’t figure out what mood he is in), tending my wounds gloomily.

“Jiyong? , its hurts so much! Why are you the one tending me? What happened?” Drowsily, scanning around the room, i realised that I’m at the Dragon Clan main house. At my side, I could see Soohyuk, battered. Last night event rushed into my head, suddenly remembering that the little brother that I’ve never had, Seungri is not in the room. Fear runs into my heart, as I know he and Jiyong are the ones that being targeted last night.

“Where’s Seungri? Is he okay?” Frantically, I try to wake up to find him.

“He’s okay, injured, but still kicking. He’s in this house, but he needs his time alone,” Jiyong told with a flat tone. I looked at him, sensing that something going on between them. Jiyong stands up, maybe wanted to leave the room. Quickly, I grasp his wrist, preventing him to walk away.

“What hyung?” This is a vulnerable and confused Jiyong speaking. Heck, even if it long time, I am always capable to read him like an open book. Still, this is my Jiyong.   

“What happen? Are both of you fighting? You know I’m always here, so you could tell me, I won’t judge. I am still the old Seunghyun, Ji,” he frowns at the nickname.

“Really? But that does not make you stay by my side when I need you the most?” He suddenly spat at me, making me taken aback.

“I thought we already settle this misunderstanding,” I try to reason him. I could see tears b in his eyes, making my heart ached. Now, in front of me is the childish and lonely Jiyong, not the cold-hearted mob boss. Pulling him into my chest, I try to soothe him.

“Why....Why this always happen to me? First, I lost Umma and Dami. Then you and Choi Appa. Now, Seungri will leave me. Is this really my fate?” he sniffs into my chest. The memories of our childhood came rushing hitting like a truck. Him crying in my chest when he lost his mother and sister, him trying to look strong while tears rushing down his cheeks when injured, and everything that we’ve done together.

Soothing him, I coax him to tell me his problem. It is only few people that could see Jiyong’s vulnerable side, and I am lucky to be one of them. The ‘Jiyong’ that hides behind the ‘G-Dragon‘ facade.

He does not know how crushed I am when I first saw him after the ‘kidnapping’ incident. How I am blaming myself for not able to protect him, for letting him following the not-so-good mother of mine and being tortured inhumanely. I really do not mind that women dead, as she does not even once showing me love that I deserve to have, and torturing Jiyong, blaming him for my ual orientation.  I am lucky that my step mother loves me dearly.

Although Jiyong seeing calm, but both me and Appa knew that he is emotionally unstable after the incident. Several time I found him in his room, with a trashed room and bloody body. His eyes flickered with craziness. The collected Jiyong is nearly nowhere to be seen. He could be a good and obedient boy for a second, and turn into ferocious beast the next second. As well, his ual desire also are uncontainable, several times he being caught trying to force his maids for ual , making the guilt unbearable eating me and Appa alive. The last blow is when, I try to help him with his studies, ending up with him injected me with aphrodisiac without my consent (he’s fast and I’m still a chubby boy), blowing me and I ed him.

“Thank you hyung. You will always be my hyung, right?” His words after our intimacy are like daggers to my hearts. I love him, but this beautiful, crazy boy just wants me to be his hyung. It is then I’ve decided that I need to be a better person, in order for me to protect him better. I’ve told Appa and Yang my decision, and although Yang is not happy, he asked me to stay in the Clan. Lead the A team while Appa retired. As we are in debt of Yang’s kindness, I agreed, but begged him not to tell Jiyong my whereabouts. Although Yang hesitate, but after begging and reasoning him for Jiyong’s sake, he finally agreed.

As I finish my training, going back to school has been in my top to-do list. I am grateful that Yang told me that Jiyong would also enrol into my university. Of course, that brat is a genius, he easily surpass the entrance exam. I could always watched and protect him discreetly, without him knowing. Being his shadow is always being my satisfaction, as he is the only one that I love so much.

I am quite devastated when he brought up his playboy persona in the university, while being a ferocious leader at night. He does have the reputation of being crazy in the clan, making the member and our rival cowered in fear whenever his crazy mood strikes. It is frightening yet relieving when looking at him being all crazy, but capable of defending himself.

Seungri was the only one that I ever open up about Jiyong. Not even Youngbae could understand our history. Youngbae do know the gist, but being a good friend, he does not pry than necessary. He do know how ed up our relation is.

But, being Lee Seungri, it is like his trademark to be as nosy as possible, which end up making me open up with him, although he do not know who exactly the main character of my pathetic love story. I could imagine his surprise and his irritation that the person that I longed is Jiyong. Sorry Seungri, for involving you in this.

When I heard the event happen on the second night after Seungri being appointed as Jiyong’s bodyguard, I felt envy with the boy. He seems a perfect match with Jiyong. I do know that jiyong has a boyfriend, but Jaejoong seems so wrong with him. Jiyong as well do not confirm whether he is his boyfriend; or only a fling. Receiving text message from Seungri about Jaejoong, confirming the gut feeling that i have about Jaejoong, although searching and investigating about Jaejoong is like looking to see a ghost. Nothing unusual about the guy.  

Calling Seungri, just to inform him about Jaejoong, making me to face the request from Seungri asking the permission to be with Jiyong all the time. Hearing Seungri’s hesitated about his own request, washes the selfishness of having Jiyong from my heart. I do realise that Seungri has unknowingly fall in love with Jiyong. Hoping for the best, I granted his request; although I really hope that the person that could be protecting Jiyong is me. Youngbae, being the know-all person (but he really is), just agreed to whatever decision I’ve made. Being the wiser, he just gently advised me to move on from Jiyong. It’s hard, but I do know it is the best.

In order to move on, I need to face Jiyong, and make a truce with him. In fact, he is still my boss. Agreeing to join Chaerin’s birthday bash, I’ve saw how Seungri and Jiyong flirt with each other. Jealousy wash over me, but there is nothing I could do. I know Jiyong would never look at me like how he looks at Seungri. A fondness look that I’ve never see. I longed and hoped that at least there is a time that he would looked at me with such eye, but, I do know my place. Him and Seungri, is like match made in heaven; both are blue bloods, and both are crazy.

When Jiyong joins us at our table, I could feels the butterfly churns in my stomach, but he just looked at me indifferently. That is the worst feeling that I feel in my whole life. However, being a long time best friend of mine, Seungri looked at me apologetically. I suddenly feel guilty, longing for someone that my best friends, my little brother falls in love with. Giving him a look that could convey my consent, he smiles softly. Yes, it is hard to win that egoistic bastards called G-Dragon to fall in love with you. I really hope that both of them could understand their feelings and be happy with each other.

The party went on quite late. Quietly, I’ve pulled Jiyong to the bar, hoping to settle whatever misunderstanding and pulled out our skeleton outside the closet. I am glad and thankful to Seungri presence in Jiyong’s life, as all my explanation and apology accepted. Although there is some part, (like my longing) I left without wanting him to know.

As Youngbae bringing Chaerin and her friends back home, I was left with Soohyuk, Seungri and Jiyong at Stardust. Both Jiyong and Seungri are drunk, but not drunk enough to be plastered. All of us walked towards Jiyong’s car until I heard a tiny beep from his car. A beep sound that I am very familiar with; that could kill all of us. We are being attacked!

Now, while me, Seungri and Soohyuk are half dead, I am facing with the vulnerable dragon. As the one that knows most of his nightmare, and his unpleasant memories, of course it always broke my heart to pieces. When he told his argument with Seungri, it is really took my whole will to neutralise my composure. Choking Seungri in my mind, I’ve try to soothe him, giving him the best advice that I could think of.

“Give me the permission to question Jaejoong, Jiyong,” “But hyung......” “Do you want to lose one of our best men?” Jiyong shakes his head. How adorable this boy could be? Who could think this is the young master of the dragon clan? However, I really hope that only I could see this side of Jiyong. But no, I have to share it with Seungri.

“Okay, but don’t torture him so much. And called V.I during the interrogation,” a permission that I know would make the brat Seungri happy. Just hope that everything would not turn into nasty. Kissing Jiyong on the forehead, I hugged him one last time.    

“Seunghyun Hyung..... Whatever happens, you will always be at my side and be my hyung, right?” he asked me, while looking deep into my eyes. Unable to hide my surprise of his request, I just nodded. Again, I can feel my heart crush.

I’m hoping that you would at least see me, understand my feeling and reciprocate my love to you; even a fraction. The used to be your chubby hyung loves you from the beginning, but I guess that for you, forever I am only your hyung! Right Jiyong?  

A/N : This chapter is dedicated to ayaayawae that requesting me for GTOP. I am sorry if it is not fluffy, and do not have happy moments. But, this is what Seunghyun / T.O.P feeling. Their past history.

Enjoy and comment, please. I do not expect to write this so long, 5 pages in words... O.o

I am very sad when looking at the footage of Seungri's car accident. There are many haters that saying he is driving recklessly. However, as a long time experience driver, I could understand how it happens. Yes, many would say he should hired a designated driver if he is tired, or sleepy or so on. From my experience, if you normally living in hectic life, sometimes you don't even realise that you are tired. And there is sometimes that your body will shut down for a few minutes. (I've been in car accident with that kind of situation, lucky no other people involves). Sigh... Really worried hearing that he have internal bleeding. Let us pray for our Strong Baby would recovered fast. #PrayforSeungri